conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 36 (masterpost here) (league days edition)
*distinct Damian-sounding cackles*
Tim: don't do this to me,
Jason, insistent: yay or nay.
Damian: *still cackling* it's not- it's not that hard-,
Tim: YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT. YOU NEVER GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT.
Jason: Timothy Jackson Drake, i say this with all the love in my heart; it has been forty five minutes-
Tim: NO BECAUSE- YOU PUT STAKES ON IT. YOU CAN'T JUST-
Tim: -YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE ME STAKES AND THEN ACT LIKE THIS ISN'T WAY MORE STRESSFUL NOW!
Dick: awwww yeee boi we getting steaks after patrol? I'm coming.
Damian: nO- *breaks off into more cackles*
Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGHTWING.
Dick: ...what the fuck? why am i not allowed to go to dinner with you guys?
Damian: oh my- *wheeze* ohihaveasTITCH-
Jason: we aren't going to dinner, goldie. we're playing league days and RR's mad about it. again.
Tim: I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GASLIGHTING ME ABOUT THIS NOT BEING AS FUCKED UP AS IT IS.
Dick: oooooo~ league days! what's the prompt?
Tim: yeah- fuckin let me hear the original prompt again. i need to think.
Jason, bemused: kiddo? floor's yours.
Damian: *delirious giggles* *high pitched* oh shit, ok wait hold on, fuck-,
Dick, absently: oh shit that guy has a gun- ok go ahead i'm listening i'm just-
Dick: *laughs* *faintly* missed me bitch- *grunt* *fighting noises*
Damian: *clears throat* for my ninth birthday, my grandfather took me on a quest which, as my grandfather planned from the beginning, ended with the CEO of the Totino's pizzaroll brand kissing my boot and offering to give me his pet iguana.
Dick, incredulous: -sorry?
Jason: *uncontrollable wheeze* *muffled* Tim...?
Tim: ok. well saying it a second time didn't fucking make it any saner.
Damian: admittedly this was one of the occasions where even akhi and i were side-eyeing each other like. maybe it's time to get grandfather screened for dementia.
Jason: in my defence, i didn't think he'd take my idea so seriously.
Dick: how was- how was it your idea?? how did this- oh shit- *thud* HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?
Tim: i am no more sure of this than i was forty-five minutes ago.
Dick: AM I NOT GOING TO BE GIVEN CONTEXT FOR- ACK *gruesome squelch*
Jason: yeah man that sounded fatal, you good over there wing?
Dick, weakly: *cough* assistance. possible lung pierced. docks. now.
Damian, professionally: i'm closest, on my way Nightwing. Hood, alert Batman; he's got the batmobile over in the Diamond District with Catwoman tonight. he can take Nightwing back to the cave.
Dick: *weak coughing* don't you fuck-ing dare- I NEED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A YAY OR A *cough* nay,
Tim: you see what fucking happens when you start talking about your childhood, Robin? Nightwing dies.
Jason: YOU ASKED. TO PLAY. ANOTHER ROUND.
Tim: I DIDN'T ADD STAKES TO THE GAME.
Dick: do i not get steak because i might pass out?
Jason: s' thinkin about meat again,
Tim: oh. that wasn't the stake, Nightwing.
Damian: i'm here- holy- yeah Jason, get father now.
Damian: you texted him!? fucking nobody in this family understands the idea of urgency- ORACLE.
Barbara: Batman is ten minutes out Robin, i alerted him of the situation.
Damian: *over the noise of fabric* at least somebody is being helpful. Nightwing stop moving i'm trying to apply pressure-
Jason: he's been through worse, pussy. the golden era seemed so bright because we were all loopy from blood loss half the time. a random-ass punctured lung? i've seen him beat Booster Gold in darts tournaments with those.
Dick, faintly: barbeque...
Damian: we're not having a fucking barbeque Richard.
Dick: Tim didn't- he didn't give an answer.
Tim: an answer to wh- oh fuck off, Nightwing.
Dick: if he gets it right i want steak- ow, Damian!
Damian: *unapologetic, slightly smug* sorry.
Jason: you heard him RR. he's on his deathbed and his last wish is you finish the round. yay or nay, did Robin get a boot kiss from Jeff Harmening?
*three seconds of silence*
Tim, pensive: take away the stakes-
Jason, instant: nope. you get it wrong and i want you ready to go, next gala, in that bathtub.
*another two seconds of silence*
Dick, simultaneous: SERIOUSLY?! oh- ow, shouldn't have done that, ow,
Damian: *faint smack* stop trying to sit up.
Tim: I GOT IT RIGHT?! MOTHERFUCKER I GOT ONE RIGHT- *instant voice drop* dude you really let the ceo of Totino's kiss you?
Damian: it was a birthday gift. i felt bad.
Tim: wELL I GOT IT RIGHT. I GOT IT RIGHT I GOT IT RIGHT-
Jason, over Tim's yells: congratulations, kid. no bathtub for you.
Bruce, panicked: i'm almost there, how is he doi-
Tim: -I MADE LEAGUE DAYS MY FUCKING BITCH AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK. WE WIN THESE MOTHERFUCKER, WE FUCKING WIN! THESE!
Dick: *wet cough* *delirious* yeaaaahhhhhhh~ bar-be-queeeeeeee~!!!
Damian: shut up or i puncture the other lung- why are you so stuck on the meat thing??
Jason, hissing: Red shut up; B!
Tim: -WHOOOOOOOOoooo.... oh. hey B. when'd you join?
Dick: *coughs pathetically*
Bruce: i am banning that game from patrol.