* a bard i am

"if music be the food of love... PLAY ON!"

[shewhomuses]

                                  I don’t care about what all the others say.                   Well, I guess there are some things that will just never go away.                    I wish that I could say that there’s no better place than home,                               but home’s a place that I have never known.

[nathanbrake-deactivated20191215]

[itvvard]

kryptona:

J.R.R. Tolkien

[talsgaar-blog]

irresolue:

                                                                              ❝  do you…  ❞

     conversation was an inanely difficult task, but for some reason silence felt worse. it was admitting failure. so dohui pursed her lips, fighting for a topic and squeezing absently at the white object in her hand until the idea came to her.

❝  like eggs ? ❞

                                                                             ❝ no. ❞

        it was an honest answer, though not the one illdi assumed the other wanted to hear. the governess had always been willing to let conversations die when they begged to end; but others seemed hellbent on keeping a dying fire kindled.

❝ they look like... well... ❞  she hesitated, but only for a moment.  ❝ they look like the inside of someone’s head. ❞

[talsgaar-blog]

irresolue ( dohui )

                                                                              ❝  do you…  ❞

     conversation was an inanely difficult task, but for some reason silence felt worse. it was admitting failure. so dohui pursed her lips, fighting for a topic and squeezing absently at the white object in her hand until the idea came to her.

❝  like eggs ? ❞

                                                                            ❝ why, yes ! ❞

       tals was never much one for long and deep conversations, unless they were shared with a very select few people. the bard always either daydreamed until the other felt offended, or he simply stopped understanding the subject matter. but eggs ? eggs he could handle !

❝ not raw, but --- they make a lovely glaze for honeybread ! ❞

[talsgaar-blog]

partedway ( corin )

corin made a little noise of indifference. “if you were ever a good bard, you’ll be one later. and i only remember the ones i like. or the real bad ones. but you weren’t one of them. in some inn, once, there was a man with a voice like broken glass, and all he’d bloody talk about was some thing he’d heard someone else’d seen in the woods. giant moth thing, something like that. and he couldn’t play the lyre, either. i remember him better ‘n i remember you, for different reasons.” he studied the man’s expression, wondering at what it held. “you alright?”

talsgar cocked his head to one side, a bushy brow rising. had it been a week prior, he would have beamed with joy at the other’s words ! but he felt no such feelings now, even though he was sure they were bubbling beneath the surface. “perhaps he was learning the trade, still. many bards start their journey with no skills, and learn as they go from tavern to tavern,” tals said, feeling a need to protect the other bard on conscience alone. his voice sounded scratchy and forced, so he supposed he was he one with a voice like broken glass now. the bard felt a little guilty for causing the other to ask after him, so he forced a small smile. “oh, yes. my voice is... healing... from an attack on my person. i feel strange without it.”

[rpmusings-galore]

                               ‘Til the stars  B U R N  out, I will be here, 

                                              ever   r e a c h i n g   toward the sky.

[talsgaar-blog]

“I packed my things and ran.” ( from caius )

meme !

there was a small moment of rare silence after caius’s words. tals was more than tempted to respond with a simple me too, but he feared that would be selfish — the other had obviously confessed something to him just now, and the last thing tals wanted ( the last thing he ever wanted ) was to make the situation about himself. and so he lifted his gaze to meet caius’, gentle and caring. ❝ ‘tis a very brave thing to do. ❞

[rpmusings-galore]

                         ❝ All that he really wants… is someone to want him back. ❞

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME ⟶ OF MONSTERS AND MEN / MY HEAD IS AN ANIMAL always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.

“He was an okay guy.”

“They had a pet dragonfly.”

“They used to sing about the birds and the bees.”

“The sky wasn’t big enough for them all.”

“So, for awhile, things were cold.”

“And that’s how the story goes.”

“But these problems aside, I think I taught you well.”

“They won’t wait.”

“We’re here to stay.”

“As the world comes to an end, I’ll be here to hold your hand.”

“They said I could never get there.”

“The carpet on my cheek feels like a forest.”

“The books I keep by my bed are full of your stories.”

“Make all your last demands.”

“I met a man today and he smiled back at me.”

“Now there are thoughts like these that keep me on my feet.”

“I don’t like walking around this old and empty house.”

“Hold my hand and I’ll walk with you.”

“Some days I can’t even dress myself.’

