Week 14: WILD Wild Card Weekend
Woooo-weeee. Thank you, Charlie! Put on your finest bolo tie and hold on tight, it’s WILD Wild Card Weekend! The figurative personification of a van with its brakes cut, filled with barrels of gasoline, careening out of control.
But before we get to it, here are some high and low-lights of the season that was.
Despite going a putrid 1-7 over the final 8 weeks, your beloved commish somehow came ever so close to sliding into the 5-seed. 10 more points last week would have done it. Or, you know, not making a countless multitude of poor choices. Basically, I just wanted to tell you that I hate myself and my life. But hey, I’ve got a fantasy league for The Bachelor to look forward to, which is nice.
Rob, Goose, and Beave all reached milestones. Roberto and Goostipher posted the 2nd and 10th highest seasonal point totals ever, while Beavis diarrhea’d the 3rd lowest in league history. Congratulations all around.
And let’s compare my preseason predictions to what actually happened:
(Prediction/Actual)
Matt 9-4 1st/7-6 4th
Rick 8-5 2nd/5-8 7th
Roggen 8-5 3rd/4-9 10th
Paul 7-6 4th/5-8 9th
Sam 7-6 5th/5-8 8th
Dan 7-6 6th/6-7 5th
Scott 6-7 7th/9-4 2nd
Goose 6-7/10-3 1st
Beave and Rob 4-9 9th and 10th/6-7 6th; 8-5 3rd
I only correctly picked one playoff berth in a league where half the teams make it. Futility of that level is hard to accomplish. Like Jon Snow, I know nothing. BUT, but, I did nail something:
“Danny boy Watnick is the perpetual contender. He flips players like he’s shorting stocks. He’s shrewd. He’ll offer you a few real shit trades at some point that will insult your intelligence. I think he’s going to be the speed horse out of the gate, then fade as the season progresses, settling juuuuuuuuust outside the playoff picture. Eat shit, Dan.”
I mean, that’s pretty fucking spot-on. It all would have played out exactly like that, except none of our pathetic teams stepped up. Dan now becomes the third team to make the playoffs with a losing record. Congratulations, Dan.
TO THE LINE!
Dan at Matt -6.5
WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME! Where two men enter, but only one man leaves. Although, this battle is less clash of the titans and more Clash of the Idiots.
Matt’s got a lot of nice matchups for his guys, starting with Crabtree on Thursday night going against the 32nd-ranked secondary. But don’t write Dan off. In spite of his team being a total mound of shit, ANYTHING can and will happen during WILD Wild Card Weekend. Plus, anyone with a double-dip in their arsenal always has a chance of blowing up.
I think it’s going to be a real close call and, based on my preseason predictions, have no idea what’s gonna happen this weekend.
But one thing I do know for sure- for one of these two, dying time’s here...
