Sep 28, 2020
you’re all I need (the air I breathe)
Masterlist
prologue
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
you’re all I need (the air I breathe)
Masterlist
prologue
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
Lover is You Are In Love but it's about Taylor
© 자꾸만주헌 | Do not edit
Was looking through older art and wanted to draw this character again. Mara is basically a drow aristocrat. She is married to a harpy girl named Eirio that I also like a lot.
You’re all I need (the air I breathe)
Prologue - in which Niall and Stella meet and she is (for once) grateful to be locked out of her room with nowhere to go.
join the taglist
The love-at-first-sight, falling-too-fast, uni au that will make your heart ache (in a good way)
Stella couldn’t have predicted the way she felt standing in Louis’s doorway, her book bag on her back, desperate for a place to stay. Except she was there, eyes meeting blue eyes for the first time since she stepped onto her university campus.
”I locked myself out of my room,” Stella explained, eyes drifting away from his. It’s possible it was too much to hold his gaze. “And I can’t get ahold of my roommate.”
“Louis is at Zayn’s,” Niall told her, kicking the door open wider with his socked foot. “But you can hang out if you want.”
“I don’t want to impose,” Stella refused, shaking her head.
“It wouldn’t be an imposition,” he insisted, lips curling into a smile. “Honestly. It wouldn’t.”
Stella allowed herself to step inside of their room. She’d been there a million times but somehow the room was different with the lack of Louis and the abundance of his roommate.
“I’m Niall, by the way,” he said, closing the door behind her. “And you’re Stella, right?”
“Yeah,” Stella nodded, dropping her bag on the floor beside the futon. She let her eyes glance up to the tv, the paused game on the screen.
“Lou talks about you all the time,” Niall told her, sitting down on the futon.
Stella let her eyes wander, taking in the way he looked in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He had no business being so attractive while doing absolutely nothing. Stella snapped herself out of it, sitting down beside him. “He talks about you all the time too. Was beginning to think I had some competition.”
Niall chuckled, shaking his head, “no competition here.”
Stella watched him, trying not to think too much about the way he was watching her. The glint in his eyes like he knew something she didn’t.
“You play FIFA?” Niall asked after a second.
“No.”
“You wanna watch me play FIFA?”
“Sure,” Stella mumbled, her cheeks flushed. She was suddenly aware of how intently she was watching him.
Niall’s eyes drifted back to the TV when Stella relaxed against the futon. “So you’re from Doncaster, too? Went to secondary with Louis? And Veda?”
“Yeah,” Stella nodded. “We grew up together.”
“What was that like?”
“Boring,” Stella chuckled. “Incredibly boring, actually. Louis made it fun, though.”
“I can only imagine,” Niall smiled. “The trouble he gets into.”
“Oh yeah,” Stella murmured, a warm feeling in her stomach at the memories she had with Louis. She couldn’t have imagined spending all those days with anyone else.
“I’m from London,” Niall told her. “Well, correction, I’m from mullingar Ireland. I moved to London with my mam when I was thirteen.”
“How posh,” Stella teased.
“It was a little posh,” Niall chuckled, nodding. “As you can imagine, I was just dying to get out of there.”
“I can only imagine,” Stella murmured.
“Any siblings?” Niall asked.
“One,” Stella nodded. “A brother. His name is Ludovic. Ludo for short. He’s much older than me. Like 28 or something I can’t keep track.”
“Nice,” Niall commented. “You guys close?”
“Kind of,” Stella shrugged. “I mean, he bought me alcohol when I was 16. He didn’t tell my mum when he caught Louis and I smoking in the backyard. If that’s close, then sure.”
Niall chuckled, nodding, “I’d say that’s close.”
“You have siblings?”
“One,” he nodded. “Greg. He’s 25. We didn’t get along when we were young, don’t really get along now.”
“Sorry,” Stella murmured.
“It’s whatever,” Niall shrugged, sparing her a glance. He smiled. And Stella was hooked.
Maybe there was a reason Louis didn’t introduce them sooner, because they were missing pieces of each other. They were everything the other had been looking for.
That’s what Stella had been thinking about when the door opened. For some reason Stella felt like she was caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. Like staring at the side of Niall’s face was a crime, she’s committed over and over since she walked in.
“Hey...” Louis trailed off. “Stel, I didn’t know you were here.”
“I locked myself out of my room,” she told him, sitting up. “Have you heard from Veda?”
“Yeah we just got back from Zayn’s. Her phone died, I think. She should be back to your room by now,” Louis told her, toeing his shoes off. He squeezed himself between Niall and Stella, a video game controller in his hand. “Add me in, Nialler.”
Stella shifted beside Louis, feeling annoyed at him for bursting in. She rummaged around in her book bag until she pulled her phone out. She had a text from Veda letting her know that her phone died but she was back in the room.
“I’m gonna go,” Stella murmured, zipping her bag up.
“You didn’t wanna play?” Louis asked. “You kill at FIFA.”
Niall met Stella’s eyes and she laughed, shaking her head. “Have you been holding out on me?” Niall asked, almost incredulous.
“Aw come on, Stella,” Louis laughed, nodding toward her seat. “One game. We have another controller.”
“I have to go,” Stella shook her head. “I have an exam in the morning. Need to do a bit more studying.”
“Lame,” Louis muttered, shaking his head. “Always studying, this one. Quite boring.”
“Respectable was the word you meant to say,” she corrected him. “I talked to Joanna yesterday and she told me how wonderful I am and how she wished just a little bit of my good behavior would rub off on you.”
“Stop calling my mum,” Louis laughed.
“I wouldn’t have to if you’d call her yourself,” Stella retorted, standing up.
“I will,” Louis conceded, nodding. “Good luck on that exam.”
“Thanks,” Stella murmured. “And thanks Niall for letting me hang.”
“Anytime,” he nodded, holding her gaze for much longer than socially appropriate.
Stella left their room, feeling breathless and flushed to her toes. She shook the feeling as she took the stairs down to her floor. There was absolutely no way, Louis’s roommate should be making her feel that way.
