@stellacartography kindly tagged me on this interview meme. I believe I’ve done it before, but enough time has passed that the answers have changed -- it was interesting to see how much.
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How many works do you have on ao3?
Two hundred and fifteen. Two were written before the Internet as we know it was a thing – Batman and Joker stories dating back to the 90s -- and one was my entry in a Dr. Horrible ficlet contest I stumbled across. The rest are mostly Good Omens (200 in all), Sherlock, Star Trek, and Good Omens crossovers with both those two fandoms as well as random hookups like Donna Barr’s Desert Peach and Wagner’s Meistersinger.
What’s your total word count?
1,033,317 at this point. That boggles me a little bit.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
The top by far is Looking Good, Mr. Fell – which apparently got rec’d in some fan group, resulting in a flood of kudos a couple years after it posted. I mean, it’s a sweet fic – jealous Crowley makes the confession after seeing Humans flirt with Aziraphale once too often – but I’ve written lots that I thought were just as sweet. It just shows the power of getting exposure on Discord and the like, which is something I have never had the bandwidth to maintain. The rest, in descending order: Mint Tea, which started out as cheerful filth and became both an emotional journey and a mystery; The Rake, an experiment with the florid style of Victorian porn; Binary Stars, my first Johnlock (also crossed with Good Omens); and oddly enough, Funny Old World, a Good Omens/Hellblazer crossover, which absolutely blew up the minute it was posted.
Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?
Why ever would you not? I mean, I understand that if you were outstandingly popular and got hundreds of comments on every chapter, you’d have to limit yourself. I felt a little overwhelmed just with my Kinktober 2024 daily posts – it was exhilarating, but I really didn’t have any spare time left the whole month, between writing and responding to the beautiful comments. But I’d do it again as long as I could make time. Every comment is like someone putting a quarter or maybe even a silver dollar into the writing machine, and I always want to say it’s appreciated, plus you get to know so many great people.
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?
Very possibly one of those Kinktober fics, the Somnophilia story, which evoked enough calls for more that I gave it a second chapter. It’s Good Omens Regency/Georgian era, when they have to hide what they feel even between themselves, so it just ends on a sharp note of longing.
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?
Almost all the rest of them! Even the sad and anxious ones, like Someone To Watch Over Me or The Infinite Which Was Hid, got enough “please fix it” comments that I wrote sequels. I'm a soft touch that way. I want happy endings. As for the happiest, I’d go with any of my AUs, where I tend to put them through some things, so the happy endings land bigger.
Do you write crossovers?
As noted above, I love doing GO crossovers. Doctor Who, Sandman, Preacher, I’m always getting ideas for one and they get dashed down in the slush document.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
No, though I did get a pretty pissy anon ask on Tumblr once, scornfully calling me a “fandom mom.” I’m not sure why that was supposed to be an insult. Also, I’m not a mom, unless you count cats.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Does a hobby horse have a wooden asshole? I’m not sure what the standard “kinds” of smut are, but I’m known for writing suggestive dialogue that keeps the rating M while making abundantly clear what’s going where. There’s a whole short dialogue-only crack fic of Crowley attempting, um, digital foreplay and having to extrude an entire collection of mathoms that Aziraphale has tucked away in a pocket dimension accessible through his nethers.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not so far as I know.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
I’m pretty sure someone asked me, but it never happened.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Well, not counting the junior high handwritten stuff, just a few with my mutual beta twilightcitysky -- several of the “Naughty Bits” series (short, dialogue heavy, and comic) and “Annunciate This" (dragging Gabriel, which is always fun.) Sky has a wide ranging budget of knowledge and I love the details she tosses into fic.
What's your all-time favourite ship?
Aziraphale/Crowley, no contest.
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?
About 5000 words of an idea that came to me in my first winter of writing GO. Crowley puts the moves on Aziraphale by giving him one of the earliest smartphones and then Skyping nude, and so on, until they’re right at the point where this exchange has reached critical mass. And then they both get the memo about the Antichrist, making Aziraphale panic and back off. I never have figured out how they pick it back up.
What are your writing strengths?
Conciseness, and an ear for dialogue and sentence cadence. I want there to be a quickness and flow in the text that carries people along, whether it’s conversation that catches the voice of the original characters, or sentences that vary in their melodic lines – like writing music, which I did in my misspent youth.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Endless sentences. You wouldn’t notice it because I go over and over things. I know that in a first draft, I'll commit sentences that take up half a page. I back up and and hack up, asking "is this phrase really necessary?", uncoupling dependent clauses, and trying to imagine when a live reader would need to inhale.
And like most of us, I think, I have to watch out for re-using my favorite words and phrases. I caught Aziraphale saying “transcendent” in reference to the festivities in Kinktober way too many times.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Sometimes I can’t help myself. A peril of liking opera; you tend to think you know enough of a language to toss off a phrase in it (narrator voice: you don’t). I’m always happy if a native speaker corrects me and offers some help, which happened with the Squire’s Wife series. Beelzebub is an irascible Italian Maestro heavily based on Toscanini (also on Sarah Caldwell and my high school orchestra director), and when they get agitated they mingle English and Italian profanities with baton throwing.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Middle school in the 1960s, clutch of starry-eyed Illya fans. We called them "compos" and passed them around the school cafeteria. Star Trek followed almost instantly, but I didn’t know other people wrote fanfiction as such for decades after “outgrowing” that hobby.
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?
I can’t think of one? If I want to write something I tend to write it.
What's your favourite fic you've written?
