Recipes

Hi. c: This is just a blog with various recipes. They will have tags, so whatever you're looking for should be easier to find. Suggestions are welcome. x3 Some foods have pictures, and some don't. I am trying to get pictures for all of them. Thank you<3 Also, this is a collection of recipes. I do not claim any of them, unless noted. c:

[guardians-of-the-food]

Basic Hummus

[vegan-yums]

bean and zucchini burgers

[lustreplacement]

banana nutella eggrolls

[4gifs]

[tehehcibo]

S’mores dip. [video]

[foodiebliss]

[tehehcibo]

How To Make Cheeseburger Cupcakes {Nerdy Nummies} [x]

Is this legal?

[tehehcibo]

HERSHEY'S YUMMY MUMMY COOKIES

Ingredients

2/3 cup butter or margarine, softened

1 cup sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 eggs

2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup HERSHEY'S Mini Chips Semi-Sweet Chocolate

1 to 2 packages (12 oz. each) HERSHEY'S Premium White Chips

1 to 2 tablespoons shortening (do not use butter, margarine, spread or oil)

Additional HERSHEY'S Mini Chips Semi-Sweet Chocolate

Directions

Beat butter, sugar and vanilla in large bowl until creamy. Add eggs; beat well. Combine flour, cocoa, salt and baking soda; gradually add to butter mixture, beating well. Stir in 1 cup small chocolate chips. Refrigerate dough 20 minutes or until firm enough to handle.

2

Heat oven to 350°F. For mummy body, roll 1 tablespoon dough into 3-1/2 inch long carrot shape; place on ungreased cookie sheet. For head, roll 1 teaspoon dough, roll into ball the size of a grape; press onto wide end of body. Repeat procedure with remaining dough.

3

Bake 8 to 9 minutes or until set. Cool slightly; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely.

4

Microwave 2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) white chips and 1 tablespoon shortening in microwave-safe pie plate or shallow bowl at MEDIUM (50%) 1 minute; stir. If necessary, microwave at MEDIUM an additional 15 seconds at a time, stirring after each heating, until chips are melted.

5

Place 1 cookie at a time on table knife or narrow metal spatula. Spoon white chip mixture over just the top of cookie to coat; place on wax paper. (If mixture begins to thicken, return to microwave for a few seconds.) Melt additional chips with shortening, if needed for additional coating. As coating begins to set on cookies, use toothpick to score lines in body and on face to resemble mummy . Place two small chocolate chips on each for eyes. Store, covered, in cool dry place. Makes about 30 cookies.

Source

[buzzfeedfood]

Yes!  It matters what kind of onion you use!

[foodpoorn]

[foodiebliss]

[tehehcibo]

click here to read more {by Handle The Heat}

USEFUL! Now I know exactly how to get the cookie texture I prefer (use more brown sugar)

[fuckingrecipes]

[tehehcibo]

HOW TO COOK STEAK

[rossroads]

[chelsea-always-deactivated20181]

i’ve been doing it wrong all this time. i will never be the same again…

[demolitiondemolay]

I’m so intrigued. 

[thugkitchen-deactivated20181113]

Next time someone tells you to eat more veggies, get down on of these tiny motherfuckers. These low fat, high fiber sons of bitches are healthy as shit without sacrificing flavor. Trying to eat better? START WITH A FUCKING BURGER.

SMOKEY BEAN AND SPINACH SLIDERS

2 cups chopped fresh spinach

1 cup chopped onion

3 cups cooked kidney beans or 2-15 ounce can

1/2 cup cooked brown rice (use leftovers)

4 cloves of garlic, chopped all small and shit

1 tablespoon liquid smoke (like I said, it is near the BBQ sauce at the store I swear. You haven’t even looked yet so stop complaining. It is there)

2 teaspoon soy sauce or tamari

1 tablespoon smoked paprika

2 teaspoons oregano

1 ½ teaspoons ground cumin        

black pepper to taste

1/2 cup whole wheat breadcrumbs (any breadcrumbs you have are fine. Got nothing? Just toast up some bread until it is almost burnt looking and real dry then grate them shits or put them in a food processor to get some tiny fucking crumbs. They help soak up all the liquid so don’t leave this shit out)

Warm the oven to 375 degrees and lightly grease a large baking sheet. You can throw down some foil and then grease it if you are a lazy fuck like me and hate doing dishes.

