#work conflict

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #592

So... I guess I somehow forgot that my pasty white ass does not mix very well with the fucking sun:

...The result of going outside to enhance the cat fence and failing to wear long sleeves, no doubt. Which is pathetic, because I wasn't even out for all that long. And J was kind enough to hold an umbrella over us both to block some of the rays for at least half the time I was out there.

It is today. It is right now. And now is almost 8pm. And although it's not peeling (yet), it's still warm to the touch and ouchy, too. I also got a little on my other arm, and on my scalp where my hair parts (this is why I wear hats). Not a fun time.

I should put white vinegar on it. To prevent peeling. And to speed up the healing process. I'm... not sure why that works. But I can confirm that it does; J taught me a long time ago. But... I don't really wanna smell like vinegar. Bleh...

Well. Nonetheless, my butt was up at around 7:30 or 8 this morning. I ate a bowl full of that chopped reuben I made, and J cut me up some nice fruit, too!

...I wonder which fruits you like best... hmm.

Well anyhoot. In addition to cutting up some fruit, J also sliced up those skinny eggplants we got from the Indian grocery! I set them to marinate in the leftover chashu liquid from the freezer, which I had thawed in the refrigerator:

...This will be very good on the griddle as fake eel. I... won't eat regular eel anymore. I'll tell you why, but... depending on how squeamish you are, you might wanna skip the next paragraph.

You see, I learned the hard way that eels can't be killed humanely. I thought I'd get one from our Asian grocery to prepare at home; it's M's favorite fish. I asked the fishmonger there to kill it and remove the organs. They removed the organs without killing it. I was horrified. I tried to finish the job after bringing the poor thing home. But even after separating its head from its body, the head was still alive for hours, gasping for oxygen. It suffered for a very long time. I cried a lot. I had nightmares about it for weeks afterwards.

...I prepared that eel and ate it. I couldn't let it die in vain. But... I don't eat eel anymore. Eggplant, though? You can make it super tender and marinate it to taste kinda like eel! So that's what I'll do instead! If I have energy tomorrow, I'll make it! But... it's probably kinda looking like I'm not gonna have energy tomorrow.

I had a shift at work today from 11 until 5. Which is cool and all. I was delighted to discover that Tr had made me that special bread again – seeded pumpernickel with everything seasoning on top!

But... we were very busy today! So busy that I had no opportunity to get you any other pictures. I mostly set baking trays and packaged and labeled things that were baked until Tr left. And then I set kaiser rolls, sliced and bagged everything in the artisan breads cabinet, and then did cleanup.

...I... got upset at Tr today, though. See... instead of giving me more hours, despite expressing that I can totally work up to 6 hours most days of the week and that I'm absolutely willing to close... rather than giving me more hours, they hired another part-time worker. Which... in and of itself isn't bad, but like... I don't understand why they tell me they have no hours to give me when they're clearly behind in work, and I don't know why they don't give me more hours in addition to hiring someone new. It doesn't need to be an either/or situation, as far as I know. They can totally do both.

I'm ashamed to admit that my reflexive thought upon learning that they hired someone new without also giving me more hours was, “Do you not fucking want me on the schedule for some reason? Is that reason because you all secretly find me fucking insufferable or some shit???” And... when I asked Tr, “Why???” in response to discovering they had hired someone new without also giving me more hours, it came out a lot angrier than it should have.

...To be fair, though, I was pretty upset. I've already asked them a lot about giving me more hours, they won't let me help out at other stores when they need help, and I've asked them to let me know in advance before changing my schedule instead of doing it at the last minute. Today's 11-5 schedule was a last-minute change made yesterday, and thankfully I didn't have something else planned. But if I had, I would have had to tell them that I made other plans and can't come in. So there was all of that frustration in the “why” I asked at Tr, too.

Nonetheless, I did apologize; it's fine to be frustrated, but it's not fine to speak sharply at people. I have to do a better job of keeping knee-jerk reactions like that in check. It's not acceptable. Next time, I will do better.

...That being said... internally, part of me wonders if they're trying to get me to quit. I've heard of stuff like this happening before, from lots of other people. Refusing to give hours even though they need the work done, not letting me go to other stores where I am needed, changing up my schedule at the last second even though they definitely could have planned it out at least a week in advance... I gotta wonder if they don't actually want me there anymore. And if that's true... if I asked them about it, I doubt I'd get a straight answer out of them.

