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someone asked me not a long time ago, why i get upset if anyone kills a spider in my presence. here's my not very little answer. idk. thoughts,,

i like little things. tiny creatures that crawl around here and there. i think spiders are cute, and when i look at one, my brain goes to my childhood, where i was spending time watching cross orbweavers weave their webs every late evening. watching them do that was an escape for me. every summer i had a few spiders in our garden that i would name and check on them every night. what did they caught? did they eat? how is their web? did they molt? how are they doing? lifting rocks was always about finding something under them. going outside in the night with a flashlight was a whole adventure of "who will i see today in the grass" and realizing that after the sunset life is completely different. i was always afraid of the dark, and big pitch black sky with the stars kinda scared me as a child. so when i was overwhelmed by the space and the feeling of how small and meaningless and lost on a rock in an endless cosmos i am, i was looking under my feet with a flashlight to find something even smaller, closer, familiar and calming. seing tiny creatures was always about learning to understand, to be curious, and to be gentle. to understand that even if you don't mean to, you can hurt someone by accident, and they can get scared and bite back, so better be gentle to begin with. it was about learning to be kind. it was also learning about life and death since they live much shorter life. to appreciate a moment that can't last forever. seeing people around them was sometimes a lesson about hate, that was quite confusing to me. i didn't understand why would people just go to something small and smash it. later on in life, when i was bullied in school i didn't try to see a reason. lesson learned, i thought. people tend to hate when you somehow, in their mind, don't belong somewhere. but growing up loving small things was such a nice experience. i've seen a lot. i've learned a lot. i've held so many beautiful creatures in my hands. so yes, i get upset if people kill spiders, insects, crustaceans, worms etc when i'm around. i don't see it being necessary. and yes, there aren't many very poisonous things where i live. still, anywhere you are there are a few options if there's a spider on a wall. so yes, again, i love little things crawling around. during winter, with no little crawlies outside, the world is awfully dead and quiet to me. all little random house spiders are welcome to make their web somewhere in the corner of my room. if a spider is reading this - you are always welcome, i love u

#love letter to spiders and other crawlies around #barghest barks #there are so many thoughts but my brain is suddenly empy. apologies #also might be typos #i didn't read it after typing #yeaghh

#yeaghh #cultsim #cultist simulator #cultist simulator fandom #book of hours #weather factory

#yeaghh #atsushi nakajima #atsushi #bungou stray dogs #bsd #spilled soup

"Is what all an act?

You think that I'm merely pretending to be an idiot, but I'm secretly always in control of the situation. Is that what you think? Is that why things just keep magically working out for me?

Am I Flinch?

Seriously, Stinky, I'm asking you. Right here, right now, just you and I.

Am. I. Flinch?"