pressed against the walls of your world,

julie, 21+, enfp, multimuse, multiverse, multiship, nsfw, semi selective & always up for doing cruel things to both our characters. ❝ did he bend your reflection? did he make you forget your own name? did he convince you he was god? did you get on your knees daily? do his eyes close like doors? ❞

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

IMPORTANT & OVERDUE;;

hi hi, all my favorites <3

           i have been gone for over a month now, and know i could tell you how very, very SORRY i am until i’m blue in the face, but i know it doesn’t really change the fact that i have not kept up with any sort of activity here, nor explained why, even if i really am so damn sorry...

           —-  i think, what happened is that i just got OVERWHELMED. not by any of you guys, however, but by my own life. mostly work, but also some personal things. i work full time, and i’m currently tied to pre production on two short films and a feature film, while consulting on a tv show and on another feature film. at the moment i work about 80-90 hours a week, which leaves me only a couple of hours every week to roleplay. i wish i knew how to manage my time better, but i unfortunately always end up spending those two or three hours queueing replies for the entire week to come, on the two characters i have in an oc group. this is not because i don’t want to be here, not at all, but simply because i still haven’t been able to do "THE RIGHT THING” and just cut those two characters loose. and, because in groups, as you know, there are activity requirements, i end up focusing on those replies first. part of me always naively thinks i will have the time to be on here afterwards, or maybe tomorrow. always tomorrow. but that just never happens. 

          then somewhere along the way, i started to feel so, so GUILTY, that i couldn’t even log on here anymore to stare at my 60+ drafts. it became another source of stress, on top of everything else —- inside my head. once again, this is all because of myself, not because any of you lovelies— no one has ever pestered me about replies here, or anything, quite the contrary actually. you have all been so fucking amazing and nice, and i love you so, so, so much for always being like that, and i am so incredibly sorry for being so unfair to you all, and letting you down like this. 

          i’m finally just saying it how it is, however; i don’t have the time to be on here RIGHT NOW. and i know for a certain, that my schedule is not letting up until the end of the year, and maybe not even until jan-feb. for once, i won’t tell you that “i will try to be on next week though”, because even if i do try, i’m probably not gonna make it. what i will promise, however, is that this is NOT me just shutting this one down, and abandoning it. i have every intention of coming back, and to actually do all my replies-— i just don’t know WHEN that will be exactly. if i suddenly reply to one of our threads though, you are free to ignore it if you feel like it’s been too long, just know that i’m sorry for taking years, and that i love each and every thread i’ve ever been part of here, and would love to continue all of them <3

                                   — JULIE.

[robertdeniro]

[psychopierce]

[aestheticgram]

[xod]

[lifeinpoetry]

I am aflame. Around me, everything dies.

Camille Rankine, from “Self-Portrait as Allegory,” published in jubilat (via antagxnized)

[johnkrasinskigifs]

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

requicms:

       Asher didn’t want to be one of those people, those who thrived on pessimism and saw no happy ending for themselves. But he had always been that person, it had simply been muted by the person he cared about the most. Now that he was gone, there was nothing to stop him from going full pessimist anymore. As much as he appreciated that Bianca seemed to care enough about him to stop by and try to make him feel better, he didn’t need that. Scratch that, he didn’t want her to waste her time with that. He was a lost cause. Always had been, always would be. By trying to make him feel better, she was really doing nothing but wasting the time she could have used for something else.

       “I won’t be able to forget.” He said simply, speaking nothing but the truth. But as their eyes met, he could feel part of his hard exterior melt. If Asher didn’t want Bianca’s help, would he have so openly admitted to not being okay? Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something. His life might not have been the best thing, it might not even mean much in the long run, but it was still his life, and it deserved to be lived. Even if that only happened five minutes a year. 

         Truth be told, there was nothing Asher always wanted to do but never got to do. He had been reckless as a child, but also someone who never had many wishes. It was only disappointing to have wishes that never would be fulfilled after all. A sigh fell from his lips as he shrugged his shoulders. It was worth a try. “There’s a gas station around the corner.” He gave in. “Guess we could try our luck there.”

           Bianca was the last person to preach or pretend she knew better, when she in fact, had no damn clue what she was doing with her own life. She liked to live in the moment though, take one day at the time. Maybe if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have been sitting here with Asher now. As much as he seemed displeased by her impromptu visit, she was grateful that he hadn’t yet kicked her out, yet understanding if he wanted to. So far so good though.

           “I know,” she whispered with an accompanying nod of her head. Maybe he would never forget, not even when he slept, not as long as he kept breathing, but that didn’t keep her from constantly trying. Although she was undoubtedly more optimistic than him, she was her own kind of cynical and she found it hard to hide the surprise when he actually agreed to go along with her stupid plan. Maybe there was still hope somehow.