When Veda got back to her room, Stella was overwhelmed with the feeling of needing to know everything about Niall. At least maybe everything that Veda had to say.
“You know Niall?” She asked as soon as she stepped in the door.
“Yeah,” Veda mumbled, sitting up from her spot in bed. “You met him?”
“I just hung out with him,” Stella clarified, eyebrows furrowed. “How didn’t I know he was that fit?”
“He is quite fit,” Stella agreed, nodding. “I heard he had like a girlfriend, though. Nadia. In London. That’s what Louis said, anyways.”
“That’s devastating,” Stella murmured, opening her bag. “I’d really like to kiss him.”
“You’re not a homewrecker, though.”
“Unfortunately,” Stella sighed, sitting down at her desk with her laptop. “Can you find out for sure if he has a girlfriend? We stared at each other. Like a lot.”
“He’s sweet,” Veda nodded. “We met like last week, I think. At Zayn’s.”
“Where was I?” Stella asked, affronted.
“Class,” Veda laughed. “It was Wednesday. Your evening class.”
“Well that’s just unfair,” Stella shook her head.
“I’ll tell Louis to invite him to game night,” Veda told her, laying back down. “Since you love him already.”
“I don’t love him,” Stella grunted, kicking her shoes off. “What do you know, anyways? New boyfriend every week.”
“Stella now you know I don’t date,” Veda laughed, already scrolling through her phone. “New flavor each week. Keeps things exciting.”
You’re all I need (the air I breathe)
eight - in which Stella is more than the rebound
join the taglist
love-at-first-sight, falling-too-fast, uni au that will make your heart ache (in a good way)
catch up here
Stella thought that a weekend away from Niall would have calmed her down. Instead, all of her feelings rushed back in earnest, watching him sit down at the dining hall across from her.
“Hey,” he said, a smile on his face. “You’re eating alone?
“No louis and Veda are...” she trailed off, looking over her shoulder. “They’re getting their food.”
“How was your weekend home?” Niall asked, shrugging his book bag off of his shoulders.
“Uh it was good,” she chuckled, rubbing her forehead.
Aside from the part where they got so high, Stella could have sworn she talked to god. And the throwing up part. And the waking up with the pounding headache, confusion, and immediate regret.
“That’s good,” Niall chuckled “you got high didn’t you.”
“Very,” Stella nodded, poking at the pasta on her plate. “Regretfully high. Maybe even devastatingly high.”
“Celebrated 19 the right way,” Niall mused.
Louis and Veda joined them just a few minutes later. Veda was grumbling about the food they were served and Louis was doing his very best to ignore her.
“How’s come we pay all this money and we can’t even get a decent meal,” Veda grumbled.
If Stella and her were alone, she’d press her until she said what was actually the matter. They weren’t, though, so she just watched her disgruntled behavior wordlessly hoping that no one would mention it.
No one did. Louis exchanged glances with Stella. Niall was oblivious, eating his food as if nothing was wrong. Stella wondered how he couldn’t tell, the way Veda was angrily eating her green beans. Or the way she scowled at him. Oblivious.
Stella wished she could be oblivious for a day. Instead she was hyper aware of every little thing. Every slight change of voice, eyebrow crinkle. She could notice it all.
And then Stella wondered if Niall could tell she was a bit off kilter since she’d gotten back from Doncaster. Niall did notice, though as they did homework later that night.
“Are ya alright?” Niall asked, a lilt to his voice that made Stella want to forget all of the weird feelings she was having.
“Yeah...” Stella trailed off, propping her knees up on the table. “Just tired, I think.”
“Okay,” Niall answered slowly. “You’d tell me if something happened at home, wouldn’t you?”
Stella’s instinct was to reassure him, so she did, sitting up. “Nothing happened at home,” she’d said, twirling her pen between her fingers in a way that would surely give her away.
“Are you sure because...” he trailed off. “It feels like you’re upset with me or something”
“I’m not upset with you,” Stella assured him, dropping her pen into her lap. She rubbed her forehead, sighing. “I just don’t know, Niall.”
“You don’t know what?” Niall asked, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at her.
“I just don’t know how you can get out of a three year relationship and already start kissing the first uni girl you see,” Stella rushed out, looking up at him.
“What do you mean?” Niall asked, eyebrows furrowing even more as he thought about what she’d just said.
“Isn’t there like a grieving process? Sadness or something,” she emphasized.
“There is,” Niall nodded. “There is a grieving process when you’ve lost something, but Stella,” he chuckled. “I didn’t lose anything.”
“You just feel absolutely nothing for Nadia?” Stella asked, eyebrows raising.
“I mean...” he trailed off, shrugging. “No I don’t feel anything. D-do you want me to feel something for her?”
“I mean no,” Stella shook her head. “But what does that say about you? How quickly you moved on.”
“I don’t know,” Niall shook his head. “I don’t care what it says about me either. Do you?”
“I don’t know,” Stella shrugged.
Niall ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a sigh, “Stella, don’t tell me you think you’re a rebound.”
“I don’t think that,” Stella argued petulantly. She sighed. “Maybe a little.”
“Rebounds are for people that don’t know who the fuck they are or what they want,” Niall answered her, shaking his head. “Is it so hard to believe that I actually really like you?”
Stella didn’t answer him. Instead she kept her eyes glued on the book in her lap. A page from Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. She’d reread it ten times and still couldn’t think about anything but the nagging feeling she had in her belly.
After a moment, Niall asked, “do you need reassurance?”
It was painful to ask for that, Stella thought, drawing her eyes up at him. She felt like she could cry. She really was tired, exhausted after the weekend she had, exhausted after spending that whole weekend thinking about Niall. She wished he was there with her, getting high with Louis and her, talking to her mother, meeting Ludo’s date. All of it she wished so desperately that he’d been there.
“Stella,” Niall murmured hand smoothing over her sweatpant clad thigh. “Y’know you actually have to talk to me.”
“I don’t know,” Stella finally mumbled, shaking her head.
“Is there anything you do know?” Niall asked, voice soft enough to make the knot in her throat slip away.
