AUTHOR’S NOTE: Damn okay it has been 7 years since I posted the part 2 preview of this oneshot. I haven’t been active on tumblr for a couple of years so this might be weird for my new followers, and I don’t even know if people still read smut now a days. But I’ve gotten notifications about people liking the posts on this series plus I received messages about the full part 2 of this series over the years. So to those people who messaged me and/or for those people who wanted an update, this is for you (just a disclaimer: I was 18 when I wrote the preview and am now 25...so if this is cringy or you think I’ve lost my touch, I apologize LOL):
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It has been a week since the cottage and I haven’t heard from Zayn since. I should have saw it coming. We almost hooked up, but I’m glad we didn’t, especially with that attitude of his. I was going through my phone and I decided to text Shawn, who’s been my crush before Zayn entered back into the picture.
“Heyy Shawn…” I texted him.
“Hey Y/N :) Whats up?” he texted back. “Bored as always, you?” I asked
“Same, I feel like we haven’t hung out at all this summer :(” he wrote.
“lol thats because we haven’t” I texted.
“Well let me make it up to you. My friend and his gf are goin to the movies tonight and asked if I wanted to go…I don’t wanna be the third wheel…do you wanna join?”he texted me.
Did this guy just ask me out?
“I’d love to :), just text me the details.” I texted back. And he did just that.
I put on my low cut grey graphic tank with a black bralette under it and my black maxi skirt, while putting my hair up in a half up-do and keeping my makeup natural.
Before I could touch up my doorbell rang. I opened the door thinking it was Shawn but then stormed inside Zayn with no explanation. “What do you want?” I said bitterly as I closed the door after he walked inside. “You can’t fucking call me back?” he said looking at me. “What the hell are you talking about Zayn” I said walking up to him. “What do you call this?” he said tossing me his phone. On the screen was his call log, He’s called me once every day, except..that wasn’t my number. It was a fake one I gave as a joke when he asked for it one day. “Zayn that's not my number,” I said giving back his phone.
“What the fuck is your problem then? You know I have fucking feelings for you !” He said fed up. I didn't know what to say. He just told me he had feelings for me. “Zayn..I..” I said trying to hold his hand but he pulled it away and turned away from me. “Fine. You wanna behave like that go ahead. And don't fucking tell me that I’m playing you. You’ve been teasing me ever since you found out that I liked you and then you almost hookup with me leaving me with a hickey that was hard to explain at dinner with mine and your parents and then you don't even fucking talk or try to reach out to me in a week. Don’t you even go there.” I said angrily.
At this point we were both pissed. We managed to both profess our feelings and hatred towards each other…all at the same time. We were going to either end up fucking on my couch or wrestle on it. “Did you not see the phone calls that I supposedly made out to you. And why the fuck have I been hearing from people that you’ve been sleeping around with other guys?” “What the fuck Zayn? You hear anything you want to believe don't you. This entire time I’ve been thinking of you, you idiot.” I said as he chuckled. He composed himself then stared at me, “Where the fuck are you going?” “To the movies..with Shawn.” I said looking down. “And this is what I’m talking about, you’re going out with a loser and trying to get laid with that outfit.” he said as his body tensed up, looking up and down at me. At that point I was pissed, but I was not going to let that jerk ruin my night.
We both stared at each other angrily. My ringtone broke the silence, Shawn was calling me. “Hey Shawn,” I said out loud for Zayn to here as I glared at him. He shot me an irritated look. “Yeah I’ll be there soon, can’t wait to finally see you,” I flirted with Shawn making Zayn jealous. “Yeah its been a long time,” I said as I ‘accidentally’ put my phone on speaker so Zayn could hear. “Maybe you could stay over for breakfast,” Shawn joked but that's when Zayn snapped. He grabbed my phone, hung it up and threw it onto the couch. He looked at me with a lustful look as I furrowed my eyebrows at him, but was secretly loving the fact that he was jealous. Jealous Zayn was probably my favorite Zayn. “That’s it,” he growled at me as he threw me over his shoulder. “Zayn put me down!! What the fuck are you doing??” I said playing victim, even though I knew what he was going to do. “Something I should have done a long time ago.” Zayn said as he kicked the door shut and threw me onto my bed.
“I don’t know what you think you’re about to do right now, but I’ve got a date to get to tonight” I said eyeing him as he climbed on top of me. “Yeah?”. Zayn asked as he bit my bottom lip causing me to let out a little whimper, “What was his name again?”, Zayn asked as he was kissing my jawline and biting the sensitive area. I blanked out for a good few seconds, wanting to wrap my legs around him and pull him closer, but I couldn’t let him win this one. “Ohh yess Shawn..” I moaned to irritate Zayn while pulling his hair. He stared me down but before we could continue, the doorbell rang. “Fuck”, Zayn said as he got off me. Zayn got to the door before I could and of course there was Shawn looking confused as to why there was a man at my house with disheveled hair.