            “Really?” She stood up immediately, even though she had only just seated herself. The childish excitement in her was palpable in the air around her. “Yes, let’s— let’s try there! Come on, shoes on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up off the couch, tugging so he followed her towards the door. She quickly shoved her feet back into her own shoes and looked down to check his was one too. “We should see which one of can have the most marshmallows in their mouth at the same time. I bet I win.” She laughed, probably waking the neighbors but not giving it a second’s thought while they headed out.

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

{ ✧ &&. @electricinndigo → continued from here }

            Adam was naive and blind to a lot of things, but on the rare occasions he actually found clarity—- it was hard to let it go again. When Poppy suggested Hayden wasn’t just sick with the flu, or just coming down with a common cold, it didn’t take long for him to get they were going through withdrawals. Of course he should have known considering their conversation the last time they had seen each other. Before they left town without as much as a goodbye.

                     For once, Adam wasn’t letting it go just like that. He was angry.

           “Why would I gloat?” He asked in a hoarse voice. He almost didn’t recognize them anymore. It hurt almost as much as it did knowing he had let them down. But right now, that was not what was on his mind. He could hate himself for that later. He folded his arms across his chest, guarded — like he had never been with them before. They were siblings, FAMILY, but that didn’t mean he had to turn a blind eye to everything they did.

                      “Forgiveness?” He spat the word out of his mouth, incredulous.

             “Why would I need your forgiveness, Hayden? YOU are the one who skipped town without a word! Not even a fucking text or goddamn email. I don’t need your forgiveness— I need you to get better so I can kick you out!” He would never actually do that, but the overwhelming feeling of actually having them back, alive, heightened his already wrecked emotions. “If it wasn’t for my dad, I wouldn’t even let you in tonight… Look at you. Look at what you’ve done to yourself.”

[psychopoison]

[cassy-bits-and-pieces]

Is it wrong to love someone who will never ever be yours?

(via cassie-bits-and-pieces) @electricinndigo

[bunnybunners]

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

bunnybunners:

When life gives you lemons, …? “You get out from under the lemon tree.” - Kat Prescott (2015)

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

electricinndigo:

                    There was a weird sense of relief in that moment to follow, making Sara feel like she’d finally found something she’d been looking for for a long time. It took her a good minute to figure out what it was; and it was peace.

                     She could feel how proud Celeste would have been of her in that moment, finally facing the fear of letting Tristan in. But there was no way, and no point, in turning her back on him now. Not after everything, not with how he’d changed her, softened her, shown her what it was like to actually be cared for. So often Sara had given herself to the next big shot, to be another trophy, and for a time she had genuinely loved it. But now — this? The way he kissed her in the back seat of his father’s car, it was unlike anything she’d ever felt. This is what it felt like to have butterflies, and it was a feeling Sara wasn’t used to. Not with her temper and viper venom.

       “Are you sure we should — be doing this here?” She breathed, taking a pause from his lips to speak before coming back to them. Her hands slid from his neck down his front, clutching in his shirt as she lifted herself from her thighs to kiss him more, and press her body closer. “Feels kind of — like sacred ground…” She breathed a laugh against his teeth with a grin.

           It had to be the first time they had actually admitted feelings for each other without doing it drunk, angry or somewhere in between. Tristan expected it to be the most terribly scaring moment of his life, but found no storms brewing inside him, no objections or reasons why he shouldn’t do this. After everything he had shared with her, and shown her-— not just today, here in the warehouse, but this past year…he couldn’t actually find the ounce of surprise inside him when all he felt was relief. She was finally his. It sounded possessive in his head, and maybe it was, but it felt a whole lot like love instead, not possession.

                        God, she was gonna be his DOWNFALL —— and he was going to let her.

            Her voice was like one under water, far away for a second while everything else took over. His hands moving at their own accord, finding every bit of bare skin they could to not let one bit go unnoticed. It felt like the first time he had ever kissed a girl all over again. Exciting and new, simply from that one word she had uttered not long ago. Us. He could still here it echo inside his head and move into his bloodstream where it sparked the need, the desire he always felt for her, but had learned to control. Well, more or less learned to control.

           “No,” he said with a chuckle against his lips. “I’m not sure, but I’m not sure I can wait either.” He held his gaze and moved his head to the side a little, not letting her eyes go before he reached in and kissed her neck, hands sliding up her sides slowly. She made a good point about the car being sacred ground, plus the leather was probably gonna stick to his ass—- or hers, but damn it if it meant he could have her now. “You,” he said and kissed her neck again, “want,” another kiss, now pressing to her collarbone. “—to stop?” He grabbed her now and flipped them over so she was pinned beneath him, her hair fanned out over the ugly leather. With her in there, the car was priceless. The most valuable thing to ever be within his reach. He trailed a couple of fingers through her hair, pushing it out of her eyes before he leaned down and almost pressed a kiss to her lips.

                             “If you want to go, just say the word and we will.”

