schizophrenic, DID system , ADHD , POTS, half-blind
⚠️ ! BLOG CONTAINS MEDICAL + MORBID THEMES ! ⚠️
(extra info + tag list under the cut)
hey i'm 17 this is my blog space
this is a blog mainly for logging my experiences as a schizophrenic nonhuman. being an reanimated lab experiment is a huge core part of my identity and its who i am. i regularly talk about my experiences with cotard's delusion and clinical lycanthropy/zoanthropy (as well as others) as a creature living in constant psychosis.
i experience object sentience and talk about that here: @graveyardhoarde
i also am the host of a DID system nicknamed arcadia. sometimes it won't be me posting, so we tag each post with the alter posting it to avoid confusion.
anywayz thanks for reading! feel free to send asks or DMs, i'm always down to chat!
here's what i look like! art by me:
TAG LIST
17.txt: 17′s post sign off
scientist.txt: dimitri’s post sign off
[alter’s name].txt: any other alter will now sign their name.txt
arcadia.txt: posts about our system in general
my art
rotting roadkill: posts about cotard’s delusion
coyothropy: posts about clinical lycanthropy (coyote style)
schizoxperiment: posts about being a schizophrenic experiment
creepy crawlings: posts about bugs
bad luck: vent posts
any triggering content will be tagged as # [thing] (ex: #paranoia)
i saw the scariest hallucination while taking out the trash, was a person hiding in the bush by our garage and you could see their reddish eyes looking at us and i almost freaked out bc i thought it was real
just been talking out loud to headmates and hallucinations these days even around people and i don't realize i'm doing it sometimes. so glad to have awesome roommates i feel comfy enough to do whatever around
lately no one in the system wants to take care of daily tasks like they used to, sometimes doctor steps in but it's been harder to get motivated for everyday tasks. we're probably cooking someone new but idk.
I find myself conflicted in this current wave of discussion regarding physical nonhumanity. From one side I do appreciate the effort others are making to try to reckon with the term and experience and that the current view on physicality has become more amiable.
At the same time it is sort of the same as things have always been whenever this discourse comes up, just this time with a smile. There are several large blogs sharing around definitions trying to correct misinformation, but ultimately are really just spreading it themselves and presenting a revisionist history with the edges sanded off.
The conflation of physical nonhuman and physical therian is really bothersome to me. Our community was physical nonhuman, because we were not therian. We had no place in therian community as physical identity was viewed very disfavourably by that community. The physical nonhunan community was not limited to just animals either - while there were cetaceans and werewolves and all manner of animal - there were a variety of other creatures - fae, elf, various humanoids - as well.
In this current round of discussion much of the history of the community and our struggles are simply ignored instead favouring a more friendly polished narrative that people are simply confused with misinformation, and not therian sanism or overwhelming entitlement and demanding inclusion to our spaces. Nor honestly has this sanism been meaningfully addressed within the wider community. I am not even certain that this amicability towards physicality actually represents a change in the community, as much as just stretching the definition of physical to be functionally meaningless - which was part of the issue before as therians set claim in our tags.
Much of our community is gone, but there are still some of us from then - and some who have left their blogs are still present; however, instead of reposting or sharing those perspectives, they are creating new narratives - their own narratives and theories despite not being part of the community - speaking over and erasing the community that was, often perpetuating things we had fought against and really just ensuring that those of us that are left, are pushed yet further to the margins, so that all that is left is just another generic homogenised therian space. It is almost as though the term and space has become gentrified - sharing a name and some vague surface similarities but now made palatable for the wider community and with its original denizens forced out.
I feel like I should be happy the people are softening on these views and trying to clear up the space again, but the community existed to haven those of us who had no place in wider therian spaces. These efforts though won't restore that community, it is something else just with the same name or essentially so while therians congratulate themselves for their work, progress, inclusivity, and protecting the community. But that community that was once so meaningful to me is still gone and I think likely may be forever...