Wiþ þe morning larks did þey rise in spite, if not in force. As a viper sliþers from it's den did þey emerge from þeir places of respite into þeir wider little world to take point as a wall of morality against þat which would invade þeir reality, þat which was alien. Þey believed þe words of þeir leader, were stalwart in þeir defense of self, & knew þat, if þey were to defend þeir home from total ruin, þat þey must push back against þat which þreatened þem.
"Some kind of noise last night. First time in a while."
Þe lad who stood vigil last night, an orphan boy þe townsfolk called Jameson, spoke plainly & quickly to þe first amongst þe defending party, a woman of sizeable stature he knew well, as þey all did.
"Someþin' like a þump upon þe floor. þen Mille yelling. A lot."
"I don't know why she cares for þat þing yet. You don't þink she's gone daffy as þe rest of 'em, do ya?"
Þe woman who only now approached þe gaþering spoke þrough a crone nose, & from underneaþ a ragged stained bonnet. Jameson knew of her too, þough not quite as well.
Þe young lad continued.
"Þere was someþing else too. Like a… growl, almost. Like some kinda beastly somesuch."
Þe townsfolk gasped nearly in unison, before devolving into þeir own petty whatnots on issues already discussed.
"Þere can be no doubt þen. Þat þing is a demon, & we must cleanse it." Spoke þe man in þe tanned jacket.
"By our own hands, if must." Nodded þe woman in þe wide-brimmed hat.
"I've got my iron loaded. Let's take to it!" Cooted þe elder, toward þe back.
Þe woman of sizable stature spoke not, however. Þere was simply no sense in wasting her breaþ on someþing she knew to be since þis new trial had begun: þat evil had come to þem, & þat all good folk must stand against it. While þose behind her tried feverishly to prove over one-anoþer þe strengþ of þeir devotion to þe collective ideal, she simply stood, understanding þe simple truþ of her place in þis bout as given to her by ÞEM: Hers was þe charge of þese people around her, & she would protect þem, even while þe corruption of þe spirit turned þem against þemselves.
And þen, as þey behind her turned to one anoþer to discuss þe politics of þe hour, she & she alone, in her singular focus, glimpsed þe beast itself.
An article I did for a streetwear apparel magazine. I’ll post a link to the magazine and article once it’s published.
VandalThreads, from deadlift attire to grassroots streetwear - the up and coming brand you’ll want to get behind.
Started in Peterborough by a photographer whose goal it was to make fashion with a purpose. Whether that’s shining a spotlight on the importance of mental health with their ‘smile’ drop, or the brands close ties with the FitFam world to make affordable, gym quality clothing able to endure every PB they see you through.
Liam Hall, the CEO of VandalThreads is at the helm of the company and designs his own work from a love of street wear fashion and a passion to bring meaning to his work. One of the biggest recent drops being the ‘Smile’ drop in which 50% of all proceeds went to the mental health charity ‘MIND’. Personally, I think this move so early on in a company’s timeline is a selfless and courageous move in showing the streetwear world what they’re all about and a hope to blaze a trail in the community to talk more, listen more and support more.
Their most recent drop is the ‘ThreadsXShake’ collab. A creator collaboration drop between VandalThreads and ShanRockShake, a content creator and streamer, from which the ‘ALMA MUERTA’ tee design has been a particular favourite, and I can see why. The design is beautiful, and the quality is evident.
VandalThreads produces a variety of avenues for street fashion, small businesses and creators alike to be seen in their drops. Aside from their main drops, the most recent being the ‘SMILE’ drop, they have the creator drops and the small business collabs. Through their creator collab drops they involve other creatives, people with the same vision for affordable, eco-friendly, fashion forward styles that means style does not have to be compromised for sustainability. They let their creators and influencers have a hand in their own personal deign for the collab and a chance to make it their own so that it is a true marriage between creator and brand with some big creative ideas, producing some really beautiful ideas and garments for both fans of the brand and creators while creating more fans on both sides and exponentially growing VandalThreads popularity, but what’s so impressive about VT is that they bring all of their partners and collaborators along with them for the ride with their unwavering loyalty to small creators. VT don’t stop there though, they also strive to do collaborative drops with other small businesses, sharing ideas, going through the creative process together producing some of the best garments in the small business market to date, while always sticking to their closely held values of affordability, sustainability and top quality. And with material partners such as Adidas and Champion, you know they’re putting their money where their mouth is.