“I wish you came to Doncaster with us,” Stella murmured, winding her fingers into her t-shirt.
“I wish that too,” he admitted. “But there will be other opportunities.”
“Will there?” Stella urged, lifting her head to look at him.
“Yes,” Niall emphasized with a laugh. He pulled her jittery fingers from her shirt, sliding them into his. “Do you think something bad is gonna happen?”
“Maybe,” Stella mumbled, unable to find the same humor he’d found.
“Nothing bad will happen as long as I can help it,” Niall told her, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. “And sitting here worrying about it is wasting precious time.”
Stella gave him a look like it wasn’t the right thing to say. Niall rolled his eyes at her, sighing, “Stella, you have to read 200 pages by the morning. I’d say that’s precious time being wasted.”
“I don’t want to read this anymore,” Stella said, closing the book.
“Well what do you want to do?” Niall asked, eyeing her skeptically.
“I don’t know,” Stella answered, sounding frustrated.
“Look at me, would ya?” Niall asked, frustrated right back.
“Why?” She mumbled, eyes now glued on the cover of the book.
“I said look at me,” he repeated sternly, in a voice that made Stella look at him. Eyes wide and sorrowful in a way that only confusion could manage to do. “You have to cut this out.”
Stella gave him another look because that wasn’t the right thing to say either. Niall rolled his eyes at her, tilting her chin up, “I mean it. Cut it out. I didn’t do anything,” he urged, searching her eyes. “Everything you’re upset about is in your head. It’s not real.”
Stella wanted to argue that it was real, except for the first time since she’d seen Niall, she wanted to kiss him. Like really kiss him, the way he did on her birthday with tongue and teeth and hands that wandered.
“Say okay,” Niall commanded when she didn’t respond.
“Okay,” Stella said, eyelashes fluttering. “Are you going to kiss me?”
“If you want me to,” he answered, his hand sliding from her chin to the curve of her jaw until his fingers pressed against the hollow of her neck.
“I do,” Stella managed to get out.
Niall leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips. It was a moment of relief all over again. Stella’s eyes fell shut and she let out a sigh against his lips. The lingering kiss morphed into one of desperation as Niall pulled her closer.
The angle was awkward, a strain on her neck. Stella did the only thing she could think of. She all but pushed herself onto him, fingers curling into his t-shirt. At some point the motion set them off balance and the kiss ended just as Niall gripped her hips to save from falling off the futon.
“Easy,” Niall murmured, lips spreading into a smile.
Stella felt herself begin to smile as she straddled him properly. And that was the Stella he loved to see, shining eyes and flushed cheeks, “there she is,” Niall murmured, pushing his fingers through her hair. “Stel, I missed your smile. I haven’t seen it in days.”
It felt like she hadn’t smiled in days either, but there she was, cheeks beginning to ache. Niall’s hands slid over her bum, pulling her closer, impossibly so. He kissed her again, far too innocent for someone that had a hold of her so tightly. Niall had a way of getting Stella to take the lead. He’d give her the very least until she had no choice but to kiss him fervently, fingers tugging at his hair until he groaned against her lips.
Stella found herself to be a little too good at taking control of him. The desire pooled in her belly as they kissed until the ache between her legs became too much and she had to pull away, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, “easy,” she said as if this whole thing wasn’t her doing.
“I’m trying,” Niall breathed, fingers sliding under her shirt to press against her back. “Unfair when you pull my hair. I think you do it on purpose.”
Stella gave him a smile, her best innocent smile. Who would believe that of Stella? Probably only Niall. He was eager to keep that secret for her, though.
taglist: @niallsguitarsthings @exoticniall @jadore-lamer @nannav47 @coconutdawn @stayclose-holdsteady @my0nly-remedy
click here to be added to the taglist!
You’re all I need (the air I breathe)
One - in which Niall and Stella make a great team
join the taglist
The love-at-first-sight, falling-too-fast, uni au that will make your heart ache (in a good way)
catch up here
Stella followed Veda up the steps of Zayn’s flat, a bag of takeaway in her arms. Was Stella nervous for game night? Maybe. There was a rumor that Niall would come along.
When Veda opened the door, Stella’s breath caught in her throat. Veda gave her a look as they walked in as if to tell her to chill. Stella laughed, shaking her head.
“Stella Bella,” Louis declared, taking the bag from her. “And Veda.”
“Fuck off,” Veda muttered, handing him the bag she had. “We’ve been friends just as long and you still love Stella more than me.”
“Stella is actually nice,” Louis shot back. “And I was hoping she’d be on my team tonight because we’re playing Trivia Pursuit.”
“Right,” Stella laughed, shaking her head as she took her shoes off. “That makes more sense.”
“I was hoping Stella would be on my team,” Zayn announced, emerging from the living room. “I bought that wine you like.”
“Wow,” Stella grinned, eyebrows raising. “Keep the offers coming.”
“I’ll do you laundry for a month!” Veda exclaimed.
“Tempting,” Stella agreed. “I think you can do better than that.”
“Are we picking teams already?” A voice asked from behind her. Stella turned around, surprised that she hadn’t even heard the door open.
“We are,” Louis nodded. “Trying to make Stella decide who she wants. She’s an absolute genius.”
“Z offered her wine, I offered her laundry for a month,” Veda explained. “You have anything to offer?”
“Unfortunately, no,” Niall shook his head, eyes meeting Stella’s. “I am a history major, though.”
“Shit!” Louis exclaimed. “I forgot about that. Stella don’t do it. Please. Niall’s also a genius. Niall pick me, yeah?”
“I want Niall,” Stella decided, her lips spreading into a smile.
“That’s completely unfair,” Veda argued in a petulant way that made Stella shake her head.
It’s possible that it was unfair but as they all settled in various spots around the coffee table, Stella didn’t have it in her to care. Niall was beside her, dangerously close for someone that had a lover in London.
It wasn’t a surprise when Niall and Stella cleaned up. Question after question, until the rest of the lot called it quits on account of being unfair.
