#yollok

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: Which vampire did you attack?

Yollok (sorcerer): Number four. Oh shit, it should have been number one-

DM: It dissolves in a cloud of acid.

Yollok: Never mind!

[we-are-a-dragon]

The Pebble: I’ve grabbed the vampire. Can I throw him over the banister?

DM: Roll it.

Petyr (paladin): I’m going up the other staircase.

DM: Sneaking?

Petyr: Nah, I’m going Phantom of the Opera style.

The Pebble: He goes over!

Mercedes (monk): I pounce on him and pummel him!

Iah: I join in pummeling him.

DM: Yollok, are you doing anything during all this?

Mercedes: He’s pissing into a flowerpot with his back to the action.

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: You’re not a badger lord, but I still want you to make that Nature check.

Mercedes (monk): (small voice) I rolled two 1s.

DM: Really?

Mercedes: But there are no criticals on skill checks, phew.

DM: You were making an attack. An eagle soars in and starts attacking you. Take 7 damage.

Yollok (sorcerer): Mercedes, why are you this way?

Mercedes: I’m trying to figure out my race, play the game!

[we-are-a-dragon]

Yollok (sorcerer): Who’s in the cells when we get to the jail?

DM: Let’s see. A few depressed-looking dog cultists, grandpappy from the haunted house, and the lord who sent you to deal with the ghost goats.

Yollok: But are the vampires here?

DM: No. They were signed out two days ago by the captain.

Mercedes (monk): Ooooh!!! I’m not accusing anyone.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Rhi (playing Mercedes): I dare you to put hot sauce in your drink.

Andy (playing Yollok): No! Okay, yeah.

Rhi: How is it?

Andy: Exactly like it normally is, except also spicy.

Noelani (playing Mary): (sarcastic) Thank you for you dazzling water review.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Andy (playing Yollok): What do you keep singing?

Noelani (playing Mary): *weird look* It’s Lucky. By Britney?

Andy: Never heard it.

Noelani: You’ve never heard Lucky?

Andy: Nope.

Party: *breaks into harmonised rendition of Lucky*

Andy: Apparently I missed part of the 90s.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Yollok (sorcerer): What about the eagle that flew in to attack Mercedes last time?

DM: It’s still here, but I don’t want to hold up the other six players while Mercedes deals with it.

The Pebble: I don’t mind.

Rupeet: Yeah, I would happily watch that.

Yollok: We’ll wait.

Mercedes (monk): I feel so betrayed, guys.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Noelani (playing Mary): I want to climb up the wall. Do my extra limbs help?

DM: No.

Noelani: Well, am I sticky?

DM: No.

Noelani: Slimy?

DM: No.

Andy (playing Yollok): Lock out toddler.