Add the spinach and onion to a food processor and pulse until they are in tiny-ass pieces. Add the kidney beans, rice, garlic, liquid smoke, soy sauce, and seasonings and pulse until everything is all mixed up. It’s fine if a few larger pieces of the beans hang around but you want this looking like kinda paste-like. Place the bean-spinach mixture into a medium bowl and add in the fucking breadcrumbs. This should be slightly sticky and hold nicely when you form it into a ball. If it is too wet, add more breadcrumbs. Taste it and add more spices and whatever until it tastes good to you. Can’t do that shit with ground beef.

No food processor? It’s all good. Just cut up the spinach and the onion extra tiny and add everything but breadcrumbs to a big bowl. Now pound on that shit until it looks like chunky mash potatoes. Then add the breadcrumbs and do all the other shit I say above.

Divide the mixture into 16 patties if you are making sliders or 8 patties if you are making regular burgers. Whateverthefuck you want to do. Place them on the baking sheet, spray them lightly with oil (slow your roll, I said LIGHTLY) and bake for 15 minutes or until the bottom is a crispy golden brown. Flip the patties and bake for 15 or until both sides look awesome. If you are doing full size burgers you might need to let the sides go 5 extra minutes. Let them cool for a few minutes before serving. Pile them high with red onion, avocado, whatever additional deliciousness you’ve got and chow the fuck down.

Makes 16 sliders or 8 regular patties

[fuckingrecipes]

THEY’RE FUCKING BURNING. 

BURNING OUR HEARTS OUT JESUS FUCK I CAN’T DEAL WITH THESE EMOTIONS!

DO YOU WANT TO TEAR YOUR HEART OUT AND MAKE SOME GORGEOUS FUCKING CUPCAKES? IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS AND SOB MESSILY IN A CORNER WITH THESE BAKED ALASKA CUPCAKES!

STRAWBERRY CENTERED BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK SHOULDN’T WE MAKE A SYMBOLIC BLOODY HEART TO SINK OUR TEETH INTO, UNTIL RIVERS OF RED DRIP FROM OUR WRISTS. 

(YOU WILL NEED ALCOHOL FOR THIS RECIPE! POSSIBLY ADULT SUPERVISION.)

WHY DO WE DO THIS SHIT TO OURSELVES? I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! FANDOM PAIN IS THE BEST AND WORST PAIN.

I’M BEING A LAZY FUCK AND USING SOME STORE BOUGHT VANILLA CUPCAKE DRY MIX.

THAT BULLSHIT REQUIRES 1 BOX OF THE MIX, 1 CUP OF YOUR FANDOM TEARS, DISTILLED UNTIL THERE IS ONLY PURE WATER, NONE OF THAT SALTY SORROW. 

FIND A WINGED BEING AND HUG THEM FEIRCELY UNTIL THEY DROP 3 EGGS INTO YOUR WAITING HANDS OUT OF SHEER CONFUSION AS TO YOUR PASSIONATE EMBRACE!

VICIOUSLY PUNCH A TUB OF MILK WHILE IMAGINING A CERTAIN SOMEONE’S FACE (YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT, AND HIS SCREWDRIVER WASN’T THE SONIC KIND!) UNTIL YOU OBTAIN 1/2 A CUP OF BUTTER. 

MELT IT WITH YOUR FURY!

SET YOUR OVEN TO 350 DEGREES F

DUMP EVERYTHING IN A BOWL AND MIX SLOWLY, GENTLY PUSHING THE MIXTURE AROUND AND COOING SOFT REASSURANCES THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT, WE STILL HAVE SEASON 9 TO LOOK FORWARD TO. THIS SHOULD TAKE TWO MINUTES

REALIZE THAT THERE IS, IN FACT, A HIATUS, AND WHIP YOUR STIRRING ARM INTO A FRENZY! SCREAM YOUR FRUSTRATION AND ANGST INTO THE SKY AND STIR VIOLENTLY FOR ANOTHER MINUTE. 