The Xbox was pulled out and then Stella had drifted away, sipping wine coolers on the balcony with Veda. It was a wonder they never got sick of each other.
“I texted Heather,” Veda told her, eyes on her phone. “She’s gonna bring Liam and Danielle over. Liven the place up.”
“Great,” Stella muttered.
“Again with this heather stuff?” Veda asked with a laugh.
“She doesn’t like me,” Stella laughed. “And it’s so obvious. Pretty sure she’s in love with you too.”
“It comes from a place of jealously,” Veda explained, sitting up. “Heather’s told me how jealous of you she is.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Veda shrugged, looking over to Stella. “You’re funny, beautiful and incredibly smart and kind. It makes sense if you really think about it.”
“So is Heather,” Stella argued. “And like I’m not jealous of her. I’ve tried to be friendly but she just gives me the cold shoulder. Ignores me.”
“I know,” Veda chuckled, nodding. “I can’t offer any advice. She just needs to get over herself.”
“Did you find out if Niall has a girlfriend?” Stella asked, effectively changing the subject.
Veda sighed, shaking her head, “I have no idea. His Instagram is practically ancient. Hasn’t posted anything in over a year. Louis didn’t know.”
“Fine,” Stella sighed. “I’ll just ask him.”
“The only logical way to solve this problem,” Veda agreed. She finished the last of her drink. “Want another?”
“Sure,” Stella nodded, watching her stand up. “Thanks.”
“Anything for you, Stella Bella,” Veda grinned, ruffling her hair.
Stella laughed, pushing her prodding fingers away. Veda went back in, sliding door slamming behind her. Stella couldn’t bring herself to move from her spot. The sun was setting but it was so warm for the beginning of September. Fall was coming soon, she could tell.
The door opened again a few minutes later and Stella was surprised to see Niall handing her a drink. He had his own beer in his hand when he sat down in the patio chair beside her.
“Thanks,” Stella smiled, looking over at him.
“We make a great team, you know,” Niall told her, holding her gaze.
“I agree,” Stella nodded, pulling her eyes from him and back to the setting sun. She wouldn’t think too much into that.
“Veda’s smoking,” he told her after a second.
“Figures,” Stella chuckled. She looked at Niall for a moment and asked, “can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” he nodded, meeting her eyes.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
Niall chuckled, scratching the back of his neck as he looked away, “that’s quite literally the million dollar question.”
“Sorry,” Stella murmured, watching the smile fade from his face. “I was just curious. You don’t have to tell me.”
After a long moment, he answered, “yes and no. It’s a bit complicated, t’be honest.”
“Gotcha,” Stella nodded, feeling a twinge in her stomach at that.
“We’re like on a break, I guess,” Niall shrugged. “Dunno. It was my idea. Just...” he trailed off looking over to Stella. “I haven’t really talked to anyone about it.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Stella asked, eyebrows furrowing.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged again, looking away. “Maybe.”
“My longest relationship was on again off again for a year so I don’t know if I’d be of much help in regards to advice,” Stella told him with a chuckle. “But I’m all ears if you want to.”
“We’ve been together for three years,” he told her and that surprised Stella. Her eyes widened almost comically. Niall chuckled, “I know. A long time.”
“I can’t even imagine...” Stella trailed off, not willing to finish her thought. “Wow.”
“That’s exactly it,” Niall nodded. “I’m a completely different person than who I was when we started dating. And we’ve been though a lot but it feels like I’m at a different spot. Like-like I’ve grown faster than her.”
“That’s understandable,” Stella nodded.
“And it’s comfortable, I guess,” Niall shrugged. “Long distance isn’t ideal but I’m willing to do it.”
“What do you mean by comfortable?” Stella asked, eyebrows furrowing as she looked at him. “And you guess?”
Niall chuckled, shaking his head, “I don’t know. It’s- I don’t know if I can put it into words. The firsts are over and it feels like the spark isn’t there. Like there are things that I feel obligated to do or feel.”
“Like you’re obligated to love her?” Stella asked.
“Kind of,” he nodded.
“That sounds tough,” Stella murmured.
“I feel really guilty,” he admitted quietly. “I just find myself thinking about someone else instead of her.”
“Oh,” Stella mumbled, eyes darting over his face. “Maybe you should tell her. Your girlfriend not the... the other girl.”
“Just a tough conversation, yanno,” Niall shook his head. “We agree to talk over the holidays.”
“That’s a long time away,” Stella said, before she could help herself. “A lot could change.”
“A lot could change,” he agreed, looking up at her. “A lot’s already changed, though.”
“What does a break even mean?” Stella asked. “I’m sure you’d hate for a Ross and Rachel fiasco to happen.”
Niall laughed, nodding, “yeah I don’t really know what it means. We just don’t text all day, I guess. Don’t call each other. Some time away. At least, that’s what I take it as.”
“Shouldn’t you have clarified what a break means before you go on a break?” Stella asked, eyebrows raising.
“Shit, Stella, I don’t know,” Niall laughed, rubbing his forehead. “This isn’t exactly a situation I’ve been in before.”
“Well I haven’t been in it either,” Stella shrugged with a laugh. “I’m trying to be helpful.”
“You are being helpful,” he nodded. “More than you know.”
Stella felt her eyes drift back over to him. And she hated to be this person. The one adoring every feature on his face while he talks about his girl at home. It was devastating in one of the worst ways. And to know that someone else was on his mind. Doubly devastating.
Before Stella could tear her eyes away, the sliding glass door opened and Louis poked his head out, “Liam’s here. We’re gonna play FIFA. You in?”
“Yeah,” Niall nodded, looking over his shoulder at Louis. “I’ll be in.”
The door closed and Stella let out a breath, turning away from him. Niall cleared his throat, sitting up, “I’m gonna...”
“Yeah,” Stella nodded, giving him a smile.
“Thanks for your help,” Niall told her. “It means a lot, you know. I don’t know many people besides Louis, and you know he’s not too great in the advice department.”
“I know,” Stella chuckled, nodding.
“If you need any advice...” he stood up. “I’m your guy.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Stella nodded with a smile.
