Caprese Cookie Complains About Her Job

TBD's Multiverse Research (and Human Resources) Division

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Who's the Cookie running this blog?

Hey everyone. I’d figure I’d post a little bio here to introduce myself. 

My name is Caprese Cookie, head of the Time Balance Department’s Multiverse Research Division. (technically a subdivision of the Time Analysis Division). It’s hard to keep track of how long I've worked here, exactly, but I was hired around the same time as Coffee Candy Cookie. 

I’m one of the Director’s special hires, selected for my expertise on humans and experience traveling to universes outside of the TBD’s primary jurisdiction. Special hires are Cookies selected for proficiency in specialized skills (or bootstrapped nepotism. not naming any names but…)

“How did a Cookie manage to get a tumblr blog? This is a human website.”

I have access to a human and stole her login information. It’s fine, I promise. 

“Isn’t TBD related information and training data confidential?”

Probably. But promise me y'all won’t snitch to Dark Fondue Cookie. 

This blog is open for asks! I’ll try to answer what I can. 

The human I work with (her name is Warper) is also available to answer asks @warperrr IMPORTANT: This is primarily a WORK VENTING blog, NOT a "roleplay" blog. While I am happy to answer questions and start general discussions, my patience in playing along with certain things is low. Notice: Cookie Run tags will be used in place of alt/un reality related tags -M

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

the bullshit that happened yesterday was so stupid I don't think I can properly explain it with words.

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

if SCOOP starts using words like "euclid" and "keter" to describe anomalies I'm throwing Litmus Cookie into orbit

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

time records are stupid because some of them are detailed accounts of historical events and others are like “here is a list of every single thing this one random cookie has ever eaten in their life. Fun fact: they have fallen off of biscuit horses 7 times.”

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

I have to take my own trash down to the disposal site because I don’t trust the facilities management division not to accidentally throw away something important but every time i go downstairs to get down there I pass by the big particle accelerator and I’m always like

“yknow, i hope we have good radiation shielding on that thing.”

and we probably do but given the state of everything else here I’m not super confident

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Timekeeper Cookie has started straight up referring to different core timelines with game titles so I guess we just don't care about infohazards and breaking the 4th wall anymore. Existential Crises for everyone! Horray!

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Can't believe I have to even say this. Timekeeper Cookie, the human is NOT your: -pet -garbage disposal -personal masseuse

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artist's rendition of what I stumbled on earlier

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

who the hell just deleted my post from 2 minutes ago helpp

did it just end up in another timeline or something where did it go?? edit: it did

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Can't believe I have to even say this. Timekeeper Cookie, the human is NOT your: -pet -garbage disposal -personal masseuse

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

it would be cool if my coworkers showed up to work instead of going missing for random lengths of time.

edit: one of them just showed up right when i posted this 😭😭

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

one time Maple Taffy Cookie went missing for like two weeks and everyone was worried enough (except Schneeball Cookie ofc) that we filed a missing cookie report with the investigation division.

Turns out the dumbass had gone to the Hollyberry Kingdom looking for some sort of relic, decided to recruit himself into a dragon hunting expedition, and didn’t think to notify anyone about any of this. Or that Dragon Valley probably wouldn’t have phone chargers.

Dude’s phone had gone dead like one day in and when he finally got back he had to explain everything to the TID and everyone else 😭. Dark Fondue and String Gummy Cookie were pissed.

Dumbest part is that the entire reason we have company phones to begin with is to make sure shit like this doesn’t happen but I guess it’s impossible to Maple-Taffy proof anything.

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Mayor Cuckoobeans announced a plan to convert part of the castle into affordable housing and while I think the idea is great I’m also really worried the renovations might damage or demolish some of the history. Eclair has stronger opinions about it obviously but I’m just hoping they can convert things while preserving as much of the original structure as they can

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Oh goodness I'm so sorry, I thought this was purely a really good roleplay blog I'm so sorry for messing with you a bit ToT

don’t worry about it it’s fine. I can handle roleplay in small doses but it’s not something that comes naturally to me. I try to play along a little bit but sometimes i have trouble following along. edit: and for clarification, I'm fine with it. Asking things in-character is fine too, it kind of just depends on my mood. I'll still primarily run the blog as I have been, I'll just try to have more lighthearted vents rather than posts based on stuff I'm actually genuinely stressed about lol

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

Important:

(OOC)

Hey so given some stuff that happened i feel like i should probably explain what this blog really is.

I do, in fact, have a stressful understaffed job where we have to deal with sensitive/classified information and also stuff that is somewhat high stakes. I am not allowed to really go into details but I very much like to complain, so changing just enough information to fictionalize real problems without directly saying what I do for a living is a bit of an outlet.

Things genuinely get kind of chaotic to the point where I have dissociate just a little bit in order to not go completely insane, but there was a point where trealing real events as fake and fictional events as real kind of scrambled my brain a bit. I did have a mild mental breakdown that I left on the blog in the assumption no one would notice, but apparently some people did so I want to apologize for anyone who got concerned by that. I am fine but I did remove those posts and will try not to post stuff when I’m in a genuine state. I’ll also try to pace myself and queue more stuff when applicable.

I do want to make it clear that this blog does help as an outlet overall. Everyone here had an incredibly chaotic day yesterday and under normal circumstances I probably would have just lost it, but having something to mentally fall back on does actually help.

Feel free to interpret the posts on this blog however you like. Some of these posts are venting about real issues and some of these posts are just writing exercises. I can’t always articulate the grey areas that well (especially if i’m busy or stressed out) but if you’re ever unsure you can talk to me directly.

Also the “what if we offset everything by 15 minutes” is in fact a real thing my boss is trying to implement and my brain is struggling to process the how or why so if anyone has a suggestion for that please do share 😭

[sweetnothingburger]

in the researched lab, straight up "scooping it." and by "it," haha, well. lets's justr say. My anomalous entity

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

"Sorry, because of the anomaly you were exposed to, we sadly had to amputate one of your cheese arms" = SCOOP stole your arm for research purposes while you were unconscious.

never trusting that creepy red-head nurse again bruh

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

deleting some posts on the blog because maybe I need to just touch grass sometimes actually

[tbdmultiverseresearchdivision]

someone uploaded a time record for something that hasn’t happened yet and broke one of the record keeping systems. Outstanding design