“Hey Y/N..” Shawn said to me, as Zayn stared daggers. “Can we help you?” Zayn asked, "We’re in the middle of something important, so it’d be great if you can, I don’t know, fuck off?” he continued with a smirk. “Sorry, Shawn, I’m ready we can go,” I said to him before turning back to get my bag. “I don’t know where you think you’re going,” Zayn said looking at me before turning back to Shawn. “You know what, maybe we can go out another time, I didn’t realize - ...” Shawn started to say before getting rudely interrupted by Zayn who said “Didn’t realize what? That she already had a boyfriend? Fuck off now will you.” Zayn shuts the door on Shawn, and blocks me from trying to open it.
“What the fuck are you doing Zayn?” I asked trying to move him to open the door. He gently grabs my wrists and looked into my eyes, “We need to finish what we started”, he says hungrily. I manage to free my wrists, push Zayn against the door, then proceed to walk away from him, “In your dreams“ I say flipping him off from behind me. Before I know it Zayn has picked me up bridal style and is taking me back to my bed. We’ve reached a point where we both want this to happen, as deep down we knew something had to be done with the intense sexual tension between us. I was torn between wanting to fuck like wild animals vs wanting to make slow and passionate love, to take our time and explore each other with the limited time frame we had. As if he read my mind, “Slow or rough?” Zayn asks as we arrive at the foot of the bed.
“Both”, I said as Zayn dropped me on top of the bed for the 2nd time tonight. He stood over me, slowly taking off his Denim Jacket, leaving him in his baggy grey t-shirt and black jeans. I looked at him impatiently, wanting to help him get out of his clothes, but he just smirked at me and said “Well, you said both”. Fine, he can take his time, but I’m not gonna wait any longer as I knew my parents were coming back home from their night out. I knelt on the bed in-front of him taking off my low cut grey graphic tank revealing the lacy black bralette under it, then pushed my girls into him aching for him to touch me. But he just stood there staring into my eyes, as he took off his baggy grey t-shirt.
“What is he doing”, I thought to myself, “What are WE doing, playing follow the leader?”. It was getting too much for me, I needed him. I grabbed his face but decided to tease him by gently having our lips barely touch. “We don’t have much time, my parents might come home soon”, I whispered against his lips, desperate for him to give in. “What?” he said pulling back a little. “My parents might be home soon, plus -” Zayn stops me from continuing. “I want to take my time with you. And I know you need all of me. If we’re going to this, I don’t want a few minutes with you, I want you for as long as I can have you.” Zayn says holding my face. Look I know I could have shut my mouth and not brought up the fact that my parents were going to come home soon, but I couldn’t risk having them walk in on us like they almost had when we were at the cottage.
We both redressed and I walked Zayn to the door, as I needed Zayn to leave before my parents got back. “Can I have your actual number this time?” Zayn said as he pulled out his phone. I giggled and put my real number with a kiss and rose emoji as part of my contact name. “I’ll text you,” Zayn says before he opens the door. “Wait,” I said. Before I knew it I pushed him against the door again but this time I kissed him. We began making out, taking turns biting each others lips and teasing each other with our tongues. We tried to pull each other closer; I pulled on his hair as he groped me making me moan and whimper. We couldn’t get enough of each other, as we got lost in our little foreplay. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar honk, and a set of keys jiggling on the other side of the door. Fucking hell, my parents were home...
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 , part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19 , part 20
HI LOVIES. Please enjoy a Friday update on the Frat Boy universe. This one is a bit of a breather after the TUMULTUOUS ANGST of the last chappie. Shorter than my usual, but it’s all the chapter needed. Tons more y/n and Harry interaction on the way in the next! Have a safe and happy day loves xx
Acquire a first edition book, either because an old friendly man who owns an antique bookshop decides to give it to me in a bonding moment, or because I have accomplished #2 and I am celebrating being a Boss Bitch
To be happy
Please note: not necessarily in that order
It was taped above my desk, waiting for me to bring it in to the next session. I hesitated to write number 6. It was a dream I hardly entertained after committing my scholarly life to pursue medicine. I used to love to doodle. All the time. Since elementary school. I doodled so much my mom dedicated a wall in the house to my illustrations. She hung a sign above it that affectionately said “Y/N’s Doodles.” Seriously, you couldn’t get me to stop. Even if it was gross sappy sketches of my crush Billy who I would NEVER show on the playground at recess.