Another thing to note about VT is their already huge range of products. They’re not just pedalling out the same old tank tops and hoodies, only pandering to the activewear market to turn over a quick profit; they have tees, tote-bags, long-sleeves, face-coverings, drinkware, accessories, teddy bears, organic products, stickers, workwear, water bottles and even baby apparel, everything for all genders. You are guaranteed to find something you’ll love and want to buy everything to match.
Following the current trends is something that comes with ease for VT while still having the touch to design something that you’ll want to wear season after season and never feel like it’s outdated. From bucket hats to varsity tees, this is street fashion to last. The only thing we can hope falls out of fashion from VandalThreads soon is its face masks.
As the brand grows, I hope to see more variety in their styles and branching out on their genres of grassroots streetwear as they continue their growth from being an active wear brand into also reaching their potential to be a dominating streetwear apparel brand. Those of us who follow street wear fashion know that brand new on-street styles are consistently appearing first in South Korea and my favourite has to be the emergence and rising popularity of tech-wear since it reached Europe. Urban apparel that uses high-quality fabrics, and technical detailing to create a product that can stand up to the elements and although brands like The North Face and Patagonia have been making high-quality technical wear for years, the emergence of the new-alt tech wear from Korea has more intricate detailing and takes a turn away from 2010s workwear style technical wear like Dickies and beautifully remixes this with the grunge and goth styles of the 90s with straps, belts, chains and super high detail and quality.
Of course, this is just my prediction for where urban wear apparel is heading as these styles have been rapidly picking up popularity in the last few years and are being perfected on the streets of Glasgow and London and if I could see VandalThreads following this trend I could see them on the level with the likes of brands such as Maniere de voir, producing looks that can truly be worn well beyond the season. I feel like this is a great natural progression for VandalThreads.
VandalThreads are still on their journey of finding themselves and I firmly believe that they will explode onto the streetwear scene with a firm, established identity and they have definitely had a strong start.
If there’s one thing the coronavirus pandemic proved to us all, it’s that small businesses need us more than ever and are the ones worth our support as they give the most to the causes we care about and provide us with the things that we love. I, for one, have every faith that the values of this small business are right in its heart and will remain so for the long haul, continuing to support the causes around them that they care about the most as they grow, which they certainly will. VandalThreads are putting the heart back into grassroots streetwear apparel and I can’t wait to see them grow and see them emerge as one of the brighter lights in the fashion world post-pandemic.
Support a small business today. Eco - friendly, affordable, fashionable health and streetwear apparel; VandalThreads is the clothing brand you’ll be desperate to meet.
Interracial couple representation in pop culture isn’t as progressive as we think — The Undefeated
In June 2013, Cheerios aired its usual family-friendly commercial where a cherub-faced little girl approaches her mother in the kitchen and
This article has a nice "hook" in its first paragraph to get readers' attention by connecting to something they're likely to recognize, and it asks its "question at issue" clearly in the beginning. Though it breaks up the introduction into multiple paragraphs, differently than what we do in our academic writing, it is still a useful example "in the wild" of what we talk about in class.
Examples of our writing can be found at our mains, @slytherin1318 (Mod Jess) or @fairylightsandthings (Mod Bee). We also have sideblogs that we’ve written things on, @mysticsitcom (Mod Jess, MM OCs) or @tableforonechaoscrew (Mod Bee, their OCs)
The first line of your story is important. It is an opportunity to hook your audience and set the tone for the rest of the story.
It is not necessary that your first line accomplish this, of course. Most readers don’t decide whether to keep reading based on the first line alone. You shouldn’t stress about it. At the same time, it’s something you need to think about.
Often, a good first line will introduce a mystery or reveal something interesting about a character. This is a set-up to entice the reader.
