Until death do you part
CHOOSE A WIFE
Esperanza Giordana Montparnasse: indistinctly of some Romance-language-speaking nationality; she plays the violin at every possible opportunity and brings it everywhere. She will never make eye contact with or directly address you or any other person. She speaks entirely in violin-based metaphors, and her idea of talking dirty is to describe how physically handsome various 19th century male violinists were. She is seven feet tall.
Madeleine Aballister-Shmacke: forever in fancy full-length dresses, with a faint wind constantly billowing her mocha-brown hair. She talks in a sultry, melodramatic Lauren Bacall voice, getting super intense and angry for no discernible reason whenever interior design comes up; devoid of political opinions. She insists that she was not Intended to have a day-job. Her eight-year-old son, Abacus, whose father died in a cheese-tasting accident, always wears a bow-tie, never speaks in your presence, and hugs you whenever he sees you, not letting go until you push or pry him off. Abacus grows up and goes to college and eventually gets a family of his own and dies, but his mannerisms as described never change. Upon reaching puberty he almost immediately shoots up to two feet taller and becomes intensely muscular- "roughly the size of a barge", one might say. His facial hair will only ever amount to a few rattish, pube-y wisps above the corners of his mouth. Madeleine will frequently caress his biceps and rhapsodize about how strong and prosperous he is, comparing him to various generals and kings.
Both wives are 38 years old, forever.