My doodling stopped how these things normally do. Because life grew busier than anything else, and the sketchpad and easel my dad had bought for me at a garage sale became ignored, collecting dust in the corner of my room. At some point, it’d become a year since I’d drawn anything, and then it was two, and three, and by this point I’d realized I was the one who’d need to create her own stability in life and medicine was the more logical fit. It wasn’t that I didn’t see the value in drawing anymore, I just had other things take up my time. It became a comfort just knowing I used to draw. Paul had paved his way, and now I was on my way to do the same. At least with medicine, my soul felt fed. It was almost comfort enough.
“oH WE GOT A ROGUE ONE.”
A flying toenail hit my eye.
“WHAT THE-” I flailed my arms, as though there were a thousand more coming. Renny’s mouth opened in shock, her guilty body hunched over her bent leg. Clippers in hand.
“Sorry!!” Renny burst up laughing.
“oH MY GOSH CAN YOU DO THAT OVER A TRASH CAN OR SOMETHING?!”
“IT HAD A MIND OF ITS OWN!!” she screamed back.
I blinked rapidly, my left eye watering up and spilling painless tears. “Well I’m going to have conjunctivitis at the studio later. Or I’ll be stumbling in blind.” I wiped it away.
I heard another clip and she put up her hands with another giggle.
“All done. And you won’t stumble, I’m going to be there.” Renny extended her leg, her perfectly trimmed foot nearly touching the ceiling.
“You’re just going to solicit Zayn to be his next subject.”
“Maybe,” her grin grew devious. “But also because I want to see if he captured the angelic beauty and complex nymph nuances of my best friend.”
I put a hand to my chest, still aching from uncertainty. “Honored.”
“Want to watch another episode until it’s time to go?”
This whole lazy morning had been an OC Housewives bingefest. She’d seen it on my homepage and had a complete spazz, twitching whilst proclaiming but i’ve been trying to get you to watch this show for YEARS!! When she saw the old season I was on, though, she didn’t have to question why her pestering had miraculously worked. She didn’t mention him aloud besides giving me a pointed look. And so, we watched it, even though I wasn’t really in the mood to see anything about Harry right now. It’d hurt more than I thought to walk away from him last night, and to see how sad he looked when I did.
After last night, he hadn’t posted anything to social media. He’d called, twice, but I knew he was drunk, or worse, and I was tired, and whatever he would say he could tell me in the morning. Even though I knew he wouldn’t.
And he didn’t.
And therein lay the problem.
It hurt to see his family on my little box of a computer screen, weird to see his life and get glimpses of his childhood. I felt like a hacker spying on home videos. But then I reminded myself that thousands of people had already done the same. At this point, it was just… morbid curiosity.
“Nah, I don’t know if I can handle any more of that right now. Dr. Rhinecuff is going to yell at me if I don’t return these scanned copies to him by Monday.”
“Ew, he smells like meat.”
“RENNY!!”
“I’m just saying. That one time I went with you it smelled like pastrami in his office. He has a PhD, but isn’t with-it enough to buy air freshener.”
“He likes pastrami sandwiches, let him live.”
She scrolled on her phone, not bothering to respond, and my gaze turned to the window.
“Hey Renny?”
“Hm.”
A bird flew close to the glass, halting just before it hit it, then zooming off in the opposite direction. “What’d you do when your parents were fighting?”
“Ummm…” I knew the question registered in her mind when she stopped scrolling, suddenly concerned. “Are your parents okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, kind of.” I glossed over it, not caring to get into the bitter details. “I was just curious.”
“Uhh..” She plucked at the soft cotton of her cotton candy pajamas that were fraying at the knees. “I lost my virginity to Zach,” she half-laughed.
“Zach? Neighbor boy Zach?”
Renny nodded. She always sounded a little sad when she talked about him. Zach was the hot college boy who shared a backyard fence with Renny, the girl who may or may not have used her kitchen stool to peak over and see him workout on the grass every summer he came home. I’d known they’d slept together. I just didn’t think he was her first.
“I just tried to be out of the house as much as I could,” she said. “Found my true love Mary J.”
“Oh.”
“It was shitty, but I’m glad I got it over with.”
“The divorce or your virginity.”
“Both,” she chortled. “Why what’s up? Are you sad or something? I have a j in my drawer.”
