#year post

[studycutea]

2017 ⇒ 2018

FIRSTLY THANK YOU FOR 900 FOLLOWERS LMAO HOW DID- OKAY BACK TO THE POST 🎉🎊🍻

um hello where did the year go? seriously? We’ve somehow reached the end of the year and looking back, i’m genuinely surprised at how fast everything went and am confused about what i’ve done this whole year. 

Nevertheless, this year has been a year full of growth, enrichment and change and I also hope that you guys are able to sit down and take a moment to acknowledge your own achievements and revelations that you’ve discovered this year. 

life update(s) that i’m super proud about! i did this!

graduated high school! i stuck it out guys, i stuck it out. 

made it into a course that i never thought i’d make it into. 

received a top mark for one of my subjects! aAH? 

i’ve become more confident in my studies and it has motivated me to try and get into a double degree with law like tf how shy? how did u? do this? 

this is really weird but finally at age 17 i’ve gotten into the habit of making my bed every morning and now i don’t have to get hassled by mama anymore 

my teeth are no longer looking like a train smashed through them 

I DRINK SO MUCH MORE WATER NOW 

i’ve dabbled into music production and have 2 very noobish lo-fi tracks on my soundcloud (shameless plug clickclickclickclick, download even?)

i know how to do basic calligraphy now?! damn that took a while to learn. 

these are just some reasons on why my 2017 zoomed past. share yours! let everyone know what you’re proud of! 

2018 is going to be super strange. it’s going to be a year of many firsts and hopefully further growth and change. 

I hope to continue posting and sticking around whilst experiencing university for the first time. I don’t know what to expect but I guess that’s the thrilling part of it. But you guys can now expect more original posts (bullet journalling/notes/experiences/tips/weekly updates/challenges) and all that good stuff. 

I’M EXCITED FOR 2018. 

MAKE THIS YOUR YEAR. DO IT. 

BELIEVE AND ACHIEVE. WORK HARD. 

NO MORE EXCUSES. 

stay hydrated

[syviaplath]

2017

I learned to love my new home in salzburg and began to feel part of the uni community. I started to understand myself a bit more in many ways. I began to really love cooking and eat healthier and less meat. I read something I’ve written to an audience for the first time and felt incredibly proud. I managed not to self harm at all the whole year. I went to prague and london and lisbon and oh what amazing cities. I read a lot and sort of felt immersed in books again after a long time. I developed my own poetry quite a bit. I had my first boyfriend and my second heartbreak just two weeks ago but I learned so much from this and I knew it wasn’t going to last. I had sex for the first time. I saw lorde in concert and it was so magical. I read a fascinating biography about sylvia plath and began to fully understand some of her poems and I learned one of them by heart. I started to love the xx. I had my 18th birthday and I got so drunk I puked from alcohol for the first time. I became more independent and learned to take better care of myself. I did really well in uni and finished ancient greek with a grade I’m really proud of. I understood I can be a different person to new people I meet and I managed not to be forced into the social role that sticks to me for a long time too much. I began to embrace my bisexuality. I became the best in my logic class. I had a few really really bad days, too. I had a wonderful trip to garda lake with my two best friends. I voted in an election for the first time. I started to write poetry slam sort of poems. I managed to open up socially and became friends with a few people I met in 2016. I learned quite a lot fascinating things especially in analytical philosophy and epistemology. I started to listen to podcasts. I found my new favourite cafe. I befriended with my two flatmates. In many ways I became a new person and I’m glad I lived through all of this (and so much more).

[chiscurls]

I was thinking of how to describe 2018 since last month. And I still don’t know how to encapsulate the whole year in a single word. 2018 is life-changing, but the word’s too cliché. After much thought, I think 2018 is like this: After describing myself as the “fire hunter” for years now, the year sparked a flicker in me. This is a start of something.

Here’s a quick rundown of the highlights of my 2018:

Developed an interest in makeup – The reason I started buying makeup and practicing putting some on my face is because I find it a hassle to my “MUAs” during photo shoots, theater plays, etc. when I ask them to do my face. I still don’t know some basics (e.g. EYEBROWS, countour, various eyeshadow styles) but I’m more than willing to learn more this 2019. My fav discoveries for 2018 are Colourette Colourtint and Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink.

