#adhdemon

[strawberrylind]

golden hour

[woodpengu]

Me: [takes three months to get around to doing adulty paperwork because it seems daunting and complicated]

Also Me: [gets said paperwork done in under 5 minutes along with clearing out 3 inboxes, making future appointments, and diabolical political plans]

Me Afterward: "That was the most exhausting 5 minutes of my life and I will now spend the next 8 hours decompressing with ttrpg podcasts and rollercoaster tycoon classic."

[lazywitchling]

Problem: Can't make myself stop Fun Activities to pack lunch for work the next day.

Solution: Pack lunch at the same time that I am making dinner.

[lavendernix-art]

Wip of a character I'm basically making to personify my ADHD (I'm calling him my adhdemon and no I wont apologize for that pun). Name ideas welcome!

[kalamitis]

i just want to be happy. 

[woodpengu]

Know how the ADHDemon will often walk with a wibble wobble that often causes us to bump into things or wander in a not-so-straight line while perfectly sober? I've started dubbing that bumblebee mode.

Just a neurospicy bean trying to duck n weave through my day. But the devil inside me decided the wires needed changing and now I got jello for legs. Pardon me, just passing through- *bump* whoops! *bump* ow! *bump* country roads, take me- oh fuck a ditch!

Much like a bumblebee wibble-wobbling through the flowers, I, too, shall bumble through and bump into nothing that was actually in my path until this means of transportation (my janky ass body) joined the fray.

[woodpengu]

I need a readout on my arm regarding decompression needs. Just a simple little beep-booper to let me know if it's:

Go outside - fresh air

Go outside - sunshine

Exercise

Stretches

Social time - in person (being around ppl without actually engaging with them; ie mall, cafe, train, bus, etc)

Social time - friends n fam (actual peopley engagement)

Physical contact - platonic (hugs, kisses, cuddles, caresses)

Physical contact - nonplatonic (snuggles, makeout, make me feel hot n bothered and gimme dat sweet sweet relief)

Antisocial time

Horizontal time / Nap

Why do I have to play Guess or Trivia with myself every time? Just gimme what I need!

[woodpengu]

My therapist has been dropping some terms that hit The Spot™ (not that one) at the right angle to shift my entire reality into a different mode. And I've been responding with terminology they've taken to their other clients, but that's not [quite] the point.

It's not easy to be neurodivergent. It's different, challenging in end-stage capitalism, and frustrating (for reasons differing from typical norms). The most conflicting part of it [for me, personally] has to be the disproportionate perception of measurement, substance, time, tangibility, etc... I have an example... kinda... bear with me.

My neurospicy brain requires a sense of tangibility, significance, and/or volume when it comes to accomplishments, points of reference (touchstones, pivots, revelations), and terminations. Brain needs fireworks (visceral/tangible event, circumstance, etc) to celebrate (or panic) or mark some point in time/reality. I write my stories by hand because the scrolling window of my computer screen does not give my nervous system tangible data for measuring my accomplishments. I abhor digitized money because I feel like I have none by not having the coins/papers in hand/wallet. I don't feel like I've lost weight until my clothes feel like sacks hanging on by a shoulder or belt.

Unfortunately for this perception of measurement, most changes and improvements throughout life are subtle. And I mean really subtle. They creep up on us from behind as we pass an alley and we don't notice them for a few blocks and treat them like we have to escape them, whether or not they're a good thing.

My therapist pointed out (I'm paraphrasing): "You're in your Season of Recovery. Based on what you've already said*, you're not in the healing bits anymore. You've entered your personal renaissance, operating from discovery, interest, creativity, and that zest for living."

*There was a lot of me talking about perspective shift and feeling less like I was actively processing certain traumas, and more like I was telling the story of what I've been through via writing and illustration without getting yoinked into the memories.

I admitted to them that I felt disappointed rather than joyful. Not because it wasn't a good thing (it is very much a good thing to be out of the healing phase and into recovery)... but because my dubious measurement ability expected fireworks and missed the celebration entirely. ADHDemon struck again and removed me from my own reality at the point when things shifted. So, my new lesson is not to be more perceptive but to be less disappointed about missing the mark. Life is a lot more subtle. Change is quieter. I don't need to be slammed at high speeds with shifts for them to happen... just need to adjust my expectations a wee bit and learn to celebrate when I do notice, no matter how "late" it seems.