That’s like asking someone who their favorite child is. Even harder, because fics don’t have behavior problems (mostly). If I had to, I’d say the Squire’s Wife series as a whole; the ensemble cast came together so rewardingly. I keep saying there’s more there, there has to be, but it hasn’t jelled yet.
Highlighting some writers I’ve discovered since my last pass, and want to read more (where does the time go?): @ukcalico, @e-rated-beardo, @adverbian, and @voluptatiscausa. But if you got the reader tags for this, consider yourself invited, because we all need to know more about our writer friends. No, seriously, I mean it! Fill it out and tag me!
I guess around 10-12, although I really didn’t do much until my late teen years.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
I don’t know if there is too much of a difference. But then again I don’t really notice much.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
No. At least not intentionally. Though I’m sure there are some things that bleed over. At some point, I expect someone to say that my obsession with worldbuilding would rival that of Professor Tolkien.
Can you tell me about your writing space?
Well, it is usually my room. It could also be in the park, on the bus, a cafe, or anywhere really when inspiration strikes. I always have a notebook and/or my laptop on hand in case something comes to me.
What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Sometimes ideas float into my head. A few times an idea came to me in a dream, but mainly it is writing things down and hoping there is something there that I won’t delete/erase.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
I have noticed that there is quite a bit of hurt/comfort, not to mention found family and accepting ones’s self.
What is your reason for writing?
Reason? Because I can? But also, there is something that I want to share with the world.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
It always feels good when someone says they enjoy what I wrote, that it was engaging and they want to know what’s going to happen to the characters next.
How do you want to be thought of by your readers?
As someone who made their day/ wrote the story they enjoy.
How do you feel about your own writing?
Sometimes I think it’s crap, sometimes I think it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever written (and occasionally I feel both at the same time).
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
I’m not really one to follow the trend. If someone likes what I write, that makes me smile.
I dunno if I've done this but @oh-no-another-idea got me with it here so let's try!
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When did you start writing?
Actually putting words on paper? Twelve. I was making up stories since the age of maybe six though. Elaborate backstories and adventures for my stuffed animals and hamsters, mostly.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
I love to read absurd fiction. Things that push genre boundaries, break established rules, speak directly to the reader. I don't write a lot of that, but I love reading it.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
I have no one I want to emulate, no. I feel a writer's voice is a unique thing and should remain so. As for comparison... I don't know. Someone said I was like George RR Martin once, another said Anne Rice, and one of those analysis things said I was Ursula K Le Guin (which is flattering). I don't think any of those overlap so I'm just confused over here, writin' my little words.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
Sometimes it is a desk covered in stuffed animals and stickers with a drawing tablet taunting me from the right side and a microphone taunting from the corner. Othertimes it is a laptop and a somewhat comfortable chair or couch with a pillow as desk and a cat as armrest.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Watching horror or fantasy films or shows tends to do it with enough regularity. Even if 'spite' is the actual source of inspiration as I often end up terribly disappointed and want to try it myself.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
Trauma is the big one, grief is another, with belonging/acceptance right up there with them. I'm not surprised usually, but it is funny where all they pop up.
What is your reason for writing?
"The voices", no...but really. I have a lot in my head all the time and I have to get it out. Whether it's emotions or memories or worries or ideas or traumas made manifest as personalities and voices refusing to shut up until I give them an outlet...I have to get it out. I do hope my sharing it helps others get theirs out, or at least not think of it as a hindrance but more a facet of who they are which deserves as much love and acceptance as they do.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
Keysmashes get me every time. Someone so excited, so moved, they have no words but they want to share something so it's just a bunch of letters and love.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
Weird... but fun.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I hate this question. >.< Description? Let's say that.
How do you feel about your own writing?
My self esteem is such that I am convinced I would never personally read my stories if I did not write them. Yet I often find myself reading them instead of revising or editing when I go in to do that. So... I feel it is engaging. If nothing else. It is engaging.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
I'm not thinking of the reader, I'm not even thinking of myself when I write. It is whatever the story demands, whatever the characters want (that the story allows). Everything else is secondary. When revising I consider the reader, which is why a lot of revision is spent on clarity, but it's still for the story first.
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Tagging: @rowancampbell-author @bellascarousel @chauceryfairytales @transman-badass @pb-dot and YOU (open tag)
>blank below<
When did you start writing?
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
What is your reason for writing?
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
How do you feel about your own writing?
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
I'm tagged out for the weekend. So if you read this and are interested in doing it, please feel free to tag me and I'll come read yours!
When did you start writing?
2022. After spending most of my formative years thinking that I hated writing. (Turns out, I just hated being forced to write analytical essays on things I wasn't interested in.)
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Most of what I read these days is non-fiction lol. It’s great for generating ideas and brainstorm fodder, though. And it’s really funny that I write in a fandom for a sci-fi genre when I rarely, if ever, read sci-fi. When I do read fiction, I tend to go for fantasy. Short stories are my favorite way to consume horror.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
I’ve never been compared to another writer before. Honestly, I think my writing is kind of odd to begin with, it’s mega sensory, and even I come up blank when I try to think of anyone else who does that. I’ve gotten a couple mentions on my writing feeling like a comic book, which I love since I grew up reading them, and I get a lot of storytelling inspo from film and animation.
