it's actually incredibly important to me that s3 has two scenes where shauna insists on passing the knife to somebody else. i think that shauna serves as a scapegoat for a lot of the characters this season in both timelines, and so much of that is tied to her role as the butcher. it's a role where she's constantly doing the dirty work that nobody else can stomach, misty acknowledges that almost verbatim during ben's trial. and i think that shauna's response to this role is also difficult to stomach, in that she doesn't at any point allow herself any reprieve from the gruesome reality of what she's doing. when natalie kills ben, of course it hurts her to do it, and of course the others are mad, but she can rely on it being "the right thing to do." when lottie kills edwin, of course it's a product of her rapidly deteriorating mental state, of course the others are mad, but she can rely on it being "what it wanted." shauna allows herself none of these things. her rage, her grief, and her resentment are the only things she has. the reality of what it means to cut up the body of a friend is all she has. her resilience, the chip on her shoulder, and her stony exterior are how she survives. she is not a character unburdened by guilt, she's a character who believes guilt is a selfish thing to feel. (you know there was no 'it' right? it was just us.) we did horrible things in horrible ways, what use is there in pretending otherwise? what use is there in feeling guilty once it's done? and so it matters a great deal that when melissa tells shauna why she likes her, that list of things includes parts of who shauna has become since losing jackie, and her baby, and forcing herself to live and exist under the conditions of her (admittedly warped) sense of absolute reality. of course she hands melissa the knife. it's how THIS version of shauna can open up. shauna's love language has always involved mirroring and consumption and co-dependence and a blending of identities. it's how she loved jackie. it's how she goes on to love callie. be me for a second. see what it feels like. live with yourself after you do it. show me that i can do the same. and after natalie kills ben, and shauna takes her place as leader, she does it again. she passes natalie the knife, only this time as a form of punishment. because no matter how mean or violent shauna becomes, how comfortable with blood and guts she appears, that is ultimately how she views this role. it's a punishment. shauna's very existence, the life she's built 25 years later, is a form of punishment. but it's also incredibly significant to me that shauna's idea of punishment involves...forcing somebody to walk a mile in her shoes. be her for a second. see what it feels like. she can't talk about it, or cry about it, or pray about it, but she can do this.
