i'll fight my own ass in the desert

= Jess - 21 - she/her - ♑ =

[ryniu]

Bad guys

[executiveoutcomes-deactivated20]

Can centaurs slap their own ass to go faster?

[executiveoutcomes-deactivated20]

That’s it I’m outta here. HYAAAH *slaps own ass*

[lonely-gfd-cutie]

So at one of my jobs I work with this really nice woman named Liz who has an equally nice boyfriend. Thing is, I don’t know the boyfriends name because Liz only addresses him as boytoy. The term boytoy is used so frequently to describe him that not only does she have no problem using that term but neither do any of her coworkers including myself. One day Liz told me that he would be stopping by and when some dude with a beard came through the door I looked at him and said, “Mr.toy I presume.” And he just looks at me and goes; “The very one.” 

Fucking eh. Relationship goals.

[disasterbiindisguise]

[citrusorgans]

[imaginedsoldier]

Undefeated in wizard duels thanks to my devastating countermagic where I close the distance and punch them in the chest 14 times while they try to read a paragraph from a book the size of briefcase. This sorcery shit is easy as hell.

[tobacconist]

vine tarot

by ‘holly sweet’ on redbubble

five feet apart cus theyre not gay

oh my god they were roommates 

i wont hesitate, bitch

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU

its wednesday my dudes

(no associated catchphrase)

a potato flew around my room

i have the power of god AND anime on my side

MY POOP IS COMING

~got a red dress on tonight, dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight~

(no associated catchphrase)

(’take on me’ opening notes)

(no associated catchphrase)

[collegiate-confession]

[ojibwa]

wow i just cant take this anymore *continues to take it*

[seras-sanctum-deactivated202005]

Oh mood

[ironychan]

TIL astronaut Jack Schmidt discovered he was allergic to moon dust, which is a thing millions of other people have probably gone their whole lives never knowing.

[ironychan]

Imagine being one of only twelve guys ever to have the honour of walking on the moon and then when you get there you're allergic to it.

[sanctferum]

NASA scientist: you’re back early

Jack Schmidt: moon’s an allergen

NASA scientist: ...what?

Jack Schmidt, loading an epipen and climbing back into the shuttle: moon’s an allergen

[kesonafyren]

if one in twelve humans who have been on the moon was allergic to moon dust, that’s either a one-in-a-million chance or a VERY common allergy

[haltraveler]

The fact that it’s such a statistically useless sample is DEFINITELY driving a handful of very specialized scientists absolutely crazy

[emptyblog-93]

Cave johnson walked so jack schmidt could run

[shortvideosandstuff]

[clinicallycool]

Cats that look at gay people

[vergak]

Fixed timing

[madeofwhitebone]

[entertheaardvark-deactivated202]

I’m so sorry has everybody seen this bots of new york

[funohtrixpointnever-deactivated]

Lord I lift your name on high

[waco]

ur tellin me a strawberry pounded this cake

[liquidstar]

throughout all of fma winry is like “ed please stop fighting im really worried” and ed is like “winry i appreciate the concern but im so fucking angry all the time every day, so i have no choice”

[lacetulle]

[milknjuice-deactivated20190908]

i bet that mario and luigi dont get pussy

[thefighter2-deactivated20200212]

And? Do you?

[milknjuice-deactivated20190908]

we’re not talking about me right now

[catcrumb]

[megoosa]

my cat when i don’t let him in the bathroom