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@tea-understands
two days ago my uncle died. His death wasn't unexpected, but it's weird to know he isn't there anymore. That i will never get to hear him tell another one of his strange stories. That he'll never sing another one of those old songs only he remembered. How all the things and people he loved won't get to experience his love again.
It's funny how you never know when something's happening for the last time.
guys, if you have an old windows laptop like me, which is barely able to run the most basic programms without freezing/ overheating every other minute, please deinstall microsoft 365 and everything connected to it if you don't need it (you don't). it's been a game changer. my disk usage is down to 10%. my laptop doesn't sound like a helicopter trying to take off.
i promise, typing stuff in word just isn't worth it.
or switch to Linux. I did half a year ago. And I never want to go back, bc my ancient laptop is purring like a kitten instead of preparing its fans for take off.
tfw you don't remember the last time you had fun. I know you're supposed to schedule fun activities for yourself. but I can't come up with stuff I'd like to do
hope is a funny thing. every time you think you've completely run out of it, you just so happen to find another morsel.
tfw your mum is at the hospital getting surgery while you're at home trying to do the dishes and the chores which need to be done. and everything feels too trivial to matter. everything is floating away, escaping the pull of gravity. and you can't picture a future in which everything will be okay again. you just want to know that things will be all right but you've said those words too many times for them to still hold any meaning.
and it's always the smallest things which break you. her mug which doesn't have a place in the cupboard bc it never needed one with her using it all the time. the pomegranate she first didn't want to buy, but which now reminds you too much of her to eat.
the silent ache for hope. bc in spite of everything somehow you're still feeling hope. yes, you aren't sure if you can trust it. but you desperately want to, even if it's tearing your heart apart.
I need time to slow down and take a breath. it needs to stop rattling off those nanosecond and escape to a beach for a moment, where it sits on warm stones and watches the sun dance across the water. And forgets to keep count of every second. For an hour or a day. Who can tell?
tomorrow i'm having an appointment at the dentist bc after more than thirty years i might get my first dental filling.
it took me all evening but now I know my phone does come with an undo redo button after all. It's just very well hidden and it's not working as expected but it gets the job done, as long as I move the cursor to the place which I want to undo/ redo?!
And my apologies for the highly millennial vibes: but who in their right mind wants to trade off their keyboard's swipe to type function even if that would allow them to undo stuff by using gestures? Why is it so difficult to create a button which does the same thing? At this point samsung is acting as if it were trying to discourage everyone from using the default keyboard their phones come with.
On Monday I went to pick something up at the pharmacy and I caught something. Two of my colleagues are on holiday so I couldn't justify taking time off.
I'm feeling meh and everything hurts and I don't know how to make it stop.
the problem with never being sick is that when you inevitably do catch something you honestly don't know if you're getting better, or if you're still dying.
tfw you make yourself go to the shops because even though you MIGHT BE LITERALLY DYING odds are you'll have to show up to work on Monday and you have nothing in the fridge to pack for lunch.
On Monday I went to pick something up at the pharmacy and I caught something. Two of my colleagues are on holiday so I couldn't justify taking time off.
I'm feeling meh and everything hurts and I don't know how to make it stop.
the problem with never being sick is that when you inevitably do catch something you honestly don't know if you're getting better, or if you're still dying.
it wild to me that there are people out there who aren't interested in history
like wdym you don't think about the fact that women would tell stories as they made butter in the same way we listen to podcasts today? wdym you don't think about that one Chinese poet who wrote about how much he loved his cats hundreds of years ago? wdym you don't think about the fact that we found a gravesite of a young child surrounded by flowers from THOUSANDS of years ago? wdym you don't think about how people wrote "i was here" into the walls in Pompeii? wdym you don't think about the little egyptian boy who drew little doodles at the top of his school works more then a thousand years ago?
wdym you don't think about the fact that people, no matter the place, time, social status, are fundamentally no different from you. that they loved the same as you, enjoyed the same things you did, dreamed about a better life the same way you did. that despite how seemingly detached you are from these people, in time, place, and culture, the things you do and the thing u are, are so undeniably human that it transcends time and space
We already don't think about other people as people when they live in wildly different time zones. If we think of Iraq we don't think of a girl cuddling her cat. Or a boy admiring a butterfly. But how many people cuddled their cats and admired butterflies in Iraq today? Plenty.
In the end we are too focused on politics. And the same is true about the past. Sure, politics shapes the life of people. But it also provides an excuse to focus on all the things which divide us and ignore how in the past people cuddled cats and admired butterflies too.
On Monday I went to pick something up at the pharmacy and I caught something. Two of my colleagues are on holiday so I couldn't justify taking time off.
I'm feeling meh and everything hurts and I don't know how to make it stop.
my passport expired and to get a new one i got my picture taken today. and you wouldn't believe how bad it turned out to be.
Today we had our annual team building event. I had fun, but all the information we got was AWFUL. my colleague is going to retire in a few months, they still haven't posted her position for some reason. my boss is going to retire in autumn and nobody knows if and how they want to fill his position. they won't separate our departments after all, but they might relocate us to who knows where.
Today my friend told me that she's going to be moving countries in August. And even though I knew this was going to happen (she met someone), I'm sad for selfish reasons. I'm happy for her, bc she'll be living a much better life with someone who loves her dearly. She'll have a better job and she'll meet new people and see new places. And she's just full of excitement and I hope everything will work out for her. She promised to stay in touch. Like so many friends before her. And I know she means it, but I also know that in a couple of months I'll be the one who'll keep our conversations going. Bc she'll stop having time for me. And she'll join the lengthy list of friends who exclusively live in my phone and I'm so tired of that happening again, bc I'm too familiar with the process.
A couple of months ago, I was on the phone with my sister (who lives abroad) and she told me that she doesn't understand why I'm not trying to get a job abroad. When it's so easy. And then she asked if I'm not getting lonely. She didn't ask out of concern. It was more like an offhanded remark, so that she didn't even notice that I didn't really answer her question, because I didn't know how to tell her that i cannot just leave bc our parents are getting old. Yes. There isn't much here, besides our parents and my not too awful job. Most of my friends live abroad or at least, they moved to a different city. Yes. I'm. Lonely. Incredibly so. I feel like the last surviving member of an extinct species which is trying to find a mate. Or if not a mate, at least it's doing its best not to lose its mind due to sheer loneliness. And it would be oh so much more tragic if this particular specimen didn't seem to be fine with it. When I'm not fine with it. I just don't want their pity.
Yes. I'm sad. Yes. I don't feel like meeting new ppl bc they'll eventually leave (nobody stays here when there are much better opportunities out there). Yes. I don't know how to motivate myself to get out of bed most mornings (I always do, but AT WHAT COST). But I love my parents and I can't leave them behind. And I can't tell them bc they too would tell me to go.
tfw you take a look at every single English book available in your libby app. And none of them look particularly appealing.
i'm not sure i want to take pto this year. not bc i love my job. but bc i literally don't know what to do with the time. funny how a couple of years ago i had the opposite problem. all the things i wanted to do don't seem to be interesting any more. i'm constantly tired. i'm also tired at my job but i can rationalise having to keep my job into action. i can't do the same when it comes to my hobbies.