I absolutely adore Robin Wall Kimmerer’s writing. It’s just straight up beautiful, and she has such a profound understanding and sense of place that she’s able to transcribe into words. Something to aspire to.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
I write in my office/art room a lot. Which has my computer desk and then my art/craft table. Lots of bright light, plants, spooky/nature themed art on the walls. I write in my yellow reading chair when I don’t want to be at my desk. Besides my office/art room I also write: on my front porch, at the kitchen table, on my couch, at work when I’m by myself and not totally slammed with work things…
What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?
My muse strikes at random, as does my motivation, so I just sit my ass down whenever I have time/bandwidth and write as much as I’m able. Whether I added 1,500 words or subtracted 500, doesn’t matter. Like anything, writing is about showing up and being consistent. You put the time and effort in, it’ll get done eventually.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
All of my interests have leaked into my fics, so I’m not surprised about any of the themes or motifs. Really love action, so there’s always tons of that. Intricate plots, mysteries, thrillers, dramatic tension, culture, bureaucracy, guilt, grief, love. Comparative skeletal anatomy and road kill. Manual labor and all the weird shit I do out on the prairie. Putting my anthropology background to good use doing research. Is it possible to escape a culture that revolves around the perpetuation of individual and systemic violence? Y’know, light and cheery topics lol.
What is your reason for writing?
I think I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Or that I could learn to do it. As I mentioned, I used to despise writing growing up, especially for school. Me getting into writing fan fic was completely left-field. I do aspire to haunt people in this life, so I suppose this is another way of going about it.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
Any and all nice comments are great! I love them all! But extra love for the ones that dive into what they connected with or what in my writing stood out to them. I've not had a dedicated beta reader and don’t always get a lot of feedback on my writing in general, so when I post, it’s always a shot in the dark and I have no idea how folks are going to react. Hearing that I accomplished what I set out to do with my writing is just validating.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
That I’m a good writer? That I’m not intimidating? That they can talk to me without repercussions? (My irl initial intimidating vibes have also bleed over into my internet persona… Making friends is hard.)
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
Outlining, plot integration, action sequences.
How do you feel about your own writing?
I love my writing. It’s full of shit I love and typos. I don’t commit anything to paper that I’m not proud of, and I stand by all my writing. My editor could perhaps stand to have a firmer foot and say “no” more often. And I’m actually really glad I got into writing later on in my life. I’m a bit more world-wise at this point and I would not have been able to write the stories I’m writing now back in my teens or twenties. I did not have the perspective or the knowledge that I have now. My writing has certainly evolved over the past few years though, so right now, I feel like I’m also trying to go a bit more back to my roots? Get back to basics and refine my style more.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
100% for myself. I map out my fics before I sit down to write them and I know what I like lol. I’m not a caterer. That being said, there have been a couple of instances as I’m writing that I’ve gone “oh, so-and-so would probably enjoy this bit,” and I do get ideas and inspiration for things having fandom conversations with other folks. That’s more of a “I hadn’t considered that angle before” rather than a I have to change what I’m writing type of thing.
Thank you for the tag @akindofmagictoo!! I love yapping about myself!
When did you start writing?
I honestly can't remember. I've been telling stories for as long as I can remember (me and my sister had elaborate political plots going on with our toys), but actually writing them down, I don't know when that started. I remember typing some things on the family computer when I was young, but I don't remember how old I was. (I also don't remember what any of them were about.)
I stopped for a while, then did quite a bit of writing in middle school. (The one I remember was a story about a guy who was immortal and I had a whole bunch of adventures planned for him but the one I started with was him accidentally causing the Black Plague. He would go into the houses and take care of the animals after everyone had died, bc he was immune (his punishment. He caused it and now he has to watch everyone else die.) and baby Morri liked animals better than people. But he found a kid who was the only survivor of her family and kinda-sorta got adopted by her, and then he got kidnapped by his evil brother(?), and was going to get tortured. I spent much longer than I should have researching medieval torture devices at the age of 11-12.)
Then I stopped writing for many years until I got to my junior year of high school and started working on All the Queen's Horses. While I haven't touched that WIP in a while, it's very very special to me, because it's what got me back into writing after not doing it for 3+ years.
Once I made it to college and was able to play, I fell head over heels in love with dnd, and well, that's where my creative energy has been focused for the past 2-ish years.
As per usual, I practically wrote a novel for this, so it's going under the cut.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Hmm. Just like Zoe, I read a lot of sci-fi, but I don't write it. I would easily consider it my second favorite genre to read, but writing it doesn't come very naturally to me. Coming up with magic systems and stuff like that is just much easier for me than coming up with tech.
I also have been known to (on rare occasions) enjoy reading nonfiction books (I bought 3 last weekend. Two about pirates and one about the Titanic.), but I would never ever ever want to write them.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
No. I've never had my work compared to anyone else's, and to be honest, my work and my style is mine. Like everything in the world, it's influenced by the things I've read, but I don't really love comparing myself to other people, especially not published/career authors.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
Laptop (usually on my lap, sometimes on my bed or the floor), with me hunched over it like a shrimp. No music or other sounds, just me and the furious sounds of my keyboard.
What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?
I don't know. I tend to only write on those once-in-a-blue-moon occasions where I have both inspiration and executive function. It means I don't write very often, but when I do, I tend to crank out whole scenes (easily over 1k words, sometimes a few thousand) in one sitting. It's a terrible way to go about doing things, and is part of the reason I've never finished anything longer than 10k words.
