Itās uncanny how similar Trump is acting like Hitler. People are now doing the Nazi salute. Theyāre drawing the symbol. The KKK was seen in Kentucky asking people to join them. ICE has been ripping families apart. Companies have pulled back Diversity Initiatives. Weāre no longer part of WHO and there wonāt be any communication from the CDC at least until February 1st. Weāre being censored and the news canāt be trusted. Thousands of Americans didnāt know there were protests against Trump yesterday outside the U.S. Quotes from The Handmaidās Tale and Anne Frank have been compared to whatās going on right now.
According to The Lemkin Institute for Genocide Studies and Prevention the U.S. has officially been given a red flag alert for Genocide.
Iām exhausted but I will never stop being angry.
all of my interests i have today can be traced back two these two block characters. The og red and blue. they was my canon event. they are the reason i am the way i am today.
Laurance and Aphmau literally become each otherās confidants as season one comes to a close. The only people they can truly trust is each other. No wonder Garroth lets jealousy gets the better of him (I still donāt think he would betray them without Lillian influencing it magically). However, Aph and Lauranceās relationship grew in such a short amount of time. This shift really began after they visit Meteli and they hug. Suddenly, theyāre keeping secret between each other and theyāre the only people making each other laugh. They are both the people that they let loose with and the people that they go to when things get difficult. Honestly, if everything with Scaleswind and Zane hadnāt happened I feel like it would have led to their relationship developing into an actual romance.
Laurance literally begins staying at her home while all the chaos begins to unfold with Scaleswind. He was there to celebrate Malachiās rebirth (Lucinda is also there too to be fair.) Laurance has become a vital part of Aphmauās personal life that Garroth unknowingly withheld from himself. Garroth, of course, was always there for Aphmau and especially her children but he always shied away from letting her in and left a boundary between them. But, whatās interesting is at Malachiās celebration dinner, Aphmau left a seat open for Garroth right between her and Laurance. I feel like this is a good metaphor for Aphmau, Laurance, and Garrothās relationship. Garroth always has a seat at the table with them but, heās never reached out and sat down. However, thereās always this space between Aphmau and Laurance; a boundary they canāt cross because they both love Garroth. Laurance and Aphmau canāt wholly give themselves to each other because Garroth has unknowingly taken possession of parts of them.
I think because Aphmau is a self-insert character, itās hard to pinpoint exactly what her personality is, because her personality is justā¦Jessās personality. If a little different. Which makes it hard for me to get into Aphmauās head, to see exactly how she works, what makes her tickāit doesnāt come naturally to me at all, and I wouldnāt be surprised if I wasnāt alone in that regard
Now that Iām finally working on my MCD rewrite, I really want to make sure I get Aphmauās personality right, especially since sheās literally the protagonist character and likely the most common POV Iāll be using. I want to find a way to copy how watching her POV in-game felt, and make it so that it feels the same when Iām writing the fic. Lately, it hasnāt been feeling the same at all, and thatās mostly intentional, since I want her to evolve into the āunintentionally badassā woman that she is in the canon series. I want her to start off as kind of bright-eyed and naive, similar to Mystreet!Aphmau, as a newcomer to the world whose never seen a lick of war and violence in her life. Mainly because I know sheās going to be exposed to all of that later and fundamentally changed by it. But as Iām studying canon MCD Aphmau and trying to break down everything she does, how she thinks, the choices she makes and the patterns therein that define her, what choices she doesnāt make and what that says about her as a personā¦ I think I have already strayed too far from the original in places.
Additionally, though Aphmau was still significantly emotionally affected by every little heinous thing that happened to her and her people, throughout season 1 she didnāt experience any sudden shift in who she was as a person. Iāve yet to finish rewatching season 2, so I could be wrong, but to me, it more seems like she held herself together and stayed largely the same person. But she was being slowly chipped away emotionally by everything that got added to the pile. From Brendan getting shot to Aaronās death, itās like thereās a million different little nicks and cuts in her mental health and psyche that have simply built up over time. Some of those scars are larger than others, like the 15 year timeskip and losing Aaron/Garroth/Laurance, but they all weigh on her psyche and make her progressively more anxious, more careful, moreā¦traumatized? Sheās traumatized and sheās not. Iād like to at least headcanon her as traumatized, probably severely by season 3. Iād like to think sheās a woman with the whole entire world on her shoulders and a million ghosts haunting her wherever she goes, and all of this leads to a great deal of stress and anxiety in her day-to-day life that sheās just kindaā¦ Living With. She muscles through it. She keeps going. There are even moments Iām noticing in canon where she doesnāt allow herself to fully dwell on her grief and stress, saying itās āselfishā to let them consume her, and then moving on to check on literally everyone else in the village and make sure theyāre okay first.
