.. live for more..

[tamcicro]

.. FINALLY.. ❤️🤍💙 ..

.. Finally, we see Yashiro completely lost in the kiss.. No more lies.. No more hiding his own feelings.. Not from Doumeki, not from himself..

.. A complete surrender..

.. Bravo, my boy.. Bravo..

.. I always admire how Doumeki could transfer all his feelings in a kiss, but, damn, Yashiro..

.. Here.. Your kisses are probably the loudest unspoken "i love you, too" ever..

.. Doumeki's arm on Yashiro's waist, and Yashiro's strong hold around Doumeki's neck..

.. Look how he is holding him..

.. Yashiro's grip reminded me of this cover..

.. They look like they will never let go of each other..

.. Finally, now they know love..

..How to love, and how to be loved..

.. THIS IS LOVE..

.. i bow to you sensei.. i bow to you..

[thelonelysoulhome]

It always makes me sad when people say that yashiro is 'sexy' (no offense to anyone of course, it can be said on a lighter note 😊).

Yashiro is indeed beautiful and his appearance stand out, but it's the way Yashiro portray himself that make him stand out even more, the way he seems like a man with any principles that don't give a damn about how he is treated is what makes most of the people in his life 'attracted' to him, they all want to 'do' him a 'public toilet' that everyone shares... No one gives a damn about him, no one sees 'cause no one cares. For Yashiro over sexualizing himself and sex itself is a self defense mechanism, that he uses to survive in a really vile world, he proceeds this way because it's seems safe to him. Sexualizing everything all the time is also a way for him to hide. Yashiro has a deep complex personality that he hides most of the time.. He is deeply wounded, having been exposed to the worst that man is capable of at a young age, he become an adult that understood the vice and the disgust of the world in spite of himself, and he tried as best as he could to protect himself from it.

He is all alone, and pretty deppressed, he breathes but he never felt like he was alive, he is not trying not to drown, no one thaught him how to swim, so he had to survive under the water, and it's been so long that it feels normal now, he's drowning but he persuade himself that he likes the feeling.

A life of silent suffering, seeking for a bit of release in defense mechanisms which at first glance, are there to protect, but which in reality damage and wear out the soul and the body.

Deep down Yashiro hates sex, it's an act he don't gives any significance, any importance to, it dosen't matter where, with who, it just need to be as impersonal and brutal as possible just to inflict the pain he needs to regulate, an escape that always leads back to the same cage.

Yashiro never been seen, he don't even know himself that well, he don't know who he is, not the hypersexual teenager who always faked a smile, nor the "lustfull maso cat", nor the yakuza's 'public toilet'... But who is he ?

Who is he ?

Who is this little boy ?

He don't know...he don't wanna know, he don't wanna see.. It's unbearable, it's too hard, it's someone he hid in the deepest part of himself, someone..something he can't show to anyone. One of Yashiro's biggest fear is being seen for what he truly is, that why he is so afraid of intimacy, real one, he has no problem with nudity but he struggles a lot to get 'naked', being vulnerable, showing emotions, showing a side of him he don't even acknowledge himself. He succeeded so far to hold himself together in all his self protective lies but after meeting Doumeki he struggles to maintain all of those walls, from the begining he start to behave in ways that betray those defenses, his heart taking over his brain, potentially exposing him to danger, exposing him to inevetably face the truth.

Yashiro always been different with Doumeki because Doumeki always treated him differently, from the start, Doumeki made his proper impression of Yashiro, without getting influenced by his reputation, or even what Yashiro let reflect

In this scene (chapter 3) Doumeki affirm that Yashiro's back is "kirei" (beautyful\pure) and Yashiro replies by saying that it's not that 'Kirei' and that he should take a good look, (a body that hold marks from years and years of abuse), it's like he's saying "undernith the mask it's ugly.. If you take a good look at me..I'm ugly, so don't come closer".

All the little moments they shared together, where Yashiro could let go a bit (unintentionally), when he carelessly laid on Doumeki's lap, the tiger sweat-shirt, when all Doumeki wanted was to touch Y's hair, when they had small talks, when they took breakfast together, when they talked about Kage and Yashiro's step father... When he just:

This kiss is a moment when Yashiro is himself 100% nobodies watching, no one with whom he have to pretend, no one, a pure, truthful moment without any fences, it's just him and his overflowing feelings, coming out in the most vulnerable and affectionate gesture. All of this is intimacy all of this is way more intimate then all the sex Yashiro had in his whole life.

When Yashiro realize that he also just wanted to touch Doumeki with gentelness and care and that he the real Yashiro underneath all the walls, also want to be treated this way, like there is hope that he can matter someway, to someone..that he deserve..to be loved ? That mean everything he lived and pretended to accept until now is.. It's when the realisation is near, when he feels it inside of him, the storm that want out, that he freaks out, but it's already to late

And like this the realization that he never been fine is finally sinking in, he never been fine with the r*pe, he never been fine with the pain that his little body had to endure, he never been fine with the abuse, he never been fine with all the suffering, all the sorrow he had to bear,and hide all alone, never.