“It’s killing me to see you this way.”

“The truth may vary.”

“There’s an old voice in my head that’s holding me back.”

“Tell her that I miss our little talks.”

“Soon it will be over and buried with our past.”

“I don’t know if I’m wrong or right.”

“Your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“The screams all sound the same.”

“I watched you disappear.”

“All that’s left is a ghost of you.”

“I knew that I was safe from there on out.”

“We’re far from home, but we’re so happy.”

“Keep your head held high.”

“We share the same cold meal.”

“Maybe I’m a crook for stealing your heart away.”

“Maybe I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad person.”

“The room is filled with people that are less important than you.”

“You love when you know I can’t love.”

“I think it’s best we both forget before we dwell on it.”

“Hold on to what you are.”

“Hold on to your heart.”

“All that’s left are your bones.”

“I miss the comfort of this house.”

“I’m looking for a place to start.”

“Everything feels so different now.”

“Grab a hold of my hand.”

“I’ll lead you through this wonderland.”

“Ignore all those big warning signs.”

“I dare you to close your eyes.”

“I push you away, although I wish you could stay.”

“So many words left unsaid.”

“I packed my things and ran.”

“It made me wonder about their past.”

“We are nothing like the rest.”

“I spent my night dancing with my own shadow.”

“I’ve never felt better passing by all the monsters in my head.”

“I’m never ready.”

[talsgaar-blog]

seasvng ( pyros )

                  ❝ SOMETHING OF THE SORT, ❞ pyros admits with a sigh. ❝ i suppose i might’ve deserved it if i had let it happen. ❞ the memory of the excursion leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, almost as if he’s unworthy of standing — er, sitting —  before anyone. ❝ do you bear any scars from the incident ?? ❞  

                  TRULY, TALS WAS CONFUSED. and while he would admit to the fact that it was not uncommon, it came at a bad time to be sure --- he didn’t need to be in such a state when he could not ask questions ! still, the bard nodded ; it was probably best not to pry in the lives of his betters anyway.  ❝ ‘twas no one’s fault, ❞  tals responded, attempting to make the other --- and himself --- feel better.  ❝ none that can be seen. ❞

[talsgaar-blog]

ofwarborn ( caius )

CAIUS’ SMILE NEVER LEAVES not even when the man bounced in place and fear seeps into him over whether the kitchen will come tumbling down. gladly, the kitchen stays put, despite the man’s height and bulk. although if he were to bring it down, caius doesn’t think he would mind much  ― the man even seems kind enough to offer to help rebuild it. how have the gods made someone so pure? caius hands over the onion easily along with a knife, making sure the point of it is pressed against the underside of his arm to keep them both from harm, the handle facing the man.  ❝ ah well,❞ he coughs, looking away in slight embarrassment because how do you tell a man the names you’ve come up with aren’t the most appropriate.  ❝ firstly, wash your hands. there is some clean water in that bucket.❞ he nods towards the corner, a blush high on his cheeks as he takes the time to think of something.  ❝ i think, i should know your name before i tell you what has gone through my mind. it’s only fair, after all, i’ve given you my name. would you do such thing to a lady, make her wait for you name?❞ he teased easily, laughter evident on his tone.  

THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR around the chef --- around caius, tals thought --- that made the bard trust him. granted, he trusts far too easily on a good day, and usually ends up being on the bad end of the deal; but this was different somehow, and talsgar could not place what it was. something hidden behind the others’ eyes, perhaps, that made it so hard to look away? or maybe ‘twas the fact that he was so kind, when others in his place had most certainly not been. whatever the cause of tals’ easy trust and liking of the man, he was all too happy to stay a while longer in his company and help. he smiled, still, and laughed easily.  ❝ fair enough ! ‘twas always the first rule in the bakery. ❞  he was musing aloud, though he did not realize it; he walked to the designated place and thoroughly scrubbed large hands under the water, slowly making sure to do a good job in front of caius. tals laughed again, louder this time, full of life and joy.  ❝ you are right, my friend ! i’ve been rather rude --- my apologies ! my name is talsgar virago, ❞ he replied after drying his hands, and he bowed in the chef’s direction as he introduced himself.  ❝ gladly at your service, of course. ❞

[talsgaar-blog]

seasvng:

&&. OPEN !!