GET A CUPCAKE PAN READY WITH THE PUREST WHITE PAPER CUPS. (NO YOU MAY NOT FUCKING LEAVE THEM OUT, IT MAKES EVERYTHING NEAT AND TIDY, AND YOU BETTER SHOW SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR THESE POOR BASTARDS!) 

SCOOP SOME OF THAT GORGEOUS BATTER INTO THE PAPER CUPS LAYING INNOCENTLY WITHIN YOUR CUPCAKE PAN, AND EASE THEM INTO THE OVEN FOR 20 MINUTES. (PAPER CUPCAKE CUPS SHOULD ONLY BE 2/3 FULL WITH RAW BATTER)

WHEN THEY ARE BAKED PROPERLY, REMOVE THEM, ALLOW THEM TO REGAIN THEIR COMPOSURE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE, THEN KICK THEM TO A COLD LOCATION FOR REFRIGERATION. (FREEZER IS BEST, ASSHAT! YOUR CUPCAKES NEED TO BE NEARLY FUCKING FROZEN!)

WHILE YOUR CUPCAKES ARE BECOMING GRACEFUL AND BEAUTIFUL IN THE FRIDGE, GATHER 2 CUPS OF THE FRESHEST STRAWBERRIES AND SLICE THEM WITH THAT SILVER BLADE YOU KEEP ON HAND FOR ALL PROPER RITUALS. 

SET THESE GORGEOUS MOTHERFUCKERS OFF TO THE SIDE, AND PREPARE YOUR BODY TO MAKE SOME MERINGUE!

YOU’LL NEED 6 EGGS, BUT ONLY THE WHITES! NONE OF THAT YELLOW SHIT IN MERINGUE, JUST THE CLEAR STUFF~ 

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SEPARATE OUT EGG WHITES? (FOLLOW THE LINK IT EXPLAINS SHIT) 

WANT TO KILL SOME MINI MINOTAURS? YOU’LL NEED SOME TARTAR SAUCE, BUT FOR THIS RECIPE, YOU ONLY NEED 1/4 TEASPOON OF CREAM OF TARTAR. 

GROW YOUR OWN SUGAR CANE FIELDS SO YOU CAN HARVEST 1/2 CUP OF SUGAR. 

IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL, WORK YOUR MUSCLES BY WHIPPING THE  EGG WHITES UNTIL THEY’RE FOAMY, ADD TARTAR UNTIL PEAKS START TO FORM. HOLY FUCK, RABID EGGS!

KEEP MIXING, AND GRADUALLY ADD SUGAR UNTIL THE MIXTURE STARTS TO GET STIFF AND GLOSSY. 

CRANK YOUR OVEN OP TO BROIL. 

NOT BOIL, ASSHOLE, BROIL. WITH AN ‘R’. THAT MEANS THE VERY TOP OF YOUR OVEN IS HOT AS A METEOR-LIKE OBJECT ROCKETING THROUGH THE STRATOSPHERE, BUT THE BOTTOM OF IT IS JUST GETTING RESIDUE HEAT LIKE A LAZY MOTHERFUCKER. 

HIGHEST TEMPERATURE IT’LL GO! 

REMOVE THE PAPER FROM THE OUTSIDE, THEN CARVE OUT THE FACE OF YOUR CUPCAKES. A BLADE HELPS.

SLAP A SCOOP OF STRAWBERRY OR VANILLA ICE CREAM INTO THAT DIVOT.

TOP THAT SHIT WITH THOSE BEAUTIFUL STRAWBERRIES, MAKE A FUCKING PILE WITH IT, DON’T SKIMP ON THAT MOUTHGASM POTENTIAL.

GO TO TOWN ON THAT FUCKTRUCK.