“No, no, I’m fine.” Mostly I was just wondering what it must be like to feel so sexually liberated. In my house sex wasn’t talked about. At all. The inevitable sex scene in every other movie would result in my dad blaring out “WHAT KIND OF MOVIE IS THIS!” in an attempt to make it less awwkard, but having it backfire and only make it horrendously more awkward. I wasn’t saving my virginity for anyone in particular, but after all those romance novels, I wanted it to be… something. I wanted to feel something towards the person where it would justify something I’ve kept to myself for so long. I wanted it to be intense. I wanted it to be like the books. Like a Frank Sinatra song that swept up your heart and transported you back to a time of gentlemen and cigars and women in long evening gowns with fur coats and martinis.
“I wish I could just get it over with,” I confessed. One half of me screamed YOU’RE IN YOUR TWENTIES HAVE ALL THE SEX while the other half said YOU’VE WAITED THIS LONG DAMN IT HOLD OUT A LITTLE LONGER. I didn’t know which part of me was compromising more.
Renny leaned in, quick. “Would you do it with Harry?”
Like the flip of a switch, I remembered the sensuous heat of his body against mine, wrapping me up and pressing me against him where we just fit. And I couldn’t imagine how much better it’d feel to be even more connected to him.
“Maybeeee…?”
But then there was last night.
I cringed. No matter how with me he’d seemed… he couldn’t have been present after mixing whatever the hell he took and a handle of alcohol. Did I really want someone like that? Someone who could only give a shell of themselves?
“No, I wouldn’t. Or- ugh, I don’t know. I don’t know if it could ever mean as much to him.”
Renny nodded. “I mean, don’t let him pressure you, obviously. If he does, I’ll kick his baby maker smack into his prostate. Prostate. See, anatomy. You taught me that.”
“Haha, no, he’s not like that.” My brows stitched. I was confused why he wasn’t more like that, actually. We’d known each other for several months now and he hadn’t even put a finger in me. When I thought about it, it actually frustrated me. Don’t pressure me to do anything, but I wanted to be pushed to do something. I was never the bold one in areas like this.
Not that I should be so willing to do anything with him anymore anyways. Something shifted in me when I’d seen him last night. It wasn’t a shift I could easily describe, but it’d set me a foot apart from my heart. A bit of me was shocked that it had happened so suddenly.
But this shift was new, and my heart still wanted what it wanted. I knew that if I watched any more OC Housewives with Harry’s toddler curls and surfer tan, I’d be sucked right back into speculating about what our future kids could look like. And if I saw him?
You were right, Harry. You are fucked.
I cringed again. That was harsh. That was very very harsh.
I didn’t know if I’d have the courage to apologize. What if my pheromones went berserk and magnetized me to his side??
Renny was right.
I needed therapy.
The clippers were tossed back on my desk.
“Thanks,” she said. “Have you started on your DG Double P yet?”
DG Double P = Renny Speak for DG Pretty Please.
I groaned. “No. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, honestly. I have to-”
“NO!!! Don’t tell me. We’re not supposed to tell each other.” Her hand extended in panic.
“Fine. I can keep a secret.”
I was getting a little too good at that lately.
She moved onto her belly, splaying her arms out in a dramatic fashion, face squished against the comforter. “Isn’t it just killing you inside.” She was dead serious.
“Yeah, more than you know.”
And I was serious, too.
--------------------------------------
I wasn’t expecting people to dress up as much as they did. Donned in my only pair of yoga pants and a chunky white sweater, I walked arm-in-arm with Renny past girls in cocktail dresses and guys in button-downs.
Something that sounded like a baby’s cry filled my ears, but it was gone as soon as we walked through the doors to the on-campus gallery. .
“Woah did you hear that?”
Renny nodded, tossing her head back. “There’s a baby somewhere.”
It reminded me of the bodiless screams in my nightmare. In my chunky sweater, I shivered undetectably.
The on-campus gallery rotated exhibits throughout the year, but this time, student sculptures were on pedestals, nightmarish portraits hung on the walls, and red and orange tapestries swooped down and across the ceiling in a cirque-du-soleil moment as if to secure us beneath fire. Some students had separate booths, but other pieces of work trailed seamlessly into the next.
A tree made from photographs and newspaper took up the center of the space. Zayn had been so adamant about his muse having life, I wondered if that was the focus of this exhibit - to capture natural life. But I suppose all art did.
“It’s the circle of life exhibit,” Renny stated, as if reading my thoughts.
“How’d you know that?”
She held up a pamphlet she must’ve grabbed from the entrance.
I quickly scanned the room, hoping to find Zayn quickly so I could skip out just as quick.
Several of my professors were here, including Dr. Rhinecuff. When he saw me, I raised my hand, but he raised his cup of red wine awkwardly and looked away.