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

snikklefritsrps:

Until the storm is over. The words hung in the air between them. She knew what he meant. The literal storm. But it felt as though there was another meaning. He wasn’t going to leave her in the shit storm she had created around herself. It was her own fault, really. She’d called him. In a moment of weakness she’d called him and made up some excuse about wanting him to bring her food. When he’d shown up, she was a mess. It was clear that she wasn’t okay, even if she’d denied it. What had really caused the issue though was her casual joke about the cheeseburger being her last meal. She did that. When she felt helpless, like she wanted it all to end, she made dry jokes about ending her life. It had caused an argument between them, him accusing her of ‘not being okay’, and her calling him anything she could think of to throw off the accusation. 

If she were honest, she needed him around. There was too much truth in what he was accusing her of, and being drunk just wasn’t going to numb the pain that came with that. 

Downing some more alcohol, she licked her lips. Taking a moment to force her feelings deep down, leaving her deadpan as she spoke again. “If you wanted to get into my pants, there’s an easier way to do it. This whole stuck together in a storm is such a fan fiction cliche.” 

            Jackson was always the mature, responsible adult out of him and his two siblings. He practically raised them on his own, at least his sister, but he often felt like a kind of dad to Cody as well, despite the guy only being a year younger than him. Physically maybe, but mentally they were so different from each other. Cody was definitely the kid. Every now and again though, Jackson wished it was the other way around. Maybe if he was more like Cody he wouldn’t be stuck in this situation with Reese now. Maybe then he would just be able to write her off as ‘dealt with’ and then head on home to brave the storm with his sister. But he couldn’t do that with a clear conscience. He couldn’t just leave her after all those idiotic jokes.

           “I don’t know fan fiction is, but it doesn’t sound like something I would like,” he said and glanced over at her and her bottle of Jack. “And you’re not my type.” It felt wrong to say such a childish thing, but at the same time, maybe that’s what today called for.

[jessamichaelss]

[flowercrown-writes]

@tentimesoutofnine

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

nightdrifters:

This is why it was hard for Piper to get involved with anyone. With anyone who took her career seriously that is anyway. “You know that I can’t just not go. I’m the best at what I do baby girl and you know that.” She said quietly, “you believe in what I do, don’t you?” She asked. She knew it wasn’t that fair to ask a question like that but she didn’t want there to be any doubt.

“Natalie, you have to know that what I do is important and I can’t just stay home and let a spirit hurt someone else. I won’t. I understand why you don’t like that but it’s not something that I can do.” She explained. It seemed like they were going around in circles now. She hoped eventually Natalie would understand.

           Of course Natalie knew she was right, and that she couldn’t keep pretending she wasn’t, or saying things to delay what would eventually be Piper doing this job like she was supposed to. It just felt so final to actually stand there and say goodbye. Natalie hated it. It made her want to run away to far corners of the world, just so she could avoid this very moment. “If you’re asking me if I think my girlfriend is lying to me, or delusional, you should rethink that question,” she snapped, confusing worry with anger for just a second. “I’m sorry… What I meant to say, is; of course I believe you, I’m just afraid something will happen to you.” She looked away, not sure what else to say now.

            “Fine, just go then.” She whispered, suddenly feeling exhausted by the whole thing, but mostly just wanting to get it over with now before she burst into tears.

[tentimesoutofnine-blog]

nightdrifters:

“Is that so, huh?” Skye couldn’t help but blush and she didn’t blush often. “I sweapt you off your feet.” She snorted, “I can’t believe that you just said that.” She swatted at Sienna playfully. She sighed blissfully in Sienna’s arm, feeling safe and content, not even worrying about the job offer anymore.

Skye traced her fingers across Sienna’s skin, enjoying the closeness of her body. “What? Yes, why wouldn’t I be okay? I’m actually feeling perfect right now. You’re perfect.” Skye said not being able to give enough compliments to her girlfriend. “Always be mine, yeah?” She asked peppering kisses along Sienna’s shoulder blade which is when Skye’s phone rang. She jumped up and reached for it hoping that it would be good news on the other end.

          Sienna nodded and smiled brightly. “You did, and I did just say that— I’m not even ashamed,” laughing, the blonde kissed the top of Skye’s head and held her a little tighter. This was her paradise, right here in the arm’s of the woman she loved more than anything else.

         “Mmh, good. I was just making sure,” she murmured softly and then followed up with a laugh. “Perfect is a strong word. You should look in the mirror when you say those things,” she pointed out and stole a quick kiss. “Always,” she confirmed and relished in the kisses. She would gladly stay like this with her forever, but Sienna knew they would have to untangle sooner or later.  Still, when the phone rang and Skye got up, she couldn’t help but pout a little to herself. At least until she remembered what an important call could be on the other end. Keeping her fingers crossed, she watched quietly, hoping for good news.