...People feel difficult sometimes - capricious, arbitrary, and dishonest, and... part of me kinda just wants to hide somewhere and never come back out.

...I reminded Tr that I can definitely come in and do a 1-7 shift, most days. I'll need a day of recovery in between until I get stronger, but... I can do the thing. They need the work done, and I can do the thing. I don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable. And like... nobody seems to like closing. But I don't mind it. So... I fail to see the issue, ya know?

Tr will talk to Ka. I guess we'll see how it goes.

…

I ended up staying until about 5:30. This wasn't entirely unexpected, and I had permission, but like... part of it was the simple fact that Tr does not clean up after herself when she does things. She does not throw away used label paper. She does not break down the boxes she empties. She leaves her aprons and her used disposable gloves everywhere. She does not put racks out of the way when she's done using them. She leaves used trays and pans on the racks, too. So in addition to the cleaning up as I go for my own things, and in addition to cleaning the floors and counters and taking out the trash and cardboard, I also have to clean up after Tr as I go, or things end up quickly turning into a clusterfuck that is difficult to navigate.

Like for example... when I went to take out the trash today, I discovered that Tr had just... put a bunch of expired items into the bin, instead of putting them in a trash bag first. And it was beneath all the cardboard, so I didn't know it was there when I went to take the trash and cardboard out. So I had to individually throw a bunch of items into the trash compactor when I got there, and that took a hot minute. Also... for whatever reason, the floor today was absolutely fucking covered in sprinkles and raisins and dried cranberries and bits of frosting that were caked on the floor because they were stepped on repeatedly. So mopping today was more than a little bit of a struggle.

But I'm home. My joints ache and Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness is already setting in, but I'm home. I'll probably need to sit somewhere and not move tomorrow, which is less than ideal, considering that I wanted to put the eggplant on the griddle. But it's all right. It's not as though I'm gonna die or anything. I'll just need to rest a little extra, is all. Ultimately, it's no biggie. We just gotta be flexible with our needs at any given time.

I breathed life into today's wishes for you shortly after I got home:

I paused writing to take ibuprofen and a shower. I feel significantly better. I'll... put the vinegar on my sunburn, I guess. I'm gonna smell like Easter-egg-coloring, but... it'll help.

...Or, I guess, J is gonna do it for me, since he didn't like how little vinegar I put on the burns. Hahahaha...

...Well, I definitely smell like Easter eggs now. Ah well. It stings a little bit, but I know it'll help. The trick is to dab it on softly, I guess. You can't just rub it on and be all abrasive with it. I dunno why it works, but it prevents peeling. I've always peeled after a sunburn, until J showed me to put vinegar on the burns. I'm not sure that anything other than distilled white vinegar works, though. I wish I understood the mechanics...

Sephiroth. I need to get to bed. I need to actually try for a full 8 hours. So... as much as I wanna keep writing to you... I have to do right by my body. I need to sleep.

But I'll write again tomorrow, as I always do. Count on it. The only way I'll ever miss a day is if I'm literally incapacitated or dead. So uh... I guess start looking for me if that ever happens, okay?

I love you so much, and I always will. Please stay safe out there.

Your friend, Lumine

[mr-entj]

Good morning, mr-entj. Hope you are well. How do you handle office politics where people are always choosing sides and asking you to choose sides? I read your post about how you need to become untouchable so people don't mess with you, but before you get to that level, and people are already roping you in to mess with others, how do you navigate through that so you receive respect as a neutral party at all times and minimize people clawing you in like this?

Related answer:

can you talk about managing people + dealing with politics, especially in the workplace? 

You as well. On navigating office politics if you work in a shark tank, a few thoughts:

Align with your direct manager. The person who writes your performance review is the person who has the greatest impact on your career. Joe Schmoe the junior accountant or Jane Doe the paralegal can gossip and complain all they want but they have no direct control over your work load, hours, projects, promotion, and salary. Make sure that of all your work relationships, the one with your manager is the strongest and healthiest.