My hand wavered.
Odd.
Zayn was standing by the tree, speaking with an older woman. Her skin was a rich brown, short hair hidden beneath a chic scarf. The man beside her looked around the same age with graying facial hair, a pocket hanky, and beaded bracelets. Art professors.
I caught his gaze, and he gestured me over.
“Y/N, these are my instructors. David and Ebony.”
Their eyes lit up in recognition. “He did you a great justice,” David said, gray moustache twitching with the words.
Ebony beamed. “Oh yes, a piece was already sold. He’s going to be the next big wig before he graduates,” she gushed. “Zayn, I’m sure you’ll be splitting the profits with the heart of the piece.”
She gestured to me and his smile widened, but my stomach sank faster.
“I didn’t know these pieces were going to be sold.”
Ebony sensed my concern. The wine in her glass swirled. “We thought allowing the pieces to be shown and auctioned was a good way to replicate what many of them should be doing once they graduate. The whole department gets involved, and these kids put in a lot of work, and the reputation of starving artists isn’t something we want to buy into here.”
I nodded. “I mean, that’s great. That’s… really amazing.”
Zayn couldn’t meet my eyes. He knew. He could sense my hesitance, too.
“Now he can finally afford a nice dinner to take you out!” David proclaimed.
We were all quiet for a minute. “You know, for a thank you dinner,” David covered up. Zayn’s brows scrunched and he shook his head a bit, not knowing where David’s comment came from.
“Do you do this regularly?” Ebony asked, steering the conversation away from an awkward moment.
My ears pricked up when I realized she was looking at me. “Excuse me?”
“Well I was just thinking…” a light laugh lifted as if her idea would be outrageous. “Would you mind sitting in for one of my classes on Monday? Our model had a sudden death-”
“My God,” David proclaimed.
Ebony waved her hand. “-in his family. I haven’t called to replace him yet.”
It quieted as they looked at me, waiting for a response. “Oh, I don’t… I don’t usually do this. At all. It was a chance thing.”
“Luck be the artist.” David raised his glass.
Ebony followed suit, looking at my empty hand. “You just going to let her stand there without a drink?”
“Yeah, Zayn. What kind of treatment is this?” I teased.
He did a slight bow. “Apologies. We’ll walk to drinks, immediately.” He pulled us away, leading us further into the showroom as his head dipped low to my ear. “Renny just passed us to meet Felix and them. They’re through here.”
We stepped under an archway that led into a darker-lit room, but his hand stopped me beneath the nook. “Did yeh notice anything?”
Yeah. I was noticing how close we were in this archway. He saw my eyes start to squint in thought and he turned me around to face the room we’d just left.
“Look closer.”
My eyes roamed the crowd, trying to find some sort of person, or pattern he could be referring to. With a brief seize of my heart, I expected to see somebody from the gang.
“Look at the artwork, Y/N.” His breath warmed my skin.
The paintings all seemed to be bright, though sticking to red, orange, blacks, and grays. Wait, forget a pallette pattern. The next painting had blue and purple, too. One sculpture looked like a writhing ghost, twisting and reaching for something above. Or maybe it was an unearthed tree root. Despite all the bold colors, there was something off-putting about how bright they all were. It wasn’t a soothing brightness. It was almost violent. The orange and red writhing tapestries warped the ceiling into something hot.
“Is it hell?” I chortled, but quickly quieted. I expected him to take offense, but his hand went lightly around my waist with a small smile.
“Could be. See-” his arm extended out to scan the perimeter “-all this art is supposed to represent death, but challenge the notion of it through color.”
“How so?”
“Yeh know it’s usually your blacks, and your grays, s’depressing shit. But we’re born from death. Before life, there was nothing, but something. It’s bold and necessary and there, and no one really knows whatever comes before. Or after.” He looked at the room, taking a sip of wine. I watched as he swallowed, and I imagined the wine running down. “What is death but an uncertain existence.” He said the thought almost happily, looking at me with a slight smirk. “Could be anythin’.”
He took a deep breath, letting his hand touch the top of the archway. It was then that I noticed it wasn’t just plain drywall. A collage of photographs ran all along the inside.
He wasn’t as tall as Harry, but his hand still reached the top, scuffing across a picture of an African landscape taped over a toddler eating fruity pebbles.
“They’re pictures. Everyone donated one,” he said.
A strand of words were painted over the collage, running from one end of the archway to the other, and I tilted my head back to read it. “Things... that…. make... m..e …...feel alive.”
“Everyone was able to design their space in order to control, to some extent, how their art was perceived. Everyone was a part of the transition space.”