              PYROS GIVES A HEAVY sigh. as he sat upon the bench, a slight gust of wind had knocked his bookmark to the ground. he tries to lean forward to pick up his fallen bookmark but he fears he might rip open his stitches if he bends over. ❝ excuse me, ❞ he starts, swallowing his pride. ❝ do you think you could — please — pick that up for me ?? ❞ 

         IT WAS AN OLD MEMORY, that fresh air helped throat ailments. perhaps it was nonsense --- it probably was !! but talsgar was desperate enough for nonsense, to be sure, and so he’d taken a long walk. hearing another’s plea for help sent the bard quickly to do as he was asked, and he stooped to retrieve the bookmark. ❝ here you go, ❞ tals said, offering it back to the other. he pondered his next words carefully. ❝ were injured by the stream ?? ❞ 

[talsgaar-blog]

partedway:

if they’d said anything at all, corin hadn’t heard them. growing a bit concerned, he scrambled down the tree, coming to a low hanging branch and regarding the man from above. he looked… well, he looked alright. physically, at any rate. the branch hadn’t hit him. “oi, i know you. you’re a bard, aren’t you?” he stuck out a hand from above. “name’s corin.”

the mere word brought a sadness to tals’ heard. BARD. for what was a bard without a voice? with no way to tell stories? he was simply... a lute player, at this rate, and it broke his heart. over and over. “hello,” he greeted, the small word bringing a small jolt of pain to his throat as he struggled to speak loud enough for the other to hear. “talsgar. i am... not... a very good bard, at the moment, i’m afraid.”

[talsgaar-blog]

ofepithets:

                     SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF it was the faint sense of danger that emeline encountered at the stream or perhaps he knew how much she longed for him. but during her daily stroll through the land, emeline is surprised by the sudden appearance of ysellian. she’d dismissed her guards long ago, hoping to gain some time with the dragon after having to adjust to his absence. a hand on the large snout, a menacing growl erupts from the beast. his eyes trained on a figure behind her who seemingly joined them atop the cliff. the queen doesn’t turn to the individual as she addresses them.  ❝  he’s quite magnificent, isn’t he ?  ❞

                    THE WEATHER WASN’T AS PLEASANT as the healers’ had assured him it was. the warm air felt like fire in his throat when he breathed, and the bard couldn’t even sing or play to distract himself from the uncomfortable dampness when his tunic clung to his back. still, they’d all said it would help him to leave the tent ( and to not return, for he was no longer ill ), but he worried that their warnings meant they could not help his voice, either --- for it was still raspy and gruff, and he sounded nothing like he did before the attack. but the sight of the dragon before him ( and the queen ! ) erased his worrisome thoughts. by the gods, he thought, though all that escaped his mouth was a small, broken gasp. the bard inched closer to the pair, and bowed slightly --- keeping his gaze upon the beast.  ❝ beautiful, ❞ he agreed as he stood back up, revealing his bruised throat. ❝ truly. ❞

[talsgaar-blog]

partedway:

making up his mind to climb the tree had happened quickly and smoothly enough that corin’d hardly registered it. one moment he’d caught sight of the thing, and in the next was halfway up it. the top was reached without much incident, but when he got there one of the branches snapped under the weight of his foot, and went tumbling to the ground. “shite.” it had landed a hair’s breadth away from a person. “alright down there?” he called.

the healers had said it would be of great help to tals if he would only for a walk. the symptoms he and so many others had suffered from had gone away, and he truly no longer had any need of the healers or their assigned tent, but --- but there had to be something they could do about his voice, for it was still gone !! he could speak, but only quietly, and with a raspy, gruff tone that sounded so unlike himself. so caught up in his thoughts was the bard that he didn’t notice the branch falling until it was at his feet. he nodded, and forced a single word from a dry and damaged throat. “m’fine.”

[talsgaar-blog]

OH, HEAVENS ! the gods have chosen your character to obtain an unfavorable outcome from drinking the magical water of the stream. your character has been granted: bad luck; they’ve grown ill from the water ! this illness replicates symptoms of the flu. your character will undergo an additional side effect such as brief hallucinations while ill. however, after some time, the illness will fade just as any other !

IT WAS AS IF THE WORLD HAD STOPPED playing its never-ending song, as if the strings that kept the universe going had stopped strumming. the sky above him was gray and lifeless, and the pain in his throat overwhelmed the rest of his body.

