I can't get the words out. I think, I can't keep doing this. I think, it's too late, the damage is done. I'm lonely, I'm not needed, I don't love anyone. And you, a precious memory in the lightest parts of my being, can no longer love me.

Kiana Khansmith
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if i look back, i am lost

#extradirty
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@teamketchum
I can't get the words out. I think, I can't keep doing this. I think, it's too late, the damage is done. I'm lonely, I'm not needed, I don't love anyone. And you, a precious memory in the lightest parts of my being, can no longer love me.
I cried cutting an onion today. And then I laughed, because I was crying... and it finally, was not about you.
That’s my jam.
I lost affection for you since Summer.
Things you said to me in Spring
“I know you are capable of love,” she said quietly, “It is just that you are not capable of loving me.”
Had a (mini) mental breakdown today in one of my lectures. I started to question if I even like my major or what I will be doing in the future. Would I be doing this all my life? I want(ed) to find a way out. - Charmander
The Team K journal missed the entirety of me having a boyfriend…LOL
-Pikachu
I'm basically yik yak famous at UCSD now. LOLOL Oh, you young naive children...how my heart hurts when I hear stuff like this when I'm on campus. -Pikachu
it is depressing. how we are friends but not really friends. some days, i think "at least we're still talking. and we still joke around." but later, i just feel angry and annoyed at everything you said, how you blamed everything on me, how inconsiderate and rude you were to me. you never apologized. so i think the worst and think that you still believe everything you said. and i hate this game. i am so tired of tiptoeing around you and backtracking in case i said anything out of line. but i don't want to make it worse or lose whatever progress we've made. despite what you may think, i care ridiculously about you. so i won't say any of this to your face. i'm just gonna hope that... i don't even know what i hope. i think to myself "yes, this friendship is worth saving" especially since i can tell that you're trying, too. but for us to move beyond this, i probably need to say something. but i don't want to fight again. fighting hurts.
I'm so grateful for you. You ground me. You make me realize what being a good friend is about. Because even when I'm a huge bitch you're still the most considerate and understanding guy I know. Maybe one day I can tell you this to your face.
- squirtle
People come and go.
It makes it difficult for me to trust new people after you walked out. - C
rambles.
Stephen Chbosky — 'I would die for you. But I won't live for you.'
I've always liked this quote. This was really an eye-opener for me. Because when you think about it, there's plenty of people you would probably die for: your friends, your family, your teacher that made a huge impact on you, maybe even a stranger, etc.. BUT THEN, who would you live for? When all the world is horrible and there's nothing left to look forward to and you hate your boss and your job and, even on occasion, yourself, what or who is stopping you from...not living? I don't want to say kill yourself... more like if you are given the option of being put of your misery, why would you not choose it? There's probably someone you just thought about, human or not. Doesn't have to be someone who lights up your life or gives you complete serenity, because honestly, how many people are like that? And who is lucky enough to have that? (If you do, lucky you. Hold on tight!) Just someone who gives you enough encouragement to stick it out and whom you'll believe when they say it gets better.
I'm just thinking... because. Well, I don't know. I'm not particularly at my happiest right now. But I think that it is just a great compliment to give someone: "I would live for you."
"It's not gonna happen." I find myself repeating this like a mantra, especially after every time I talk to you. Yeah, wimpy move on my part. People keep telling me to have more confidence in myself. Heck, you told me to have more confidence in myself. But I just... can't. It doesn't help when you're rambling on about another girl all the time either, you fucking dick. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU. ...Just kidding. But really, you are the type of person I always told myself not to be around. I really hope this is one of those want-what-you-cant-have type things.
Not an adult. Not even close. How can I be when I need someone to hold my hand through everything? Why can’t I focus? Because I’m unmotivated. Uninterested. “Because you’re lazy.” Right. How can I expect to go off on my own when I’m barely keeping afloat now. How dare I pretend to be an adult when...
this post is probably so old but my dash is 200+ and it's easy to forget to check these things. but yo, you are exactly where you need to be. Think about it, things in your past did not work out. And because they didn't work out you are Here. And Here may not be perfect but it is full of good things. And Here will get you where you need to go.
PS. The only faith you need is your own. Lead and others will follow.
I want to be something to you. And I can't even be your friend. Because everything I do from now on will be because I like you. I can't get close to you without feeling your paranoia.
Why am I always so sad during the spring quarter's finals? Do I do this to myself somehow? AM I A MARTYR ?!
squirtle.
I don't think I can deal with relationships. I can barely stand the strain of regular friendships.