Ye Olde Techies Demolitions @techies-demolitions-archive - Tumblr Blog

Meanwhile

“…and so,” concluded Spleen, “by combining miniaturized burrowing technology with the mines’ latent potential energy, we can finally bypass the proximity mine’s initial shortcomings, plan more strategically around enemy awareness, and most importantly, create the biggest explosions that the world’s ever seen in a more efficient manner.”

Squee looked down at the finished product before them - a wriggling mine that defied everything the world knew about stationary underground explosives.

“This is the dumbest thing we’ve ever made”, said a voice from a barrel.

Squee only nodded in reply, wiping away a tear. “It’s…beautiful.”

#patch notes #7.07

Patch Notes

Techies Update: Self-explanatory

6.82: Mines are nerfed for the first time in forever.

6.83: Techies enter the tournament and begins living/destroying the dream.

6.84: The Techies imbue the minefield sign with ultimate power.

6.85: The Techies finally pissed off Icefrog.

techies-demolitions

“Hey Squee, ever wondered what happens when we meddle too much with arcane forces beyond our control just to make a new bomb?”

“Nnnnnot really. Why?”

The nerf-bomb imploded. Spleen was right next to it when he finally noticed that its mechanisms were coming undone, and was flung to the far wall by the bomb’s paradoxical force. Squee turned just in time to be thrown back on his feet, watching with a grimace as their months of work came undone. The volatile mix of otherworldly energies that they’d put into the bomb were blending in ways that they shouldn’t have, sucking in the metal and nearby dust in a sort of miniature black hole. Finally, it burst in a cold blast of energy, shrapnel flying everywhere and lights breaking from the force of it. In the nerf-bombs place was a scalding crater, its contents never to be recovered.

The Techies were almost too grief-stricken with the bomb’s loss to notice the great ghastly amphibian that had risen from it and was now yelling at them.

“YOU, TECHIES, HAVE OVERSTEPPED YOUR BOUNDS. EVER SINCE YOU RUINED THE GREAT TOURNAMENT MERELY BY BEING BANNED FROM IT, YOU HAVE BROUGHT NAUGHT BUT MISERY, RAGE AND TEARS TO MY MASTERPIECE OF CAUSING AS MUCH MISERY, RAGE AND TEARS AS POSSIBLE. YOUR PRESENCE HAS MADE FOR ONE OF THE WORST PERIODS OF WAR IN HISTORY!”

“…Wait, even compared to the Sniper meta-”

“SILENCE!!1! FOR YOUR CRIMES OF FRUSTRATION, META-ENFORCEMENT, AEGIS DENIAL, AND TRYING TO MAKE BOMBS THAT DEALT 10% OF THE ENEMIES’ HP, I CURSE YOUR HANDIWORK!1 NO LONGER SHALL YOUR MINES EXPLODE WHEN DESTROYED, NOR BE PERFECTLY STACKED, NOR BLOCK NEUTRAL CAMPS! NEVER MORE SHALL YOUR LAND MINES INSTA-GIB MELEE CARRIES TRYING TO LAST-HIT! FOREVER MORE SHALL YOUR MINES GIVE MONEY TO STARVING SUPPORTS!! THUS BY MY ULTIMATE POWER DO I VOW, DO I PLEDGE, DO I DECREE YOU ALL - NERFED!”

What followed was a rather impressive blinding light explosion as the being pulsed with icy rage, its great power seeping into every creation of the Techies. Mines near and far were wrapped in its inexorable power; their potency dampened, their positions shifted, their insides inexplicably containing ten gold pieces each. The Techies themselves were too stunned to weep over the tragedy, as if time had frozen solid while the laws of the universe were being rewritten against them.

Finally, the pain stopped. The Techies were unconscious on the ground when the ethereal being faded into the air. “THUS…HAS IYSFRAUG SPOKEN…”

techies-demolitions

Anniversary Sing-a-long: Let It Blow

On one of the many desks littering the Techies’ workshop, there is a script and a music tape recorder. The recorder contains this instrumental piece.

It is worth noting that said recorder was found frozen deep inside a glacier that the Techies had happened to blow up. One would almost suspect that the music in said recorder was kept locked away long ago for a good reason, but that did not stop the Techies from composing a matching set of lyrics for it.

The song in its entirety doesn’t exist yet, of course. But one can imagine. Oh, one can so easily imagine. Don’t pretend you don’t know how it goes.

The dust blows hot on the battle today, Not a hero near or far. A minefield that’s bombinating With excitement for the war.

Our team is howling that this game is 4v5 Can’t convince ‘em we’re good enough, we tried.

Don’t let them mid, don’t give them creeps Should’ve banned them, they’re mining runes, GG Concede, don’t feed, don’t let them throoooooow… Well now they throoooow!

Let it blow, let it blow, Can’t hide the mines anymooore! Let it blow, let it blow, Yeah, it’s bombs and booms galore!

We don’t care ‘cause we’re making plays! Let our foes rage oooooon, Our deaths never bothered us anyways!

It’s funny how some land mines Make HP bars seem small, And the gankers that keep ganking Don’t get to us at aaaall!

It’s time to see what we can stack For one explosive trap attack, No right, no wrong, always a spree, Hit D!

Let it blow, let it blow! We’ll send ‘em flying to the sky! Let it blow, let it blow! We’ll always self-deny!

Here we mine, we’ll make some space! Let the foes rage oooooon…

(escalating piano medley)

Our mines are spreading from their jungle to their lane! They’re placing sentries but we’re still bringing explosive pain! And one thought detonates like tons of mines enmaaaassed: We’ve mined the whole dang map, It’s gonna be a blaaaaast!

Let it blow, let it blow! We will light everything we’ve sown! Let it blow, let it blow! Your perfect game is bloooown!

Here we stand, on a blown-up baaaase! Let the pubs rage ooooooooon! Reports never bothered us anyways!

#signal boost #dota 2 #techies #let it blow #greatest of sins #last hurrah

techies-demolitions-archive

[[Moved!!]]