church grim in training

my name is newt unless you know me irl then it’s a secret other thing

[fuckass-bird-blog]

[hollowtones]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

[64mpg]

what do you mean my childhood affected me

[64mpg]

i have terrible news

[achillesinhighheels]

[sol1loqu1st]

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

[sol1loqu1st]

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

[drumlincountry]

Why do they even make apps for ADHD. You want me to use my 24/7 handheld immediate distraction device? To manage my 'gets distracted too easily' disorder? Ooooh we developed the perfect tool for managing your anemia. Its hosted in Dracula's castle. 👍

[shortshortking]

Picked up my phone to consult my task list for today and now I'm reblogging this instead, case in point

[felixfeliccis]

Preach I guess

[felixfeliccis]

OH I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD

[fatsexybitch]

[nick-nonya]

[pennaraptor]

you dont see a lot of chickens you can pat like a doggy

[willgrahamscock]

I forgot to lock in at 4 years old!!! life ruined

[sapphireh3arts]

duck duck go search how do you make and keep friends when you have zero energy and feel like you're dying at all hours

[innerchildabortionclinic]

evil therapist: to ground yourself, look around, name 5 things you can kill, and 4 things you can at least maim

[yellow-cat]

some days are really hard and it can be difficult to understand why. but usually its probably because my blood is haunted

[drizzledrawings]

Im so used to my queer echochamber that when a woman doesnt have armpit hair its like a jumpscare

[birbliophile]

made a thing.

[karvina]

parents around the globe are listening to some shit loud as fuck on the Tv

[flowerbleedme]

[0v9]

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books