But at this moment (after chapter 25) acknowledging everything and accepting Doumeki's love is way more harmful than keeping on getting hurt.

So he keeps on hiding, 'cause at least in secret, you can control the narrative, you get to fall on your own terms, you get to hurt without worrying about being a burden, but let me tell you, you're not protecting anyone by staying this way my dear, you're only wounding yourself even more.

But how much more can he hold on like this, the more you're getting older, the more it become wobbly inside

Yashiro want to be seen truly by Doumeki so badly, he want to be seen, to be held, but that terriefies him, 'cause what if he see his mess ? What if he don't know what to do with this pain ? Pain that is already unbeareble for Yashiro, what if he walk away the moment he unmask completly ?

Yashiro needs reassurance he needs 'proofs' that he can give in with Doumeki, but Doumeki is really cautious 'cause he's afraid that Yashiro will run away if he unveil, 'cause tragically even if Yashiro's heart wants to love and to be loved by Doumeki so eagerly, it's yet to know if his brain is ready or not to break free and finally face all his scars and maybe someday, hopefully, heal little by little, his inner child. Doumeki is indeed a piece of the puzzle but he won't resolve everything, healing is a tumultuous and exausting path that demand a lot of will power, but the help of a person you trust and love and that cares for you and your well being can be a big help and play a huge part in the process to get better.

[tamcicro]

.. uf, uf.. amazing words, as always.. i almost cried in the bus full of people.. i very much agree with you..

.. and this is why I have a huge grudge against Kageyama.. i honestly and mostly blame him for this Yashiro's state of mind [apart from that scum of the universe "stepfather", of course]

.. i get that in school Kage was also just a kid.. BUT, when someone tells you [at that age] that he is masohist and what not, your first reaction should not be "oh, well, let me touch those scars of yours.."

.. i can not but wonder, how would Yashiro feel, that Kage helped him then.. or at least try to help.. that could also made a difference..

.. buuuuuut noooooo.. Kage just accepted it like it's no big deal..

I know that Yashiro is not his responsibility, but come on.. he knew what was really happening at Y's home.. and he did NOTHING.. not just then, but for more than 20 years he did nothing.. A real friend, a good friend would at least try to talk to him or something.. maybe it wouldn't help, and Yashiro would stay the same, but who knows?

.. and in Yashiro's mind, when Kage didin't want him, he thought of course.. who would want/love someone like me?

.. It always seemed to me that Yashiro paired Kage and Kuga just to prove himself that Kage didin't want him not because he is a man, but because Yashiro is indeed broken, disgusting and unworthy of love.. and when Kage actually fall for Kuga, Yashiro is left with his proof.. He is a monster, that's why, I think, he has so hard time to accept Doumeki's vision of him.. because he already proven to himself who he is..

.. i don't hate Kageyama, but, God, how I wanna slap him sometimes..

[jilyreadz]

A Doumeki Analysis

Part 1: Pre-Timeskip

Missed me?

Terrible jokes aside though, I believe this post is much long overdue and even chapter 64 is within our midst (IM SO EXCITED HOW DID DOUMEKI AND YASHIRO END UP LIKE THAT?!). For those confused, I refuse to receive any spoilers unless the manga is done, so no I have not read the summary. Anyways, I'm planning to make this post a trilogy, since I can't bother myself to examine all of Doumeki in just 1 go, its really hard with all the differing opinions.

Be warned spoilers ahead for the pre-timeskip manga of Saezuru in general

Credits to @samxmanga for inspiring me to make this post and even asking how I was doing while doing so! This is their original post, and I'll be taking points from @tamcicro comment and really just giving my personal view in answering the question...

Who should be the one to blame?

This post is more on why neither Doumeki or Yashiro should be blamed, but mostly focusing on Doumeki here and really how he had to deal with his own sets of trauma too. I'm not saying its comparably worst nor better compared to Yashiro, but I'm neither saying that trauma should ever be measured. It affects everyone differently. However, time and time again, I've seen Doumeki being blamed for 'possessiveness' and well questioned for it as well. I've seen him also being 'blamed' for not caring as much on Yashiro's feeling. (Not to mention chapter 23,24, and 25 can be as debatable as we want it to be)

So let's just start with the root of it all really.

1.What trauma has Doumeki faced?

Yakuza stuff aside, let's take a look back at pre-main story. I chose this one as a first point due to the title being called pre-timeskip for a good reason.

Ok I know I said, yakuza stuff aside. But we have got to show his face from chapter 1. I'm no artist, and Sensei herself says she finds it difficult to draw emotions. But I think she conveyed something in Doumeki that I didn't see reading the manga/anime for the first time. Doumeki looks rather solemn/distant no? In the manga especially, we see his eyes glow more when he feels something, when he well, won't you say...look at Yashiro?

His eyes (or well the white parts - pupils, glow stuff??) are moving. Now this might have been just to set the mood (he's looking at Yashiro laugh), but I really think he felt something here. But what does this mean?

Watching the movie for the first time, I couldn't help but relate to how Doumeki was acting. He looked like he was moving through the motions, until well he met Yashiro. Doumeki had this emotionless expression from the start, and while we don't get much from his childhood, we knew he was known to be 'strong' from the very start.