Aphmau is a character thatās hard to understand in the broad strokes, like how you can see Lauranceās broad strokes of āCasanovaā and āfiercely loyalā and āin love with Aphmauā and make a pretty easy surface mold of what heās like. Itās like every other character has at least one or two giant, broad strokes of paint on the wall that distinguish them as unique.
Garroth is a gentleman, Kiki loves her animals and can be stubbornly gullible. Donna is sassy, Dale is an alcoholic, Katelyn is fierce, Travis is playful and flirtatious, Aaron is brooding and guarded, Logan has a stick up his ass, so on and so forth. But they all have really easy to find smaller pieces that you can find and study as well. MCD!Katelyn is much more calm and reserved and proper than her Mystreet counterpart, and on occasion waxes philosophical and drinks tea. Kiki has always wanted to be a mother. Brendan is a horse girl. Garroth is terrible at being ~romantically forward~ like Laurance is, and instead he gets flustered and stuttery and shy and struggles to talk about his feelings with others. Laurance is gentle and caring and will tenderly take care of you and nurse you back to health with a mature, gentle warmth that puts his cocky Casanova personality aside, still flirting and teasing every now and then, but only for the purpose of cracking a joke that would make you smile. And then he reminds you right after how fondly he loves you and how he will never, not ever, leave your side.
Laurance grew up not knowing how to talk to girls, and Sasha was the only female friend he could actually speak to and connect with. Garroth checks on Aphmau in the mornings, asking how she slept and reporting back to her on all the duties she has to tend to for the day. Dale is a brilliant accountant, and thatās his calling in life. Zoey used to regularly prepare tea for Aphmau at night to help her sleep. Logan helped Zoey raise Levin and Malachi during the 15 year timeskip and āsecretlyā very much loves children. You can find all the little kernels of character and personality and heart in all of them.
But for MCD!Aphmau, itās like she has one single broad stroke. āHelps others, kind, caring.ā And everything else is invisible to me. Mystreet!Aphmau might have a second broad stroke, of āsilly and childish and whimsical,ā a stroke that MCD!Aphmau has much less of. Itās still there, she still teases and cracks dumb jokes on occasion, but itās dwarfed in comparison by MCDās more serious, mature tone and the sheer emotional weight of everything she keeps going through. Itās hard to be silly and have stupid fun when youāre fighting for your life, so in a way, MCD!Aphmau had to grow up in a way that Mystreet!Aphmau never had to. Mystreet!Aphmauās worst problem (before emerald secret) is āoh no! which cute boy am I gonna date?! Gene is so mean to me in highschool!! Gawd, I wish my mom would let me bring boys home without making it weird, jeez.ā She gets to keep her innocence. She doesnāt have to grow up and face the brutality of killers and monsters and the cruelty of the gods, and even after When Angels Fall, I donāt see her heavily maturing and growing as serious as MCD!Aphmau already is on main.