Stella watched Niall leave, wondering where she went wrong. She took a gulp of her drink, shaking her head. The door opened once more and she didn’t have to look over to know that it was Veda.
“What the fuck,” Veda laughed, almost breathless. “What happened.”
“He’s got a girlfriend,” Stella told her, head lulling to look at her. “Of three fucking years, V.”
“Shit,” she breathed out. “I’m sorry.”
“He asked me for advice,” Stella continued. “He doesn’t know if he really loves her. He’s apparently been thinking of someone else. Thinks he needs to tell her.”
“That’s just...” Veda trailed off. “I’m sorry.”
“Is there something tattooed on my forehead that says ‘I’m one of the guys’?” Stella asked, incredulously. “First Conner and now Niall. Honestly. This friendzone shit is too much.”
“Conner is not all guys,” Veda argued. “He was objectively an asshole douchebag idiot. Niall is no Conner. I can tell that much.”
“It’s the same thing!” Stella cried, beginning to feel the anger already. She wanted to punch something. She shook her head, “I think I’m gonna go back to the room.”
“Stel,” Veda murmured. “I don’t want to get your hopes up, but why do you think you’re not the person he’s thinking about?”
“Because,” she sighed, exasperated. “I don’t know.”
“It could be you,” Veda urged. “Who does Niall hang out with? Louis? And you?”
Niall said it himself, he didn’t know very many people in Manchester. The thought was ridiculous, though. That Niall couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was absurd.
“Veda don’t get my hopes up,” Stella snapped, looking away from her. “I think I’m gonna go back.”
“Let’s talk about this,” Veda groaned, leaning forward. “If you’re the person he can’t stop thinking about, hanging out with him will make it that much easier for him to break up with his girlfriend.”
“Easier!” Stella echoed with a dry laugh. “You don’t just end a three year long relationship because of the first uni girl you meet.”
“Stay,” Veda urged softly, a hand on her arm. “Have another drink. Kick Louis’s ass in FIFA and see how you feel then.”
The idea was tempting. Stella thought it over as she met Vedas eyes. She could convince her to do anything. Stella swore Veda had magic powers that could change her mind in an instant.
Stella gave in. She found herself on the sofa between Louis and Zayn, controller in hand. Louis was already defeated. Stella thought she psyched Louis out more than anything.
By the time she beat Louis, Heather, Danielle and Liam arrived. She was relieved and dreadful at the same time. Danielle was nice enough, and so was Liam. Heather didn’t even have to say anything and she was on edge.
Stella went to the kitchen, grabbing her third wine cooler of the night when Louis leaned on the counter beside her. “Ya alright?”
“I’m alright,” Stella nodded, meeting his eyes only for a second. She knew she’d give herself away.
“What is it?” Louis urged, straightening up. “Come on,” he nudged her. “Spill.”
“Nothing,” Stella shook her head. “Really.”
“Veda asked me if Niall had a girlfriend and I knew that she wasn’t interested in him which could only mean that you are,” Louis decided, voice quiet.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she whispered, looking up at him. “Please.”
“I just want to tell you that the other day when you left, he wouldn’t stop talking about you,” Louis told her. “Asked me a million and one questions.”
“Louis,” she warned, shaking her head. “I don’t want you to get my hopes up.”
“Okay,” he nodded. “I’m just saying, though. I’ve heard him talk about Nadia and it was nothing even remotely close to the way he talks about you.”
“Leaving now,” Stella decided, walking toward the living room.
Stella sat down on the floor beside Veda, hoping she didn’t look as grumpy as she felt. Veda gave her a reassuring pat on the knee and a bright smile.
Only when her eyes met Niall’s from across the room did her grumpiness begin to fade. That smile on his face was what she never wanted to get tired of seeing. The softness. It was too much. Stella had to look away.
But then Heather was on the couch beside him and they started talking and Stella felt like she couldn’t look anywhere else. Just eyes on Niall, watching his face. Watching the way he shifted away from her. The way she just didn’t get it.
“You’re staring,” Veda whispered, leaning toward Stella. “And he has a girlfriend, remember?”
“I’m not,” Stella whispered back but she was and she didn’t care that she was. She really wanted to be sitting where heather was. Stella felt the jealousy burn in her belly.
Despite the millions of conversations going on around her, Stella simply didn’t care. It took a while but finally, Niall caught her glance. He rolled his eyes at her and Stella had to smile. And then Niall smiled and she felt the jealously fade.
“What’s so funny?” Heather asked, eyes locked on Stella.
“Nothing,” Stella answered. “Just an inside joke.”
“Care to share?” She asked, a bite to her tone that made Stella’s eyebrows raise.
“Not particularly,” Stella answered, an equally as harsh bite. “Not with you, anyways.”
“Stel,” Veda mumbled quietly.
“She literally made it so awkward,” Stella expressed, exasperated. “Why do you constantly take her side?”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side I’m just...” Veda trailed off, eyes flicking between the two of them. “I don’t want it to be like this where you guys don’t get along.”
Stella shook her head, standing up, “I’m just gonna go.”
“Stella,” Veda sighed.
“I’m just beyond the point in my life where I need to put up with the Heathers of the world,” Stella said, setting her half drank bottle on the table.
“It’s not even that serious,” Heather laughed, looking around the room as if everyone would agree with her.
Stella had one shoe on and was working on the second one when Louis beat her to the door. “You’re not leaving by yourself,” he said.
“I am leaving by myself,” Stella retorted, slipping her other shoe on. She stood up, looking more defeated than she should have. “Let me go, please.”
“I’m going with you,” Veda said from behind her.
“I don’t want you to come with me,” Stella shook her head.
“I don’t care,” Veda shot back. “I’m coming anyways.”
Stella didn’t have it in her argue. She pushed the door open, stepping out into the hallway. Veda was two steps behind her, closing the door.
“Stella, why do you always think I won’t choose you?” Veda asked, voice soft as they got out onto to street.
Goosebumps rose on Stella’s skin as the cool air hit her. She shook her head, eyes glued to the cracks of the concrete, “I don’t know.”
