cindy.

"Stream of consciousness, snapshots of random musings and thoughts; things that inspires"

[jessthechen]

Corgi stuck in a cake roll ₍ᐢ•ﻌ•ᐢ₎*･ﾟ｡

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[r2--d2]

Compartir ubicación by (Ibai Acevedo)

[takeflightwithlove]

interstice

I used to think that writing a thesis means I have more time to partayyy, or generally means I have more time for others. Sadly reality isn't like that and I think I am becoming a hermit. Sometimes I find consolation knowing that many is in the same solitary state as me. This same boat rowing.

2014 has started pretty well and in unexpected ways as well. I'm not one who really shares much regarding myself to others, except for really selected people. Sometimes I just want to freak out about the things I have to do at this season of my life but I know stilling myself and just waiting while labouring, that's part of faith. 

waiting. If I can only pick one thing to talk about 2013, I would say 2013 taught me that it is okay to wait. To wait, is to acknowledge that God is sovereign. To wait, is to not need credits and people's acknowledgement; it is to live for the audience of One. To wait, is to wait upon Him.

Often we live life hoping to always be doing something at certain moments. Instead of focusing on Him, we turn our focus to what we do and indulge in self-glory. We tend to focus on point A and point B, thinking how we are at A and still not at B. But we forget that in between A and B is a long blank. Living in the interstice, the in-between of nothing-ness, perhaps even emptiness, is vital to really appreciating life and perhaps, break down the pride of our human hearts that often seek others' validations. Waiting, after all, causes anxieties and anxieties happen when we cling on to pride. Only when we truly live for what really matters, only by grace, would we be able to let go and free-fall. 

God, all my worries, many which I may not even be sharing with most people right now, I entrust them to You. Cover me with Your grace.

[takeflightwithlove]

guard my heart

I’m getting married and I still do not believe in “the one”. The idea that there is “the one” out there is totally fictional, made up by Hollywood and Disney- the idea that you’ll meet a partner who will save you from life’s problems, that together with them everything will be right, that they will whisk you off to perfection. It is totally unfair to the other person- can you imagine being someone’s “the one”. If you must have “the one” then you only have God. And if that is the case, can you imagine any human being that is exactly like Christ? So perfect and unflawed? If you’ve lived, you’d know humans are totally unreasonable and totally imperfect. So how then will there ever be “the one” who can fit everything you want?

Personally, I feel “the one” is an excuse. An excuse for us to sit in our comfort zone- to find someone who will know what to say to us, who will know what to do, who will know what we’re thinking. It would be perfect, we wouldn’t need to have arguments, we wouldn’t need to talk about our problems because we wouldn’t have problems, we wouldn’t need to sort things out- we’d just be in love, and hey, it’s going to be perfect. Or the perfect excuse to being who we are and not facing our issues- I know I’ve used that reason so many times when people asked why I was still single. I didn’t want to sort things out, just wanted to run away- and so I’d tell people that I’ll find “the one” who will understand why I’m so messed up and they’ll love me and my mess. Or it’s the reason we use when things aren’t working out- that I’ve married the wrong one, that I’ve found the right one and the one I’m with is wrong just because someone makes life easier, makes things simpler, makes things happier.

If that was the case, then we’d all die single and lonely or really broken hearted. Because we’d all be getting divorces and breaking up when it gets hard. Here’s the thing, here’s the secret- you may not find “the one” but if you’re lucky, if you’re really lucky, you’d find someone who is willing to share their life with you, who will want to stick through all your crap, your issues, who can deal with all the mistakes you’ve made, who will understand that there is going to be tears and that some of your tears may be caused by them- but not matter what, they will still be there, the want to be there, to work things out. And if you do find that person, stop looking for “the one” because you have an amazing partner right there.

