Honestly, the best part of going by our chosen name at work is the cis people finding out.
Let me explain.
99% of people, especially the bigots, don’t actually comment on it. They don’t look at food service workers’ names.
¿But the ones who do notice?
We go by Stardust at work. It’s our agreed upon singlet name, & it’s gender affirming but not blaringly obviously trans or nonbinary to bigots.
(We’re transmasc for reference - he/they (it’s even on our nametag, because luckily our boss is supportive & allowed us to sticker our pronouns on our nametag). Our coworkers are quickly adjusting to they/them & starting to get he/they, & it’s wonderful.)
So the people who do notice, they pause & go “oh, you have a beautiful name 😶”
& from there we get one of three reactions:
(1) “¿is that [your birth name/the name your parents gave you]?”
(2) “¿did you pick that?”
or (3) “I have a boring ordinary name...” (/ sheepish & embarrassed)
((literally one guy got snarky, but just to say “your parents don’t usually like it when you change the things they put in place” (like a name), but otherwise we didn’t even get snark))
((There was also exactly one time when a fellow queer called us “instant gender envy 🥺” & that....that was an amazing feeling. I still don’t know what to do with that. It’s an honour. 😅))
& from there, if they ask if we were born with it, we usually say “no, my parents don’t like me that much”, laugh it off, & say “I chose it”.
& from there, it’s (4) “¿what was your given name?”, (3) or they walk away.
If it’s (4) we’ll say politely “I’d rather not repeat it, I don’t like it” & shrug, & 100% of the time we get back “oh, that’s okay! 🥰” & they walk away.
If it’s (3) we’ll tell them, “Well, it’s expensive to change your name legally....but socially, honestly anyone can just change their name. You can just pick one you like and ask people to call you that. That’s all I did; I can’t afford to change it legally yet.”
& for (3)....every single time they go ‘...oh 😶’ & get excited.
Cis people. Getting excited. At the idea of having the freedom to choose a new name later in life.
It’s super sweet.
((We honestly expected a lot of transphobia, but our coworkers & managers use the name without any issue, & customers almost never say anything negative.))
So...yea. I absolutely love when cis people notice our name. 😅
Also, um....cis people (anyone who identifies with their assigned gender)?
You can just change your name.
You don’t have to be transgender to not like your name, or just like another name more, or feel like another name fits you better.
It’s like a nickname for you, or just another name you go by. & that’s completely valid & allowed.
You aren’t insulting trans people by having a different name socially than you do legally,
or even changing your name legally because you found a name you like better.
If you do it, it actually gets more acceptable for trans people too, & doesn’t necessarily instantly out us.
So go ahead. If your name is too boring & ordinary, or doesn’t fit you, change it.
I promise the world won’t end. The people who love you & deserve your love will adjust to the new name.
& maybe it’s just when you eat out too! If a food service worker or barista asks for a name to call, you can use any name you want.
Change it every time, or have a secret identity (/lighthearted) when you go out. Have a little fun.
You’re allowed to have fun. You’re allowed to change your name.
~Ace
(he/him; protector)
