Or the One where you pretend to be Engaged (Joe Mazzello x fem! reader oneshot)
Summary: You and Joe fake an engagement to get wedding cake samples
Word Count: 2895
Warnings: some mild swearing, I guess, but pretty mild. Cake and marriage. Kids are mentioned. Shenanigans.
A/N: Hello there @assembledherethevolunteers! I am your Secret Santa! And this was written in your honor for @yourlocalmusicalprostitute Possessed by Love celebration! I hope you enjoy it! Also shout out to actual goddess @joeneslee for helping me with ideas when I got writers block!
“Are you ready?” he asks eagerly.
“I don’t know…” you reply, shaking your head.
Both of you sit in the car parked outside of the cake store. It is a small building, painted pastel pink building with a white roof. There is a wide glass window that reads “Let them eat Cake!” in a heart slathered on with white paint. It looks like a Hallmark Valentines Card, but were you ready to enter that place? With Joe?
Joe has always been your friend, and most especially your baseball buddy. The stadium was your safe place with him, not anything flowery or romantic. Both of you would discuss everything under the sun until pipe organs blared out chords when the teams ran on the field. You were used to the ballpark, the sun beating down over the rim of your cap. The taste of hot dogs right on your mouth and both of you eating ice cream cones at the last stretch as bats cracked the balls louder than anything on earth.
“Hmmmm” he would say in a Fake Commenter voice, thick with a nasal accent “numbuh forty-three hit that ball and ooooo he’s going!”
“Uph! He missed it! The ball rolling!” you would throw in, watching the action.
“Ooooo! Too baaad so saaaad!” Joe would continue with the voice.
But even at the stadium, you couldn’t even eat a regular meal with him. He would make silly faces, gulp stuff down, or shove his arms in his shirt as if he was a velociraptor. How on earth would you last through a wedding cake tasting?
“This is a lot for just wanting some desert,” you commented.
“Yes, but it’s free dessert. And how long until we have to pay for every good thing, Y/N?” He argued, smiling fearlessly at the place.
“But, what…it might be wrong…” you advise.
“Ok, what’s the worst that can happen?”
Thinking through, you throw your hands in the air in exasperation.
“Food poisoning,” you say.
“In this kind of store? I doubt it,” he shrugs.
With a deep breath, you go “okay…I’m ready…”
Both of you get out your boxes and place the rings on your left ring finger, but still in the car, where no one can catch you. You said a little prayer for a bit of normalcy. As much as you were hoping for.
The entire store is painted pastel pink and white with flowers on each counter and white cupids all over the walls. Cutesy love songs play on throughout the speaker. As soon as you walk in, a perky young woman with pale skin and a brown ponytail walks up and cheerfully greets in a Disney Princess voice, “Is this the future Mr. and Mrs. Mazzello?!”
“Yes it is!” you say with an equally cheesy smile.
Joe leans down and hugs you from the side as you lightly kiss his cheekbone. When your hand goes up to hold his, you make sure the ring sparkles in the employee’s direction.
“Yes, and we’re thrilled!” he adds.
You pop your hand forward to show and she squeals on cue.
“Wonderful! Let’s get started then! When will your wedding be?” she asks. She pulls up an Ipad from the counter and begins to tap enthusiastically on it.
Joe answers perfectly, “Next April.”
“So a Spring wedding! Are we thinking florals then?” she asks, glancing up.
You nodded “yes…”
As she turned around to take more notes, Joe whips his head to you and says in his smoothest, Streep voice “Florals in Spring?”
“Groundbreaking!” you finished with a repressed laugh.
“A floral cake would look beautiful! Let me get our expert and our baker ready with the flavors today!” she explained.
Zipping around, she leads you into the next room that looks like a small café with plenty of wooden tables and chairs. Already you can smell the chocolate baking in the next room. Sitting you down, she serves you some water from a crystal pitcher and Joe insists he pours your cup.
She keeps grilling you about everything under the sun where you both had to come up with stuff and wound up with the most cliché, cheesy wedding you could think of. Anything that would turn someone away. Not get too much attention.
The girl looks dreamy-eyed at the details of wedding planning. Thinking of one of her own in her daydreams, perhaps. But once the baker- a short, pudgy man with dark hair and glasses with an apron, your breath hitches. Especially since he is already holding a few plates of cake samples.
You feel Joe’s arms wrap around you as he sets the plates down. One plate has a cake with icing, and one has fondant.
“Fondant or Buttercream?” the baker asks.
“Buttercream! Please! Fondant is disgusting!” you insist.
“I need a cake as sweet as my sweetie pie is,” Joe says in a disgustingly saccharine tone. You can’t help but smile.
“What about the design? Simple or ornate?” he asks.
He folds his arms and eyes you over his glasses. You grit your teeth. Both of you begin to say the opposite thing, then Joe blinks, his face is red. Looking over, your eyes widen, and you nod furiously.
“Uh, simple! Simple is better! I’d like something my nieces and nephews can eat!” he requests.