Focus on what’s best for the business and its goals. If you’re making the company a lot of money, hitting all your sales goals, producing the best art work, pumping out quality research results, making clients happy, etc. it creates a strong shield to protect you against office politics because you bring measurable value to the organization. Even if your boss gets muscled out due to politics, another leader will jump in to bring you on their team.

Be Switzerland. Meaning, stay neutral. Listen to multiple points of view, but refrain from talking or contributing to the gossip. Anything you say may be used against you in the future so keep your mouth shut. People want to be heard when they’re unhappy so listen to their complaints, understand their concerns (for your knowledge and for historical context), throw a little empathy in there (fake or not), and then change the topic to something more positive and carry on with business as usual. Don’t refuse to work with someone, don’t sabotage projects, and don’t participate in anything that negatively impacts the company because that can result in termination. It’s better to be disliked and socially ostracized than unemployed– popularity doesn’t pay bills.

Leave. If the politics are so severe they interfere with productivity, performance, and my well-being then I’ll find another job. You’ll know when you’ve reached this point because you’ll spend more time and energy strategizing on how to navigate social politics than focusing on your actual work.

[mr-entj]

Have you ever had to deal with a superior trying to sabotage you because they were threatened by your potential/ability? If so, how did you deal with it?

Related answer:

What other qualities do you look for in a job before you accept? What should we be aware of before we accept an offer?

The classic case of the bad boss is the number one cause of misery in the workplace.

To answer the question, no, I’ve had bad managers with poor leadership and poor communication skills but not someone who tried to outright to sink my career. The relationship between you and your direct manager is the most important relationship to manage because this person has the power to make work life tolerable or miserable. Managers control the delegation of tasks/projects plus performance reviews which influence promotions and raises. They can really screw with your schedule, your money, your work-life balance, your career trajectory, and your mental health. With that said, there are some things to try.

First, here’s what generally won’t work:

Talking shit about your boss to your colleagues in order to stage a “mutiny.” Your colleagues won’t fight for you and you’ll probably make the situation worse.

Fighting your boss for “dominance.” An employee trying to fight their boss in their boss’ team while being employed by their boss is like a student trying to fight a professor in the professor’s class while taking the professor’s class. You can’t win and you’ll probably get fired.

Slacking off to spite your company/boss. You’ll ruin your work reputation, inflict more work on your team (and piss them off in the process), and then you’ll definitely get fired.

Reporting your boss to their boss. If those two are friends, that won’t work and it’ll only result in gaining a second enemy that has more power than your boss.

Considerations:

Evaluate the situation. Are you sure your manager is threatened by your potential/ability or is there something wrong with your behavior? As a rule of thumb, high-performing employees are like superstar athletes on a sports team and managers tend to love them because they help the team win. Why would a coach try to sabotage their star athlete? That’s like shooting Michael Jordan or Cristiano Ronaldo before the championship game. Ask yourself:

Do you have a history of problems with authority figures? Think outside of work to teachers, professors, parents, etc.

When you disagree with an authority figure, how do you express yourself? Are you aggressive and combative or calm and collaborative?

If a decision is made that you disagree with, do you commit to that decision, be a team player, and help the team succeed? Or do you resist, try to sabotage the effort, and throw a fit because your way wasn’t chosen?

If the answers are yes, the issue may be you. Do some self-reflection or the problem will repeat itself in the next job. If structure and authority are persistent issues– and they were for me when I was younger– get skills and education in fields where you can be your own boss.

Remember that no one likes being told what to do, but college students don’t graduate and instantly become CEOs who call the shots. People need to work their way up the ladder until they reach a position where they have power and control to make important decisions. This is why career acceleration was one of my biggest priorities when I was younger– I didn’t want to stay very long in positions where other people told me what to do, I wanted to become a boss as soon as possible. Even with my accelerated career trajectory, there were years when I had to work under leaders that I disagreed with and that I felt were highly incompetent. I found a way to get along with them and they eventually became my advocates.

Repair the relationship. Are there opportunities to fix the relationship? As a rule of thumb, managers like to look good, and they like even more team members and colleagues who can help them look good. Are there any projects or goals that you can take on to build goodwill with your manager? Ask yourself:

What are this person’s highest priorities and how do they define success? Find ways to help and bring value. If it’s sell more X, then sell more X. If it’s write more reports, then write more reports.