So if MCD!Aphmau has one single broad stroke that, for a protagonist, is actually vague as hell to work with, then maybe sheās a character who is revealed by all the little things that slip through the cracks. Maybe I can paint a picture of what sheās truly, really like (not what I want her to be like) by looking at all the little things, and then working inwards from there,,,
I know sheās at the very least a good person. A very good person. Better than canon Garroth, who has far too many asshole tendencies for my liking after the whole Incel Hell Irene Dimension fiasco (also why the FUCK is he racistā) Better than canon Laurance, better than most people honestly. Which is kind of the point, as an Irene. Sheās supposed to be inherently a good, pure-hearted soul, whose destiny and sole calling in life is to help everyone around her. She seems to display a great fear and distress over violence and war. Sheās always anxious and freaking the fuck out when sheās in combat (during S1), and building up to the Phoenix War, she was absolutely mortified by the idea of going to war, and yet that distress NEVER boiled over into cowardice. She always chose what was right and stuck to it, stubbornly. Even when faced with the worst of dilemmas, she refuses to succumb to her fear and run away, or pick the easy (and scummy) way out. She cares a great deal about the greater good, even if it comes at a devastating cost to achieve, and by god, sheāll achieve it. When presented with the option of fight or flight, she NEVER picks flight. So sheās brave? Has a strong natural sense of justice? Would she ever make cruel sacrifices, if it was for a greater good? I think I at least know that if I presented her with the option of ākill Garroth and Laurance, or save the entire world,ā she would refuse the dilemma entirely and go to EXTREME lengths to forge a third option where she gets to keep the world AND her boys, and everyone comes out unharmed. (And in my mind, this is what distinguishes her from the old Ireneā¦)
She is a herald for peace, above anything else. When Scaleswind destroyed her home as an act of violent rage, she didnāt seek revenge or even allow herself to feel vitriol or resentment for the man that attacked her people. Instead, she (cautiously and hesitantly) accepted his pleas for forgiveness if it meant she could have peace for Phoenix Drop. She held him accountable for his crimes, yes, but she forgave him, trusted him with the Phoenix Drop Alliance, and even trusted him with her people. All the while reiterating to him that she is an agent working for peace, and he needs to get on her level if he wants her forgiveness. She even offers care and aid to all of the rotten Oākhasis knights that still swear their fealty to Zane. She brings them to court for their crimes, but she also offers them her care and a place to stay if they need it. She believes in justice, but not cruel retribution. The moral high ground isnāt a weapon she uses to bludgeon others with. She draws her strength by pulling others up with her. Even putting her trust in those unworthy of it at times, but that then inspires them to make better choices and pledge themselves to her cause. Even if you were a horrible, terrible person, she refuses to be downright cruel. Itās very rare to see her anger get the best of her (not that I donāt doubt that has happened at least once or twice in the series, Iām just saying itās not her go-to choice when resolving any conflict). She will always give people the benefit of the doubt.
I know she struggles with sleeping problems, mainly due to her stress. She did for most of the latter quarter of S1 and when I skipped ahead and watched a few snippets of S2, she was STILL bringing up how poorly she slept last night, so like. You could make a case that she has insomnia. She could have insomnia. And PTSD but thatās a given
She finds babies absolutely adorable and has strong maternal instincts. (a connection between this and her great care for Phoenix Drop as a whole could possibly be strungā¦ I donāt think āmaternal instinctsā is at all why she helps PD though. I think she just does thatā¦becauseā¦you should. Because itās the right thing to do. Obviously. If given the choice to be kind and help someone, she will always pick that choice, because,,,she just does)
you could make an argument that she has dyslexia. if you made a drinking game out of every time she flubbed reading the lines on the screen you would keel over and die by episode 15 I think.
you could make an argument that she needs glasses because Jess wears glasses for the first little while of S1 before she seems to have switched to contacts for the rest of the aphverse
She loves animals and has more animals than she has children
She seems very slow to develop romantic feelings for anyone. I think she only really started to develop little bits of romantic feelings for Garroth come late S1, and for Laurance probably like. around episode 95ish if youāre pushing it early, but honestly she probably only developed feelings for him after the entirety of season 1. after Laurance and her had already become very close and intimate on a platonic level. And any of his flirtatious advances prior to that she CONSISTENTLY responded to with flat out rejection, disgust, exasperation and annoyance with zero romance in sight. meanwhile sheās been very affectionate with Zoey from the beginning and is much more sweet and domestic with her than any of the boys, so like. I can definitely see where all the aroace spectrum aphmau headcanons in the fandom are coming from now and I wouldnāt be surprised if she was some form of demiromantic as well, but thatās straying out of canon aphmau territory and into headcanon land
