she's back baby, with a fic based around my fav wet-eyed abandoned shelter dog
[image from @hardyscal]
What Are We Doing Here?
note: Set sometime after series 1, as that is as far as I've gotten watching the series atm
WARNINGS: f!reader, no use of y/n, River being River tbh, stalking (in a spy context), kind of slow-burn but also shenanigans!!
proofread only by me, so I am the only one to blame for errors
__________________________________________________________
River wasn’t sure what he was doing here.
You had started just over three months ago, the newest hire to have been chucked into his office by Lamb. On that first day, you were being shown around by Lamb and the minute you entered his doorframe, his heart skipped immediately. He recognised you. He was still in those final months of training and you were the new admin intern back at the Park. You had only crossed paths once or twice, but it was funny how you looked almost exactly the same as you did then. You had always been so nice and sweet to everyone. When was the last time he had seen you? Lamb coughed.
“Cartwright, wipe that moony expression off your face and make sure you don’t accidentally get this one shot yet, will you? I haven’t figured out if she’s shit and I can’t be arsed having that call with HR. Again.”
So he got up to shake your hand, which you reluctantly obliged. Your hand was surprisingly cold. And then he remembered.
Oh god. He had just been given the deployment notice and had barged out of Taverner’s office like a child. He’d walking right into you, making you spill papers everywhere and he had just kept walking. His entire body cringed. He hoped you didn’t remember him.
“Sorry, I’m River Cartwright. Please excuse Lamb.”
Your face remained straight. “I know who you are. And unfortunately, I know Lamb too. In fact, I’m very well acquainted with the lore of Slough House at this point.”
River felt very hot under your cold glare.
“Sorry about that.”
You nodded and simply walked out, continuing your tour of the office. After another thirty minutes, you returned to the desk next to him, not saying a word as you continued to work for the next few hours, before leaving with a curt ‘bye’. And that’s how it was for the next two months. You came in, said nothing, did your work, and occasionally looked up when River would realise he had maybe been staring. He tried making conversation with you a few times, but your answers were monosyllabic, swiftly returning to silence.
Until a couple of weeks ago. Lamb had assigned a particularly thankless task of going through some Council meeting minutes which had lasted for days and part way through the fourth afternoon, River had just broken and chucked the files on the floor. You had watched this happen silently before standing up from your desk.
“I’m going out.” You announced.
“Where?” River asked, his head in his hands.
“Outside.” You replied, before swiftly leaving.
River lay down on the floor with the papers for a solid forty minutes until you returned, with two small pink boxes, one you put on your desk and one you placed on his. Then you started picking up the files around him, before getting back to work in silence.
He sat up and opened the box. The strawberry sprinkle donuts. It was his go-to treat when he was back at the park. He looked at you working intently at your desk.
“Thank you.”
You shrugged, and returned to the papers.
“How did you know?”
You didn’t even look up.
“I have good memory.”
River went back to work then, donut in hand and an uneasy fluttering feeling. He didn’t even remember buying these donuts when he worked at the Park.
The next few weeks, River noticed little changes. You brought in pastries and coffee each morning, always left on his desk before he gets in. You did say hello in the mornings as well as goodbye. Once he had seen you crack a very small smile at a joke he made about Lamb.
He tried asking around the office to see if anyone knew why you’d been sent here. Roddy made some disgusting lewd remark, as usual. Catherine didn’t know, but didn’t really care as she found you a welcome new addition to the staff. While Lamb made jokes, none were ever specific or pointed enough to give any indication that River could figure out. He even tried asking him about it once but received a long stare.
“Don’t even think about it Cartwright.” Lamb uttered, before going back to lie down on his couch.
River didn’t move.
“Look, considering our current turnover, sometimes we just actually need staff to do the work you don’t do.”
“That’s rich, coming from you.”
“My job is giving you pillocks something to do with your hands so you don’t throw yourself out of the nearest window. What more do you want me to say?”
“So you do know why she’s here then?”
“Considering the recent casualties that a certain ginger twat may be a part of, they kindly gifted us another member of staff, but this time from the administration department so hopefully less likely to get themselves offed. Although, I’m sure you could find a way Cartwright.” River stared, saying nothing before walking out of the office. However, as he started descending the stairs, he jumped. You were standing there, holding a stack of papers. You quickly averted your eyes away from him.
You apologised. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just need to give these to Lamb.”
“No worries, I just didn’t hear you.”
“I’ve been told I’m very quiet.”
“Yeah, I could see that.” You finally look back up at River, tilting your head. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a useful skill, just subtlety is not really Slough House’s forte.”
You nod before heading up the stairs, but River stops you.
“Don’t worry, I’ll pass them on to him. You may as well save your lungs while you still can.”
“It’s fine, I can go-”
“Trust me, I think he’s had a curry yesterday, you don’t want to go near.”