What are their major pain points? If it’s a certain task, volunteer to take it off their plate. If it’s a meeting, ask if you can lead it. If it’s a client or account, strategize how to solve problems.

This reframes the relationship from combative to collaborative. If you can make someone’s life easier, they’re easier to win over. If you help your superior so well that they get promoted, there may be an opportunity for you to also get promoted to fill their previous position.

Transfer laterally. Explore opportunities in another teams in the organization. Network with other leaders by helping with side projects and initiatives. This builds relationships and serves as a mini-interview to expedite the process.

Quit. If someone was trying to explicitly sabotage my career, I’d quit and move on. Full stop. Period. No job is worth suffering long term for and with my education and extensive career experience, I’d get another top offer tomorrow. There’s no gold star award for enduring and staying in a toxic environment, don’t waste time being miserable when you can be happy. Move on.

[elizabethsway]

Adulting 101: Learn effective techniques for work conflicts and interpersonal communication.

Sometimes I feel that what people major in or get a degree in is something those people had or have problems with in their personal life.

The running gag for Psychologists is that they are the ones that tend to need the most therapy.

I see the same in Communication majors. Those that study communication often are the ones that have the most difficulty communicating, whether that be learning when to hold their tongue, have problems speaking in public, or their story telling runs around like spaghetti.

I'm one of those people. Sometimes I don't know when to shut it or how to effectively navigate the perilous business vernacular and social system.

Sometimes I want to be honest and say, "look man, you keep f*ucking up and I'm tired of doing all your work for you. Stop pretending to be incompetent and get your shit done" but you can't professionally say that.

Still, sometimes I do. I barked at my coworker today in a team chat. I had conversations with him about the subject before, in private, but he disregarded it. Today when he didn't respond on private chat, I called him out on our team chat. I told him that we had been give directions by the boss and he didn't comply so I had to fix his error and I'm not the problem here. That was my response to his response to the original message (there I go with that verbal spaghetti)

The original message was in response to a mistake that he made. Without the fix we can't move forward with that account. He had been asked by the customer, me and my other coworker for the past 3 days. The original message told him what I did to make it easier for him to fix it but also asked him to be careful when reviewing and changing info. This is all stuff that he should already know but after he said he didn't care and wanted me to fix it while reprimanding me for making more work for him (when literally he makes more work for everybody else), I lost my s*** and barked at him. Instant regret.

I stand by what I said and any reprocussions, I know I can handle, yet I'm left with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach as I know that it put him on the spot and that's uncomfortable, plus it jeopardized our ability to communicate effectively as a team and created additional tension. Though I apologized later in the day and we talked about the issues, I imagine he will still hold on to it, forgiveness is hard to do especially when trust is violated.

Still part of me is not content. I had talked to him in the past on multiple occasions and he always and still said the same things. I don't expect any improvement with him but I definitely need to work on myself.

You can't change others but you can change how you react to them and what you say and do in reply.

Adding this to my Adulting Bucket List:

* Communicate more effectively to others

* Don't stress the small stuff

* Check credit score regularly

* Learn to change a tire

* Apologize when your wrong

* Eat some green food each day.

* See things from other people's perspectives helps you humanize them and empathize, try it.

* Learn some communication tips for work conflict.

I wasn't that great of a person today, but there is tomorrow, God willing.

[goteamphilippines]

Non-Violent Communication at Work: What We Learned in Our August 2021 Discover You Events The potential for conflict exists in all workplaces—yes, even the ones where people are genuinely committed to sustaining a kind and caring culture.

https://www.go-va.com.ph/non-violent-communication-at-work/

[certica247-blog]

Tired of being workplace referee? Teach staff a way to handle conflict themselves. http://bit.ly/2vbh6Sw

[river-possum]

How do you avoid or turn down a hug without coming across as a bitch or causing conflict? I really need to know...

[megtalla]

Failure to Produce

Maybe it’s the lousy Smarch weather, maybe it’s the tease of of spring that came and went way too quickly. At any rate, the amount of work that needs to be done–and the time allotted to complete it–seems to be at an imbalance of late. And it’s not just me. Workfront’s latest report on the State of Enterprise Work shows that it’s true, too. Here are the key findings of the report:

39%– the…

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