Two words: online shopping – Online shopping is SUPER convenient! COD is awesome! <3

Realized my love for cats!!!! – I met some awesome cats, namely Tomtom and Jerry. They’re so freaking cute and sweet. They always sleep on my lap. It’s too sad I can’t adopt Tomtom because of my family. *sighs* I swear, when I start living independently I will adopt cats!

Bleached and colored my hair more than once – I was scared of bleaching my hair before but I really wanted to try a loud color before graduation. I was still scared even as I was in the process itself because my boyfriend was the one doing it, not a professional. Fortunately, my hair turned out fine even after having it bleached twice. As for coloring, I used crepe paper thrice (lasted for 1-2 weeks) then bought a cheap purple dye. The dye didn’t show up on my hair so I opted to buy an Arctic Fox which is super worth it for the price (which says so much for a kuripot like me).

Met the LOML (charot! or not?) – I was in a really bad place in 2017; I made irreversible mistakes, felt intense emotions that did a lot of harm to me. It lasted until the first few months of 2018. During that lonely and dark time, I met Marloun. I wasn’t expecting anything, tbh. I just wanted someone. And now, after almost a year of knowing him, he is someone and more. I honestly do not know what I did to deserve him. He gave me comfort and love I never thought possible (AS IN). I am so grateful for this person.

Wrote a one-act play and my practicum manuscript – These two writing outputs are my best works because I gave my everything (in writing, I usually don’t). I sacrificed a lot for them (mostly my health) and I guess my sacrifices were worth it.

Finally #Sablay2019 – I can confidently say that my last three semesters in LB are my best. Learned lessons the hard way, gained experiences that will last me at least a decade, kept in touch with people who mattered. I am honestly glad I didn’t march for Sablay 2018.

Special mentions:

Tim Horton’s French Vanilla – This is the BEST “expensive” brewed coffee I tasted! I will put my name on it!

iKon – These cuties helped me whenever I felt stressed writing for my last sem. They are cool, funny, and raw. I love them so much. I love Exo but I love iKon more!

OMG Nail Lacquer – This P34.75 polish is good for its price. I bought the Bahama Blue shade and I love the result more than Caronia. Bobbie is good as well, but P10 more expensive.

2019? AJA!

[card-grammar-checker-ext-o]

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[highwaytosomewhere]

Two thousand and fourteen

 Vacation stopped feeling like a vacation when you go home just to visit people, smile and feel super proud of yourself for making the decision to leave.

2014 was depression and turning into a monster because of it. A zombie. Avoiding plans and sleeping eighteen hours a day. Finding my way to breathe through my first panic attack. Feeling uncomfortable. Standing up for myself. Getting worried about my weight again, as if I ever really stopped. Elle coming up and skating on the canal for half a minute before having to stop before it’s so fucking cold. Cold and lonely walks to Rideau, smoke’s, anywhere, really. Working a lot at 5:30am. The pump with Liz, Zak’s with Leanne. Getting too drunk. Stress from university. Wondering if I’m going to make it in my degree, if I’m actually worth something. Losing touch with everyone back home. Not caring in the least about it. Thinking I was okay, and then getting out of bed to realize that it’s not okay. Waking up and having to face those three scars on my left arm that still going to be there until the day that I die. Making 8 tracks playlists. Crying a lot. Spending too much goddamn time in the library, avoiding my apartment. Drinking too much coffee. Giving away too much coffee. Crying over money. Being guilt tripped for not being able to be better. Having to apologize for having depression. Playing a balancing act and failing. Going on a couple of dates and realizing that being single is the right thing for me right now, and coming to the realization that I can be alone and feel ok. Becoming my own person, my own worst enemy, and my own entertainment. Winning an argument with my psychiatrist. Staying up late to study with the glow of my MacBook’s screen reflecting in my glasses as I pick again at my scalp until it’s bleeding. Having to remedy it with wearing a beanie every single time I sit down to focus. Start taking Adderall and vyvanse and Ritalin and Dexedrine to help me stay focused. Not sure if any of it works. Compartmentalizing. Getting an A on that piracy essay that was worth half my grade that I poured my heart and soul into. Drinking on patios during happy hour after our last university exam ever. Having the apartment to myself for the summer. Canada day in the capital. Getting publicly wasted on Canada Day just to say we did it. Going home for my birthday and drinking too much. Forever getting left out of plans. Forever being ganged up on. Standing up for myself. Feeling hollow and empty. Traveling to Montreal for less than a day for warped tour. That selfie with Sean. “A pound of weed?!?!??” Mendez’s hugs. Sean’s hugs. The wave goodbye as they headed back to the buses. Crying during the last semester of university, so close to not making it into college. Ended up making it with a 0,03 overage. Working forty hours a week while going to school full time so I could afford Chicago. Going to Chicago. Exploring it with Kayla. Feeling the tears leak out of my eyes during Convocation and realizing that this, right here, is where I’m the happiest. Having Sean pick me out of the crowd. Trading coffee for Yellowcard merch. Hailing a cab for Bradley in Emarosa. Learning self-care. Unintentionally deciding after I came back from Chicago that I didn’t need my medication, and then stop taking it for three months. Realize I’m a wreck without them. Becoming close with my coworkers. Realize that staying in, smoking a bowl and watching a couple eps of a show with a friend is the ideal night. “Me” days. Attempting to learn self-care. Spending the New Year alone in my apartment. 2014, you can fuck off.

