Dec 2, 2023
oh look, the funny thing my gm said
this quote is funny wait wha-
WOAH
(congrats to @nebulaaaaaa since its her quote)
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oh look, the funny thing my gm said
this quote is funny wait wha-
WOAH
(congrats to @nebulaaaaaa since its her quote)
As my players were making their way through Hither, the water level was rising, and since the warlock cannot swim well, they asked to take refuge on a slight hill. Now I did not want that hill to be empty, but none of the random encounters on the table vibed with me, so I decided to put some mushrooms on there. But not in a circle, I narrated that they formed a pattern, almost like graffiti - they were growing to look like a frog. I did not put much thought into this, the spores Druid collected some samples, though they couldn’t identify which mushrooms they were (he ate some to test it out later though). But the warlock rolled well to determine what was behind this pattern, so I told them that this was probably made to look like a particular frog. They nodded and said,
“Frogga, the frog deity!”
So yeah, that’s who frogs in the Feywild worship now. Also I’m looking into letting the warlock multiclass into Cleric next level 🐸
Apparently the answer was "yes." We just didn't pay enough attention to who was answering...
Heads up, nerds, this is gonna be a long one.
Okay, so my D&D group plays, like, every Wednesday, right? Well. Last week, there was an... incident. Aria, our bard (who is... very... bardic), decides to tank.
... for the hot female necromancer.
... who is the VILLAIN.
The party is understandably upset with her, especially our halfling Barbarian, whose name by the by, is Huwtha Fukaru. He goes by Huw. We love Huw. ANYWAY. After all is said and done and the necromancer is dispatched and Aria has thrown a hissy fit about it, I - as the kind and benevolent God *AHEM* I MEAN DM - got to sit back and watch Aria and Huw interact while our paladin, Amanzi, tried desperately to keep them from killing each other. It went a little something like this:
Amanzi:
Aria: *refuses to admit she is the problem, like the stubborn, dumbass airhead she is*
Huw: *rage, Rage, RAGE! RAAAAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!*
As I'm sure you can guess, it devolved pretty quickly from there. Amanzi did his best to keep the peace, the poor guy, but uh. Huw and Aria weren't havin' it. Aria was bein all bitchy and attitudinal and Huw was all
... FITE me, biiiiiiih.
Aria:
Huw:
And riiiiiiight before he lost his absolute shit on her, Amanzi pulled out all the stops, intervened, and was just like, "WHOA WHOA WHOA OKAY HO'D UP."
Amanzi to Huw: Just, just, just, just... No. Okay? Just no. Shhh. I'll handle this.
Amanzi to Aria:
It took a while (SIGNIFICANTLY LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE) but Amanzi eventually got everyone calmed down, although when all was said and done it was really kind of like
Huw:
Aria:
Amanzi:
The entire rest of the party, myself included:
Long story short.... I might need a new bard soon. Either that or to re-scale my encounters...
The Cutest Barbarian
So my D&D group just started a new campaign, and my boyfriend is playing as the "9 to 5 barbarian." His name is Bill, and he's a retired librarian who is now adventuring for supplemental income. (He claims to be a gym teacher because "Ya can't exactly put 'barbarian' on a W-2.") He kind of talks and dresses like Flanders from the Simpsons but loaded with weapons, and at the start of the campaign, he is currently on vacation and trying to buy some little souvenirs. 😹
I Need my Hat
Lvl 6 Warforged, 7 feet tall 400 lbs with the mind of a toddler. Being guided below decks by two dragonborn warriors without his guide and told to open a door.
WF: “I do not have a key to open this door. The captain has the key.”
DB: “Open the door.”
WF: “I do not have a key.”
DB: “Open the door.”
WF: Quiet for a moment. “I have a hat that will help me open the door.” Pulls out a hat of invisibility. Before the dragonborn can respond, puts hat on head and vanishes.
DB: Roll poorly for perception, misplace giant warforged standing in front of them invisibly and I am laughing my ass off at the table as I imagine a giant toddler shaking with giggles while two adults pretend not to find them under the curtains in the front room
Cleric: so you just clubbed a disabled dude
Fighter Bard: that’s ableist
Rogue: check your privilege you fucking tree