Aren't I just useless, simply better off dead
WARNINGS: heavy angst, gender neutral y/n, suicide, heavy gore, y/n having no self-worth, large mentions of blood, reader commiting suicide, tanjiro watching, cursing, self blame, mentions of poison, mentions of organs, mentions of fungi, numbness, a bit of spoiler at kanao's part, kanao's part leaning a bit more towards fem, and reader is mentioned as a girl in inosuke part, + more read at will
@massivelystupidlevisimp
A/n: I made a hashira version this, I might do demons, too, but have fun reading. I feel like the hashira one is better.
Tanjiro kamado
● Since he has a really strong sense of smell, tanjiro always smelled a looming cloud of sadness that sat heavily over your head. But whatever he smelled, it contrasted so thickly with your expressions. If you were angry on the inside, you were sad on the outside, If you were happy on the inside, you were angry on the outside, so that always confused him. Tanjiro, all so loves helping people out, so as soon as he smells or even senses something wrong with you he'll as about it.
● Tanjiro sometimes daydreams the time when y/n killed themselves. He thinks about himself breaking down, falling onto his knees and tears bluring his eyes. He thinks about those few rare moments where he could smell the happiness inside of you and actually see it on your face. When you weren't wearing some sort of stupid mask. Speaking of masks, you, too, once were a student of urodaki alongside tanjiro, giving him your fox mask from final selection.
● And what makes it worse is that he was on a mission with you when it happened. You guys had just split up to catch the other demons faster, and them bam, you were dead. He saw it too, god, he saw it, tanjiro watched as you slayed that last bit of the demon, then he watched as you stared at your blood covers hands that had held the last warmth of the people you loved leaving. Tanjiro watched as you took your blade and stabbed it through your stomach like some goddamn fool. He watched as your guts seeped out of your stomach and onto the ground with slow sounds of splats and plats
Tanjiro's words:
Y..y/n- Y/N NOOO, WE STILL NEED YOU... I still need you
Zenitsu agastuma
● You and him were like the moon and the sea. Zenitsu was the moon, always reflecting off the light of others. And you were the sea, had so many good things in you but were slowly getting killed. You and him were two peas in a pod until he was the only one. Both of you guys were best friends even before either of you met tanjro or inosuke. You screamed at him when he flirted with girls, yelled at the older slayers that would pick at him, and you understood why he cried so much. Even though you both didn't know much of either of your pasts, your bond was enough, until it came undon.
● You didn't know much about zenitsu's past, and he didn't know much about yours either. But what mattered is that he cared for you and you cared for him. But at last things need to go wrong when the universe doesn't car enough for you, and the least it could do is spare you some time to give zenitsu something. It was a small bow for his sparrow and a flute for zenitsu that you had given, it wasn't much, in fact it was the very least, you could've gave him something more meaningful, something more important, something more specific, but no if you thought you weren't any of those, then why give them?
● At last, the time had come, and it was just when you and zenitsu had arrived at a wisteria house to heal. You told him a lie, of course, that you were going out for some air, and after some begging and tears and zenitsu passing out to sleep, you finally got a chance to step out. And it was the very thing zenitsu hated, demons. You heard me. You had stepped outside after dark and took your katana, making a few cuts on your wrists, letting the smell of blood fill the air. A demon with an ugly amount of eyes and pale legs wrapping around its body from head to toe had beaten you to death and devoured your body. You didn't shed a single tear, fearing zenitsu would wake up and hear. But he did wake up, and he did hear.
Zenitsu's words:
What? What's all that noise it's too loud
Inosuke hashibara
● You and him were Ying and Yang. He was rude but had a small speck of kindness in him. You were kind but had a small pearl of rudeness in you. It's not all that bad if you think about it. You were his calm, and he was your rage. Like when someone made fun of you or mocked you, inosuke already had his foot up their ass and throwing them into a tree. "AHAAH DON'T YOU DARE TALKE ABOUT T/N LIKE THAT." It got a bit carried away. You didn't mind. It was nice to have some protection next to your side, whether it's beating up rude people or killing demons that you couldn't defeat.