[highwaytosomewhere]

two thousand and twelve ringing in the new year with my friends, deciding to go to ottawa, cold harsh winter, too many rewatches of the vampire diaries, avoiding people, working so much at YHZ that i slept there one night, i actually live at that airport, snow, more snow, cold, worth it, i graduated high school, i fought holly off, i worked my ass off over the summer, i booked a plane ticket out of my tips, i became so much closer with my yc fam, i became so much closer to elle, i met kim, and nicole, for the first and not last time. i saw my favourite band, twice, in philadelphia, and new york. holly wood died, thanks to some truly wonderful people - nicole, mendez, and becky, thank you. so, so much. road trip to a couple beaches across the coast of this province before i left it, letters from far away, non je suis parle seulement en petit peu de francaise, living in the capital of the fucking country and not knowing enough french to say anything worthwhile, loving it anyway, taking a subway with new yellowcard friends at 2am in new york city because fuck this, this is what it feels like to be so, so happy you couldn't give a fucking shit, driving across a large part of this country, drove through maine just because, first legal drink in quebec, wing fu, tim's runs, purple corner crew, stupid things on free block. legit chinese food in ottawa's chinatown. realising how dangerous it is to get attached to television shows. damon and elena, sam and dean. sobbing over the realisation that there is never going to be another harry potter movie. trying to move on. getting ryan to write down 'let her go', meeting yellowcard, seeing yellowcard, twice, that entire weekend, i cannot go on about that weekend enough, traveling, connecting in montreal on the way home for the holidays with a boy who was interested enough in me to buy me coffee, but i didnt get his number. self-harm, thighs bleeding half an hour before i have to leave for the airport, scars too noticeable for my own liking. fading scars, holly's only a memory now. getting closer to yellowcard, to the point where they recognised me at shows. becoming that fan, and loving every fucking minute of it. yellowcard saving my life (thank you thank youthankyouthankyou), going hard in the motherfucking paint to rivertown with nicole, getting pushed up against the barricade during twy in philly because i totally forgot it was their hometown show, but i secretly loved it and mendez kept on looking at us making sure we were okay during, meeting becky, kim, amelia, kirsten, megan - oh, god, megan - i've known her for five years. nicole wiggled her way into my heart, and i love her. stupid 4am conversations with leanne over the stupidest fucking things, going to zak's after finals when i have to be at the airport in four hours because fuck it, finals are over, studying for finals, making it through finals, daniel pare and the back in black intro, laughing with leanne over everything in media, that cute guy in my business class, glimpses of faces that i'm never going to see again, trudeau airport, crossing the border with an expired passsport, belting along to the entirety of jesus of suburbia in the car with robynn on the way home from perks just because we could, sobbing uncontrollably to holly wood died more times than i could ever count, singing/screaming shamelessly along to the radio, realising that the majority of boys just want to use me, academically, sexually, or otherwise, skipping too many english discussion groups, drinking too much starbucks, watching too much supernatural, reading too much fanfiction, surfing the airport too much, skyping with maddie over vampire diaries because we can make it work, texting brittany to make me food, seeing my friends when i'm home for the holidays, yellowcard, ryan key, ryan mendez, sean mackin, strong for sean. two thousand and twelve, you were pretty okay.