The forest trail to Corona was peaceful.
Which should have been Lance’s first warning.
“Race you to the Snuggly Duckling!” six-year-old Flynn shouted, already sprinting ahead.
“No fair! You started first!” Annie yelled as she chased after him.
Lance strolled casually behind them with his hands behind his head.
“Yeah, yeah. Run all you want. Uncle Lance is conserving energy.”
The twins disappeared around the bend.
“Man,” Lance chuckled, “those kids got all of Rapunzel’s energy and all of Eugene’s inability to sit still.”
As he walked, a low tree branch blocked the path.
Lance grabbed it and pulled it aside.
At the exact moment Annie came running behind him.
The branch whipped backward.
Annie fell backward onto her bottom.
“Annie?! Annie, sweetheart, are you okay?!”
As he bent down to check her eye, he absentmindedly pulled the branch aside again.
At that exact moment Flynn came running back.
Lance released the branch.
Flynn hit the ground next to his sister.
Lance slowly looked at one twin.
“…I am the worst babysitter alive.”
A few minutes later the twins sat on a rock beside the river while Lance gently cleaned their faces.
In fact, they were mostly arguing about who got hit harder.
Lance sighed with relief.
Then he moved their hands away from their faces.
“You both have black eyes!”
The twins leaned over the water.
Their reflections stared back.
“We look more like twins now!”
Lance buried his face in his hands.
“Oh, Rapunzel’s gonna kill me.”
The children looked at each other.
Then simultaneously shouted:
Before Lance could react, they took off running.
Lance groaned and started chasing them.
Unfortunately six-year-olds powered by pure sugar and chaos were faster than him.
The front doors of the Snuggly Duckling burst open.
Attila looked up from the counter.
The entire tavern stared.
“Why do you both have black eyes?” asked Attila.
The twins pointed toward the entrance.
At the exact moment Lance stumbled through the doorway, wheezing.
“He gave them to us!” Annie announced.
“Uncle Lance hit us with a tree branch!” Flynn added.
Every thug slowly turned.
Vladimir cracked his knuckles.
Hook Foot narrowed his eyes.
Shorty looked personally offended.
“You did WHAT?” Attila asked.
“THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!” Lance shouted.
The twins nodded enthusiastically.
“Guys! Guys! Context matters!”
Meanwhile Annie tugged on Attila’s sleeve.
“Yeah. We got black eyes.”
Attila didn’t take his eyes off Lance.
The children sprinted toward the kitchen.
Lance reached for them desperately.
The door slammed shut behind them.
“…and that’s what happened,” Lance finished.
Lance sighed with relief.
Then everyone started laughing.
Attila patted him on the shoulder.
“Because what Rapunzel and Eugene are going to do to you is much worse.”
The room erupted with agreement.
“That’s why I came here!”
The next hour became increasingly ridiculous.
The thugs tried everything.
Shorty even suggested painting matching black eyes on Rapunzel and Eugene.
Nobody thought that was a good idea.
“I guess I’ll go accept my fate.”
Rapunzel opened the door.
Eugene looked over her shoulder.
Lance immediately started talking.
“It was an accident! Complete accident! Tree branch! Forest! Physics! Nobody cried! Please don’t kill me!”
The twins added several unnecessary details.
When the explanation was finished, Rapunzel nodded calmly.
“Kids, why don’t you come help me get some ice packs?”
The twins happily followed their mother.
Before leaving, Rapunzel leaned over and whispered something into Eugene’s ear.
The children disappeared into the kitchen.
“I honestly thought you guys were gonna yell at me.”
“You’ve both matured so much.”
“You know, I really appreciate how calm you’re being—”
Eugene punched him directly in the eye.
Lance dropped like a sack of potatoes.
“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”
“You gave both my kids black eyes.”
Lance pointed accusingly.
Rapunzel walked back into the room carrying the twins.
“Princess!” Lance cried. “Your husband punched me in the eye!”
Then looked him dead in the eye.
“You’re lucky I only let him give you one.”
“Ever hurt my babies again and you’ll get the second one from me.”
Lance sat there in stunned silence.
Lance turned away dramatically.
Eugene grabbed his arm and hauled him upright anyway.
“Come on. You can share an ice pack with Flynn.”
The twins immediately burst out laughing.
And together they headed for the kitchen.
The Black Eye Club now officially had three members.
Bonus Scene: Dinner That Night
The royal family sat around the dinner table.
King Frederic was halfway through his meal when he finally noticed.
“…Why do my grandchildren have matching black eyes?”
Queen Arianna nearly dropped her fork.
“Uncle Lance gave them to us!” Annie announced.
“He hit us with a tree branch!” Flynn added.
The king slowly lowered his fork.
The entire table seemed to get colder.
“He did?” Frederic asked.
The twins nodded eagerly.
“Then I came back to help.”
“And then he hit me too!”
Across the table Eugene suddenly became fascinated by his potatoes.
“Where is Lance?” Frederic asked in a dangerously calm voice.
The twins happily answered.
“Mom banned him from the castle!”
“Until our black eyes go away!”
The twins nodded enthusiastically.
“Daddy gave Uncle Lance a black eye.”
Slowly, Frederic turned toward Eugene.
Frederic stared at him for a moment.
“What? I didn’t say I’d have done anything different.”
Eugene couldn’t help smiling.
He pointed toward the twins.
Eugene’s smile slowly faded.
“…that was a pretty good joke.”
Rapunzel gave him a look.
Arianna rubbed her forehead.
Frederic looked disappointed in him.
The twins, however, burst into laughter.
Eugene immediately pointed.
Rapunzel rolled her eyes.
Meanwhile somewhere outside the castle walls, Lance sneezed.
He looked around nervously.
“…Why do I suddenly feel like the king is mad at me too?”
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