When I was writing ATQH I just wrote whatever scenes I had ideas for, and skipped around. That was part of what brought me to a screeching halt eventually because I had most of Act 4 written, along with the end of Act 3, but most of acts 1 and 2 were a mystery to me, aside from a handful of key events. I knew what emotionally needed to happen to get to the climax of the story (the parts I had written), but I didn't know what events would best make that happen. Don't be like me.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
I would say the broadest and most simple is love. Every single thing I write is about love in some way, shape, or form. In some rare cases it's romantic, in even rarer cases it's familial (but oddly enough, never siblings, despite me having a twin sister), but most often it's a combo of platonic and self-love.
To go along with that, most of my OCs start their stories desperately lonely and with nowhere to belong. By the end, they find it, though.
It doesn't really surprise me. I've been a very lonely person for a very long time. And going through that (and also finally making real friends once I got to college and started playing dnd), it makes a lot of sense why I write so much about it.
I also have noticed that my characters I find most compelling all have some kind of betrayal in their story. Fallon with Lavinia (and Wymond), Rook with Sigmar, Carrion with Theodore, and Cyra with Eris. I don't know what it is, but there's something about the shattering of a bond of trust -- especially when you had so few people you cared about and who cared about you to begin with -- that fascinates me. Especially leaning into the messy, complicated feelings that come after. The "I know you tried to kill me, but I still love you" or the "I know you are literally trying to commit genocide, but you love me" or the "I want to kill you, but actually you were trying to do the best you could and just fucked up" or the realization that the person you love most in the world has never, ever cared about you, and your entire relationship was a lie.
What can I say? I guess I like messy character relationships, hahaha.
What is your reason for writing?
You know the post with the little dog where it says he has to make art (even bad art) or else he'll explode? It's a bit like that. There's stories in my head, and if I don't write them down, I'm going to drown in them. Also, I love sharing my writing with my friends, because nothing in the world makes me happier than comments about my writing.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
Zoe nailed it. Analytical comments are the best. Pointing out the foreshadowing I did, or connections you made, or double meanings you noticed. Telling me that one specific line felt like a punch to the gut. Anything that pulls out specific parts of the writing, tbh. There is literally not a single better feeling in the world than getting those kinds of comments. None. Getting one sustains me for a week.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
Let's be honest. I'm not ever going to publish anything. And I don't want to publish anything. The people who are going to be reading my work are going to be my friends and if I'm lucky some of the people who follow this blog. So basically, a friend. And if not a friend, then maybe someone cool with good taste. But perhaps most importantly, "WHY ARE YOU HURTING MY BOY".
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I never know how to answer this question. Because I'm aware I'm a good writer. Not excellent, not amazing. But I'm good. And I'm happy with my writing. But I don't know what about it I'm actually good at. I'm actually quite bad at analyzing details of writing. I can say that I liked or disliked something, but I often have a hard time teasing out why. (For large-scale stuff like plots, it's easier. But for more technical stuff like pacing or word choice I tend to struggle to put my reasons into words.)
@transmasc-wizard once complimented my description in a way that I still can't get out of my head months later, and I'm going to cling to that compliment for the rest of my life, because I used to think I was bad at description.
Long story short: I don't know what I'm good at. I know I like my own writing and that it's not bad. But I don't know what parts of it are actually good. Mostly it just makes me happy when it feels "right".
(If anyone reads this far and has an opinion on what you think I'm good at, please lmk. I'm very curious.)
How do you feel about your own writing?
This might be uncommon among writers, but I reread my own writing nearly constantly, purely for fun. The writing I do is mostly extremely self-indulgent, a way for me to make my daydreams more vivid or to remember key parts of a really good dnd session. So yeah, I like it. I do it to make myself happy. It's self-indulgent, and I'm proud of that fact.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
I've said it a few ways over the course of this interview: I write for me and me alone. If I share it with other people and they happen to like it, that's going to add years to my life out of joy, but at the end of the day, I write what makes me happy, and I don't care what anyone else wants from me. (And yes, what makes me happy is usually just my characters suffering.)
I'm going to tag @space-writes , @exe-writes-sometimes , @avrablake , @sleepyowlwrites and @oh-no-another-idea
@dyrewrites tagged me in one of these, and as you may have surmised by reading my blog i fucking love talking about writing, so let's do this!
When did you start writing?
Before I knew how to read, actually. Well kind of. I would dictate to my paternal grandfather and he'd write them down in these little pamphlet books. Not my best work as you can imagine, but I enjoyed making them. It's been on an off since that. On the level I operate on now, though, I started getting quote-unquote serious about writing ca 2018.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Oh for sure. Part of what I look for when I read are perspectives that are different than my own. I am, however, often writing the kind of book I'd like to read if I could find it, usually because there's just not enough queer genre fiction out there.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
I never try to emulate any specific writers these days, but I do try to crib the occasional stylistic element. I love the way Paul Tremblay builds tension out of ambiguity, the way Thomas Olde Heuvelt places the horrific in the everyday, the way Hailey Piper interrogates Lovecraftian tropes, the way Arkady Martine writes Anxiety and Politics, and the gentle but firm way Rebecca Sugar incorporates queer themes, to name a few. These are all things I try to let my writing be inspired by, but I'm not sure it's working.