“It’s been 8 years, of course I’m always going to be on your side,” Veda told her, arm slung over her shoulders.
You’re all I need (the air I breathe)
five - in which Stella and Niall go on dates
join the taglist
love-at-first-sight, falling-too-fast, uni au that will make your heart ache (in a good way)
catch up here
Stella found herself chewing on her nails as she waited for Niall outside the dormitory. He was five minutes late without a text. The anxiety began to pool inside of her belly.
Stella was nervous and anxious. She was nervous for the date, anxious because Niall was late. He was getting later by the second. Stella pulled her finger out of her mouth just long enough to call him, phone pressed against her ear.
“Fuck,” she muttered as it went to voicemail. She stood up from her seat on the bench, heading back inside.
What else could she do besides try to find him? She took the steps to his floor, breathless by the time she reached his door. She knocked and crossed her arms over her chest.
The door opened a few seconds later. Niall’s eyes widened when the realization hit him, “Stella,” he murmured.
“You forgot?” Stella asked.
“Something came up,” he told her, voice quiet. “Can we-“
“Niall?” A voice said from inside the room. “I came all this way and-“
Stella was convinced that she was blacked out, watching Niall’s mouth move. She couldn’t hear anything he was saying. Her mind was consumed by the idea that Nadia was here with Niall. She was the reason why Stella was stood up, why Niall had to cancel, why Niall forgot to cancel, why Stella had a broken heart on what was supposed to be the best night of her life.
“Stella,” Niall said, shaking her, two hands on her shoulders. “Did you hear me?”
“Who is that?” Stella asked, voice barely a whisper. “Is-is it Nadia.”
“Stel,” he murmured, eyebrows furrowing. “It’s complicated.”
“Complicated how?” She demanded, hands balling into fists by her side.
“I just is,” he urged, tugging at his hair. “Please, don’t overthink this. I’ll explain everything just-just- I can’t right now.”
“You can’t,” Stella laughed, dryly. “Because Nadia is here and she came all this way to see you and it’d be rude not to-“
“That’s not fair,” Niall sighed, lifting his head to look at her.
“What’s not fair is that you made this seem easy,” Stella told him, eyes stinging. “I was an idiot to believe you.”
Stella walked away from him, eyes welling with tears. She felt foolish, diving almost headfirst only to have the rug pulled out from under her.
Stella could only breath when she closed her door behind her, eyes slipping shut. Veda was at Zayn’s. She could feel this alone.
Stella changed into her pajamas, crawling into bed. When her head hit the pillow, she let out a sigh, rubbing her eyes. She’d let herself feel sad for a while.
But Stella knew Niall wouldn’t leave it like this. She knew in her bones that he’d be at her door, begging her to open up. It took only two hours and he was there, knocking on the door until Stella opened the door.
Stella hoped that she looked as miserable as she felt. She hoped that Niall felt guilty for it. “Stella,” he said, voice soft. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she told him, gripping the doorknob tight in her hand.
“That’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to talk to me. Can you at least listen to me?”
Stella let him him, finding her way back to bed before he’d even closed the door. Niall slid in beside her, back against the wall.
“Nadia was having some regrets,” he told her, not wasting a second to explain. “I guess whoever she’d moved on with wasn’t as solid as she’d thought it was. Wanted to go back to something familiar. I didn’t entertain the thought,” he murmured. “Sometimes I feel like we were supposed to meet. You fill in the spots that Nadia never could- that no one ever could. I’d be an idiot not to realize that.”
Stella didn’t say anything, silent beside him. She was chewing on her nails, eyes glued to the wall opposite of them.
“It was complicated because I didn’t want to just-just tell her to fuck off, you know? She came all the way from London to talk,” he explained. “I’m sorry if that hurt you, stel. You know the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.”
Stella felt herself forgiving him. She didn’t want to give in. She shook her head, eyes beginning to sting again. She couldn’t get over the thoughts of what it’d be like to not have him in the ways she wanted. That she almost lost him without even having him. It was the fear bubbling inside of her.
“Stella,” he mumbled. “I know you said you didn’t want to talk to me but-but I really wish you would. Tell me how you feel. Are you angry?”
“I’m not angry,” Stella whispered, digging her nails into her palm. “I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“There was this moment that I felt like I lost you,” Stella murmured, eyelashes fluttering. “It’s not easy sharing you with anyone. I can’t be just your friend. I wouldn’t have been able to if...” she trailed off, shaking her head.
“You think it’s easy sharing you?” Niall emphasized, shoulders bumping against hers. “Fuckin’ kills me, you know that?”
“How would I know if you’ve never said it?” Stella asked, voice entirely too soft.
“You’re right,” he nodded. “I’ll tell you more. First, I just need you to look at me.” Stella turned her head to look up at him. “Need to see those eyes.”
Their eyes met and Stella knew for sure that she’d never let him go. Niall reached toward, pushing the hair from her eyes, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry that this night happened.”
“Me too,” Stella agreed.
“I’ll make it up to you,” Niall told her, an unspoken promise.
Stella nodded, eyelashes fluttering at the feeling of his hand on her head, his fingers in her hair. Niall let out a sigh, shaking his head, “you know, you make it really hard not to kiss you.”
Stella chuckled, looking up at him. Niall’s hand drifted away from her face and she immediately felt the absence. “Don’t make plans for tomorrow,” he told her, sliding out of her bed. “We’re going on a date.”
//
Stella would admit, she was losing her mind. The most she’d gotten from Niall was a hand hold and some soft touches that only let Stella’s imagination run wild. Their dates had racked up to three- in official terms. Not counting the before times they’d spent together which were almost countless.
But Stella was losing her mind, watching Niall glide through life seemingly unbothered by the fact that he’s yet to kiss her, yet to even try. Stella watched him from the other side of the futon, beer in his hand, unbothered.
Stella wanted Niall to be bothered- she wanted him to be really bothered. Not miles of space between them, the unspoken words no where near being spoken. It just wasn’t working.
“Hey,” Stella said, tone a bit sharper than she’d meant.
