My therapist has been dropping some terms that hit The Spot™ (not that one) at the right angle to shift my entire reality into a different mode. And I've been responding with terminology they've taken to their other clients, but that's not [quite] the point.
It's not easy to be neurodivergent. It's different, challenging in end-stage capitalism, and frustrating (for reasons differing from typical norms). The most conflicting part of it [for me, personally] has to be the disproportionate perception of measurement, substance, time, tangibility, etc... I have an example... kinda... bear with me.
My neurospicy brain requires a sense of tangibility, significance, and/or volume when it comes to accomplishments, points of reference (touchstones, pivots, revelations), and terminations. Brain needs fireworks (visceral/tangible event, circumstance, etc) to celebrate (or panic) or mark some point in time/reality. I write my stories by hand because the scrolling window of my computer screen does not give my nervous system tangible data for measuring my accomplishments. I abhor digitized money because I feel like I have none by not having the coins/papers in hand/wallet. I don't feel like I've lost weight until my clothes feel like sacks hanging on by a shoulder or belt.
Unfortunately for this perception of measurement, most changes and improvements throughout life are subtle. And I mean really subtle. They creep up on us from behind as we pass an alley and we don't notice them for a few blocks and treat them like we have to escape them, whether or not they're a good thing.
My therapist pointed out (I'm paraphrasing): "You're in your Season of Recovery. Based on what you've already said*, you're not in the healing bits anymore. You've entered your personal renaissance, operating from discovery, interest, creativity, and that zest for living."
*There was a lot of me talking about perspective shift and feeling less like I was actively processing certain traumas, and more like I was telling the story of what I've been through via writing and illustration without getting yoinked into the memories.
I admitted to them that I felt disappointed rather than joyful. Not because it wasn't a good thing (it is very much a good thing to be out of the healing phase and into recovery)... but because my dubious measurement ability expected fireworks and missed the celebration entirely. ADHDemon struck again and removed me from my own reality at the point when things shifted. So, my new lesson is not to be more perceptive but to be less disappointed about missing the mark. Life is a lot more subtle. Change is quieter. I don't need to be slammed at high speeds with shifts for them to happen... just need to adjust my expectations a wee bit and learn to celebrate when I do notice, no matter how "late" it seems.