Happy Nie Huaisang month! The ao3 collection is now open and will stay open through June 1. It is not required that you post to the collection. But please tag your posts with #allsangbingo. I can't wait so see what everyone makes!
ever since the very brief nhs/jzx in worst engagement, i’ve realized i really like that combination, so... sangxuan, any setting, with “I like watching you. When you laugh, when you smile, when you’re passionately engaged in something you enjoy.” please?
warning for internalised biphobia and homophobia :)
Jin Zixuan isn’t a cut-sleeve because he likes girls, thanks. Sure he doesn’t like his fiancée (she’s plain, she’s boring, her brothers are the most annoying people in the world) but he does like other girls and politely looks at them from a safe distance (because if he got anywhere near a girl who isn’t his fiancée, his mother would have his head). He knows that because of the difficult state of his engagement, and his open disdain for Jiang Yanli, some people like to joke that maybe it’s all girls Jin Zixuan dislikes, but that’s just plain wrong.
Jin Zixuan isn’t a cut-sleeve. He looks at girls.
So it doesn’t matter if he looks at boys too.
It’s just that he isn’t blind. He can tell that the Twin Jades are, indeed, so impossibly handsome that he can’t mind they’re ranked higher than him. And Jiang Cheng might be an annoying brat, but he has very fetching eyes so his place at number five is well deserved.
Wei Wuxian being number four is an aberration, but some people just don’t have taste.
The point being, looking at other boys doesn’t mean anything. Everyone does it. Jin Zixuan has noticed the faint trace of admiration in Lan Wangji’s eyes when Wei Wuxian’s around (again, some people have no taste) and the way Wei Wuxian openly checks out Lan Wangji… and these two don’t even like each other.
And then there’s Nie Huaisang, Grand Purveyor of Porn, who obviously isn’t a cut-sleeve since he has so many prints and books about men and women enthusiastically doing things to each other, and yet is always play-flirting with other boys.
Nie Huaisang who somehow didn’t make it on that stupid list (possibly because he managed to fail his studies twice already), thus proving again that there’s no accounting for taste because he is so pretty he should be number one.
Nie Huaisang who can befriend anyone, and is on first name basis with a staggering number of Lan juniors, including both of the Twin Jades.
Nie Huaisang who needs to cheat on every single test they’re taking because he can’t memorise a single lesson, but knows entire poetry books by heart and can make near perfect copies of any painting.
Nie Huaisang with his lips so red they look painted, his easy smiles that he generously shares, his eyes always shining with mischief, his delicate hands, the beautiful curve of his neck.
Jin Zixuan might think about Nie Huaisang a little more than he ought to, especially since Nie Huaisang has recently taken a shine to him and won’t leave him alone. It’s probably just because Wei Wuxian was kicked out because of Jin Zixuan, and now Nie Huaisang wants to have someone, anyone, to hang out with (Jiang Cheng is surprisingly studious when he’s alone, Nie Huaisang has complained, and so makes for a poor companion).
It’s fine though. Jin Zixuan likes girls, so he’s not a cut-sleeve, it’s fine that he looks so much at Nie Huaisang, that he can’t get enough of his laugh, that his entire body is burning when Nie Huaisang casually touches him.
Nie Huaisang is a very tactile person.
It’s fine, it’s normal for boys to be grabbing each other’s wrists, or throwing an arm over a friend’s shoulders, or even laying their head on a friend’s lap while studying. It’s normal because Nie Huaisang, who isn’t a cut-sleeve, does it all the time to Jin Zixuan, also not a cut-sleeve.
It’s fine.
It’s normal.
It’s just a friendly thing.
And so today, as Jin Zixuan is sitting on his bed to study, Nie Huaisang laying down with his head on his lap and openly trying to distract him from studying, the two of them completely alone, Jin Zixuan doesn’t harbour any dangerous thoughts.
He doesn’t want to touch Nie Huaisang’s hair to find out if it’s as smooth as it looks.
He doesn’t admire the lighter specks in his friend’s eyes, like stars on an inky sky.
He doesn’t at all, ever, not even for one second, wonder how soft Nie Huaisang’s lips are, what it would feel to kiss them.
Jin Zixuan does allow himself to think that it might be the only way to get Nie Huaisang to shut up thought. It makes him chuckle, which disrupts Nie Huaisang. The other boy glares at him and pouts, as if Jin Zixuan needed the encouragement to be looking at his lips.