“Hey,” Niall chuckled, eyes drifting from the tv to look at her.
“Are you ever gonna kiss me?” Stella asked, sounding a bit more desperate than she hoped.
“Um no,” Niall answered, eyebrows furrowed. “You kiss before marriage?”
Stella laughed despite her best efforts. She collapsed against the futon, letting out a loud groan. Niall laughed, pulling her toward him, “Stel, I thought we agreed that you’d get some patience?”
“I have been really patient,” Stella mumbled, one leg falling over his. “The most patient.”
“The consequences of kissing will be irreparable, you know,” he said, voice soft as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Once we go there, it’s no going back.”
Stella didn’t want to go back. “I don’t want to go back,” she whispered.
“If we kiss,” he said, “you’re going to fall in love with me and odds are, I’ll fall in love with you. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?”
Stella breathed out a laugh, looking up at him, “Niall it’s not that serious.”
“It is that serious,” he emphasized, laughing. “Don’t think that it isn’t. You just kiss every lad you meet, no thought into the matter?”
“I mean,” Stella laughed, thinking about the boys she’s kissed in her life. “Yeah.”
“Wow,” Niall shook his head. “That’s really- that’s- I’m speechless.”
“So you don’t want to kiss me?” Stella asked, looking up at him. Maybe she licked her lips, eyes flicking from his lips back to his eyes. “Not even a little?”
“I want to kiss you a lot,” he murmured, tilting her chin up. His thumb brushed over her bottom lip and Stella’s eyes slipped shut. “So much, that I think if I kissed you, I’d never be able to stop. I can’t go slow.”
Stella didn’t want to go slow. She let out a noise that could only be described as a whine, opening her eyes to look at him. Niall hummed, shaking his head, “stel, you never even give me a fuckin’ chance.”
A hand on her hip, the other tilting her chin up and Niall’s nose brushed against hers. Stella’s breath hitched in her throat. “But do you want to kiss me?” He asked, breath warm against her lips.
“Yes,” Stella murmured, eyes fluttering shut. It was too much, looking at him.
“Look at me,” he urged, and Stella opened her eyes back up. “Does it feel right to you?”
“Yes,” Stella whispered. Everything felt right with him.
The moment was shattered. The door opened and Louis came in. Niall dropped his hand, looking toward the door. Louis was on his phone, distracted. Stella slid her leg off of Niall’s reaching forward for her cup of wine.
“Hey,” Louis finally said, dropping his phone on his bed. “Did I interrupt?” He asked, looking between them.
“Uh no,” Niall chuckled. “What’s up?”
“Z’s having a party,” Louis told them, dropping his bag on the floor. “You guys gonna come?”
“Maybe,” Stella answered.
“I’m heading there now,” Louis told them, tugging his shirt over his head, grabbing a clean one from his closet. “Think Eleanor’s gonna be there.”
“Nice,” Niall commented, looking over at Stella. Stella couldn’t meet his eyes, though. She knew she’d blush, giving it all away.
“So,” Louis began. “Are you guys coming?”
“Uh,” Stella mumbled, rubbing her forehead. “I don’t know, L. I’ve had a migraine all day.”
“Niall?”
“I have a ton of homework to do in the morning,” he explained.
“Just say you’re gonna fuck,” Louis laughed, tugging his jacket on. “I’m not going to be offended.”
“We’re not going to fuck,” Stella argued. “I’m actually going to bed.”
Louis laughed, watching Niall’s face contort into one of confusion. “Whatever you guys say,” Louis shook his head. “I’m not coming back tonight. Do with that information what you will.”
“Louis we’re not fucking,” Stella groaned, covering her face with her hands. “Tell him we’re not.”
“We’re not,” Niall told him, giving Louis a wink.
Louis laughed, shaking his head, as he walked toward the door, “have fun, tonight, Stel.”
Stella was mildly embarrassed, looking at Niall with an annoyed expression on her face, “we have to go to the party now.”
“Why?” Niall laughed, sitting up to set his bottle on the table.
“Because now Louis thinks we’re having sex,” Stella groaned, pulling at her hair.
“Relax,” Niall chuckled. “He knows we’re not having sex.”
“We’re going to the party,” Stella told him, standing up. She finished the last of her wine, setting her cup down on the table. “I’ll meet you outside. I have to get ready.”
“This is ridiculous!” Niall exclaimed but Stella was already out the door.
Stella met him outside not ten minutes later. She changed from her sweatpants into a pair of jeans and sneakers. Niall put a pair of jeans on too. It was hardly a happy occasion for Stella. Her grumpiness couldn’t be masked.
“Kissing before marriage,” Stella muttered as they walked.
“It was a joke,” Niall mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Hilarious,” Stella breathed.
“You laughed,” Niall argued, amused. “Stella we better figure out this attitude of yours before we get to this party.”
“My attitude is because you won’t bloody kiss me,” Stella grunted, shaking her head.
“Well Stella,” Niall laughed, “I was going to but Louis walked in and then someone decided that we had to go to this stupid party so someone wouldn’t think that we’re shagging.”
“You don’t get to point fingers,” Stella argued, wrapping her arms around herself to keep the cold away.
“I would’ve been just as happy staying home, kissing you on that stupid futon all night but instead we have to party,” Niall argued back. “So I think I’m going to point fingers regardless.”
Stella shook her head, “I’m getting drunk tonight.”
“Think you’re already half way there, love,” Niall breathed out.
“We need some space,” Stella told him as Zayn’s flat came into view.
“Space,” niall laughed, shaking his head. “You are absolutely insane, Stella.”
Stella laughed, taking the steps up to the flat in twos. Niall was right behind her, following her into the warmth. Just as the door closed behind them, Niall grabbed her wrist, pulling her in. Stella wanted to fight him but their bodies collide and Stella lost her breath.
“Lighten up,” he murmured, nose brushing against hers. “I can’t kiss you when you’re this grumpy.”
Stella made the move, leaning up on her toes to press her lips against his. Niall pulled her in by the hip with one hand, and cradled her face with the other.
