#write to yourself

[bibboems]

falling behind

we run; we try, we push, we cry. the maps of our lives plotted in our mind's eye. but time is a thief, a white rabbit, an assassin in the dark. she fashions a white picket fence as a stake through the heart. if you tell me to book it, we will head for the river; the great illusionists together once more. for a calm riverbed still hurtles beneath the shore.

[temporary-cute-username]

Hey you. The version of you who wants to start making better changes for yourself; this is for you.

What is one thing that you are not doing right now that will make your life better in any way? Be it a thing you consider so ‘little’ or one that will ‘not make much of a difference’ or something a bit bigger.

It could be waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual, exercising for 10 minutes, drinking just a cup of more water than usual or starting journaling for just a few minutes.

Start doing that one thing everyday for a month or 15 days. 

The night/day before you start, write a short physical letter/email to your future self (preferably an email; click the org link) explaining in brief:

 why you decided to start doing that thing,

 what you(the future self) think/s the positive effects of doing that will be 

ask what positive effects did it bring

and ask your future self if they are grateful for you (future self’s past self, i.e present you) for deciding to do it 

and date it for a month/15 days later.

And when you receive that email, reading it will empower you. It will show you the changes it brought and you will be a slightly better version of yourself.

[bibboems]

enough time has passed

it’s a nice day today.

the sun shines through the doubles glass doors, lighting my life with a warm glow that was missed in the winter months, yet despite it i choose to stay in the cold corner of the house; keep myself and the mirrors covered, perceived by no one. i haven’t had sex in a decade to the day.

the birds may sing outside my window, but the rot inside my soul stays dormant - fermenting; making my skin fizz, bubble and sting at the slightest hint of a peace offering from the universe - my body keeping a scoreboard of a decade's long misfortune, a body once soft now a museum of all of my sins.

i live through the bad days in slow motion - a ticking time bomb now hijacked to my heart, i sit and wait in anticipation for it to finish me off. rumours of good days ahead fill my phone and on my calendar, with no energy to see them through.

ten years.

ten years of waiting for this ancient ache in me to dull; ten years of loose eyelashes that fall into my cusped hands, ten years of deciding fight or flight when i smell his aftershave. ten years of wondering what i ever did to deserve it, ten years of blaming myself for it, ten years of asking 'why'.

ten years.

the time passed regardless of it all. the universe does not care to wait for me to catch my breath, just for a moment.

ten more years.

the time will pass anyway.

[amsterdam0808]

Letter to my past self (from 9 years ago)

It has been a while. I do not even know what to write. I was scrolling through all your posts from the past and all I can say is that damn, you are an idiot. You were a hopeless romantic human being, desperately chasing after a woman you actually hurt. What was even funnier was that you were expecting her to come back to you after everything you did to her. You were selfish many years ago and you never admit that it was always your fault why these people left. But hey, I am proud of you. Things have changed after 9 years. 

Well, it only took you 9 fucking years to realize how immature you were when you approached these women and begged them for attention. It took you years to understand that not everything was about you. It took you so long to finally come to your senses and admit that you were selfish. 

Hey, let me tell you the good news. After 9 years, you are now a lawyer. You made it! You are still single though. We almost made it, well that’s how at least I would want to think of it. But you know what? All the struggles we have been through, all worth it. The pain, ups and downs, they were so fucking worth it that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for those. We fucking made it. Thanks to you, as much as it makes me cringe whenever I read your posts from the past and that I am reminded of the things you did, I am thankful that I went through all of that to be who I am today. I made it to the United States. I graduated from law school and got awards. I gave the graduation speech like what we always dreamt of. We made it. And I am including you past self because you helped me reach my goals. 

Unfortunately, like what I said, I am still single. I have not found my babu or a woman who is similar or better than babu. Don’t get me wrong, I am not making babu the standard. At this point in my life, I am willing to look past beauty or physical appearance. I guess as you get older, your standards go up but not in terms of just how appealing or how gorgeous they look. You are more looking into what is inside them. More so, the whole package. That is what I want. Of course, that is my gift to you as well. We both worked so hard to become a better person and I am not going to let some random girl who doesn’t check most of the things on our list! 

Going back, I am currently searching for her. I thought I found her, well I still believe somewhat it’s her. I know, I know, I can hear you say “not again!” Don’t worry, I am way better than you. I think I know better this time, I am a work in progress still, don’t expect me to be perfect. Just because it has been years since doesn’t mean I have perfected the art of dating! We will get there, I promise. I will find that package so that the future will thank us! 

Wish me luck past self, I am leaving everything to the universe now. Yeah, you do believe in the universe now by the way. You also live in a studio apartment in a busy area of a not so small city in Pennsylvania. I didn’t get into Harvard but don’t worry, I know someday I will! I will make you proud. I did get into UCLA law though so that’s a top school. Not an Ivy but a top school and law school. Take that! 

Again, wish me luck and hope that I don’t do the same mistakes you did in the past. I don’t think I would and I am not saying I am no longer capable of. But I am trying my best to be a better person and a mature one. I will make you proud, I promise. Till my next letter to you. 

[reasonsforletters]

Sometimes, writing is the best way to...

Establish self confirmation

Manifest thoughts

Consolidate memories

Find yourself

[kirikiribambam]

note 001

Im still trying to figure out what to do with my life. I just don't know what to feel. Right now,I can't see where it would lead me. I used to be a fighter, always stable and planned. But for now, I think I'm lost.