“Very nice,” I noted, slightly put-off. I hadn’t been expecting this art show to be so… professional. “Zayn, this is amazing. Like, really, truly, professional-grade stuff is happening. The presentation, the pieces, everything.”
His smile grew wider, putting cool hands over my eyes. I flinched, but let him.
I felt him come closer.
“Listen now,” he urged.
I listened, but I wasn’t sure for what. There was the familiar busy rumble of people mingling, parents visiting their kids, and professors droning on about the talent of their students. But it was chatter. I couldn’t make out one conversation over another. I shrugged up against his other hand that was atop my shoulder.
“Sometimes you need to change where you’re planted to understand.”
I hoped he could see my cross expression because I couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting me right now. It’d been a day. It’d been a night. And I wasn’t in the mood for more philosophical ramblings - especially about death. “I don’t know what you mean,” I sighed.
“Meaning I have to move you closer to the speakers.” He let out a breathy laugh. “Jus’ keep your eyes closed, okay?”
I nodded. His hand moved, tilting my head to its side. Eyes still closed, I became self-conscious imagining people trying to move past me, and here I was, planted, eyes closed in the middle of the archway. My cheeks heated. It was unnerving knowing people could see me when I couldn’t see them. And anyway, I must’ve looked ridiculous.
“What do you hear?” he urged.
“I hear a lot of people talking,” I griped.
But right when I was about to open my eyes-
I heard a familiar chirping through the chatter.
“Birds?” I opened my eyes.
“Observance can be taught, sometimes.” Zayn leant back, looking mighty proud of himself.
“Why are there birds?”
“We’re entering life,” he smiled, backing into the space. I tipped my wine back, several long gulps lightening my step as I followed him. Immediately, I noticed much more natural, earthier tones. For being a room of life, it was surprisingly darker than the prior room.
Renny, Felix, and Andre were huddled in the center where a makeshift wall-on-wheels covered in vines divided the room in half.
My eyes widened, trying to adjust to the dimness. “It’s a lot darker in here.”
“All intentional. They decided to play with light in here. People usually think of life being bright ‘n that, but it’s also when we experience varying degrees of darkness. There’s a balance to things and the trouble is finding it.” Understanding laced his voice as his dark eyes bore into mine, almost completely black. One look from Zayn and I was reminded of all the weight I’d been carrying. I fidgeted, uncomfortable seeing myself in his eyes.
“Y/N, get over here!” Renny called. My shoulders visibly relaxed. My saving grace. “You didn’t tell me you did this,” she said lowly as soon as I got close enough, shocked excitement barely contained. Her giddy smile gave it away though. “Miss sexy secret keeper over here.”
“What do you mean?”
She playfully poked my sides, but Andre and Felix avoided my gaze. Something wasn’t right. And it stirred my stomach, my body already knowing, somehow.
I turned in slow motion, the charcoal drawings in my peripherals stopping me in place. Framed amidst the vines, my face was etched onto paper, scrunching and twisting in various expressions. But my body was attached and twisting, too. And it was bare, bent over, spread out, laying down… My eyes scanned over them a dozen times in a second.
I was naked.
In all of them.
One was titled “21st Century Love.” In this one, I faced the viewer, but looked past them, sorrowful eyes, brows furrowed, breasts I’d never shown on full display. A hickey or two on my neck. A painful sting gripped my chest. I looked sad. I looked so sad.
Tunnel vision, a blurred Renny rushed down to the floor, and a distant part of me registered something wet splatter on my feet.
The wine had dropped.
I’d dropped it.
I was trapped in a shell. My body was numb.
“Babes, you okay?” Renny asked, her voice somewhere far away. Somewhere outside the shell, her voice drowned in the busy rumbling, with the birds, with the watchers. People were watching me now. I was being watched. “Felix, grab some towels!” she barked.
I looked horrified, towards Zayn, but changed my mind just as fast. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t even breathe.
He didn’t know me at all. He could stare at me for a thousand sessions and paint every crevice, sunspot, blemish, and mole and still not see me. How was an artist this blind? How could he not know that this was the last thing I could ever want? How could he picture me so… intimately?
The paintings seemed to swirl into one before bouncing back out into their separate exposees.
Because that’s what it was.
An exposure.
A stranger could pay to have me in their home.
The floor spun, vision spotting.
My lungs tightened, tearing me away from Renny, from Felix, from Andre. From Zayn, the artist who painted a confused girl so unashamed. So honestly. Savagely and Unabashedly.
“I didn’t want this.”
And it was when I was halfway out the door that I realized the voice had come from me, a mantra pushing my shell all the way home.