The baker shrugs and confirms. He walks away saying he will get the buttercream samples.
Joe turns to you and rubs his hands together happily.
“This is it, Y/N! Here we go!” he cheers.
The young woman and the baker pop in from the back. Their arms and hands are filled with cake samples of every color and flavor you can think of. Each one is cut into perfectly square pieces as if done by machines. There is a chocolate cake, a vanilla cake, a lemon cake, and a carrot cake. The woman settled her plate down, her white blouse stained with the pink icing, and then hurried back.
The baker handed you several disposable white plastic forks from his apron and pointed to the trash can next to your table.
“Okay, are you ready to dig in?” he asks you.
When you look his eyes are soft, his hair is a little scruffy, and his smile makes your cheeks feel hot.
“I’m ready!” you declare
Joe’s phone goes wild with buzzing as you stab your fork into a vanilla piece.
“Sweetie!” you say, almost through gritted teeth, worriedly looking at his pocket.
Joe turns to his phone and looks at it. Numerous notifications are asking what he was doing and how it was going from…of all places…the band group chats.
“Oh my gosh, they’re all talking,” Joe sighs. The fork goes in and he gets a generous bite of the chocolate sample. But there is so much it gets on his right pointer finger.
He huffs like a kindergartener. He sets his fork down with a bit of a scowl, then his thumb presses the button on his phone, and it goes into Speaker mode.
“Guys, I am just at my fiancé’s cake eating, okay?” he speaks into Siri and sends in an instant.
As he takes a second bite, his brown eyes go wide.
“Oh, my go…. This is incredible!” he exclaims with a mouth full of cake.
The first bite of your lemon sample is moist and yet dense. Sweet enough to perfection. You love it. Right as you plunge your fork into it again you hear Joe’s phone continually buzzing. When he finishes it, he wipes the icing from his finger on the napkin and pulls it up.
“Oh…uh…” Joe spoke, he bit his tongue looking at the line of notifications scrolling down.
It won’t stop buzzing. And the lights blinking you can’t help but notice as well. Peeking over his shoulder, the band is on fire asking about the engagement.
“Why don’t you turn it off, let’s be in the moment and enjoy this together!” you suggest, touching his forearm.
He nods promptly and turns it off, putting it in his pocket to deal with later. He then stuffs the vanilla whole inside his mouth. He chews, and nods, going “mmmmmmmm!” in approval
“Ohp! I got too much buttercream in mah mouth!” Joe cries. He sips his water, moving his jaw as if it was peanut butter.
“Need me to take care of it, sweetie?” you ask.
You heard the loud whirl of the mixer in the back and the bell right over the door ching with the entrance of another couple
“Anytime, babe.”
You lean over and kiss him, tasting the frosting. His lips are soft, and you can smell his shampoo too. He smiles and goes in for another one with more pressure, with a hand pressing your shoulder. You start giggling.
“Woah! Save some for the wedding night tiger!” you chirrup demurely, pushing him away.
“Anything for you, wifey,” he says, and the pink on his cheeks are impossible not to notice.
But when you look behind you in curiosity your heart picks up at the sight. Your college friend and her fiancée had just walked in.
“Y/N!” she half-screams, “oh my god, you’re engaged! Oh my god!”
She hurries over to you in a loud squuuuuueeeeee and tackles you into a hug. But you’re silent. Not sure what to do or how to react.
“Now we can BOTH have our big day! Ohmygod, I’m so happy for you! Let me see?” he begs.
She points a hand to your left hand and finds the old ring.
“Awwww, it’s beautiful!”
You and Joe share a look, unsure of what to do. His eyes go wide, and you could see a bit of frosting still on his face, getting whiter and whiter until it looked like the buttercream frosting on the plate.
“Ooooo, and who is hee?!” she asked, going over to inspect Joe.
Her fiancée is in the corner, hands in his pockets, and swaying on his toes. Waiting.
“Oh, this is Joe. We are just deciding and trying out wedding cakes.” You answer firmly.
“Oooo! When is the date! I have to go! I just have to see it! I’m gonna cry but it’s gonna be worth it! You deserve nothing but the best, honey! When did you get engaged? I saw nothing on Insta!” she queries, head tilting in light confusion.
Crap, crapcrapcrapcrap you think.
You looked a little to the left at Joe, shrugs with a wide jaw.
“He proposed…at a game. Yesterday.” You say. “But we…we just wanted to get some details right before anything gets public.”
Joe gets up to put an arm around you.
“And my little snuggle bug here is so modest and didn’t want to overshadow anyone on their big day. Wedding Season, you know!” he adds.
Looking up, you give him a small grin and he grins back.
“Ooooo, but it’s your big day too! You should feel special!” she comments,
“We just want to get everything planned….and besides, I’m a local fringe celebrity. And I…I don’t want to get the media too riled up,” Joe responds, moving his free hand for her to be quieter about it.
Her fiancé walks forward, he takes her under his arm, and they lean against each other in a half hug. But he keeps squinting at Joe.