Her worst fear, confirmed by Malachi, is seeing the entire village be burned to the ground with everyone she loves inside. Seeing Garroth and Laurance and every single villager murdered before she can do anything to stop it. Sheās scared of losing them (and wow guess exactly what ends up happeningā¦ Garroth gets lost in the Irene dimensionā¦Laurance becomes a cold and cruel shadow knight and she loses him to the netherā¦ Aaron dies and becomes the shadow lordā¦ girlie can just not win. and Iād like to explore more of the deep emotional impact that couldāve had on herāyour worst fear is losing everyone you loved, seeing them get torn out of your hands brutally and violently, and..that happens. that happens to her anyway. to all of her boys, individually. thereās no way thatās not traumatic and emotional as hell for her) maybe you could even play into the idea that she has abandonment issuesā¦
Every now and then she shows a few signs of toxic positivity and emotional repression. āSmile and be happy, focus on the work thatās important right now instead of completely and utterly crumbling under the weight of my grief and traumaā type shit. I feel like I canāt help but notice a running pattern that she keeps being presented with dialogue options that are emotionally vulnerable and intimate in some way, usually ones that progress her relationships with others (both romantically and platonically) and express a great deal of care or feelingā¦and then thereās the exposition dump dialogue option that continues her constant search for information that furthers the plot, and she often chooses that instead. Like for example, in one dialogue option with Aaron, she doesnāt say, āI really care about you, please, canāt you trust me?ā Instead, she chooses to say, āWhat will you do?ā Which is much more business talk as opposed to spilling her heart out to people. She seems to apologize for herself whenever she expresses a heightened amount of emotion, especially if itās sadness or grief or anger, and again, Iād like to point to her taking 90+ fucking episodes to allow herself to feel any sort of intimacy with Laurance, the very man who has been constantly showering her with affection, and not just the dumb flirty stuff!! But like deep, sincere proclamations of āyou matter to me,ā and āIāll never leave your sideā and āyou are my world, aphmauā!!! Bro I would have MELTED into his arms 70 fucking episodes ago if I met a man that talked to me like he does!! But she doesnāt!! SHE KEEPS HIM AT ARMS LENGTH!! THATS NOT NORMAL!!! Especially when EVERY OTHER character in the cast keeps falling in love at first sight. (so intimacy issues? trust issues? probably not trust issues. fear? too much on her mind? demiromantic ?? or probably a mix of all of the above + a dash of headcanon for the sexuality part)
And itās so fascinating to see what she could say, but doesnāt. And sometimes youāll even see her hesitate over the other, more intimate dialogue options, and then decide otherwise. Itās utterly fascinating to think that a character hugely defined by her heart might struggle with vulnerability.
She also hesitates over funny options a lot but decides against them because the serious, emotionally mature options are more appropriate and polite for the situation at hand lol. Laurance is a frequent exception to this rule, she will tease him no matter how serious their conversation is lmao (Laurance brings out her more forgotten whimsical sideā¦?)
So on and so forth while I continue my binge rewatch of the entire series and collect more. So far, she seems to be overall: Kind. Gentle. Soft, warm, friendly, forgiving, understanding, merciful, patient. Playful and whimsical, though thatās become more forgotten with time and hardship. Serious, very emotionally mature, very much a source of wisdom among her peers. Inherently strong sense of justice, will always fight for the right thing. Brave and persistent. Refuses to ever back down from a challenge. Probably at least a little emotionally avoidant and I would not be surprised if she struggled with a particularly harsh inner critic. Optimistic. Never lets go of her heart, led by her heart much more than her brain, though that isnāt to say she isnāt smart, sheās not an idiot. Loves animals. Natural leader. Maternal. Insomniac. Probably neurodivergent, possibly aroace, possibly dyslexic, most likely needs glasses. Traumatized, very much so. Very stressed and anxious (please god someone give her a break). Carries the weight of the world on her shoulders but refuses to let herself crumble, even if she is exhausted and worn down and at her limit. you also cannot look at Zoey and Aphmauās daily interactions and tell me there isnāt at least a little bit of sapphicism going on there. they love each other so much <3 and if not, she is a single mother going through literal actual hell and hanging on by a string but through the force of necessity and probably at least a little bit of toxic positivity and emotional avoidance she will persevere whether she wants to or not
and I will continue to learn more as we go along š
Garroth growing up in a blood family that doesnāt treat him with any love, so as a kid he wishes so hard for the destined, perfect love of his life to come and save him, whisking him away like a knight in shining armor, to a life where heās truly loved, and itās that escapism in fantasy that heās constantly using to cope and keep himself sane growing up
He dreams of the day someone will love him, unconditionally and truly, and though he doesnāt really know what thatāll look like yet, itās something that he just knows intrinsically in his heart and yearns for desperately. Heās a big lover, heās super empathetic and sensitive, he has a big heart, especially as a kid. Whenever he falls for anyone, he falls HARD, but he canāt seem to find anyone who would love him back as much as he loves them (especially since people keep seeing him as The Prince and not lovey little Garroth)
Then Garroth being forced to marry a woman he had never loved and barely even met before. Marriage being used as a giant weapon to forever seal him into the horrific life as heir to the throne, as one of the permanent pieces of this broken and abusive monarchical system, when marriage and love was supposed to be one thing that got him out, and it breaks him so much that he abandons everything and runs away. If no perfect and magical knight in shining armor will save him, then heāll do it himself, alone.
And then he meets the most romantic knight in the world.
