Taylor Does...

Prose, Random Thoughts, Long Nights, Bars, Beers, Pool & Men

[trixclibrarian]

default settlings

to live without privacy and without attention is by definition orphanage

the orphan age

time and place where the humans choose to live

but not by choice

[taylormdoes-blog]

People are watching me now...

and I feel nervous.

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Does anyone read these??

Just wondering... I feel like I'm writing for myself most of the time which is good and okay... But I just wonder if anyone is listening sometimes.

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Reference of Jersey pt.2

Gotye - Heart's a Mess

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Jersey pt.2

He's shorter than me... but that's perfectly fine. I keep mentioning it because its something new for me. His skin tans so beautifully and it makes me giggle that his legs are so white. He has strong features... piercing eyes, a strong jawline, and a scruffy beard that he knows I like. He has what I call a "man pout" like Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum. Amazing lips they are.

He is a humble man that I greatly respect... I will let him wear the pants that I make for him, if he would just accept them.

He calls me "pretty girl" and 'smells me". He says I smell good, that I smell like me.  I gives me butterflies when he runs his nose across my body. My body is tickled when he buries his nose in my cleavage and inhales deeply as if it was his last breath. I want to melt in his arms.

He's the sweetest man I've ever met... He kisses me like I kiss him, with passion and want. He askes me about every sigh, I feel like he wants to know me. I want to know him too...

Its hard for me to put in words why its hard for us right now... but I will stay strong... I reference Gotye saying...

Your hearts a mess. You won't admit to it. It makes no sense. But I'm desperate to connect. And you can't live like this.

[taylormdoes-blog]

Sexual Menstruations

This is a recent experience... It actually happened yesterday. I've been hanging out with this guy for a while now and I really like him and we have great sex. This experience was an eye opener for me.

My phone vibrates...

"I need some pussy"                                                      "I'm on the rag" "So?"

Five minutes pass as my stomach dropped. To be frank... I'm horny. I usually am very horny on my period. I usually masterbate everyday when Aunt Flo comes to visit. But I've never intentionally had intercourse while on my period. There have been plenty of times when I have slipped up and thought that it was over and it wasn't. I almost forget about the conversation I'm having thinking out how amazing it would be to have sex with him while on my period.

After confirming that I was indeed okay that I was on my period... He sends me another message.

"it better just be for me. ill never forgive you if i find out otherwise."

I don't know how to respond to this, so I don't.

To speed things up... I drive there, we make out, we have sex, ITS AMAZING SEX!, then after... I feel my hormones roll in... And he's in the shower... and I just need to be cuddled... I almost cry.

He asks me whats wrong... And I tell him that I'm just PMSing and need to be cuddled... He rubs my back and apologizes for not cuddling... and I tell him its okay because I was just being a girl. But I really could have used a cuddle.

This story was kind of a FAIL... I don't know how to end it... because I am still contemplating the situation... Even after writing it out... I'm still confused.

[taylormdoes-blog]

Poison Ink Recipe (so I don't forget)

Captain Morgan Tattoo Strawberry Pucker Cranberry Juice Red Bull

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Bar Conversation with CHICK #1 @ Booger Reds

CHICK@BAR: "I've been flirting with that bartender for weeks, and his girlfriend came in here and was giving me the stink eye. I'm going to tell him that if she's going to be looking at me like that, we have to at least be fucking."

ME: *looking at this chick like wtf* "Well... I dunno... that's abit forward"

CHICK: "Well the flirting has been recipricated. He flirts with me back alot. He'll make me a drink and toss around bottles and do tricks for me."

ME: *rolls my eyes* "Girl he does that for everyone... trust me. Bartenders are like strippers... they are just doing their jobs."

CHICK: "Well I asked my friend if they thought I should go for it."

ME: "Bitches always tryna set you up. I'm telling you... he doesn't like you and he has a girlfriend."

CHICK: "But this friend is a guy...."

ME: *stares blankly* "Bitch is a unisex term, and I'm telling you now... They try to set you up... Don't be dumb girl... there are plenty of single guys in this bar."

CHICK: "You're right...." *looks around for a second* "what about that other bartender, whats his name?"

[taylormdoes-blog]

could you be more of an idiot to think that I would be okay with your ex being your neighbor????

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I wanted you to catch me staring... but you didn't look twice.

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Am I Depressed Again?

This doesn't feel like the time before...

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I have a seat with my Poison Ink...

I had to wait 20 mins for this drink because someone threw away the card with the recipe on it. All I want to do at this point is drink...

You invite me to your table of 40 somethings, I feel awkward because I'm 23.