I’m not marrying “the one” because my fiancé is far better than anything I can come up with. He is not “ideal” not even close. He has emotions, he makes mistakes, he bleeds like me and he does irrational things like me. I don’t trust him to be the right one for me, I don’t even trust myself to know he is the right one for me. But I do trust someone, I trust God to know he is the one for me. I trust God to set me up with the right man and everyday, everyday since we first started dating- it has been a test to see how well we treat this Godly gift. It hasn’t always been easy- because you find things that isn’t what you wanted, you realise the flaws and sometimes you cry tears that is caused by him but you still want to be with him because God didn’t promise “happily easy after”.

A marriage isn’t one made by two perfect people, it’s made my two people who will help each other realise their true potential, to help each other to come into the image of Christ, to help each other walk the God life, to support each other and remind each other of the characteristics of God- to show grace when mistakes are made, to show love when one falls, to show forgiveness and kindness and gentleness. And you don’t even need “the one”- you just need God to be present. Because you can try walking life alone, you can try doing the relationship thing alone- but you’ll never be able to do much unless it’s a threesome with God. And when you realise that this man or woman in your life isn’t yours, but God’s you’d do everything to respect them, you’d do everything to protect them, you’d do everything to make it work- because God doesn’t give you a present or a blessing unless He trusts you to keep it and look after it.

And that dear readers, is how I see my relationship. He’s not the one, He’s God’s one.

Dear God, I know you have been speaking to me. Continue to make me sensitive to what You have to say. Sorry if I have been seeking perfection in this person that you placed in my life, causing me to fear and want to remain the way things are right now and being afraid to journey with anyone. You have already shown me things that I have prayed for, signs that I asked for, yet here I am still without faith fearing for the worst in the future. 

Remind me that I have nothing to fear for my heart is guarded by You and prepare my heart accordingly. You are the centre of everything.

[takeflightwithlove]

Soundtrack of my life right now haha

[takeflightwithlove]

Of Here and There

The new tumblr will be a photodiary as a form of challenge to myself to take more photos and pen down my thoughts and feelings to match them. fun. I want it to be all originals, no reblogs, and something I'll bring with me through the next few years of life or more - filled with all its intricacies, changes and transitions. (:

*click the picture*

[mvp-fotografia]

[thepoopsiecollective-blog]

We are honored to feature the photographs of Sue Kleine @sueshine in our ‘Motherhood Through Instagram’ series. Sue’s photos ooze with love and imagination. She creates fantastical worlds of endless possibilities for her gorgeous daughter, Sammy, to live within. When you read Sue’s interview...

[volturius-deactivated20160401]

Don’t let yourself feel worthless: often through life you will really be at your worst when you seem to think best of yourself; and don’t worry about losing your “personality,” as you persist in calling it: at fifteen you had the radiance of early morning, at twenty you will begin to have the melancholy brilliance of the moon, and when you are my age you will give out, as I do, the genial golden warmth of 4 p.m.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (This Side of Paradise)

[takeflightwithlove]

echo

Just read an article about a girl who was terminally ill. When I read that the girl went through an experimental radiation therapy, I can't help but felt sick in the inside and wanted to cry.

Once I had a friend who went away to undergo the same therapy without telling us. After she was back, it seemed like all would be fine for her. Middle of the semester, she went missing in action - not contactable. It wasn't the first time she went missing from us, but I didn't know that time would really be forever. Months later, a year later, I tried calling her house and was told by her mother that she is getting better, she might probably return to school, she's not ready to meet up with people. . . I called a few times, even ask the mother to invite her to my 21st birthday dinner. I tried.

I have never ever seen my friend again. I don't even know if she's alive or dead. And the article made me wondered if she was just keeping from us the whole time, that she didn't have long left. I don't know and don't think I'll ever know.

memories of her is like an echo but an echo is still real.  

[terriblerealestateagentphotos]

One thing’s for sure, prospective buyers don’t want realistic depictions of available properties. Half-hearted attempts at abstract expressionism. That’s what sells houses.