SHOVE YOUR SUGAR/EGG SHIT INTO A PLASTIC BAG AND RIP OFF A SMALL CORNER TO SQUEEZE IT THROUGH, OR USE A FROSTING BAG WITH A LARGE TIP IF YOU’RE FEELING FUCKING FANCY. 

GRAB A SAUCEPAN AND GENTLY PLACE SOME BRANDY INSIDE. YOU  WANT IT ON LOW HEAT, JUST WARM THAT SHIT. 

SWIRL THE WHITE GOO ON TOP, THEN MERCILESSLY SHOVE THE CUPCAKES INTO THE OVEN. GIVE THIS STEP YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. 

YOU JUST WANT THE MERINGUE ON TOP TO BROWN A BIT, NOT BURN! 

TAKE A TABLESPOON OF YOUR WARMED BRANDY AND SPRINKLE IT OVER THE TOP OF YOUR STILL-WARM MERINGUE. . 

DIM THE LIGHTS, FLICK A MATCH AND LIGHT IT ON FIRE!!!!

PROTIP - MAKE SURE THIS IS DONE WHERE THERE IS NOTHING FLAMMABLE NEARBY. KEEP A CUP OF WATER HANDY JUST IN CASE.

WAIT UNTIL THIS SHIT BURNS ITSELF OUT BEFORE CONSUMING!

BLOWING ON IT IS A BAD IDEA (FLYING FLAMING BRANDY IGNITING EVERYTHING)

WANT EXPERT-MODE?

HAVE THIS SONG PLAY ON LOOP, YOU POOR MOTHERFUCKER. 

[vasuki-blog]

Ultimate Chocolate Cake.

[vasuki-blog]

Someone get me this ASAP for tonight.

[inspiring-pictures]

[thugkitchen-deactivated20181113]

ANYBODY CAN GRILL A FUCKING BURGER OR HOTDOG. Elevate your grilling game with something that simpleminded motherfuckers wouldn’t even consider. Grilling veggies is some classy shit and it only takes a few minutes. I am not talking about some played out portabella burger that tastes like a dirty sponge. Eggplant, artichokes, okra, lettuce: all that shit can be thrown on the grill and are in peak form during the spring and summer. People are guaranteed to come correct next time you invite them over. Raise the fucking bar and grill to impress.

GRILLED ROMAINE HEARTS WITH AVOCADO LIME DRESSING 2 romaine hearts, washed, trimmed, and sliced in half 1 clove of garlic, chopped up all small 2 tablespoons olive oil a pinch of salt and pepper Avocado Lime Dressing 1 ripe avocado 1/3 cup fresh lime juice 2 tablespoons rice vinegar 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 clove garlic, chopped all small ½ teaspoon agave or honey 1/4 teaspoon cumin 1/4 cup water salt to taste For the dressing, put all the ingredients in a small food processor or blender and combine until creamy. Add the pinch of sea salt and mix it in. If that shit looks way too thick, add more water until it looks like salad dressing. Pour it all into a small container and refrigerate until the lettuce is ready. To grill the romaine hearts, heat the grill to a medium-low heat. As long as the grill isn’t crazy hot, you are good. While the grill heats up, mix the garlic, olive oil and salt and pepper in a little cup.  Brush or spoon the oil mixture to the cut side of the lettuce. This isn’t the fucking dressing so go easy.  Place the lettuce face down on the grill for 60 seconds or until there are clear grill marks and the leaves are beginning to wilt. Flip the hearts over and grill the other side for another 60 seconds. You want the leaves to look charred but not all fucking limp so pay attention. When they look good, put them on a plate and put some dressing over the hearts. Top with sliced green onions, chopped cilantro, and plenty of black pepper. Enough for 4 people with some extra dressing

We shared this recipe with our homies over at GQ Online, go check them out.

[arctida]

[tehehcibo]

DIY sunblock recipe, make your own Sunscreen oil - natural skin care product

Ahhhh! I am so going to make sunblock for all of my fellow lifeguards as a start of the summer present!