Now I'm no professional, but I think we all know how it feels to not be treated like you're a child anymore. And well, who knows how 'early on' that could've been for Doumeki? It also mentions Doumeki's parents 'weren't the doting type', that would mean they didn't really pay attention to him. Which is quite correct, or else what he saw and consequently did, may have not happened really. The point was, while Yashiro didn't grow up in a normal home, neither did Doumeki really either.

Even he goes to mention, Kendo practice was his only remembrance of feeling free. Was he confined at home? Did he feel that unwanted? It scares me that unlike how clear Yashiro's trauma was, Doumeki was only shown a panel or two 😭

Of course we could go on to the main trauma. Unlike the earlier one's, he mentions this explicitly to Yashiro, so it's likely the one to have hurt him the most.

I knew something was familiar between Aoi and Yashiro, but I didn't really realize how familiar. However, I think most fans of this fandom probably know what I'm going on about here so I'm going to make you save this image in your heads.

Doumeki was always known to be 'strong', someone not really pitied. Yashiro had a similar thing, yet he was pitied. He didn't want to be pitied. Doumeki was known to to remain calm and quiet, but at this moment...he snapped. And something about the Inami speech we get later on, kind of made my heart break a bit.

Doumeki looks devastated here, so much so he's not even bothering to move. He's THAT affected. In my opinion, what had happened spread around the police force, and so not only did he stay in prison for 4 years enduring his cellmates advances, but also the people he once were teammates of, talking bad about him when what he had done was a completely valid reaction. Yet, he snapped, and I think that made him realized he isn't all that strong, he couldn't protect his sister. He couldn't protect Yashiro. All these showings that he wasn't strong enough, I can't help but think he was affected by that.

That Inami speech made me hate him, but not just about how inconsiderate he was to Doumeki's feelings of the incident, but that he didn't pity him either. And that made me realize how important Yashiro was to Doumeki, because for him...

He listened. Sure, it seemed Yashiro teased Doumeki about it, but he addressed the main issue: his regret in not killing his father. Yashiro didn't say he was in the wrong, just like Inami did. He didn't say Doumeki was a lunatic for punching his father to a pulp. No, he didn't. Unlike everyone, instead of Doumeki having to bear the need to protect them, Yashiro was willing to protect him. Yashiro was willing to make sure, that he was safe. Was it at this moment he wanted to protect Yashiro even more? Have his 'overprotective' attitude? Well, before that I wanted to answer a very long ago question...

2. Was the s*x in Ch.25 consensual?

I think I can't stress enough how much I loved reading the responses on this post.

However, as someone who doesn't really speak about explicit content, I think at the end of the day, it's really everyone's interpretation. Personally, I do think it wasn't consensual in the sort of sense that Doumeki should've asked to keep doing what he was doing the entire time. However, at the end, is it wrong to say Yashiro didn't make him think he wanted this?

Doumeki before Yashiro asks him if he can do s*x with him, is outright trying to hope Yashiro didn't want to do it with him now that he's hard. We all know Doumeki's feelings when this happens, he doesn't want to be thrown out, he doesn't want to act like his father etc.

The cover for chapter 23 even says 'Even though all I want is to love him, it will only hurt him'. I don't think Doumeki knows Yashiro's past in this image, I mean why isn't he looking at him? He's looking forward at his own perspective, and how doing it with Yashiro could turn everything for the worst (and well that's really also based on everyone's perspective).

He outright rejects him, but Yashiro keeps on going, even laughing at him. Yet, Yashiro does explain what he thinks of s*x, explaining that 'its just s*x right?'. Doumeki is surprised at this, he does take note of this, but I believe in a different way. You see, while we as a fandom might have thought this line meant that Yashiro doesn't think of s*x as a intimate part of a relationship where you build your trust on that person, I think Doumeki took this line as the fact that Yashiro only wanted to do it with him before casting him aside. They were discussing how Doumeki should quit the Yakuza before this after all (even though not explicitly Yashiro was saying to not move out of his house - thank goodness it comes in handy)

After all, Yashiro says that he never lays a hand on his subordinate, Doumeki might have taken this fact that Yashiro would never go further with a subordinate of his, and realizes he will be cast aside so that he isn't his subordinate anymore.

This might all sound that he is only looking at his perspective of the story, but watch that after Yashiro walks away...

He doesn't bother to get up. He doesn't chase him. He knows Yashiro is injured yet doesn't help him taking off his clothes to get to the shower. Now that may sound selfish, but think of it this way. Doumeki doesn't understand Yashiro, he had to go to the extent to understand that Yashiro was lovesick by finding contact lenses. He had to go to extent to even keeping it to ask about it when Yashiro wanted to. He doesn't even know that even a direct invitation by Yashiro, is a real one or not. If he really was like every of his partners, why didn't he just kiss him right then there? Defile him when he clearly said so?

