Proof that all Border agents are either stupidly insane, insanely stupid or both - part 3 [ masterlist ]
Yuma, Ko, Kageura, Shun & Yoneya
Yuma, rummaging through the Kageura Squad’s fridge with the focus of a man on a mission: You guys have natto in here?
Kageura, not looking up from his phone: Bottom shelf. Zoe bought it.
Yuma, finding it immediately, visibly pleased: Nice.
Then, Yuma turn around to also grabs the milk.
Shun: Yuma-senpai, what are you making with both of those?
Yuma, already moving to the counter: Terivali with milk. Oyaji's thing. Natto's close enough to Terivali that it should work the same way.
Shun, sweating with dread: What's Terivali?
Yuma: Hmm. It’s hard to explain. It's made from fermented grain pulp, but the Neighborhood type of grain, not Japan ones. Really sticky. Strong smell. It really builds character.
Ko, very carefully: You're. Mixing fermented soybeans. With milk.
Yuma: Yeah. You want some?
Yuma, pausing, looking between everyone's faces: ...Is that weird here?
Yoneya, with the expression of a man watching a natural disaster from a safe distance: Yuma. Buddy. Yes. That is extremely weird here.
Yuma, genuinely processing this: Hm. Osamu never mentioned it.
Shun: Has Osamu-senpai seen you do this?
Yuma: Yes, I think? I usually make it in the morning before he's up.
Kageura, flatly: So you've just been doing this alone in the dark like a cryptid.
Yuma, not denying this: The milk makes the fermentation smoother. It's actually really good. And the texture-
Ko, with great personal strength: I believe you that it tastes good to you, Yuma. I do. But I don't think any of us are ready to hear about the texture right now.
Yoneya, already opening his phone: I'm telling your captain. Right now. Immediately.
Yuma, unbothered, now also reaching for the strawberry jam in the cabinet: Oyaji also used to add something sweet to cut the sourness. Do you think jam works-
Kageura: DO NOT PUT JAM IN THAT????
Kageura, five seconds away from beating the shit of Yuma: Because I am still in this room and I have limits.
Ko, staring at the jar, then at the natto, then at the milk, then at the ceiling: There's three ingredients. Three. And somehow it keeps getting worse.
Shun, quietly to himself, like a man recalculating something: Yuma-senpai has been living in the Tamakoma branch for a while now.
Shun: And Osamu-senpai eats breakfast with him every morning.
Shun, with deep genuine sympathy: I feel bad for him with how he deal with this everyday.
Meanwhile, Yoneya, texting furiously and grinning: Four Eyes just replied. He said and I quote "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE PUTS MILK IN IT I THOUGHT THE SMELL WAS JUST THE NATTO"
Shun, flabbergasted: HE DIDN'T KNOW EITHER?????????????
Yuma, already eating his creation with complete serenity: It's really good. Oyaji would've liked this here. Lots of good ingredients to work with.
Kageura, staring at Yuma, then at the cup, then at Yuma again: Your dad made this. On purpose. For years.
Yuma: He invented it actually. Pretty proud of it.
Kageura: ...He sounds insane.
Yuma, confused: Why does everyone keep saying that like it's a bad thing.
Kageura, standing up: I'm going outside.
Yoneya, still on his phone, very delighted: Shrimp! Four Eyes is calling me right now.
*He lets it ring for five full seconds before picking up*
Yoneya: Heyyyy, Four Eyes. Yeah. Yeah it's true. The milk too. *bites his lips to stop himself from laughing* Yeah. Oh he also tried to put jam in it just now. Don’t worry, Kage stopped him.
*Then he pauses, listening, then slowly turns to look at Yuma with an expression of great interest*
Yoneya: Hey Shirmp, your captain wants to know how long have you been doing this.
Yuma, thinking about it genuinely: Since I got here? I ran out of Terivali pretty fast so I started looking for substitutes.
Yoneya, back into the phone: Since he got there. *snorted to himself* Yeah, yeah I'd be upset too.
Ko, making a decision, standing up with quiet resolve: I'll go check on Kuruma and Taichi.
Shun, watching Ko leave, then looking back at Yuma, then at the empty cup, then at Yoneya: ....Should I go too?
Yoneya, still on the phone, waving Shun off: Stay. It's more fun with witnesses.
Shun, sitting back down with the resignation of a man who knows he's want to leave but lacks the will to act on it: Yeah okay.
Yoneya, back into the phone: Yeah, he just started rinsing the cup out. He looks completely fine. Yeah, yeah he really does. Okay I'll ask.
Yoneya, turning to Yuma: Four Eyes wants to know if your dad ever made anything normal.
Yuma, genuinely thinking hard about this: ...He made really good flatbread?
Yoneya, into the phone: Flatbread. Hmm, yeah that's what I thought.
Shun, quietly whispered to himself: Just flatbread.
Yuma: He put Terivali on it sometimes though.
Shun, completely defeated: There it is.
Yoneya, hanging up, tucking his phone away with a satisfied expression: Four Eyes says he's going to start waking up earlier from now on. And try to prevent Yuma from doing it again. But considering how Yuma is, he’ll definitely fail.
Shun: That-that's genuinely kind of sad.
Yoneya, laughing at the chaos that unfolded: Yep.
Yuma, looking toward the cabinet again with renewed interest: Hey. Do you think honey would work better than jam-
Shun, one step away from combusting: YUMA-SENPAI PLEASE.
*From outside, distantly, the sound of Kageura presumably talking to a wall or a plant or absolutely anything that isn't this conversation.*
Yoneya, not moving an inch: Should someone check on Kage.
Shun: You're closer to the door????
Yoneya: No. I’m comfortable in this couch. You can not make me stand up