There are some great first lines below the cut for examples:
“There is no lake at Camp Green Lake.” Holes, Louis Sachar
This is an excellent first sentence because it offers a mystery for the reader to solve: why is it called Camp Green Lake if there’s no lake?
(Holes is a wonderfully written book. I would recommend it to anyone as a writing tutorial, an entertaining read, a look at the prison industrial complex, or a good adaptation into movie format. It’s great.)
“Now I have to start lying.” Split, Swati Avasthi
Like the first example, this line offers a mystery to the reader. It also gives indication of character--for whatever reason, our narrator is a liar. We want to know why.
(This is also a good book. CW for violence, intense domestic abuse, and difficult relationships in general. If you aren’t triggered by these things, I recommend it.)
“They promised me nine years of safety but only gave me three.” Such a Pretty Girl, Laura Wiess
Again with the mystery, but this line also sets the tone for the rest of the book. You get a sense that the narrator is in immediate danger, and she is. It is an anxious sentence.
(This book is unsettling in a lot of ways. CW for graphic sexual abuse of minors, incestuous rape, violence, grooming, and emotional abuse. I can’t recommend it, as it has an ableist story line, much of the graphic content feels teased for shock value, and several elements did not add up. However, it has an excellent first sentence and the MC is memorable and well-written, if no other character is. Read at your own risk.)
“I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ.” Dark Places, Gillian Flynn
This sentence gives you indication of character and it sets the tone for the rest of the book. If you enjoy stories about monstrous people, this is a sentence that would probably hook you.
(This is a well-written book. The characters felt real and human to me, especially Patty Day. CW for graphic violence, death, alcoholism, grief, drug use, satanic panic, animal cruelty, underage sexual situations, emetophobia, and difficult relationships. I recommend this book, but only if you have a strong stomach.)
--
As you can see, first lines are a great tool for enticing your readers. However, they are not necessary. Of the fifteen or so books I looked at for first sentences, these are the only ones with great first sentences. The ones that did not have good first sentences had good first paragraphs or good first pages instead.
The point is: if a great first sentence works well for your story, use it. It will increase your readership. But if you can’t think of one or it doesn’t work, that’s totally fine. Make your first page great. Hook them with your opening scene. Most readers do not abandon books because the first sentence isn’t spectacular. And if they do, are they the kind of readers you want, anyway?
so i see a lot of people in the writeblr community talking about struggling with dialogue or hating their dialogue or avoiding writing dialogue, so i wanted to make this post with some of the suggestions that have helped me in improving my own dialogue! with the help of examples from my first finished “””novel””” (from like 11 years ago)and my current wip first draft for comparison!
i cant believe im exposing myself for this
Let’s begin!
1. make sure your dialogue is moving the plot! This could be revealing character details, major plot point, expanding the world, etc. Avoid small-talk and conversations that don’t aid your plot at all. Even if it might happen in real life, it can mess with the flow of the story and completely halt the plot/bore your reader.
compare:
“So umm, what’s your major?” he asked
“Umm, Biochemistry. What’s your major.” I said truly curious now.
“Chemistry.” He said. “What about your friends.”
“Well Bailey is into genetics and wants to be a geneticist. Amy is into music so she wants to be a world-famous clarinet player. Anita is in drama and wants to be on Broadway.”
“Aah what would you like to do with your life after college?”
“Oh, I want to be well a biochemist just like my major hehe.” I said a little embarrassed for not being very creative. (””hehe”” release me from this hell)
what does this add to the plot? what is this knowledge giving to the reader to enhance their enjoyment of the story? (nothing)
this type of conversation would totally happen in college, that’s true! but this is a fantasy novel about evil witches and demons and vampires and shit (i know im sorry), this is completely unrelated to the plot.
with:
“It was pretty hard to find you since you didn’t give me your name at the bank,” he said. Micah blinked slowly, trying to understand when he was dropped into an alternate dimension. Maybe he was dreaming.
“You…were trying to find me? Why?”
“I wanted to talk to you,” Julian said casually, acting like the answer was obvious. Micah frowned, reaching up to wipe at his cheeks again and move his hair away from his eyes to give himself a moment to think.
