My dad would tell me for years, when I was going through something and upset, he would say ‘just let it go’. It was so hard to find what this meant and how to do it.
For years I would try different things like; saying ‘let go’ to myself hundreds of times and waiting to see if it worked. Nope.
The things that i wanted to let go of, the things that were really hurting me, seemed too big for me to be able to just let go of. You see, I had many strong relationships with people, my family, my friends and even the relationship with myself. These all came crumbling down throughout the years and i carried that loss with me, every day, until it built up and triggered a dark depression.
I poured my body into exercise and my mind into creative writing and prose poetry, in an effort to change my physical self and understand my inner mind. I thought this would be my ticket to letting go of my troubles. Although a good start, it wasn’t. Still, something inside me knew that i didn’t have the answer and wasn’t ready to let go yet.
Life can get so hectic and our brains get so caught up in what’s going on in the physical world in front of us, it makes us feel like we are separate to the world were living in, we feel lonely even though there are 7 billion other people with us in the world right now. The overload of choices can make us feel overwhelmed and question are we making the right choices. Jeff Lieberman once said that ‘a side effect of having the most evolutionary, advantageous tool in your head is that you have no control over it’.
My first experience with spirituality and the spiritual world was when i was 16, on summer holidays and reading Eat, Pray, Love. This book spoke to me in ways i didn’t understand but what i did know was that i wanted to start meditating to get whatever it is that Liz got from it. Liz Gilbert, a woman who had never been religious in her life, suddenly speaking about and living through her ‘God’. And throughout her journey she was able to let go of a past life and experience a new one. I held on to her story.
I’ve been on a spiritual journey and what i’ve learned is that... before human beings existed, the world and everything in it, was conscious in itself at that time. All the tiny atoms interacting with each other and travelling at the speed of light, which seems impossible, because we can’t see it. But the energy that existed then, is what we are made of now. Evolution has developed that energy, or conscious experience and shaped it into a human being. When I used to meditate as a young teenager, before i experienced the ups and downs of mental health and consuming relationships and self beliefs, I had no troubles. I remember doing it everyday and feeling like I was separate to my body and i felt great.
Now i know, from hours of watching documentaries about quantum physics, ted talks about science and spirituality and studying the psychology of the brain.. meditation leads to the direct experience of feeling ‘oneness’ with what i call the universal soul. This is when i was truly able to let go of my past trauma. When i became aware that my body and my mind, were my limitation. Now i don’t live my life thinking about myself and my problems, but that which i can’t see (my soul) is actively experiencing my mind going through these programmed negative thoughts and beliefs, and i know that I exist in a way that is beyond perception. That my inner voice exists even though no one else knows its there. This inner voice, is your consciousness, your soul, your energy.
And through a ‘spiritual enlightenment’, I was able to let go.