HE WAS DYING.

but he couldn’t die. he didn’t want to die !! he wanted to live, to sing, to play, to love !! talsgar wanted the endless, boundless joys of LIFE, not the darkness and horrors that DEATH surely promised. so why had he been attacked ?? why had that random stream-goer jump upon his back to choke the life from him ??

but he’d been saved, at least. a kind stranger ( derrek, tals remembered. his name was DERREK ) had stopped his attacker just before the blackness overcame the bard’s vision, ending the chance to thank the man for his kindness. not that he would’ve been able to, of course — for when he woke in a tent under a healer’s care, his voice was gone.

and not only that, but talsgar felt no better now than he had when he was being choked. his head pounded, and his body felt as if it would fall apart with the aches and pains that wracked his joints. it wasn’t long before something else happened, too — but surely…

the sound of a soft whip colliding with skin caused talsgar to jerk awake and spring into a seated position. his hands clutched the furs on his cot, fear immediately blazing through his veins. that SOUND —

“ you burnt the bread again, eh tal ? even after fandral showed you how not to do that ? ”

talsgar’s eyes traveled to the owner of the voice, standing in a cloudy corner of the tent, which had somehow transformed into the old backroom of the bakery in which the bard had grown up. his father — his adoptive father, that is — was huddled over a smaller form which under closer inspection turned out to be the small, dark figure of a ten-year-old talsgar viarmo.

“ father, please, i — ”  the boy said, his eyes watering with tears.

“ i’m not your father, boy, ” geillmer viarmo said, readjusting his grip on the whip that still held a candle to the scars on the bard’s back to this day. “ and if i was, i’d do the same thing your own parents did — i’d dump you on a doorstep. you’ve not done as any good with your damned lute and songs…  ”  another clash of the whip. another scream. another beg from the child in the corner.

he tried to scream. he tried to call out, to beg for mercy, to beg for help — but his voice wouldn’t come to him, and even the attempt to speak brought waves of hot pain to his throat, forcing him to stop trying. with the commotion, the bard’s weak body fell from his cot as he cried silently, and a nurse rushed over to his cot to calm him. 

with her appearance in front of him, the vision in the corner disappeared as if it had never been there.

[talsgaar-blog]

TASK ONE.  → ❝ state your name. who are you? ❞

tw: abuse.

full name: talsgar viarmo.

status/occupation: bard.

nickname(s): tal, tals.

age: thirty-four.

date of birth: february first.

gender identity: cismale.

sexuality: bisexual.

original kingdom: kradaeca.

kingdom allegiance: kradaeca.

spoken language(s): common tongue.

views on the balance: agrees.

→ ❝ i’ve never seen you before. ❞

face claim: clive standen.

height: six feet and four inches.

weight: two-hundred and twenty pounds.

body type: tall, muscular. he’s thicc

hair color: brown.

eye color: green.

accent: ironhaven ( welsh )

scars: a few lash scars remain on his back from being ‘punished’ by his adoptive parents when he was a child.

tattoos: he has a small sun on his left shoulder and a small moon on his right shoulder.

clothing: mostly raggedy clothing, such as large tunics and rough-spun cloaks.

→ ❝ where do you come from? ❞

home kingdom: kradaeca.

current location: kradaeca.

financial status: poor ( but fed, mostly ).

criminal conviction(s): none.

→ ❝ what name do you take? ❞

father: geillmer viarmo.

mother: ingrid viarmo.

sibling(s): five older step-siblings: lynbi, fandral, hjor, heith, and arnora.

children: none.

→ ❝ how can we trust you? ❞

horoscope: aquarious.

hogwarts house: hufflepuff.

7 deadly sins: envy and gluttony. he gets jealous easy because he rarely thinks he’s good enough, and he really, really likes to eat.

theme song: the mute by radical face / what do i know? by ed sheeran.

→ ❝ i’ve heard about you. ❞

he has no idea he’s bisexual ( or that such a thing exists ) and is very confused about his feelings.

although very talented with lyrics and tunes, talsgar is often chastised for being ‘slow’ and a ‘simpleton.’ these insults used to hurt him — but now he has grown to believe them, and doesn’t mind them anymore ( outwardly, at least ).

he finds his size very uncomfortable, even though he’s trained his body to be as graceful as possible. he feels as though he was born in the wrong body, and there’s a scrawny man out there somewhere who dreams of being a warrior with the body that was meant to be his own.