He watches your eyes mull over this concept before reluctantly extending the files to him. He goes to grab it and the tips of your fingers brush for just a second. You are almost freezing. He looks back over you and sees the large knitted jumper and the scarf you are still wearing. You notice this and fold your arms over your chest.
“Er, thanks River.”
“No problem.”
He runs up the stairs and wonders why his heart is still racing, ten minutes later. When he returns to the office, you are in deep focus, staring at some papers, so he turns the heater on and tops up your tea. As he brewed the kettle, his mind was whirring.
So if Lamb was to be believed, the Park just gifted them an administrator. He had checked over the files you handed to Lamb and they did look normal. So maybe you were just an administrator. Or maybe Lamb just didn’t know the real reason you were there. Why wouldn’t they tell him? The last person they did that with was Sid. Was it possible that Taverner had sent another agent to watch over River? Or Lamb? Or Slough House in general?
He continued to watch you over the next few weeks. He didn’t see you particularly observing things or making any notes. Clearly you were trained better than that. You never received any phone calls at work, let alone weird ones. You never talked about anyone, friends or family or anything or even any social plans. You spent your lunch break reading a book in the park down the road (not that he was following you or anything). But you never met anyone there or took any calls. Just read your book and went back to work. You also declined any offer of the pub from any of the other team members, which seemed like a good opportunity to get some dirt. River even went once to see if it would lure you to go, and while your eyes lingered on him for a moment too long, you still declined. He then spent the next two hours desperately wishing you were there, at least to share a withering glance with.
So the one thing he definitely knew was that you always arrived early but left at exactly five on the dot. So he came in earlier and earlier until he could figure out when exactly you arrived. ]
Which leads us to today.
This morning, you jumped when River is already at his desk.
“Morning!” He smiled at you.
“Morning…?” You looked at him and then your watch. “What are you doing here so early River?”
“I couldn’t sleep. So figured I may as well try and do something productive with my time.”
“But you hate work.” You then followed his eyes and look at the desk. There was already a coffee still steaming and a pastry bag on the desk, which looked identical to the one in your hand.
“I thought I’d treat us for once. It was funny, I didn’t see you there though.”
“Do you get them at the Barbican branch?” You responded without hesitating. River nodded.“I get them at the one near my flat, there is way less of a queue and therefore a lot more choice.” You placed the other bag on his desk and River got a faint whiff of perfume, maybe? Although there is something else mixed with it. Coconut and something else, more chemical?
You continued your morning as normal, although when you bit into the pastry he bought you, you gave him a small smile and River’s chest felt a little tight.
He just needs to know why you’re here. Once he has that reason and he knows you’re not a spy, then things can just be normal. He will feel normal again, he told himself. But that also means he knew what he has to do next.
The day went by pretty normally. You read your book at lunch as usual, then work until five, before leaving. River waited just a minute before tailing you downstairs, switching his usual jacket for a denim one he never wears and a cap. He then walked behind, couple of metres, weaving through the crowd but always behind someone. At one point you turned around and he stopped to look in a shop window, and you continued walking. You kept walking down the street until you hit The Blue Regency Hotel, where you took a turn into the entrance.
Well, this was unexpected. Is this where you meet Taverner? He wondered. He hovered outside just a moment, watching you talk to the receptionist before scanning a wristband. You turned and started walking and River took his chance to enter the lobby. He watched you but instead of walking to the lifts, you walked downstairs into…the spa? There was a waft in the air and he realised where he recognises the smell on your skin. Chlorine!
He reasoned with himself. Maybe you just go swimming regularly. Or maybe it’s where you can meet without a wire. He’s in for a penny, in for a pound at this point. He’ll just quickly check out the pool. If you’re just swimming, he can go back home and leave this all behind. He gave a fake name behind a desk (he had a fake ID with Spider’s name made on it years ago that he always carries in his wallet) and bought a taster pass before heading downstairs.
He got changed slowly - after all, he didn’t actually have any trunks with him, so wrapped his towel around his boxers and wanders down. There is a mezzanine above the pool, where he can stand above and watch… you run laps.
Shit. Maybe you did just like to swim. Just when he was about to give up, River spotted you getting out and heading to the jacuzzi. There was a man, broad, in shape sitting there. He expected the two of you to sit in silence, but then the two of you started talking. It looked in depth too. He tried to walk around and listen in, but the bubbling of the water is too loud. The man leaned in, you nodded and then you got out and headed towards…the steam room? The man got out too, but headed back to the changing room.
And now, as of this moment, before he can really think through what he is doing, River finds himself standing outside the steam room.
His hand hesitates over the glass door. He sees movement from inside. So he isn’t sure what he is doing here, but he has to know what you were doing. Now is his chance. He pushes it open.
You are sat alone, on the back bench of the steam room. You’re wrapped in a towel, head leaning back, legs crossed and glistening. Not that River noticed that sort of thing. Vapour plumes between the two of you. You do not move.