That's because Doumeki knew him. In a way that he knew Yashiro wasn't being sincere, that he knew Yashiro only wanted to do it with him, and not love him. Unlike all of Yashiro's partners, Doumeki didn't think s*x was supposed to hurt someone, was supposed to 'just be s*x'. Sure, he had cases by the nurse, and his 2 gf's. Yet, I think he changed that perspective when he met Yashiro.

Now to my favorite panel. Yashiro confesses. After this point, I was confused why Yashiro was rejecting, now I know better. Even though he confessed, he put his walls back up again. But it's too late, Doumeki saw the sincere him, the one Yashiro kept trying to hide. Can it be wrong to say that Yashiro didn't show he wanted this? All the signs were quite clear in Doumeki's perspective.

Doumeki even says this in the extra. He wouldn't act unless his boss wanted him too, and well looking at how he acts, would it not be wrong to assume as such?

I understand Yashiro here, he's overwhelmed. He kept thinking, saying stuff, acting unlike him. I don't think Doumeki wants this to happen, I think at the end he wanted to clear his mind. Help him stop thinking. And then it became gentle touches, where people start too think that Doumeki should've stopped there. Yet, I think what the original reblogger mentioned is quite true, he consented to s*x sure, yet he didn't consent to being treated kindly. 'Like this', if he really didn't want it. If he really thought this was like r***, why does he mention like this? Just say 'I don't wanna be touched', not 'I don't wanna be touched like this'.

{Gets explicit from here}

Sure, you may say it's Yashiro's kindness that relents him from comparing Doumeki to his father, but Yashiro is feeling wronged. Yet, he doesn't think Doumeki is like his father. He says 'he's wrong'. He may not like this (because he isn't used to it), but his body says otherwise. And personally, I think he also knows he wanted this.

I'm rather confused looking at this panel. Why does he say this? Doumeki has heard of this before, but why do they both say it? Yashiro also says this post timeskip, but again, why?? Is it because he didn't want Doumeki to see him weak, like how Aoi didn't want Doumeki to see her because if he did, she knows he would take that guilt in his heart forever?

For me, it's at this point I think Doumeki should've stopped. He says 'Don't touch me', it's at this point he doesn't want Doumeki at all. That he doesn't care if it's kindness or not, he feels overwhelmed and doesn't like this.

Doumeki keeps going forward, and of course Yashiro asks him to keep going. Doumeki asks if he wants this, to which he doesn't get a response. And yeah, we can all say that his mind isn't in the correct place right now so we shouldn't expect him to say anything, but can we agree that what he did, by lifting himself towards Doumeki, it would just confuse him even more? Doumeki is trying to understand, but I don't think he gets it.

It's at this point I don't think Doumeki is himself anymore. That Yashiro looks terrified not because of him saying 'sorry' but I think that Yashiro doesn't recognize him anymore. Or perhaps both, as he says 'Don't break me'.

Yashiro treats Doumeki like all his previous partners after that, and he doesn't want 'kind' Doumeki at all, even when he sprouts out seeing how hurt Yashiro is.

At the end, I can neither blame either of them. This event affected them both, and both of them knew the consequences in their own perspective. Was it consensual, was a really good question for me here, because Yashiro confused me and Doumeki too. That does goes to say, even if he did like it, that doesn't mean wants it right? Yet, his body does, oh we can see that. So at the end, I think the poll was pretty right for a almost 50/50.

3. Why does Doumeki thinks Yashiro is 'rejecting' him?

Just like @tamcicro said, Doumeki can't see what Yashiro is thinking, he can't see how much Yashiro is hurting. Yashiro, yes, tried to explain. But,

he doesn't know if it's true. He doesn't know if anything he says it's true. And we all know it's only until Nanahara explains, that he walks away. That he stops and realizes how much Yashiro had to endure. He feels like he had been rejected, that he really was just another 'body' for him, but post-timeskip shows Doumeki never gave up thinking Yashiro deep inside still likes him. Or well, he never gave up wanting to stay by his side.

And while I'm only focusing on pre-timeskip here for this one, yes post-timeskip is a bit controversial, but I'll put a bit of a spoiler of what I think for my next post. I think post-timeskip actions of Doumeki is odd. I think Doumeki wanted to reconcile with Yashiro, but with the new knowledge that Yashiro's walls have to be broken down one by one, I think he had too make sure he was 'comfortable with him'. While we all know he takes this the wrong way, Doumeki doesn't know that. And that's all for my thoughts of pre-timeskip ^^.

Yashiro has a lot to work with, and yes I can't help but agree that Doumeki should try to be more understanding. However, Yashiro has confused him so much that he only has his own understanding to based out off. And I think I can confidently said his own understanding is trying to protect him, whatever danger that might be, and I hope chapter 64 shows that, that's what he meant to do all long 🤞.

[pouletaulait]

👏

This was really interesting to read! Well, done! 👍☺️

I had never consciously considered that Doumeki might have been under the impression that Yashiro would be okay with having sex with him because of his "confession" in the shower. But you're right from Doumeki's perspective it would be a logical conclusion, after all, mere moments ago Yashiro had told him to sleep with him and then he pretty much confesses his feelings for him... under "normal" circumstances you'd think he'd be into it. Doumeki didn't understand that Yashiro was completely confused and that he couldn't even make sense of what he was saying (he confessed without realizing it, imo).