Laurance is so extremely homoerotic and suggestive and flirtatious with him all the time, even in canon, especially in canon
Laurance loves LOUDLY and a LOT, heās very honest and up-front about all the emotions in his heart, and when he falls in love with someone (as opposed to falling in surface-level lust with someone) he falls HARD, but unlike Garroth, he is NOT shy about it lol
Laurance sending love and affection Garrothās way in droves, and Garroth being utterly confused and clueless about it, because no one has ever spoken to him this way, hell, I donāt think his sheltered Princely blood has even SEEN any other person talk this way. Like Laurance just honestly and bluntly telling him āHey big guy, I think youāre hot and cute as fuck, we should fuck on the beach right here, whaddya say?ā like how is his brain going to compute that, heās never even SEEN an affectionate relationship before, let alone seen someone be so clear and forward about it
And Laurance is honest and means every word he says, heās not trying to play or trick Garroth. At one point Garroth thinks he is and gets super suspicious of him, but then Laurance laughs and denies it so casually and easily, and now Garroth is lost again
He literally meets the most affectionate person ever. Heās honest and upfront about his affections, heās patient enough to give Garroth all the time in the world, heās emotionally intelligent enough to know why heās struggling so much with his gestures, and heāll just patiently stand there and watch him while he has an existential crisis trying to figure out what love even means after Laurance gave him a bouquet of hand-picked flowers. Trust Issues Garroth would eventually try to accept all these kind things Laurance says about him, rather than deny the compliments and insist heās all the things Zane and his father called him as a child. He leans into the affections, and Garroth learning how love actually works, as the very man he dreamed of as a child holds his face in his hands, and does not mock or beat or hurt him, but kisses him on the cheek instead.
Garroth learning how to love from Lauranceās unconditional and obnoxious affections, slowly becoming less and less afraid of it, until he embraces it completely and starts to give Laurance So Very Much Loving in return like he was always capable of doing. And Laurance is perfectly capable of handling the immense amount of affection, he finds it exciting actually
And though I donāt think homophobia is a thing that exists in this fantasy world, I think itās also thematically perfect that Laurance is the exact kind of person that Garrothās parents would HATE having as a son-in-law. Lauranceās rebellious pride is perfect for that role of breaking Garroth free of the abusive strings of his evil monarchical family and learning how to love himself instead
@cinnamontoastcroonch brought up the guard quarters being like dorms last night and it led to Garrance brain rot.
They talk quietly through the wall late at night when neither of them can sleep, and some days they'll sleep in shifts in the same room so they can guard each other from nightmares.
They'll sit in the common room in silence as they each fill out reports. Eventually, one of them will always get up and make tea when he notices the other getting frustrated or tired. They plan strategies and contingencies by lantern light over cups of tea.
Garroth finds comfort in the Shadow Knight eye gleam because he associates it with Laurance waking him up from nightmares and comforting him late at night.
Laurance wakes up scratching at his eyes sometimes, yelling about how they're not his eyes, and Garroth is the only one who can hold him down and talk him through it.
Since they operate as equals, they split the paperwork of both head guard and second in command between them, so when Laurance is having a bad vision day he will dictate what he needs to put in his work while Garroth transcribes, and when Garroth can't make himself sit down and focus on writing he'll pace around and talk over half a dozen things while Laurance jots down notes for him to look over later.
Garroth regularly checks in on Laurance during the cold months to make sure he's not falling into a coma or something since Shadow Knights are more or less cold-blooded and will get super drowsy when they get cold, sometimes sleeping for days at a time if they get cold enough to conserve what heat and energy they have.
Laurance drapes himself over Garroth's shoulders and acts all dramatic when he notices Garroth getting too into his own head, or he'll give him a simple task like braiding and talking about nothing of importance until he comes back to himself.
@xerith-42 said they'd do wrist exercises together, since they put a lot of strain on their wrists from holding shields and swords all day and then having to also do a bunch of paperwork. I said to this, they still talk about work while doing these exercises, and when they get really absorbed by whatever issue they're discussing they completely forget that they're basically holding hands. Laurance will absentmindedly trace patterns around Garroth's callouses and Garroth will run his thumb over the lines of Laurance's palm, and there's a moment after they realize that they're just holding the other's hand where they let the contact linger, and then they pull away and get back to business without saying a word about it.