River stands, unsure what to do here. Should he cough? Say your name? Sit next to you?
“Cartwright. Are you going to stand there forever or are you going to say something?”
You still stare at the ceiling. Cartwright looks behind him.
“How long have you known I’ve been here?”
“I saw you behind me in the reflection on the floor when I was going to the showers.”
At this point you roll your head up almost lazily to look at him, eyeing him up and down. River feels a twinge. Defiance, maybe? He stares you down. He wants you to know he’s not intimidated by you. But then, he can’t quite read you either. The posture suggests someone who does not give a fuck, but there is something in your face that says something else. Something slightly softer.
“Do you know why I’m here?”
“I know you’re following me, but I also know Lamb didn’t send you. You’re doing this off your own back.”
“Lamb couldn’t give less of a shit about who works for him at this point.”
“So it is you. You think I’m some sort of double agent?” You tilt your head. “Or someone the Park sent to babysit you?”
River doesn’t say anything, still just staring at you intently.
“You know River, we can actually talk freely in here. I’m not wearing a wire.”
“How do I know that?
“Well I’m basically wearing nothing under here.” You rest your hand on the fold of the towel. “Or would you like to check for yourself?” You can’t help but notice the blush creep onto his face. He looks behind him.
“I trust you.”
“That could be a mistake. But I’m going to assume from what I can see- ” Your eyes roll down. -you’re not wearing anything either.”
His body tenses a little. “I’m wearing trunks actually.” It comes out a little more indignantly than he would like. “But no wire.”
“Who was that guy you were talking to in the Jacuzzi?”
“That’s Derek. He comes here every Wednesday because he got a hip replacement last year.”
“But he whispered in your ear and you went in your separate directions.”
You rub your eye.
“He’s nice enough, but occasionally a bit bawdy. He was telling me a rather long and rude anecdote about his mother-in-law,, so I took my chance to make my exit. I imagine he might have left due to potential embarrassment.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Well it’s the truth, so you’ll have to.”
River folds his arms. “So who sent you, if not lusty Derek?”
“I can promise you that the Park didn’t sent me to watch over their favourite wayward son.”
“Okay, but then who did?” At this point, River notices the smallest crumple in your lip. “Go on, tell me the real reason why you are at Slough House?”
You sigh, before rubbing the brink of your nose.
“I don’t know.”
“Come on, you must know.”
“No, I genuinely don’t.”
“I’m not an idiot.”
“And I’m not like you River.” You sigh. “I wasn’t a bigshot spy, I was just an administrator. And I was a damn good one too. I never made any mistakes. I never even came across anything suspicious. I didn’t uncover a conspiracy or find weird files or even catch Taverner shagging anyone.”
“Not sure I need that image.”
“River, she’s a milf and you know it. But that’s besides the point. I did literally nothing wrong. I kept my head down, did my work, then went home. Then one day I come into the office and they tell me I’m being redeployed for ‘restructuring reasons’. Next thing I’m on the desk next to yours trying to do what I always do, do my work then go home.”
River scans for any sign of a lie, but he can’t find it. Either you’re the best liar he’s seen or you genuinely don’t know. He sighs and takes the seat next to you.
“Well, that’s weird. Sorry you’re with us. And sorry I’m paranoid. I guess I’ve been burned a few times before.”
You shrug.
“It tracks.”
“Wait, if you didn’t know anything, what do you know about me?”
“You really don’t remember?” You look at him indignantly.
“Remember what?”
“We worked together at the park? We were in the same department? I know I’m not memorable but damn, River. You know how to make a girl feel good about herself.”
It was River’s turn to sigh, before putting his head in his hands.
“No! No… I remember you. I’ve just been wishing you didn’t remember me. I was a complete ass back then.”
River looks up at you and much to his surprise, you are smiling.
“You’ve met the other people who work at the Park right? It’s like the test for MI6 is find the biggest egos possible and stuff them into a room for an international dick-measuring contest.”
“So you remember Webb then?”
You roll your eyes.
“How could I forget? ”
He finally looks at you with a slight, sarcastic smile.
“What a relief.”
At that moment, the two of you hear footsteps towards the door, before a man stops outside the glass. You both hear a voice through the wall.
“Yes, I’ll meet you at the Park tomorrow-”
Speak of the devil. River knows that voice anywhere. Spider Webb.
Both of you look at each other in alarm, but before River can say anything, you clamp a hand over his mouth.
“We’ll deal with it then. I’ve got to go now, I’m going into the steam room now.”
You look at each other in panic. You mouth ‘I’m sorry’ before swinging yourself around so you are on his lap, back facing the door. You grab both sides of his face with your hands. River notices your eyes go to his lips. The door starts creaking open. He moves forward this time, placing a hand on your back, giving the slightest nod. And that’s when you move.
____
Read part two here!