This parallel you mentioned between Aoi and Yashiro (don't look), is something that puzzled me in the past too. Besides the panel you shared we see him think? or say? the same again in the flashback in chapter 27:

I think you're completely right about the fact that both Aoi and Yashiro say this because they don't want for Doumeki to see them "like this"; vulnerable, weak, broken... They both love Doumeki and they don't want him to see them in this state, at their "lowest" if you will. I've touched on this idea of "hiding your emotions" in a series of posts about Yashiro's possible issues with emotional intimacy, one of them was even titled "Don't look" 😅 (I didn't even remember until I just looked it up 🫣) I think in this respect it's interesting to consider what he might be thinking in the very next panel in chapter 27:

"vulnerable", "hurt", "broken"?

I'm looking forward to your next analysis! ☺️

[jilyreadz]

:0 YES I DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT ONE! Gosh, this is why I love the fandom. I just finished reading about your 'Don't look' post (I knew it was familiar that someone had made a post on it), so yes I agree with many points there, some I'm writing here too.

Yashiro struggling with emotional intimacy makes so much sense to me especially with those words now. You're right, he's trying to hide his emotions because he's scared of sharing an emotional connection with him.

I'm starting to also realise how much this implies to post timeskip now (I might start overthinking here).

While reading your 'dont look' post I can't help but remember the spoiler shared about Doumeki and Yashiro laying on the floor together. Yashiro looks terrified, and while I haven't read the summary, Yashiro seems scared to face him. Then, I started piecing up many instances.

First meeting back, Yashiro grabs a cigarette and avoids his gaze. Meeting Tsunakawa, also avoids Doumeki (but that might just be because he has to remain a poker face to Tsunakawa). It was only when Doumeki came in front of the shower, that he finally met his gaze. And even then, he was holding that poker teasing face we all know and love about him, yet I think Doumeki of course knows that.

Yup, it totally makes sense, he doesn't want to unlock that emotional connection again (I mean after that shower scene they were even about to kiss - they're too in love your honor!! 😭)

[tamcicro]

.. Uh.. That was one emotional read.. thank you very much for it..

.. i always have a problem with just accepting it was r*pe, it was nonconsensual..

.. i think it's because i always look things from both Yashiro's and Doumeki's pov..

.. maybe even mostly, because, we all know that D most certainly didin't think that he is forcing himself on Y..

And i don't think about that crap, but I knew he/she wanted it, that is unfortunately happening irl..

.. it's the best example, how confusing Yashiro's contradicions are for someone who doesn't know what he actually thinks..

.. because, Yashiro himself was not so long ago, on top on Doumeki, demanding sex, while D is crying he doesn't want it [funny how D's critics, didin't scream sexual abuse here.. but I never looked at it like that, so I won't go there.. i do "love" double criteria..]

.. not only that, Yashiro says that sex is meaningless and it's just putting in someones hole, and...

That Yashiro's view od sex, is what Doumeki has in his mind[even after 4 years,he still remembers that Y sees sex like that]..

.. was Yashiro overwhelmed and scared..

Yes.. BUT.. why was he like that?

When he was on top of D, he was so sure of himself, but the moment the "roles change".. the moment D starts with gentleness, in Yashiro's own words "the way this is, it's not the way i know.." so he back's down..

.. you say that D should've stop, but he already said why he didin't..

" If i let go of his hand... he will never give me another chance.."

.. not a good excuse I know, if someone says stop you stop.. but..

That D stoped there.. that would be that.. Yashiro would have bolted as fast as his legs would carry him.. He would have D expelled, and he would NEVER CHANGE.. He would never know gentle touch, kiss or good/kind s*x..

I have always think that one of the main reasons Yashiro broke down in the shower, was because he realize that he has to let Doumeki go.. it's not "save" for him anymore.. and he just wasn't ready for that..

I do get why some people are claming r*pe, but there is also signs that it wasn't..

When s*x is done, and memorys of Y's assbutt stepfather come to Y, he thinks, why right now?

That he actually had a bad experience, he wouldn't say that.. you usually say that when something bad happens after something good..

Or when he is telling D that he makes it hurt, and D refuses saying- "look how much you are enjoying yourself even without that", and let's not forget that D saw Y having s*x many times..

.. and maybe most important one and one of my favorite panels, when Y is refusing to turn around, and D get's up to give him towel or a pillow[still not sure], and he is all cheeky.. and Yashiro actually reach for him to kiss him gently..

I don't know.. after your post i reread some of those chapters, and I still think it's more complicated than it was nonconsensual..

.. anyway- who is to blame.. no one.. or at least neither of Y and D..

Neither of them grow up in let's say normal familys.. they never really learn to comunicate about their own feelings.. Doumeki express them loudly and passionetly, while Yashiro denies and lies about them..

So sorry for being so long.. it possess me.. 🥺

[tamcicro]

.. HAPPY Birthday, Yashiro..