If Niall wasn’t holding onto her, Stella would have floated away. She all but moaned against his lips. Niall pushed her until her back hit the wall and his hand tangled into her hair, deepening the kiss until it was too much. Niall pulled away, breathing heavily as he licked his lips.
“All you had to do was kiss me,” Stella murmured, nudging his nose.
“Needy,” he murmured back, pressing another kiss to her lips, this one chaste.
And how could Stella walk into the party having knowing what it felt like to kiss Niall, knowing that she wanted to spend the entire night kissing him more and more and more until they couldn’t breathe.
Niall pulled away entirely, fingers skimming down the length of her jacket clad arm until he slid his hand into hers. “What was it you said about getting drunk?”
Suddenly there was nothing she wanted more than to be completely sober. She gave him a smile, shaking her head, “I forgot.”
Niall hummed at that, nodding, “try not to look like you just got snogged.”
Stella let out a groan, rubbing her cheek, “your fault. And you look like you were snogged too.”
“I’m Irish,” he refuted. “I always look like I’ve been snogged when it’s cold out.”
That was unfair, Stella decided, running her fingers through her hair where he tangled it. She smoothed her hair down with her free hand, “that’s as good as it’ll get.”
They took the steps up to Zayn’s flat. Stella felt herself hold her breath as he opened the door, hand falling from hers. She felt like she was moving in slow motion. “I’ll take your jacket,” Niall said in her ear and she unzipped it, letting him pull it from her.
Stella went to the kitchen, pouring herself a drink. Maybe she’d like to be a little drunk after all. The wine in her belly settled enough to make her keenly aware of everything going on around her.
“Stella Bella,” Veda sang, leaning on the counter. She had a smile on her face.
“Hey,” Stella chuckled, leaning against the counter.
“I haven’t seen you in hours, roomie. What’s been going on?” Veda asked.
“What did Louis tell you?” Stella asked, an annoyed expression on her face.
“That a certain someone was getting laid tonight. Is this not true?” Veda asked, eyebrows furrowing.
“No it’s not true,” Stella laughed, rubbing her forehead. “Niall and I are like friends, okay?”
“Friends that are dating,” Veda argued, straightening up. “Jeez do you guys need a nudge? I’ll get a game of seven minutes in heaven started for you.”
Stella laughed, shaking her head, “Veda please no.”
“Aw come on,” Veda teased. “It’ll be fun.”
“What would be fun?” Niall asked, coming up behind Stella. He reached around her, grabbing a beer off the counter.
“Seven minutes in heaven,” Veda told him before Stella could answer.
“Seven minutes in heaven,” Niall echoed, shaking his head. “It does sound like fun. I vote Louis and Eleanor first.”
“Unfortunately you two have already been voted in,” Veda told them, straightening up. “Let me get my timer ready.”
“Veda,” Stella warned.
“I’m kidding,” she cried, defensively. “Obviously you can have as long as you need in there.”
“Veda,” Stella groaned.
“Okay leaving,” she laughed, squeezing past them. “Sorry, Niall. Someone’s grumpy tonight.”
Stella took a sip of her drink, turning toward him. “Louis told Veda we were having sex tonight.”
Niall all but choked on his beer, covering his mouth with his hand as he coughed, “fuckin’ hell, Stella.”
“That’s why we had to come,” Stella emphasized. “Get it together.”
“You get it together,” Niall laughed, shoulders brushing against hers. “All you’ve talked about tonight is sex.”
“Other people have been talking about sex,” she clarified. “I needed to clear the air.”
“If you insist,” Niall murmured, looking down at her. “But we’re gonna have sex tonight?”
“No we’re not,” Stella told him, amused as she looked up at him.
“But we can play seven minutes in heaven?” He asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“As many minutes in heaven as you’d like,” Stella murmured, holding his gaze.
“Fuck me,” Niall breathed out, pulling away. “I’m removing myself from the situation out of respect for you,” he told her as he turned his back to her.
“Niall,” Stella laughed, watching him walk away.
“Not right now,” he called back, shaking his head.
For the entirety of the evening, Stella wandered between the living room and the kitchen, feeling restless. She sipped her drink, talking to zayn, and then Veda, and then Louis, and then Veda again until Niall found her with her jacket.
“Let’s go,” he said, handing it over.
“Oh you’re ready?” Stella asked, pulling her jacket on nonetheless. She was feeling light on her feet after her drink.
“Yes I’m ready,” Niall laughed, pulling his on. “You said an hour.”
“Alright alright,” Stella laughed, letting him guide her to the door.
They took the steps down and out to the dark Manchester street. Stella felt cold to her bones, looking up at him. “This night was really unnecessary, you know,” Niall said as they continued to walk back toward campus.
“It was,” Stella agreed.
“We could’ve stayed in and snogged,” Niall added.
“We could’ve,” Stella agreed, nodding. “But what’s the fun in that?”
“I’m sure there’s a little fun in that,” Niall chuckled.
Stella decided that there was more than a little fun in snogging- especially with Niall. The way his lips brought her to her knees was dizzying. Every time he kissed her, she felt dizzy, eyes closed, feeling every inch of him.
Fingers under her jumper, teasing at something that Stella would give him, no hesitation. Their lips moved together clumsily, Stella too anxious to relax, to give in and let him take over.
Niall was patient, keeping the pace slow when she wanted it fast. Her eagerness got the best of her. Niall came up for air, breathing in her exhales. Stella found the strength to open her eyes up to look at him.
“Stella,” he murmured, pushing his fingers through her hair. “Why does everyone call you Stella Bella.”
“My mum calls me Stella Bella,” she told him, voice barely a whisper. “Louis and Veda have called me it forever.”
“Bella means beautiful in Italian,” he whispered, nose nudging against hers. “It all makes sense.”
Stella kissed him again, soft and sweet. Niall pulled her impossibly closer, one hand pressed against the small of her back. This was where she wanted to stay forever.
taglist: @niallsguitarsthings @exoticniall @jadore-lamer @nannav47 @coconutdawn
click here to be added to the taglist!