Hes your best friend and he tells you he loves you
Harry
I don't think my heart has every beat this fast in my life. I was having a nice time at home, chilling on the couch when I got a text from Harry. 'COME OVER QUICK ITS AN EMERGENCY' He has never asked my to drop everything I was doing to come over, on top of that he said something was wrong. I threw on the first thing I could find and drove to his house. Not even knocking when I got there, I just walked in. There he is just sitting on the couch, with sandwich in his lap. He took and bit and looks up at me. "What, What's the emergency." I urged, standing in front of the TV. He looked confused. "Oh, oh that. I have t tell you something." je said with a full mouth. "That's it?" He nodded taking another bite of his sandwich. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I yelled lightly throwing my keys at him.
"If you wanted me to come over all you had to do was ask. And I could have obeyed traffic laws, or put on real clothes." I chuckled plopping down next to him on the couch and grabbing the other half of his sandwich off his plate. His whole body stiffened when I turned to look at him. "Soooo, spit it out. What'd you want to tell me." He swallowed hard and scratched his head. "I uh-. I wanted to um" He never looked up, he kept his eyes on my knees, like he's nervous. "Harry, it's only me. What's wrong?" I reassured, worried that something I actually wrong. "That's the problem..." He groaned falling back onto the couch. I am lost. He took a deep breath and sat up, looking right into my eyes. "Y/N, what I wanted to tell you is that—" He stopped again. "Oh for gods sake—" "I love you," He interrupted shutting me up. "More than just a friend, I love you. I love being with you. I love when you smile. I love being able to make you happy. I love how you don't try to hard when your around me. I don't know why it took me so long to figure out. But, I love you Y/N."
Liam
Your at your friends house one night and your phone rings. Liam's names flashes across the screen. You usually talk every night. He's your best friend and he loves telling you about the shows, or fans. "Hello" you answered. "Y/N what are you doing?" His loud voice boomed through the phone. "Nothing just hangin out with Y/F/N. How was the show?" you could hear the other boys in the background. "It was so sick I wish you could've seen it. The whole place was packed it was amazing." You can almost imagine his smiling face as he talked. You guys talked for hours. At some point he must have gotten in bed. Because he voice got all quiet and raspy. "When are you gonna come out an see me?" Yawned. "As soon as I can," you promised. "Li, you must be so tired. You should sleep." He yawned again. "But I'm talkin to you, plus I have to be up in like 2 hours to go to the studio." There is no way your going to be the reason Liam is grumpy in the studio. "You can talk to me any time you want. Use this time to sleep. Alright?" "Yeah, yeah" his voice getting softer and softer. "Night Liam," you chimed pulling the phone away from your face. You almost missed it but you defiantly heard him say it, "Night Y/N. I love you." Well that's a first.
Niall
Since the day you met Niall. You both agreed it would be a better idea to be friends. He was always busy, it just wasn't the right time. That's how he became one of your best friends. That night you were walking back to his hotel from the nearby nandos when it started pouring rain. You both ran back as quickly as you could, but it didn't matter your soaking. His blonde hair now almost brown, and is sticking up in some places down in others. "We should probably take theses off?" He asked looking down at the wet clothes. "YeS," you agreed. Stripping in out of the wet clothes and throwing them into a heap on the floor. When you turned around Niall was staring at you, as you stood there shivering in your bra and panties. He was just as naked. His black boxers the only thing covering his body. You couldn't help but let your eyes roam. The happy trial just under his belly button, was making you rethink the whole friend thing. He must have been thinking the same thing because a bludgeon was forming in his shorts. "This whole 'lets be friends thing is a downer." You confessed from across the room. Never letting your eyes leave his body. "I know, why the hell did we do that?" He asked. "I don't know, but we should scrap that idea." You remarked. Slowing making your way toward him. "Oh my god , y/n I love you, yes" he groaned walking towards you, and planting a heated kiss on you waiting lips.