“I have a, uh, phone?” he asked, unsure what, exactly, Julian was there in person to achieve. Julian just laughed, patting Micah on his shoulder and strolling past him to look at the target poster Micah had been using and whistled.
“You’re quite the shot,” he said. Micah shrugged, moving his arms across his chest like they could offer some kind of protection from Julian’s praise. He felt a little faint.
“I’m alright.”
“Just ‘alright’? You’re probably one of the best shots in the country and you think that’s just ‘alright’?” Julian asked, looking between the neat cluster of bullet holes at the center of the target paper and Micah’s face. Micah shrugged again, his shoulders appearing to be the only part of him that wasn’t frozen. “I’d be interested to see what you’d call a good shot, then,” Julian mumbled as his eyes gravitated to Micah’s gun sitting on the small worktop at the front of the shooting stall.
this gives us a few things: we now know that micah is not confident with his skills even when they are praised, and that he is suspicious/wary of the ‘status quo’ being thrown off (i.e. by his hero showing up to talk to him). we also learn that julian is sure of himself and willing to praise others easily.
NOTE: keep in mind that you can make small-talk plot relevant, maybe your characters are using code, or are implicating more than they seem! Or you want to highlight how boring a conversation is??
ALL of the advice in this post is general/subjective, and there will always be exceptions to every suggestion in writing! Write the best dialogue for YOUR story!
ok the rest is under the cut this got long (but i think it’s worth it)
2. give your characters distinct voices! Give your characters verbal habits or traits that make them identifiable to readers. This will help with distinguishing character voice, as well as making your characters feel more realistic!
compare:
“I wonder how long he has liked you.”
“I don’t know but with that display, you never know.”
“Your right!”
“I know!”
“You don’t have to be such a know-it-all! Just kidding!”
“Isn’t he just so dreamy.” She sighed.
“Tony, yes. Brian is not my type.”
“Well, he is my type.”
“No dip!” I giggled.
“Well at least you have a boyfriend!”
“True, but you will soon!”
“Whatever.”
they sound exactly the same, and it makes it hard to follow who is speaking without dialogue tags (“no dip” get a stretcher)
with:
“You know Fractus,” Micah said, trying to break the silence he had grown used to escaping around Kai. They huffed a soft laugh in response, turning to look over their shoulder and shrug.
“Only through my aunt. She ‘n Fractus were…ah…good friends, you could say,” Kai said with a little smirk that made Micah think they were only telling him part of the story, but he let it pass.
“So…she lives here? Your, uh, aunt?”
“Nah, she’s in Pria, she was just here for a little while on a…political errand a few years back,” Kai said, their shoulders relaxing and their pace slowing slightly.
“Oh, so she’s a government official.”
Kai laughed, full-bellied and ringing like a chiming bell.
“Sure, sharpshooter, somethin’ like that.”
both kai and micah have distinct verbal habits here (like pausing, or shortening words, the use of nicknames, etc) that make them distinguishable even without dialogue tags
micah has never and will never say ‘nah’ in his life, but kai would and does, regularly. they each have voices that a reader can recognize almost immediately
NOTE: your characters will not always speak with verbal habits in every line of dialogue (nor should they!) but over the course of the novel, there should be general traits/habits that distinguish your characters’ dialogue/voices from each other
3. don’t use dialogue to over-explain something/use conversation to reveal information! dialogue is a GREAT way to reveal information to your readers, and can be more engaging than straight prose, but it must be done well, and it must be done in a way that flows well. (i.e. through conversation, not just like a plot dump in one piece of dialogue)
you could alternatively call this advice show don’t tell: the dialogue edition.
compare:
“Okay so I was just walking by and there was this girl across the street I thought wow she is cute, then she suddenly burst into flames and ran off I was a little scared myself. It was like she could read my mind I thought only Tony and you could do that, so then I came here and now I’m telling you guys the story.” Explained Matt.
let’s face it, this is a mess. this is, essentially, just prose inside quotes. It tries to cram too much information into one person’s dialogue, and it would be much better delivered through a conversation.
