Nolan's Odyssey: What Homer Said
Christopher Nolan's new film of "The Odyssey" has met with much controversy, not only from transphobic and racist dipshits but also from people with brains, involving actual problems and film criticism.
But what did Homer, the author of the original poem have to say? We at FIJMU headed to the backflowing stream of the river Oceanus to ask. Offering sacrifices of a barren heifer to Hades and a black ram just to the Poet himself, we spoke to the disembodied head of Homer and showed him the film on an iPhone. Please note that as Nolan intended, we used a phone that was exactly 70mm wide.
Here's what the old poet had to say:
I felt like Matt Damon was miscast opposite Hathaway, for sure. Quite good were Tom Holland as his son and the dude playing the cyclops. Nolan's use of IMAX though lacked the depth of field for landscapes of Greece. And what use are all the practical effects when CGI mars them? I wish that creative-minded art director Tarsem had made this. Immortals 3D was fuckin' rad. And that comes from blind old Homer.
He had no comment on the diversity of race and gender in the film's adaptation, but did explain in great and graphic detail his sexual fantasies about every single cast member, as well as several of the ships, palaces, and some of the dirt.
Truly, the king of all poets.