You are... a 40 year old woman with a 20 year old daughter, no car, no money, and as far as I can tell, no shoes. You tell me you are looking for a "rich white man" here at the bar tonight.

You came to the wrong place.

Your friend is a 43 year old male with "a new car" as you tell me. He has a big grin, like a Cheshire cat. That smile is why I don't trust me. "Can I take you home with me?", he asks me. I quickly reply with a no... because I know that he knows that if I don't say No, he's going to keep trying.

You are trying in the wrong place.

The other two people at this table both look like an estranged couple. I don't understand why they would be siting on opposite sides of the table. I later find out that she is a very sweet woman and he is as sour as the salt and limes in my beer.

She showers me in compliments... they spill out of her mouth like a tune from a flute. Her voice is in that octave where its almost too high to tolerate, but its enough to keep you awake on a drunken Saturday night. She's driving apparently and I think to myself...

You are in the wrong place.

He... tries to hard. He... tells me that she's 'not really his girlfriend' while she sings "Dance With My Father Again" at the karaoke machine.  My Freudian slips and I blurt out, "jeez, you're trying to play her". I then quickly cover it up with a smile and an eye roll. He tries to  explain it away and I just think to myself, "Why didn't I just say no to the invitation?" But when you are alone and lonely... there's never a wrong place.

[taylormdoes-blog]

Jersey

The small and sensitive man. He stands about 4 or 5 inches shorter than me, but I find him extremely attractive. His small frame is adorned with muscles… He is perfect. I want to put him in my pocket.

I love his crooked half smile and he has gorgeous eyes, an amazing lover. I love when he sweats on me.

But…

This is a broken man… but he is a gentleman nonetheless. He likes to drink, and be drunk or high. He uses alcohol and drugs to numb out the world… He has a broken heart surrounded by a SWAT team.

He does not want to be loved, for fear of being heart again.

Oh Cancer man… you have covered your shell with poison and landmines. Surrounded your self with a sea of influential substances, put up a barbed electrical fence. You only peek out from your fortress to make sure that you are appeasing others… 

I miss him… but in a way I don’t. His sadness was bringing me down. "bitch don’t kill my vibe"

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The First 44

Smile… because your drunk

I Smile… because I know your beer goggles are on.

But you like sushi, and so do i… You like zombies, and so do i… You like to drink, and so do i… but you make it a point that you aren’t interested because of my age.

I will make you love me fish man… against my own will.

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X

Your initials are still my password when I log into my laptop…

Which means everytime I turn on my second home, I type it and I think of you. At first it was because I missed you… Now it is to remind me of where I have been, and what I must learn from.

Lynyrd Skynyrd comes to mind… I thought I had good enough aim to shoot down this Free Bird. But this ain’t Duck Hunt, and I’ve never really shot a gun before…

This one taught me my “You just can’t change some people” lesson.

Not that I tried to change him… but I wanted him to love me enough to think of someone other than himself.

[taylormdoes-blog]

Oscar Meyer

All names have been changed for confidentiality

I hate you… alot. Because I like you… and you keep treating me like a groupie.

I hope you get raped by Big Bob at the factory and he makes you cock fuck his bitch tits. I want you to be broken…

I hate you… because you still think I’m that young girl that you used to work with.

I hate you… because I might still be. I’m still dumb enough to let you in…

At first when you came back… I was “getting mines”. But then you tell me you really want to pursue something with me… I should have known better…

It probably would have been better, if the sex was good. Now I’m not one of those girls that go around saying that the sex was bad because I’m mad at them…

THE SEX WAS BAD… alot worse than I remember… I was oddly surprised that you were back in side of me after you fell out.

Thank you for my first HORRIBLE sex experience ASSHOLE.

I really do hate you… and if I see you again… I might just punch you in the face.

[taylormdoes-blog]

Nike

All names have been changed for confidentiality.

Hard working with a big penis… But he’s uncut, and I don’t know how I feel about that.

He works alot and is supposedly bisexual. I don’t enjoy spending time with this man. He is very ambiguous, I don’t know why he keeps crossing my mind though.

Last time I was with him… he showed me a side of him I’m sure not alot of people see… He told me he was building a taardus and he checked his blood pressure at least 10 times. He says he has anxiety, and that his anxiety medicine is starting to effect his ability to get hard.

I wonder if that’s true… or if he’s just being nice.

I’m kind of afraid of him. He has an almost snoody air about him, but he’s attractive, and sometimes I feel like a whore with him.

Number of Times I’ve been with him is minimal… and there was no intercourse involved. Each time I have been on the rag and I’m starting to take that as a sign.