I'm Still Furious at Andrew Hussie.
Earlier in the year, Andrew Hussie made some jokes on twitter about autism. It's not the first time he's done something like that. He did it in Homestuck- he wrote Karkat calling Nepeta "autistic" as an insult to her, and made her- a very heavily autistic-coded character- into a complete joke. He insults his "obsessive, childlike" fans, because everyone knows that someone that has a Special Interest is creepy and weird. Especially if that Special Interest is a highly acclaimed serialized webcomic that applies to a broad demographic!
And I can't fucking stand it. I've been fuming about this all day, honestly. He can say it's "just a joke," he and everyone that defends him can say I shouldn't take it so seriously, that it's not a big deal, but every time I hear these things?
I hear the kids I went to school with, that chased me around the playground, pelting me with sticks and rocks, laughing, because I didn't understand a "joke" they had said. I hear my teacher reprimanding me as tears streamed down my face because I had picked up a woodchip and turned back to face them, brandishing the little stick and screaming in anger and fear in hopes that it would make them stop hurting me. I hear the authority figures at my school gently telling me not to take it so seriously, as I tried to edge splinters out of my arms.
I hear the boy I approached on the first day of fourth grade, the boy I innocently said "would you be my friend" to, because I didn't know any better- I hear him mocking me, telling me I was a waste of space, tormenting me throughout elementary school with insults and following me and beating his chest with a limp-wristed hand as he laughed "hurr, durr" at me.
I hear the grating drone of my 7th grade Language Arts teacher who stood me in the hallway and told me that I would be lucky to hold a job at McDonalds, because I was too stupid to do anything else.
I hear the vacant silence that accompanied me eating by myself because I was the "weird" kid, and everyone stared at me when I was trying to get involved in a conversation. I hear myself shaving away parts of my personality to fit in by acting like I didn't understand anything at all- if I acted "stupid," they thought it was a joke, and then I was cool to be around.
I hear my parents telling me to stop being so "obsessive" or nobody will take me seriously, ignoring that I physiologically cannot restrain my reactions to things, whether positively or negatively.
I hear people that I looked up to saying that people like me should "grow up, go outside, stop taking everything so seriously," ignoring that I grew up like this and learned to guard myself against all the abuse spewed at me, ignoring that I spend all day "outside" and away from my computer and face the same goddamn oppression, ignoring that I take it seriously because this is my life that is being made into a joke.
I am so sick of people making jokes about mentally ill people, about auties, about people that aren't "normal," and this being brushed off. I'm tired of the way I process reality being the brunt of a long joke. I'm tired of being scared that I'll turn around and get slapped in the face by another fucking insult that people don't realize is an insult.
I'm so fucking angry at Andrew Hussie. And I know that by virtue of writing this, posting this, tagging this, I will be told the same old thing- stop taking it so seriously. Stop acting like it's a big deal.
Stop acting like you aren't a joke.