NOTE: if you have things like this early drafts THAT’S OKAY, because you can always go back and fix them/make them stronger/make them more engaging. no one is perfect, and no first draft is perfect and THAT IS OKAY. just remember that. IT IS OKAY.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: there can be characters who might ramble for long stretches of dialogue and produce vast amounts of information on something, but this information can still be broken up into smaller dialogue pieces with prose/action in between. In addition, try not to use a character like this for all exposition/explanations, it’s good to mix up where information/backstory/revelations come from and how.
with:
“What did they make you do?”
She sighed, as if she had been expecting and dreading this.
“We were still in the middle of numerous wars and conflicts, Jules. It wasn’t really about ‘making me’ do anything. It was just…what had to be done.”
“Magiom, Z,” Julian sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the building behind him. “So, what now? You show up again with a different name and a different occupation and just…live a new life? Were you even going to tell us?”
Zelia remained quiet, looking away and shrugging one shoulder. Julian frowned. “I heard from my contact in the station that you don’t have a Variance. Imagine my surprise.”
“You don’t understand,” she said, still looking away.
“Then explain it to me,” Julian insisted.
this is a bit stronger, we learn that zelia is not who she ‘says’ she is and that julian knows who she actually is. we also now know that zelia has said she doesn’t have a variance(superpower), but julian has knowledge to the contrary.
plus! we know now that they know each other well enough to use nicknames, without needing to outright explain these things.
an additional note here is that less is more in dialogue. some things don’t need to be said, they can be inferred (your readers are smart! you don’t have to coddle them/tell them everything outright) or information can be given over time, and not all in one sitting. mystery is a good thing!
4. know your character’s voices, and know what they would and would not say! Having a solid idea of your characters’ voices will make it easier for you to write them, and for you to use words that your character would actually say.
(i know we already did character voice, but this tends to be a separate issue. you can have a distinct character voice and still do this sometimes)
compare:
“You sadistic killer!” Emma screamed.
“I was being facetious, geez!”
now, clearly, ‘facetious’ and ‘geez’ should never be said together it’s also clear, from the way this character usually talks, that she would not use the word ‘facetious’ at all, she would more likely say something like ‘sarcastic’ or ‘i was kidding!’ and having words like this can be startling for readers if they get a feel for a character’s voice and it suddenly changes.
with:
“Nice. Callie Moreno. New tech is my jam,” she said, chest puffed out slightly in pride. Micah nodded.
“Um. Micah Rydz. It’s good to know you, Callie.”
“And yourself.”
this is a better show of character voice, callie is a laid back individual who would 100% say the word ‘jam’ while micah is a nervous, awkward person who uses formal/specific greetings from the country he and his parents are from when meeting literally anyone
i know from experience that using cool new words is fun and that it’s just exciting to put new words into your wip, but in dialogue it’s best to get in the mind of your oc and ask yourself if they would know this cool new word and if they would use it, if they know it.
i know that kind of blows, but it will help with character voice consistency! ((and you can always see if a different character might use it, too!))
((BONUS: an actual conversation i had with my editor recently:
her: did mina just say ‘lest’?
me: …yes?
her: no she didn’t. delete it))
5. don’t force your dialogue to carry the scene; movement, dialogue tags, and action are crucial! it’s okay to have tag-less dialogue, that can totally be a good pace for your novel!
but! action, tags, and movement can help keep a scene moving, so some dialogue with no tags/prose is totally fine! but an entire conversation should have some prose (even just tags) interspersed to keep the flow, keep the scene going, and to keep the reader from getting confused.
people move or fidget or make different facial expressions when they have long conversations, so try to keep that in mind when writing long dialogue scenes.
compare:
“Oh!” I said blushing “I kindda thought that I was just a bug on the windshield of your life. Hehe”
“Oh, well I guess not, so umm, how has your leg been?”
“Umm, okay I guess, for a bitten and crushed leg it’s good, umm did you realize that I liked you?”
“Well let’s think, you stared mindlessly at me during class, you can barely speak when I talk to you and you froze when I talked to you in the parking lot.”
“Yeah hehe, umm does Kyle Parker know about this mythical stuff?”