“Wait…I swear I may have seen you before…weren’t you in…uh…” he mumbles, scratching the back of his head.
You turn Joe’s head to the cake samples, eyes darting down to them.
“Hey…I think we have more cakes to taste we need to make decisions, we can talk later!” you say, tugging on his sleeve.
“Yup. Decisions. Big ones.” Joe agrees. Both of you turn your backs to continue.
“Okay, buy Y/N!” your friend says, she gives you a sweet hug and a genuine smile before she goes over to discuss her wedding with the employee at the front desk.
But right as you begin to work on the third sample of rich chocolate, you look up and saw of all things, another friend of yours walking in the café area while tying an apron around his waist.
“Y/N! Oh my god! You’re engaged!” he gasps, letting go of all professional courtesy.
He runs up and hugged you.
“Uhhh, yeah. I am. Surprise!” you shrug.
“Wait, let me help you. I just started working here and I’ve been binging Great British Bake Off for a month, I am a cake expert!” he says.
He plops down uninvited on the chair across from you and Joe, looking at them.
“That one needs to be cream. Not white. Cream. Though adding a few red flowers would be nice. Blue might be pretty, but red is romantic and passionate!” he advises.
As Joe looks down, ready to eat a third sample of chocolate with blue icing he snatches it away.
“Hey!”
“No! Not chocolate!” your friend scowls.
“Oh, come on! Chocolate is the best!” Joe argues, he grabs the plate and pulls it back
“Chocolate gets dry! And this isn’t a birthday or kiddie party, this is a wedding! It needs to be mature and professional with some decoration!” he says. “It needs a refined flavor! I have one I made this morning, let me cut you both a bit!”
He dashes to the back, returning with two samples of a red velvet slice. Once you and Joe eye each other, taking a pensive bite both of you grimace. It tastes more like a stale piece of toast than an actual cake.
You chug down the rest of the water and give him a half-hearted thank you. But right before you can change the subject, he gets out a notepad in his pocket filled with cake designs.
“This one would fit a wedding too…and so would this one…and this one!” he lists, flipping yellow lined pages of tiered cakes full of flowers and swirls. You can feel Joe starting to tap his foot.
“And all in that flavor you just tried!”
Standing up, you smile and shake his hand in thanks.
“Wow! That’s a lot well-I gotta get back on the -uh-juice diet for the wedding dress fitting I’m going to next Friday.”
Joe gets up to hug you from behind. He kisses your cheek and you feel a genuine smile grow on you.
“Not that you need it, honey bear. You’re gorgeous no matter what. You could wear a paper bag on the aisle and I’d still be blown away,” he compliments
“Thank you.”
He pecks your lips, “anytime.”
His ginger head turns toward your friend, gathering leftover plates.
“We’ll consider the designs and if we decide it’s what we want, we’ll call you!” he says, slowly backing away to the door.
Both of you scuffle out without a word and got into the car. As soon as you drive away, far enough to where no one near the store could hear you, you both burst out laughing.
“Oh my god, Joe…we did it! We did that!” you laugh, catching your breath.
Joe nods, his hand crunching part of his hair as he leans back into the car seat. You both park near a coffee shop just to get out and release more laughter. Wiping away tears, he turns on his phone to face the music. It was dinging like mad from the Groupchat and he smiles, amused.
“You won’t believe this…the band’s all amazed and…they’re asking for proof!” he tells you.
“What kind of proof?” you ask, sighing as your breath was slowing to normal.
“Ben says he wants to see a ring and a kiss in one pic.”
“We can ignore him,” you dismiss.
“I dunno…now Gwil wants one…and Rami…and Lucy…and Allen…and everyone…”
Sighing, you say “mmmk, mmmk, just a quick one.”
Looking down, you realize that the ring was still on your finger. You position your phone in the right place, put it on selfie mode, and set a timer.
He’s gonna kiss me again, oh my god, he’s gonna kiss me again, you think almost retreating your head, like a turtle in its shell.
Keeping your outstretched left hand just below your face, you both lean forward. There is a nervous twitch in Joe’s eye, and you hold your breath in place. The camera’s screen flashed “2…1….”
Then you both dive in for the kiss. Your teeth awkwardly touch together with a slight “clang.” Your lips match top to bottom and you can still taste the chocolate cake on him. But your eyes are closed, and your breathing slows. You feel him exhale through his nose. Both of you stay there. You feel your heart go fast with excitement and nervousness, as if this was a fever dream and not what was happening right now.
But you look at each other in the eyes and let go. You realize that the photos had already been taken for a few seconds. The actual kiss was longer. He gives you a sheepish smile at yours. He never looked at you like that before. Not that you had seen. You look back at him.
Now you are sure. There is a tenderness in his expression, and he blushes until he is the color of his hair. He is too.
“Y/N…I…I always thought…”
You went in for another kiss. No photo required.
Taglist: @stardust-killer-queen @queenlover05 @bens-jawline