The way I write their relationship is all about both of them knowing going into it that they both love someone else too, above each other, and their duty to the village and their Lady will always come first. But, there is still something there between them that they both understand on a level deeper than anything else while at the same time not being able to recognize the feeling in its entirety. There's also this special third ingredient of knowing no time is the right time and they never should have allowed themselves to fall into whatever this thing between them is but they are drawn together time and again as though caught in each other's orbit. They will eventually crash, and maybe they have been circling that end for a while already and haven't noticed it until now. Maybe the conclusion will be as beautiful as the story leading up to it, like a dying star's final breath.
MCD Season 1 except Garroth and Laurence have actually been married this whole time and live in different regions because they are loyal to their guard posts, but Laurence gets excited when Aphmau shows up in Matelia because Garroth talked about her in his letters to him, and this is Laurence's chance to see his husband again.
Garroth was in a depressive episode but even then I canāt see him betraying Aphmau and Laurance (the two people he trusts most in this world.) Like clearly Garroth can be a jealous person but he also bottles his emotions till he absolutely canāt anymore (usually till outside forces make him tell the truth.) I feel like his jealousy would have more likely led him to close himself off again and his extreme self hatred would grow rather than him just deciding to betray them. Especially because Phoenix Drop itself is one of the most important things to Garroth. But, if Zane or Lillian did something to cause Garroth to spiral and back him in corner it would make way more sense for him to rely on the only person that can understand everything heās facing, his little brother.
Lillian says sheās a herb specialist it would have been interesting if she had given Garroth a potion or item that worsened his mental state. Something that made him more paranoid and anxious. Like Garroth has an overwhelming feeling of doom. Zaneās plan couldāve had begun as soon as they got back from the Malachi arc. Possibly, Zane found in an item that causes Garroth intense nightmares or Lillian is able to control dreams sort of similar to Malachiās magicks . So Garroth stops getting sleep because of his nightmares. The dreams could just be a million different scenarios but they all lead to Phoenix Dropās destruction. So he doesnāt know whatās going to happen and the cause changes in every dream. One of the worst dreams involves Laurance giving into his shadow knight form. He kills the entire village including Aphmau and her sons. Once Laurance is himself again he begs Garroth for forgiveness and death. He pleads with Garroth to make him pay for what heās done.
All these dreams cause Garroth to begin to isolate himself. Then from his lack of sleep he begins to impair his judgement and this is when Zane really begins his manipulation. Zane reaches out to Garroth, Garte is becoming dangerous to everyone (some kind of lie that makes it seem like Zane has no where to go) he somehow creates a lie that opens up communication again. Garroth canāt differentiate between his scared kid brother and the high priest Zane, after all he still is a protector through and through.
Garroth is barely keeping it together and heās wearing his helmet again. Everyone is noticing this change but Garroth says heās fine and heās still managing to keep up his duties as head guard. Garroth feels like heās going crazy but he canāt falter everyone is relying on him. Garroth is also talking to the enemy (Zane) and he canāt tell anyone because they wouldnāt understand. The final nail in the coffin is when he sees the illusion of Laurance and Aphmau.
They kiss in the clearing and break apart to have a quiet conversation seemingly to themselves. Garroth intently listens despite his heart aching. Aphmau confesses sheās been having terrible nightmares and she falls apart in Lauranceās arms. She sees Phoenix Drop burning to the ground and Garroth realizes sheās having the same nightmares as him. Then she finally says she canāt trust anyone but Laurance and she suspects Garroth is betraying them. Heās been pulling away from them and Aph canāt even recognize him anymore and Laurance agrees with her. Garroth sneaks away after this and decides that heāll make sure everything is okay. Heāll fix everything at Phoenix Drop and leave for Oākasis so he wonāt cause them anymore pain. So, he tells Zane of his dreams, the amulet, and he agrees to go to Oākasis as long as Zane never harms the Phoenix Drop and its people. Heās convinced himself that what heās doing is for the greater good. He can handle it. Heāll make sure everything is alright, after all heās a protector and he never deserved Aphmau and Laurance anyway.
āAfter all, youāre the entire reason heās gone.ā
That line that Laurance said to Garroth in regards to Aaronās deathā¦ like imagine how much guilt that must have made him feel.
Like imagine him taking care of Alina, the daughter of the man that got himself killed rescuing him, and questioning why he gets to have those moments with her and he doesnāt.
Why does he get to watch her first steps? Hear her first words? Be there for her when she cries? Make her laugh and smile?
He gets to take over the role of father to the girl whose biological father died saving him.
tangentwithtanner
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