As for comparisons, I don't get compared with authors too often. One I do remember and cherish, though, is that one reader told me the chaos of Thereafter felt somewhat Ankh-Morpork-esque, which is high praise indeed. I do consider my style of humor greatly influenced by the late Terry Pratchet (GNU,) and I hope I can project even a little bit of the humanist rage that underpins a lot of his best work.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
I do most of my writing these days in my cellar apartment. Usually I'll write on a desktop PC I built myself, using the secondary monitor to play music or some kind of second screen entertainment. The last few months, though, a herniated disk in my spine has had me sitting upright a lot less. As a consequence I write more on my laptop, and while this isn't quite as efficient as my dual monitor setup, I do have a lot more time left over to write these days, so it just about shakes out.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
I don't super believe in inspiration as a concept. I come up with ideas and concepts bit by bit over a lengthy period of time and at some point it becomes a question of writing the damn thing or thinking about plot points three books deep in the series in the small hours of the night when I can't sleep. That said, a cup of coffee and some nice background noise (Daft Punk's Alive 2007 is a current favorite,) usually does a good job getting me in the mood to put some words on the page.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
A bunch, and I'm cognisant of most of them, I think. On the political side of things, I'm staunchly left-wing in my writings, and a lot of how I tell stories revolve around discussing the difference between Communities of Strength and Communities of Weakness, as well as a kind of anarchist "what is authority anyway" kind of discussion.
On the more personal category of themes, I do write a lot about loneliness and belonging, which is perhaps not a surprising thing for a lonely boy growing into a lonely man to have on ones mind. Looking back, I also see that I've been writing about disappointment a lot. The Thereafter crew all feel like they've fallen short of their potential in the wake of their initial portal fantasy adventures (yes, even Felipe.) Jake of The Clockwork Boy is all about being a bright mind dulled by a world bereft of empaty, 13 escapes to freedom only to drown in the uncaring chaos of everyday life. Oscar in His Impossible Brushstrokes doesn't really know what he expected the mysterious painter Tomasz Gildebrant to be, but without spoiling anything it wasn't what he got. As for Tomasz himself, hoh boy I do not have the time to get into the daisy-chained self-loathing and imposter syndrome that boy has going on.
This theme of Disappointment I think comes from two places. One is my reoccuring frustration with how unreasonable the world seems to me these days. The other is related, but more personal. Things haven't really worked out for ol' Peebs lately, and it is hard for me to not feel like I fucked up somewhere in character creation, to borrow game nomenclature for a second. I will, however, maintain that it's more that society has failed me, but it feels more like a political conviction than a personal if that makes sense? Regardless of where the "blame" for my less than ideal situation shakes out, though, I've felt a lot about how it feels when things don't work out, and I channel a lot of this into my writing.
What is your reason for writing?
I mostly do it to help my mental health these days. This started as an idle observation by a former therapist of mine that I seemed the most engaged and least depressed when I just came back from a vacation, and when I was writing a book. Seeing as constant vacationing is off the table both for economic and carbon footprint reasons, I found that "just always have a writing project to work on" was a much more achievable way of helping my mental health.
In short, I would say writing does a good job of keeping my brain active and enriched. My earlier problems with rumination and anxiety spirals are way down, and while it has re-introduced the problem I've come to call "fastbrain," it does help a little on the old depression to have a narrative to work on.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
I'll take anything that tells me people have read my stuff, but I'll tell you my absolute favorite comment I have ever recieved on anything I've written. It was on a short summary of the character of Mara from His Impossible Brushstrokes, and her relationship with protagonist Oscar in particular. This comment said that these two (Oscar and Mara) seemed like the queerest "straight" (well m/f anyway) relationship ever. I was like "Oh shit, they are," and it brought me no shortage of joy.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
That's an interesting question. I have no interest in being some kind of all-knowing authority on my works, because I am adamant that audience digestion of any work of art is instrumental, even if it is kinda scary. That said, I want to be viewed more as, I don't know, an enthusiastic tour guide, or a kooky professor leading a pack of excitable undergrads in fieldwork? The metaphor is kind of the same. I want to discover the totality of these stories together with my readers. They'll learn a lot, and although it may seem like I know everything, I'm (maybe not so) secretly learning a lot myself.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I'm good, arguably very good at plots. Some of it is instinct and heurestics my brain has come up with to transform ideas into plots, but a lot of it is also not thinking of Plot and Character as separate fields. In short, Plot is Characters. The tension between what the characters want (Goals) and what stops them externally (Oposition) and internally (Ghosts*) from getting it makes for the opening tension, and how they overcome oposition and negotiate their ghosts becomes the plot and development.
I wouldn't say that this approach is without its fault and limitations, like any Plot-primacy approach to writing, it's not quite as organic as a pants-y approach. That said I think this approach "scales" quite well with larger casts, as a larger group of people going through this journey does a decent job of simulating versimilitudinous chaos.
* The "Ghost" is perhaps the least intuitive part of my understanding of Plot, and I could get into it further at a later date, but the short version is that it's the neuroses, trauma, fears and phobias that stop the Character from being happy or achieving self-actualization. Ghosts are often mirrored by Oposition, where the Oponent is the Ghost made External, but the Ghost can also be the way in which the protagonist becomes notably different from them ; See Agent Smith and Neo in The Matrix, or Norman and the Witch in Paranorman, for example.
How do you feel about your own writing?
I am working very hard to transcend what I've come to call the "Brennan Lee Mulligan Loop," i.e thinking "it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it's mine/I made it" about stuff I make. I would be lying if I said I do it no problem every time, but I am a least mindful of the thought trap, and that's a start.
This is all to say that I think my writing is pretty good. It's a shame I can't go into it blind like I do the other fiction I'd read, but that's just Nature Of The Beast, y'know?
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
I hope that what I'm writing is appealing to anyone that isn't me, but I am first and foremost writing the story that I want to write. This may not make me an instant publisher's darling, but considering I'm trying to write the kind of books that I can't find in traditional publishing at the moment, it would be mighty odd of me to aim for that, don't you agree?