“Umm, well hehe yeah. He is a werewolf and his sister Kate Parker was a girl who was turned into a vampire he is on his way to SHIELD now.”
yes it was called shield i was a child im sorry this scene takes place in a car, but there are also other people in the car, and none of them speak, or ask questions or do anything, it’s like only the front seat exists. there’s no prose or tags (aside from the one tag at the top) or movement, it’s just dialogue, and that throws the scene off. (because that’s the entire scene right there)
ps ‘i thought i was just a bug on the windshield of your life’ has haunted me to this day and it’s in this “”novel”” t w i c e
with:
“Hey, sharpshooter! Didn’t think I’d be seein’ you again!” Kai said, approaching Micah from the other side of the street, their purple costume and mask nearly impossible to miss. “We really gotta stop meeting like this. You can just ask me out if you’re into me.”
Micah rolled his eyes, pulling his gun from its holster and stepping closer to the bank’s entrance, distrustful of the relative silence from inside.
“It’s not like I’m making them rob this bank.”
“You’re impossible.”
“And you’re distractible,” Micah shot back, watching as Kai pulled their white hair up into a high ponytail, their dark skin and freckles glowing in the sunlight. Micah glanced away quickly, but he still caught Kai’s smirk.
“Still, didn’t think I’d be seein’ you around for a while.”
“I am a registered Hero, you know.”
“You an’ me both, sharpshooter,” they said, cracking their knuckles and approaching the bank’s entrance, turning to walk backwards facing Micah, a bright, gleaming smile on their lips. “But last I heard, we’re Vigilantes. They can’t say anything on the news that ain’t true, y’know.”
With that, they turned and bolted through the doors of the bank.
this conversation is a bit better, it still flows, we gain information, but it still has movement to keep the scene grounded and help establish surroundings and keeps the flow going because like ‘hey look a bank robbery,’ but still shows some of the characters and their relationship with each other.
6. (more of a bonus bc this advice gets used a lot) but listen to the way people around you talk! go out and people watch, sit in a cafe and listen to the conversations around you, the way people interact and the way they talk!
people often cut themselves off, or interrupt each other, or say ‘um’ and ‘uh’ ((as you can see in my first story excerpts ‘umm’ can definitely be overused)) but in general, things like that can be good for making character dialogue more realistic.
If your character is young and you’re writing the story on Earth, you can use things like ‘like’ in sentences as place-holders instead of ‘um’ or whatever you want! you can make up slang for your space-teens if you want. have fun with language! writing should be fun, and dialogue is no exception!
you can even just try listening to/reflecting on the way you talk to your own friends/parents and see how your natural speech compares to your dialogue.
PHEW! we made it! i had more things but like this is already so long;; if people want a second one i’ll consider it, but yeah this is what i’ve got for you!
i also want to make it clear here at the end that there is nothing wrong with not being perfect at writing dialogue, i’m sure as hell not..
BUT you can ALWAYS improve and edit and make your writing better, and that’s GREAT!! No first draft is every going to be perfect (mine isn’t, even in these excerpts i have lots to work on), and that’s fine! that gives you an opportunity to change and adjust and make it better. You’re always on a journey to improve your writing, but these are just some things that have helped me to be happier with my own dialogue writing.
quick disclaimer here at the end that i am by no means perfect, nor do i claim to be. but i am relatively confident in my dialogue writing and i wanted to help people feel more confident in theirs as well! especially since i’ve seen so many posts about being unsure about dialogue recently.
((i also recommend going back and reading the first big thing you wrote and comparing it to your current wip, it’s surprisingly uplifting because like!! look how far you’ve come!! ))
i really really don’t want people to come away from this feeling down about their writing, i want people to see that you can improve, and you can get to where you want to be! just look at the difference 11 years has made for my own writing. we all start somewhere, and wherever that is for you is TOTALLY OKAY. you just have to keep going, and keep writing, and you will get to your goal. i know that you can do it! i believe in you!
i hope that this helps!!
tag list! @ravenpuffwriter @alinakerrin @tirashouldbewriting @pen-for-sword @ishanijasmin