Louis
"I cant understand you Louis!" you said to your long time best friend. You have know him forever. You went to the same primary school, went through the awkward growing up phase, and graduating schooling. You were there when One Direction started get big, and to this day your still here. "Just come over and bring every blanket and pillow in your flat." He instructed before hanging up. So that's what you did. Half an hour later you were walking into his flat with bag and bags full of blankets. He was laying on the floor in a enormous pile of blankets. wearing nothing but a par of sweats and some vans. "Hey! Good you brought blankets were gonna need 'em." He hopped up taking the bags and empting them onto the floor. "How are we supposed to know whos are whos?" You asked watching him as he ran around the open living room. "Really, it dost matter. I don't use them so you can take what ever ones you want home." You took off your coat putting it on one of the hairs that had been pushed against the wall. "Were going to build a large blanket fort and watch theses movies I just got." He beamed throwing a pillow at you. "Really?" You asked amazed, at how much of a kid he still is. "Yeah! Really, do you not want to?" He asked his blue eyes dropping to the pile of comforters in front of him. "No, this is awesome lets do this" You replied kicking off your shoes. After 2 hours f hard work, and carful positioning, it was finished. His whole living room was draped with blankets. In the middle of the fort is a giant pallet made of all the leftover blankets and every pillow in the house. You both laid on it admiring your work. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?" He asked putting his hands behind his head. "Since you bought this place." You answered laying your had on his stomach, you back against the floor, and one of your legs over the other. "Eleanor wouldn't do this with me. She thinks it's silly." He confessed looking down at you. "Well she's missing out" You laughed turning your head to look at him. His blue eyes scanned your face, and bored into yours. "I love you Y/N," He said still scanning your face. "I love you too Lou." You giggled giving him a smile. He sat up, forcing you to sit up to. "No I mean I love you, I'm in love with you." You were stunned, your best friend of over ten years is n love with you. "Wha-What about El?" You stuttered trying to wrap your head around it. "I don't know, But I love you." He said again complicating everything.
Zayn
"Bye Zaynie. happy birthday bro." A very drunken Liam said, to and equally drunken Zayn. "Byyye" He waved before getting into my car. As best friend it is my responsibility to make sure he gets home and into bed safely. He sprawled out in the seat next to me trying way harder than he needs to take off his leather jacket. "That was funn, it should be meh birthday more often, ya?" He yammered. He looks so funny like this. His eyes half shut, his usual neat hair a mess. He managed to get his jacket halfway off before he gave up. I couldn't contain my giggles as I pulled up to the sidewalk outside his flat. "What's so funneh?" He asked letting his head fall in my direction. "You are gone..." I laughed. reaching for the door handle. He grabbed my wrist pulling me back toward him. His face inches from yours. "Are you makin fun of meh babe? I thought were friends, you don't make fun of friends." He informed staring at me with squinted hazel eyes. His breath reeked of alcohol. "Oh my god, yes you are gone." I tease getting out of the car. After I helped him into the house he stumbled out of his shoes and toward his bed room. "Z?" I yelled after him. "Zaaaynnn" I called following his path toward the bed but no response. Then a loud bang. He was franticly trying to set a lamp up right on the bedside table. "I got it" He giggled to himself. "Zayn, get in bed." I sighed turning off the light. I could still see him with the glow from the street lights. He pulled his shirt over his head, and kicked out of his pants. My eyes lingered at little longer than they should have, but hey he has a nice body. He got into bed and pulled the blanket over his shoulder. I turned to leave but his no raspy voice stopped me in my tracks. "Can you stay with me?" I gave in right away. It was either his bed or his couch so, why not. I climb ontop of the blanket and lay next to him. "C'mere," He instructed. I scooted closer my head next to his on the pillow. His eyes were closed but he smile when I got closer. Just as I shut me eyes I heard him whisper. "I love you Y/N".
"Come and show daddy what a good girl you are." He whispered, smoke leaving his soft lips as he fisted his hands through your hair, your lips leaving soft kisses down his hip and the inside of his thigh.
Zayn couldn’t believe what was happening. His love, his everything is slipping away right in front of him and he can’t stop it. No one can. Tears poured down his face as he clutched your hand in his. You gave him a weak and tired smile. You were ready, you had been fighting for a long time and now it was your time to go.
“It’s okay, love.” You whispered to your husband. He shook his head as more tears made tracks down his face. The face you had loved more than half of your life.
“No it’s not, dove. You’re leaving me, that’s not okay.” He sniffled as he kissed your hand. You brought your other hand up to cup his beautiful face.
“It is, sweetheart. It’s time for me to leave. You’re going to be okay, it may take some time but you will be. I’ll always be with you, I promise.” Zayn cried a little harder. You had been his everything since you were both fifteen. You were his world, his heart. He didn’t know what he would do without you.
“I love you, to the moon and back.” You whispered. Zayn gave you a small, watery smile.
“I love you, more than the stars in the sky.” He whispered back. He leaned in to kiss you. You kissed him back with everything you had. You wanted him to feel how much you loved him one last time. Zayn could feel it in his bones. He knew you loved him and he had your heart. He pulled back and rested his forehead against yours.
“You’re my heart and soul.” You spoke quietly as you could feel the darkness falling around you. The last thing you heard was your husband’s sweet voice.