I tag @owlsandwich, @ace-malarky and @runner-owen, and why not, I also leave the tag OPEN. Tell them Peebs sent ya.
Blank form below
When did you start writing?
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
What is your reason for writing?
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
How do you feel about your own writing?
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
When did you start writing? I remember scribbling stories in my little notebooks when I was in third grade. But I didn't take writing seriously until I was around 11 or 12.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? Not that I can think of.
Can you tell me about your writing space? Honestly, I don't have a proper writing space. I should create one, but I live in a small trailer and don't really have room. Most of the time, I sit on the couch in the living room, dim my table lamp, grab some snacks, and start plugging away.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse? Mustering up a muse is usually what trips me up. I've learned that if I try to force myself to write, it shows in my writing. Sometimes, listening to a playlist or creating mood boards helps. I need to find a calm place before I write, because if I'm too emotional, it won't work.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you? Found family, hope, angst, healing. None of them really surprise me, as they all reflect my life in various stages.
What is your reason for writing? To quell the buzzing in my head, to connect with others and form friendships, and to make others feel seen, heard, appreciated, and loved when they read my stories.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating? I appreciate all comments (as long as they aren't rude), but whenever someone tells me that my writing evoked some kind of emotion, I feel proud. I want my writing to reach people, I want it to make them feel and think. And, of course, I love it when someone tells me that they loved it.
How do you want to be thought of by your readers? That is a really good question, and honestly, i am not really sure how to answer. I want to be thought of as someone who puts emotion into their writing, as someone who is just a good person and easy to talk to, and someone who is willing to help others. I don't ever want my readers to think that I am above them or that they can't talk to me.
How do you feel about your own writing? Overly critical at worst and ambivalent at best. But I'm working on being kinder to myself when it comes to writing. I don't think I am a bad writer--just "mid", as the kids say.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both? If you had asked me this a couple of months back, I would have said that I was influenced by what others might enjoy reading. And to an extent, that's still true. However, I have reached a point now where I write purely for myself (and my partner). Some of my ideas are pretty out there, and I understand that they wont be palatable for many people. But I want to make myself happy, and writing the things I like is what does that for me.
Thanks for tagging me! Sorry it took me two freaking months to answer it.
I was tagged by @redroomroaving and once I'd finished feeling about a hundred emotions from reading I managed to follow it up.
I definitely got a little personal as well, and I know I’m prone to rambling so I’ll pop the questions and answers below the cut. A mild CW for discussion of physical pain and some very very light mentions of mental health.
Tagging @morb-untamed @sweetmage @dmbakura @hydropyro @ineadhyn @nicocoer @wixed to do this if you would like to, but there is absolutely no pressure to talk about yourselves or in any personal detail. And anyone else reading this who I missed tagging (I forget names and tags so often, forgive me) please feel free to use me as your tag-in and let me know so I can read your answers too.
When did you start writing?
I have no idea, truly. Stories and reading were a big part of my life since before I could read, and as soon as I could read independently I devoured books and imagined stories in quiet moments. There are a few things I’ve worked on under another name, another identity, but no massive published works. A couple of unfinished SFW fanfics, and some larger original projects that remain on hiatus.
As for writing smut and spice and taking fanfic more seriously? That all started in September 2023, and has just grown from there. I was hesitant at first, and you’ll see that in my early author notes, but from there I feel I’ve truly grown in my style and skill, as well as my creativity and ability to delve into character details and kink alike.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
Since writing more, I’ve become a terrible reader. I can’t really focus on it for long because my brain goes into ADHD rebellion and says “no, no, we don’t want to read story we want to create story” which is endlessly frustrating when I have stacks of unread books and a ton of fics earmarked by very talented authors.
I will say there is a particular thing many may notice in my works – when writing, I very rarely refer to genitalia in direct terms. It’s just a personal preference when writing, you won’t find the word “cock” in any of my works, but contrary to how it might sound I have absolutely no issue with reading it in the works of others. I am an odd creature, I freely admit that. So…yes, there are themes, pairings, styles, and vocabulary features that I enjoy reading but do not write myself.
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
I don’t hear comparisons really, and I don’t aim to emulate anyone either, though I will admit I try to keep just a few little moments of humour or sly winks to the audience in similar ways to Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. Just those quick lines or cutaways that for a moment join reader and author in a little shared joke.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
I can only really write comfortably in one place, at my PC. I have 3 screens set up around my seat, which is actually the end seat of a reclining sofa, so I have a heated pad behind my back to reduce pain. I have a mini fridge with drinks on the table beside me with the side screen that has Discord on it at all times, my larger screen (the TV) sometimes has character images for reference or notes or just Spotify up so I can swap songs and playlists quickly. The last screen is in front of me on a table that goes over my footrest, and my keyboard is on a lap desk over my legs.
I’ll almost always have my headphones on, and a small fan when it gets too warm. Sometimes I do end up a little chaotic with snacks in reach and meds also on the table so I don’t have to have anyone fetch them for me.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
It can’t be controlled. The muse is as fickle as it is demanding, when it’s there it wants everything all at once, and when it’s gone?... It leaves a devastating emptiness that honestly I struggle with at times. Even right now, tonight I planned to write, but when I finally got the free time and got set up…nothing feels appealing to try. So I’m doing this instead, and not forcing it.
There are things I try at times, and things I recommend, too.