● From time to time, you'd see inosuke without his mask and absolutely treasure the moment. I mean, can you just LOOK at him ? No wonder girls often found him cute despite his craziness. Speaking of looks once on his birthday, you took him out to eat (rip your wallet), and by the end of it, you slid a coin. It was copper with a hole through the top of it. "Think of it as a good luck charm, NO INOSUKE DON'T EAT IT" it was indeed a good luck charm but it also had a small carving on it, and since inosuke had the IQ of a boar he couldn't read it but the carving read April 22nd
● Later, much, much later inosuke would as shinobu or tanjiro what it read and they would tell him it said his birthday. But now here we are, where your body was rooted, missing body parts and chunks of flesh flicked around, ants ate at your body and fangled had started to grow out of what used to be your eyes. Inosuke had gotten their a week late after you had gone missing, the reason was of some girl eating demon, eating girls on their 16th birthday. He had nothing to say well except this.
Inosuke's words:
Happy birthday y/n
Genya shinazugawa
● You both trained under Gyomei Himejima, and you both were simple fine with that. The stone piller took you in because you always seemed to kill demons with too much care for what happened with others. So he decided to try and make you gental. And as for genya, as soon as Gyomei heard that the boy had been eating demons, he took him in. To be honest, genya was kind of scared of you since you reminded him a bit too much like his brother. With scars maping your skin and a personality that made you seem like you belonged as a cafeteria worker.
● Genya sorta avoided you from time to time after missions since it was either awkward or tense. But on other times when you were happy or normal as they suggested you, him, and Gyomei went to the waterfall or a shrine. Other times, the three of you go to the nearby festival to get ramen and food. With getting odd looks mostly because you are a 7-foot bulky ass man walking while crying beside two angry children that were glued to his side. Oh, and at the festival, you disappeared for a bit, only to come back with a pair of brand new geto sandles. Genyaxs had been torn after a mission with tanjiro and refused to change them.
● Maybe you were too angry, maybe you couldn't be soft or kind like gyomei had tried to make you be. Maybe you were just stuck in an endless loop of anger. Because that's how you felt when you pressed a short of sharp blade to your the sides of your neck and begain to cut. It looked like a cat scratch at first, or maybe that's what you always said. Then, it got deeper and deeper. Your vision was blury and your head was bagging, "God I'm so fucking useless, instead of killed demons I'm killing myself like some goddamm pick me." That ringed in your head a bit to loud and you got a bit carried away (if you even can when your killing youself) and genya knocked on your door because he could smell the blood. Yours and only yours. But when he opened the door, your back was slumped against the wall, and the blade stared at genya as if saying, "You failed demon," he cried.
Genya’s words:
"Maybe you too were a bit too much like nemi"
Kanao
● The moon and the sun vibes, you've been together ever since the start, yes even when kanao was an orphan so we're you. And then came along Kanae and Shinobu, adopting you both as butterfly girls and their sisters. Unlike kanao, you had a name, which was y/n l/n, a pretty name too. When she went on missions, so did you. When you went on missions, so did she, always together like a magnet, you being the north and her being the south. You were kanao's favorite person, even more so than shinobu.
● Your master was Kanae, and hers was shinobu, but at last, when kanae died, a part of you died too. Shinobu noticed you becoming more and more like her, but you acting as kind as Kanae. It seems as if you couldn't get out of this circle or loop. You liked rectangles better they seem to look nicer, speaking of rectangles. The gift you gave to kanao was a small rectangle keychain that had the print of 8 butterflies, each one representing the butterfly pins you wore, each one being kiyo, sumi, naho, aoi, kanao, y/n, shinobu, and kanae. You gave it to her before final selection as a good luck charm, and she hung it on the barrel of her katana. Too bad you didn't make it to final selection.
● It's such a shame, though, You wouldn't even dare step into final selection, too afraid of seeing someone die. Or kanao staying with you throughout the entire thing, if that happened, your plan would've failed, and you would've lived. What was your plan, might I say? Simple the wisteria poison was harmful to humans in large doses, so you plucked the purple flower, mixing it with water and drank it. It seeps from your mouth into your lungs as you begin violently coughing, then it spread to your arms and legs, paralyzing them. At last, it reached back up to your heart, forcing it to spasm into a heart attack. When kanao found out you weren't the 5 that had passed the final selection, she couldn't cry. She never could. But when she told shinobu, shinobu did cry, and I believe her thoughts were 'The same thing that y/n used to kill themselves, it's currently pumping through my veins.' From time to time, the butterfly girls will visit your grave
Kanao's words:
"Why can't I cry"