“Well, share the joke then?” Nie Huaisang demands.
“It’s nothing,” Jin Zixuan retorts, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Stop bothering me, I’m studying.”
Nie Huaisang looks up at him, his pretty pout turning into a dangerous smile, the one he has when he’s about to make himself particularly annoying.
“No you’re not. You’ve been on the same page the whole time. Are you distracted, Jin-xiong? Is there something on your mind? You can tell me about anything, you know. We’re friends.”
They are friends, even if Jin Zixuan didn’t really have a choice in the matter.
They are friends and friends don’t think like that about each other’s lips.
“There’s nothing,” Jin Zixuan snaps. “Just let me study.”
“Boring,” Nie Huaisang replies. “Ah, I’m really bored, I’ll probably fall asleep like this. You don’t mind if I nap on you, right?”
“You’ll fail your next test again,” Jin Zixuan grumbles, trying not to feel anything at the idea of Nie Huaisang falling asleep on him. It has happened before. It was heaven. It was a torture. “You really need to step up or you’ll fail this year as well.”
“No, I’ve decided I won’t fail,” Nie Huaisang announces, laughing lightly. “It was fun at first to come here again and again. But now I’ve made friends, and I want to be able to go visit them. Can’t do that if I’m stuck in the Cloud Recesses another year. This time, I’ll pass.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It is if you know how. And I have motivation now, so it’ll be fine.”
Of course Nie Huaisang has motivation. He got along so well with Wei Wuxian, and he gets along with Jiang Cheng also, for all that he complains about him being too serious. He probably has a standing invitation to Lotus Piers already.
Jin Zixuan wishes he could extend an invitation of his own, but he knows better than to do that without his father’s approval, and he knows his father and Nie Mingjue have a… tense relationship, to say the least. Jin Guangshan has always been a little too quick to find excuses for Wen Ruohan’s attitude toward other sects, which may or may not be because there’s so much money to be made from trade between their territories.
Jin Zixuan doubts he’ll get to see Nie Huaisang much after their time in the Cloud Recesses is over.
It’s fine.
Everything is fine.
Jin Zixuan tries to go back to his book. Maybe skillfully passing exams is a thing Nie Huaisang can turn on and off at will, but he’s not so lucky so he needs to focus.
“Hey, Jin-xiong?”
“What now?”
Jin Zixuan’s tone must have been too dry. Nie Huaisang’s eyes widen in surprise, and he pouts again. It’s unfair how pretty he is.
Jin Zixuan isn’t a cut-sleeve, but he’s sure no girl in the world could ever be half as pretty as Nie Huaisang.
“You’re really in a bad mood today!” Nie Huaisang remarks, sitting up.
The ghost of his warmth remains on Jin Zixuan’s legs.
It is a normal thing to note. It doesn’t mean anything.
Nie Huaisang gives him an oddly calculating look though, and Jin Zixuan feels panic rising in his chest, slowly choking him. He knows Nie Huaisang can’t read his mind, can’t see what’s inside his head, least of all when he’s so careful to not even let himself think these things, but if he guesses somehow, if he realises, if he becomes disgusted…
“Jin-xiong, do you dislike me?” Nie Huaisang asks in a weak voice.
“Why would I dislike you?” Jin Zixuan gasps.
Nie Huaisang shrugs, and gathers his knees against his chest, all curled up on himself. It makes Jin Zixuan want to hug him until he stops feeling whatever he’s feeling.
“You didn’t even want to be friends in the first place,” Nie Huaisang mumbles, hiding his face against his knees. He sounds like he might cry. “I had to force you, and you were always complaining, and… and you’re still complaining about it sometimes, even if you put up with it most of the time. Is it… is it really just that? Are you just putting up with me?”
“That’s not it,” Jin Zixuan protests, stunned to hear and see Nie Huaisang in such a state of doubt. He’s usually so confident in himself, wearing even his failure as badges of honour, always the first one to laugh that he’s bad at studying, that he’s been called annoying by a number of people, that he’s the worst cultivator of their generation.
“It’s okay if you don’t like me,” Nie Huaisang insists with a sigh so heartfelt that it nearly takes Jin Zixuan’s breath away. “I’ll stop pestering you from now on.”