First? Before you start writing, tend to your basic needs. Do you need a drink? Food? Relevant medication? A nap? A talk with a friend? A bit of fresh air or physical movement? If one of these needs hasn’t been met, it’ll likely soon become an obstacle to your writing. I like to have a drink and snack ready and with me when I start so it’s there as and when I might need it, and I do rely on caffeine like a stereotypically unmedicated ADHD author…
Second, set the mood. It can help for some people to have this routine, to get their playlist going, to be in the right place, to have the things that set a whole zone and bubble. For a while, I had a specific hat I would wear when writing for another project. I could tell myself “I am putting the hat on now, so I will focus and do this thing” and in some way it trained me to write more. I know others who have done things like always listening to a specific genre of music to write, so now when they hear that genre they get the urge to write.
Third is take a shower. Nothing gives me more ideas than a good shower, and I even bought a waterproof notepad and pencil set so I can make those notes whilst in there and not fret about forgetting an idea.
Other than that, I recommend going back to the thing that inspired you to write. Play the game or watch scenes with the characters you want to write about, find their voices and mindsets. You can also close your eyes and imagine the scene like a play – put the characters on your stage at the start of the scene and watch what they do in the scenario. Let them show you how they react. Some people also do well to write out a plan or bulletpoints, but I find personally this can bite me in the ass because the process of writing can often stray from my original plan. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it can feel frustrating that I didn’t use ideas that I was initially passionate about.
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
Ah here it is. Whilst I could go quite simply with the kinks that I keep utilising that don’t surprise me in the slightest – I know well that I enjoy writing a spicy shifting of power balance between strong-minded characters, as well as a lot of BDSM kink – there are deeper parts to this.
Identity. That’s a theme that keeps rearing its head beneath a lot of works, and you’ll find it most noticeable in how I write both Haarlep and He Who Was, but it tends to worm its way into other things too. It…did not surprise me, though, because it’s something I have struggled with over this past year within myself.
I created this name, this identity, as a way to be comfortable in sharing kink fiction and spicy works without it being easily identifiable under my actual name. I still don’t like to be too personal, or share my face or real name under this one, because I would rather keep a few close friends and family out of sight of my fandom thirsting. I’m certain a lot of us are the same – it isn’t really about shame but knowing that I, and they, would likely not be comfortable discussing this level of subject matter. I’ve relaxed a little over time, and have no doubt that a few may have worked out who I am and simply kept it quiet which I appreciate endlessly, just as I appreciate that those who do know both of my identities have never shared that information or made it public. I’m happy to meet people in person, just not to have my self online shared with my other self, as I’m sure you can understand. Anyway, I digress…
Something that the keen-eyed accomplice might have noticed in me is a shift in my speech. I used a few more mannerisms and speech patterns, particularly terms of endearment, under this name when I began. It was a way to separate the self, as well as to engage with a different audience in a different way. I explained it to the few who knew both early on as “same person, different font”, because I don’t change who I am just a few parts of how I speak or interact…but I’ve dropped a lot of the endearments now. Partly because there were more than a few who expressed they were uncomfortable with this in conversation – which I fully respect and understand – so it was easier to just drop them entirely rather than double checking or switching vocabulary between people and servers. But it has also fallen away a little as I have become more comfortable with both sides of myself, allowing them to integrate again more, and I owe a good amount of that to being able to meet fandom friends in person and find that they didn’t turn away from knowing all of me and instead have become even better friends.
So…yes, the theme of names and identity keeps popping up. The power of names, the importance of identity, how one can hold on to one’s sense of self when it feels as if it is wavering, or when a role must be played. It’s little wonder I was so strongly drawn to so many favourites.
Another recurring theme, of course, is pain. Physical. Whilst this is often in the form of kink and pain play, I’ve written a few pieces where it has been a point that is not about the sexual and positive side. I am in pain. 24/7. Without end. It will not get better. It has been this way for over 10 years. The level of the pain is “I cannot walk more than 10 metres before it is too much”, and “I have to drastically reduce and monitor my physical activity to prevent pain getting worse”, so I feel very intimately familiar with pain. You’ll find it in my writing as visceral and detailed descriptions of the sensations, because I’ve felt every one of them and might just be feeling them in that moment as I write.
I’m going to keep trying to write short comfort pieces, too. Because as I once wrote as a dialogue line for Halsin, when Tav asked how he always seemed to know the right thing to say:
“Sometimes we say the things we need to hear the most.”
What is your reason for writing?
Every reason ever. There’s…not a lot I can do in this body. So many hopes and dreams and even careers I’ve had to leave behind, through the struggles of mental and physical health. Whilst the former is far better, the latter is the issue… But writing is something I can do with little physical effort. If I’m in pain, I can take my medication and absorb into fiction.
I started writing smut as a challenge, but also as a way to tell a story I was becoming rather attached to. My main longfic was one born from playing the game, and wondering about telling the story between the lines, giving reason to the choice the player character was making under my instruction. Since then, it has grown to be so much more.
I’d love to sit here and tell you “I only write for myself, I don’t need external validation” but that…would be a half-truth at best. I write because I love sharing these stories, I love that they can reach out and touch hearts and minds in ways I might never know, but I adore when someone does send back their echo across the vast void between us to say “I enjoyed this” or “this story made me feel something”. That’s…it’s everything to know I have some value. Which sounds a lot like I’m pinning my self-worth on feedback or kudos, and whilst I can’t deny that’s a hard habit to break, I do know it isn’t everything. I just want it to still be something. To know I can do more than just…exist.