You deserve to be happy.. you deserve all the love Doumeki has for you..

.. Don't let go, fight.. for yourself, for Doumeki.. for fans sanity..

🥳🥰

[samxmanga]

The Unbearable Weight of "She": Why Calling Yashiro a Woman Misunderstands His Trauma

Fandom is a beautiful thing. It’s where we go to dissect the stories we love, explore what-ifs, and see characters through new lenses. From analyzing subtext to creating elaborate alternate universes, we engage with media on a deeper level. But sometimes, in our enthusiasm, we can stray into territory that, while well-intentioned, clashes with the very foundation of a character's journey.

Recently, I was reminded of this while reading a fan discussion. I saw someone refer to the character Yashiro from Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai using "she" and "her." Initially, I assumed it was a simple grammatical error. But as I read more, I realized this was an intentional interpretation held by some fans who see him as a trans or non-binary character.

I find this deeply sad and profoundly upsetting.

On the surface, it might seem like a harmless or even progressive act of interpretation. But to understand the weight of this, we have to look at the core of Yashiro's trauma, the very thing that has shaped his entire existence.

Content Warning: This post contains discussions of rape, abuse, body shaming, and psychological trauma related to the manga Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai. Please proceed with caution.

The Echo of an Abuser: The Stepfather's Poison

Yashiro's story is built upon a foundation of brutal abuse. As a young boy, he was systematically raped by his stepfather, a man who weaponized psychological cruelty alongside physical violence. During these assaults, his stepfather would tell him:

"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!"

He then goes on explaining to the traumatized Yashiro how his body accepts his di*k and then expands to Yashiro (the child Yashiro) how babies are made, and about him being pregnant!???. And he says more, but I don’t want to write it all; it’s disgusting and disturbing. You can see the shocked reaction from that poor little Yashiro.

"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!" This is not a throwaway line. It is the central pillar upon which Yashiro’s self-loathing is built. These words didn't just hurt him; they became the toxic lens through which he views himself and the world. Because of his stepfather’s assertion, Yashiro developed a profound and painful complex: he believes that because he is not a woman, he is fundamentally unworthy of love, kindness, or gentleness.

Whenever someone shows him genuine care, his immediate instinct is to reject it. He runs away as if he's been burned because his abuser’s voice echoes in his head, telling him he doesn't deserve it. He sees his own gentleness and beauty as a flaw, a mistake to be corrected. This is the source of his emotional distance and pain.

The Pattern of Pain: Gentleness as a Trigger

This isn't just interpretation; the text shows us this pattern again and again. Let's look at the evidence:

Chapter 10: When a yakuza begins to treat Yashiro gently and with affection, Yashiro’s first thought is, “I’m being treated as a woman!” His reaction is visceral: he feels sick and forces the man to stop, by getting him kicked out of the Yakuza.

Chapter 21: In the car, when Doumeki acts gently with him, Yashiro becomes irritated and snaps, “I’m not a woman, don’t do it so gently!”

Chapter 24: Doumeki’s gentle behavior during sex makes Yashiro so physically ill that he wants to throw up.

Chapter 25: Yashiro demands Doumeki do it roughly and make it hurt during sex, but Doumeki refuses, saying, “I won’t. Look at how much you’re enjoying it, even without that.” Yashiro then asks, “But, why?” In his mind, he doesn’t understand why he begins to enjoy the gentle sex with Doumeki. Remember, his concepts have been twisted by his stepfather: gentleness = women, and “he’s not a woman.” While having sex with Doumeki, Yashiro’s mind suddenly plays the old tape of his stepfather’s abuse, the man who had sex with him is no longer Doumeki; Doumeki’s voice fades and becomes his stepfather’s. After this, Yashiro’s body shakes, and he starts to cry. Doumeki looks at him, wondering why he’s crying. It’s like he has one side of the puzzle: he knows about Yashiro’s sexual abuse, but he doesn’t know the full extent of the trauma or why the more he cares and becomes gentle, the more Yashiro runs away, rejecting him. Yashiro wants to protect his identity , “he’s not a woman.”

Chapter 50: Titled “Wanting to Destroy Everything,” this chapter’s content is revealing. When Doumeki asks Yashiro, “Or could it be you WISH to be treated GENTLY instead?” it triggers Yashiro. Soon after, Yashiro sees Doumeki with the Madam, and the connection clicks. He flees immediately, seeking out Kiddo and asking him to violate him just like the old times, returning to the familiar pain he believes he deserves.

Chapters 51–52: After Yashiro has rough sex with an angry Doumeki, he’s not triggered by the violence but is hurt deep inside because he’s in love with Doumeki, yet he refuses to admit it. When Yashiro takes a shower and sees how rough Doumeki was, his expression turns to sadness, and he thinks, “He must only be gentle with women.”

Chapter 63: When Yashiro is worried about Doumeki and goes to his place, he finds the door open and sees the Madam sitting next to Doumeki. He might think, “Doumeki’s woman is here; why am I here?” That’s probably why he immediately flees, saying, “I can see that I’m intruding. I’ll leave.” But he doesn’t realize that he has a place in Doumeki’s life. I was happy when Doumeki got up to stop Yashiro from leaving.