“I like it when you pester me!” Jin Zixuan exclaims, which startles Nie Huaisang enough that he raises his head from his knees. His eyes are shining, as if he might really have been on the brink of tears, and the idea does something to Jin Zixuan. Mostly, it seems to fry his brain. “I like when we spend time together,” he continues, even when his every instinct tells him to stop. “I like that you’re the only person who teases me. I like that you want to be around me, and I like being around you as well. And I like… I like watching you. When you laugh, when you smile, when you’re passionately engaged in something you enjoy. I just… I like you a lot, Nie-xiong, so stop worrying about that.”
It’s too much. Nie Huaisang stares at him with eyes so wide they look like marbles, his face colouring quickly in a way it never does, no matter what shameless thing he’s discussing.
It’s too much but it’s true.
“Jin-xiong,” Nie Huaisang breathes, a little awed. “That’s…”
“It’s normal for friends to like each other,” Jin Zixuan hurriedly cuts him, scrambling to save himself. “It’s not like either of us are cut-sleeves, anyway, so it’s fine. We both like girls anyway, so…”
“I mean, I like boys as well,” Nie Huaisang says slowly, his eyes turning calculating again.
Jin Zixuan’s body goes cold.
It never occurred to him that it was possible to like both. It’s not really something that is discussed at home, except to say that cut-sleeves are a plague on their bloodline who disrespect their ancestors by not having children. His father has strong opinions on the matter. His mother too, actually. It’s the one thing on which they can agree.
It’s always been one or the other, in Jin Zixuan’s mind. And since he definitely likes girls, then he’d figured he was safe, he was normal.
He might not be safe.
He’s certainly not normal, not with the way his heart beats so fast when Nie Huaisang smiles again.
“I don’t just like boys in general,” he says, kneeling, scooting closer. Too close. “I like you a lot, Jin-xiong.”
Nie Huaisang leans forward, just a little. Jin Zixuan wants to run away. He stays right where he is, trying not to look at his friend’s lips.
He fails as that.
“As a friend?” Jin Zixuan asks, breathlessly.
“As a friend,” Nie Huaisang agrees. “But not only. Jin-xiong, I like you so much. I also look at you all the time, you know.”
He continues leaning forward, until Jin Zixuan can feel his breath against his lips. He closes his eyes, because if he can see what’s happening, then it’ll be too much, too real.
Nie Huaisang hovers there a moment, as if trying to give him a chance to put a stop to this.
Jin Zixuan doesn’t want it to stop.
He nearly sobs in relief when Nie Huaisang presses their mouth together, gently, just a little hesitant.
Nie Huaisang’s lips are soft but firm, and they are warm and fit perfectly against Jin Zixuan’s, as if they were meant to be like this.
“Is this okay?” Nie Huaisang asks when, all too soon, he pulls away. “Jin-xiong… Zixuan, it’s okay, right?”
It’s not.
Jin Zixuan’s father is going to kill him for this, or kick him out, or at the very least he will demand that Jin Zixuan act normal again and ask that he marry a girl and have children, as is normal, as is right.
It’s wrong to be kissing Nie Huaisang.
It’d be worse still to not be kissing him, now that Jin Zixuan knows what that’s like.
So instead of answering, Jin Zixuan blindly reaches out toward Nie Huaisang, locking his arms around the other boy’s neck to pull him closer and kiss him again.
On the eve of his wedding, Jīn Guāngyáo's sworn brothers seek him out for celebration. When they find him reeling from Madame Qín's revelation, a terrible confession - and a plea for help - emerges instead.
Began as a one-shot and morphed into a behemoth of angst and (maybe) no one dying.
And so, SangYu Week has come to a close.
We had a blast on twitter, and I also saw a lot of cute content on here.
Feel free to check out our SangYu Week moment on twitter, and stay tuned for our very own AO3 collection.
Didn’t get to submit in time? Doesn’t matter! We will check the tags all year long, and also, we have a SangYu summer event coming to keep everyone fed during the coming months.
Thanks to everyone, from those who planned and are planning with us to the lurkers <3<3<3<3
On the eve of his wedding, Jīn Guāngyáo's sworn brothers seek him out for celebration. When they find him reeling from Madame Qín's revelation, a terrible confession - and a plea for help - emerges instead.
Began as a one-shot and morphed into a behemoth of angst and (maybe) no one dying.
