some people are so blind like—do we not understand that geralt /knows/ what he said to djinn? when he climbs out of yennefer’s window after six months of living together, can we not conceive of the reality that his self-loathing and the volatility of his mental health combined with the uncertainty of his genuine belief that it is possible that his wish—which she had no say in—is what is, somehow, tying them together? keeping her with him? when he is supposed to allow her to choose him even as he believes himself to be unworthy of her, he must also reconcile the fact that it is possible that she only chooses him because some inexplicable force which /he/ has tied them to is manipulating something, be it her or him or just chance, in order to influence that decision? can we not comprehend that he feels he was wronged her, as a traditional polish lit anti-fascist anti-hero character it is at his core that the freedom of the individual is a paramount value, the true thing he most believes, and he is not certain of whether or not he has robbed yennefer of that in some small but quintessential way?
i don’t think he fully believes that the djinn has locked them together inescapably—the idea of all-powerful magick is as absurd to him as an all-powerful god and his respect for yennefer’s power is enough to make him doubt whether a djinn could ever genuinely bind her for long—but even the whisper of the doubt is enough to activate his guilt complex, the fear and loathing he has for himself, more than enough to feed that impulse of thinking they would be better off apart. yes, he suffers without her, but suffering is what he does. it is natural to him. happiness is unnatural, unfamiliar, twisted somehow. he is not wrong in suspecting that when he does feel happiness it is in some way influenced by a reality that should not exist—because it never has before, not when it was not proven to him to have been wrong or false from its inception.