Random chapters: Whenever Ryuuzaki mentions the word "woman," Yashiro’s expression changes into a sad smile. We know Ryuuzaki had the stupid thought, “If Yashiro was a woman, he would have been protected.” Ryuuzaki admits that his thought was stupid. Yashiro doesn’t have to be a woman to be protected or loved. Ryuuzaki understands that he loves and cares for a MAN named Yashiro, he loves him as he is, but he would never admit that to Yashiro.

The Pattern Is Undeniable

For Yashiro:

Gentleness = Women

Affection = Women

He believes he is a mistake. He believes his existence is wrong. He believes he deserves punishment for being born male.

He even thinks sex is supposed to be painful because he is "not a woman." Why do you think he seeks out so many sexual partners if he was abused as a child? If that were the case, he would hate sex with men. We saw Doumeki’s sister, who was abused by her stepfather, hated sex. Even acts like giving her a condom reminded her of the abuse. It’s not sex that triggers his trauma, it’s the gentleness, the act of being treated as if he is worthy of care, “being treated as a woman,” which he believes is a right reserved only for women.

Even Doumeki has a hard time understanding why Yashiro acts like this, especially with him. Yashiro accepts sex with other men, so why does he reject sex with Doumeki? No one truly knows the real reason, even Yashiro himself. That’s evident when he thinks, “I blame him for being cruel, but the moment I’m treated gently, I want to run away.” He knows gentle sex makes him sick and wants to escape, but he doesn’t understand why. He always says, “I’m not a woman,” but I highly doubt he understands why he says that every time someone acts gentle with him.

I believe the beginning of his healing will be when Doumeki tells Yashiro he loves him. Maybe Yashiro won’t accept that at first, but I believe that once he understands Doumeki loves him as he is, many wounds inside Yashiro’s heart will begin to heal. Yashiro, who never knew what being loved looks like, not even from his own mother.

When Fanon Validates the Trauma

This is why referring to Yashiro as "she" feels so wrong. It is an act that, whether intentional or not, validates the abuser’s narrative. It takes the poison his stepfather used to break him and reframes it as an acceptable identity. It aligns with the perspective of the man who destroyed his sense of self.

Yashiro is confident in his own body; he has no shame. We saw him walking completely naked in front of others comfortably, having sex not just with one, but with a group of Yakuza members. He is a proud man, more than anyone else. So why are some fans acting as if he’s a woman? Is he so beautiful that you can’t accept him as a man? Does his gentle nature somehow make him a woman?

Yashiro has never expressed a desire to be a woman; on the contrary, the very suggestion of it makes him sick. His journey isn’t about discovering a different gender identity; it’s about the painful, slow process of learning that he can be loved as a man, that he deserves kindness and love exactly as he is.

To call him "she" is to erase the very essence of his struggle. It’s like looking at a prisoner fighting to break free from a cage and saying, “You look so natural in there.” It’s a cruel irony, even if it’s not intended.

Fandom is born from love, but sometimes that love can unintentionally echo the words of an abuser when it fails to see the character for who they truly are. Yashiro’s fight is not to become a woman; it is to accept himself as a man who is finally worthy of love. So, to those who refer to him as "she," I have to ask: do you see his struggle, or are you siding with the man who broke him?

[tamcicro]

.. yesterday, I was scroling through tumblr, feeding my hunger for saezuru and I come across on a post that claimed that Doumeki ra*pe Yashiro in ch24 and 25.. i don't remember who posted it, but it did reminded me on my reaction when I first time read that theory..

I remember that i was really, really shocked, because that NEVER even cross my mind.. and to be clear Saezuru was the first bl manga i ever read, so my mind was "innocent" 😅 when I was reading it..

.. from the start, I saw their first time, exactly like that.. a first time..

Yes, neither of them was a virgin then, BUT..

They never had sex with someone they actually want and love.. They never had a healthy sex, and they both had a trauma caused by sex..

So.. in my mind, that was their first time having sex..

.. and first time you are scared like hell..

.. you fell insecurity, fear, doubt, nausea, nervous, tensity, confusion and a hundred more things..

And, yes.. Yashiro does seems unsure does he wants to continue, and like he has enough..

.. I think that it is because he was so shocked and confuse with the pleasure he was feeling.. and that scared the crap of him.. and because that fear he started to pull away.. D realize it, and try to comfort him, and be there for him.. and in spite that fear, Yashiro doesn't run [ I will always claim that Yashiro can and would push Doumeki if he really wants to, and that D would stop if he does that]

.. i don't think that Doumeki ever force himself on Yashiro.. Yes, sometimes it may seems like that, but I think that is only because Doumeki is very Expressive with his feelings, and Yashiro is very persistent with hiding his..

.. i do agree that their first time really mess with Yashiro's head, but not because it was r*pe, but because it was good, but also very overwhelming.. all those new feelings.. probably neither of them even knew, that sex can actually be good and satisfying.. and that knowledge scared Yashiro, and made him pull away..