Truly if you were to ask me what I feel the purpose is to my entire life, it would be “to leave each corner of the world I touch a little brighter and better than it was before I got there”, and whilst I know that’s impossible to do all the time I still want to try. And writing? Sharing stories? That’s leaving a positive mark, giving someone enjoyment in their day – yes, even sexually, with the kinky and sexy writing. That is still a positive to someone’s day, an indulgence, something that lifts them and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
If I can do more than that with emotional writing, with comfort pieces, with cathartic moments and with stories that have more meaning behind the words…all the better.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
The best are the ones that pull out favourite lines or moments, but honestly every single comment means the world to me. An incoherent keysmash, a simple “I loved this”, even those are such a boost particularly on a hard day.
Readers, please know how much it helps. Even a click on the kudos as an anonymous guest, it’s…it lets us know we aren’t just shouting into the void. It tells us those Hits are not people just opening up the fic then closing it because they hated it. It means the whole world to know we’ve done something that you enjoyed, in whatever way that was.
I’ll also say that some of the ones that have meant the most and have stuck with me are comments on the more personal pieces, like with The Love of Loviatar – the Abdirak x Reader fic where I play a little with worlds colliding to allow a reader character who experiences chronic pain (remarkably similar to my own, don’t think about that too hard) to have that moment with Abdirak who validates and appreciates them exactly how they are. Gentle care mixed with BDSM, trading the bad pain for the good pain, the pain that is welcome and has purpose, a little fantasy of enjoying what the body can do rather than being trapped by what it cannot… Every time I get a comment there, I damn near cry. Or just openly cry. They mean so much. I know how much Abdirak can mean to us, and I am so glad I can reach you all.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
I…well… To be thought of at all is an honour. I’m shocked any time I encounter someone who has read my works, despite logically knowing I have a good number of readers from the numbers alone. I just…don’t look at those numbers often, it’s not good for me.
I’d like readers to know I care about them. Every last one. To know I would love to tell all the stories they want to read, and that I fully welcome their messages, comments, and even friendship when we share social spaces. There’s something special about the connections we can make in unexpected places, and I’m just delighted to be here sharing stories with you all.
I don’t need high respect, endless adoration, or some kind of pedestal. I’m a human, unfortunately – squishy and fallible and flawed and suffering and there is still beauty and worth to me even when I don’t see it myself. Just saying that last part louder for everyone else who has loud negative thoughts of themselves. It’s ok for you to see my flaws, and it’s ok for us all to have love for one another despite those flaws. Love in the platonic sense, of course – there are levels of connections we make with people from a distant echo of a brief exchange of words to the direct warmth of a friendship. It’s as important to not underestimate the value as it is important to not overestimate our closeness to people we don’t truly know.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I am beginning to believe it is the wild ideas I have for crackship pairings and turning them into something serious and meaningful. I love taking an unlikely coupling then finding what makes them actually genuinely work.
I’m also getting quite confident in sensual writing as well as kink, in the particular style that I have for it. I know well that it isn’t to everyone’s tastes, but those who do enjoy my style and method will always have something in the buffet of fic to fill their plate.
I really hope to transfer this to my original work when I get it finished, as I feel like just maybe I might have a niche of style that isn’t as often seen in published works. Then again, I’m not exactly devouring raunchy original fiction so perhaps I’m entirely mistaken and would get ripped to shreds by critics of the genre. Who knows? But I will try to get published when it’s done. I hope a few of you might even read it someday.
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
Ahh definitely both. I have written characters and pairings I’m not personally into that much, though sometimes (Yurgir) I have found myself enjoying the character after writing with them. It’s a fun little quirk, I start writing something thinking “am I into this?” and realise later “oops new kink acquired” or “ahh ok I see why people like [character] so much now.”
I do really love writing requests or rare pairings/characters that readers haven’t seen before or are excited to see more of. I hope to keep doing a mix of that and the characters/pairings that I love most myself. If there’s something you’d like to see, I’m more than happy to take suggestions – there are a few kinks, characters, and tropes that I have a hard “nope” line on (not kink shaming, just personal comfort levels – I love that you can enjoy those things elsewhere I am just not the chef to cook that dish for you) but otherwise I love wild ideas and writing something that someone explicitly wants to read~
How do you feel about your own writing?
I really struggle with this one, but I think many of us do. I go from feeling confident that people enjoy what I’ve written and that I have this skill to bring worlds and characters to life with mere words on a page, yet other times? I will freely admit some works of mine take longer because I just hit this point where I just cannot tell if it’s any good. I know intellectually that I have the same style, tropes, stories, kinks that people like and enjoy, but as I’m sat there staring at it I’m questioning everything because I’m just not feeling it.
That seems pretty natural, I think, that we are the worst critics of our own works because we’ve read them so many times or thought far too hard about every word and line… But I tend to solve this with an external view. Beta Readers have saved works from near extinction by checking it over, telling me what does need fixing, and reminding me that actually the rest of it is just fine I’m simply overthinking it all because my mind is struggling with something else like fatigue or pain or just a low kind of day.
So… Overall, writing has been a new life for me. Particularly in this last year, trying something new – expanding into NSFW fanfic has found me countless new connections, friends, experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise and a real feeling of accomplishment and validation that just wasn’t happening in WIPs that were taking too long and getting no feedback at all.
Writing isn’t just something I do, it’s inextricably a part of who I am, and in its own way it continues to shape exactly what “who I am” can mean.
And I am grateful to every single one of you who has shared this journey with me so far. I cannot wait to see how far we can go together~