[terriblerealestateagentphotos]

Given that it’s a trademark characteristic of the undead, I think we should be concerned about any real estate agent who doesn’t have a reflection.

[takeflightwithlove]

HAHAHA

[takeflightwithlove]

let me be back on track

"Refuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows." - Elisabeth Elliot

In my previous post, I talked about how the last time I ever put in so much effort for anyone was during those times. and. that. is. simply. terrible.

Just recently I had a short self-reflection in the train and asked myself," If I am to meet my 16 year old self...would she be proud of me?" It was a tough question to answer simply because I knew the answer already. What happened to the days and times when I shed tears and cried, because I learned about how little girls are being thrown into prostitution due to the injustice that exists in societies? The nights I couldn't sleep because I once often dreamed of all the lost souls suffering out there. The hungry kids, the crying mothers, the boys trapped in violence and meaningless wars and strifes. And the many more thoughts that would always be so entrenched in my head at night, that I ended up only wanting to pray for hours before I could fall asleep. When was the last time I had a post filled with such sentiments? it used to be so common when I was 16 in my old old blogs. 

given a chance, there would be certain things I would have done differently in university - like not studying sociology and instead focus on a discipline that actually tries to not just understand but also come up with solutions to solve the world's problems is one, instead of just trying to unravel the threads only to find ourselves stuck in knots still. haha. Not that I hate sociology...I love it.

Anyway there's no point crying over spilled milk and i really want to get.back.on.track.by God's grace. I cannot imagine the day I am to die and meet my creator, and realise I have not seen his glory magnified in my lifetime. Just don't want to end up saying to God," woah, you are awesome" only to have Him say," you don't say. like where have you been my dear child?" lol. okay just role-playing in my head here but the drift is there.

so Lord, I am an ambitious girl who happens to be lazy at times too. Remove that laziness. I am not tenacious enough, I give up. I often do things based on my own strength instead of relying on You. So be my Lord and remind me not to live a selfish life? slap me hard when that happens and just throw me out there when You think it's time, not when i think I am ready. Make me absorb and always keep on learning, to pick up skills, to journey on, to do my best in all settings, to praise You and not to praise myself. Help me to love others recklessly even if i one day faces situations when people are bitching about me or other people. And most importantly, that by Your grace, I won't stray and seek to let my heart beat for You as the only constant, that I'll always revered You so that I will never turn away from You. 

[vurtual]

Guiding Light (by Bob Small)

[takeflightwithlove]

haven't been following the charts, but I really love this song

[takeflightwithlove]

Autumn. These few days I've been reminiscing the taste of autumn; the cool air, the amber, the gold, leaves like butterfly when carried by the wind, the melancholy. 

Soon hitting the one year mark since the day we gave up on each other. By grace, I feel so different from a year ago. Thankfully forgiven and blessed.

Met him a few weeks back; to see him changed and becoming someone I used to pray so hard for, reminded me that all transformations are nothing short of a miracle.

as I just happen to read something written by a girl whose boy went off to study in another country, it became difficult to not think of the times when I missed someone because the person were in a different continent for a long time. I remember how sad I felt in February last year, thinking that I won't see the person till December. I remember how surprised and happy I was, to have him back in July. I remember how assured I was the day I flew to Seoul, that I'd definitely celebrate Christmas with him in December. That didn't happen.

the point is. while recalling all these tiny memories, i feel like I might actually miss being in a LDR. crazy I know, but it was the last time, I ever bothered to put in so much effort for anyone, and prayed so hard for a person's life.

finding myself right now, to have a natural apathy to matters of the heart. and I am slowly forgetting how it is like to shed tears for someone. 

God, please guard it to keep it tender and soft.

[takeflightwithlove]

Drop thy still dews of quietness,  Till all our strivings cease;  Take from our souls the strain and stress,  And let our ordered lives confess  Thy beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the hearts of our desire Thy coolness and Thy balm; Let sense be numb, let flesh retire; Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire, O still, small voice of calm!