.. i think that Yashiro needed a push from his bad habits, and he really needed love in his life.. Doumeki is that love..

P.S. In real life no is always a no.. ALWAYS..

[tamcicro]

.. HAPPY 🆕 YEAR, TO EVERYONE.. 🥳🥳🥳

.. Lot's of love, happiness, most importenly health, and if possible some money.. 🥰🥰🥰

.. and it's saezuru month!!!!!

.. seeing this two as the New year begins, you just gotta believe, that it's gonna be a good one.. 😊😊😊

[vic-saezuru7]

Happy Holidays

[tamcicro]

.. almost fainted from cuteness..

[tamcicro]

.. sooo..

.. Doumeki is probably too weak to get to the bed by himself.. sooo, Yashiro will have to help him.. and he can't put him to bed with his clothes on, sooo, he will have to undress him..

.. and maybe put him in the famous tiger shirt?

.. and while Yashiro is looking at D's wardrobe, maybe he find's his own clothes[the one from their's first time],because, we all know D kept them for sure..

.. i think this is a good chance to see that shirt again..

..or he doesn't need his clothes,he can sleep naked.. right? 😏

.. i do hope, Yashiro stay the night..

.. just the two of them sleeping peacefuly.. 🥺

[tamcicro]

.. I wonder why is Yashiro here looking at Izumi, and not Doumeki.. poor man is on the floor..

Because he wanted to see her reaction? Or because D made such a public move or what??? Is he waiting for her reaction?

I can't read his expression.. it's like he frozed..

[tamcicro]

.. Is it just me, or does this cover remind on the one from 43ch???

.. i am so nervous.. Yashiro looks so tormented.. but I am glad that he is thinking about Doumeki.. and that we can actually see what the hell he is thinking.. lately he is hiding his thoughts, like he knows we read them.. 😅

[tamcicro]

".. This is the story of a man who has never known happiness and of a man who is reborn by getting to know him.."

This is how Saezuru tori wa habatakanai is often described in many sites..

.. And it always makes me feel so, so, so many things..

I just can't wait for the next chapter.. The closer we are, the nervous i get..

The hold these two have on my mind and soul.. It's obsession.. I confess, your honor.. 😍

Where are previews for the chapter 63???

[tamcicro]

.. Does anyone know will the second and third movie *twittering birds never fly* ever be released???

I read somewhere that they are already made/done, but the firm declared bankruptcy, we'll we ever be able to see them???

P.S.- I came across this picture and I think it should be worship.. 😅🥰😍

[tamcicro]

.. there's something that makes me curious.. the closer release date is, the more thoughts are running through my head about Y & D..

.. so humor me.. 🙄

.. what do you think has Yashiro been with Inami since he started sleeping with Doumeki???

.. D & Y have been sleeping together probably for couple of weeks (not sure about real time), so i have been wondering is he going to Inami when Doumeki is not around???

.. i know that sex with that scum means nothing to him, and that Doumeki told Inami to stay away from Yashiro, but also we know that Inami is blackmailing Y, and we know how much that worthless trash likes to torment Yashiro.. so, i'm really curious is Yashiro still having sex with that disgusting assbutt, and if you think he does, why? Because he has to, or because he still needs his coping mechanisms, or something else???

[tamcicro]

.. i can't shake the feeling that here Yashiro looks surprised..

.. so, I have been thinking, what if it wasn't Doumeki's behavior that surprised him, but the fact he saw someone outside D's room?

.. and than i thought, what if it was Izumi?..

.. what if "Doumeki's women" come to see him?

.. imo.. while Yashiro is this vulnerable, seeing her, this would be exactly his reaction..

.. so i wonder.. would her presence push him further from Doumeki.. or would he finally do something to keep him?

[tamcicro]

.. there is something really special about this three panels.. at least to me.. i could stare at them for hours[..and i did..😅]

i don't know is it because of Doumeki's soft kisses.. it's unbelievable how much love that man can give in just one freaking kiss.. or is it because Yashiro's peaceful, calm face..

.. there is so much love and pleasure.. pure softness and bliss..

.. enjoyment and almost even sadness..

.. It makes me wanna smile.. it makes me wanna cry..

So special.. so amazing..

[tamcicro]

.. i'm not sure i really understand this conversation.. or better yet what Yashiro was saying/doing..

Tsuna is saying to him looks like you are alright, and Yashiro says yeah.. thanks to you..

Why this he say that? Tsunakawa didin' do anything, in fact Muraji just kicked D for helping Yashiro.. So why would Y say that? At first i thought maybe because he thought, he can help Doumeki by making Tsuna to understand that it really wouldn't be good for T that Y got hurt [because Misumi..]

But.. Than Yashiro says it wouldn matter if he was Hurt or not, undermining D's saving in front of Tsunakawa.. so i'm really confused how Yashiro talked here, or better yet what was it that he try to do?

Or was this one of the rare situacion where he wasn't thinking? or is this his another contradicion behavior.. i don't know..

i get he thinks he's life isin't worth saving, but right now, Tsunakawa doesn't need to know that, that fact won't help Doumeki..

This is really bothering me..