#batfam headcanons

[individuall3]

Aro/ace Jason Todd is such a big brain take ily whoever gave me that idea I'm boosting aro/acespec Jason Todd.

im acc going to live by this headcanon

Idc if he's canonically had partners he's aro/ace to me

APHOBIA IS NOT WELCOME HERE

[lonelyplace0fdying]

Just imagining the “who is Robin” limbo in canon essentially working like a shift schedule. There’s a time table/calendar in the Batcave next to a white board. The timetable has Tim’s name in orange, Damian’s name in green and Duke’s name in yellow. Everyone else has their names on the white board, but the time table only has those three… now. Steph’s name was on the table between Tim and Damian in purple. And Dick’s in light blue and Jason’s in red are at the top but their time boxes are permanently greyed out. (They both would rather die than wear the Robin suit again and Jay’s said that directly.)

This sheet makes it look like being Robin is a part-time corpo job. And there’s little handwritten notes on it and post-its underneath with messages like “Damian - time off Friday Night, sleepover @ Jon’s” and “Duke covering Tim from 9pm-12am Tuesday, taking 3 hrs off of day shift Wednesday”. It’s like a legitimate Robin shift schedule. Except no one’s getting paid.

The white board has everyone’s names on it. Alfred made little magnets. The aforementioned Dick in light blue, Jason in red, Tim in orange, Steph in purple, Damian in green, and Duke in yellow, alongside Bruce in black, Cass in pink, Barbara in teal, and Luke in dark blue. He’s set it up like a little seat assignment board in an elementary school classroom as his way to keep tabs on where everyone is. No one dares touch the board, at least nowadays. Dick and Barbara used to write little messages on it, and eventually got Jason to start doing the same. A “we love you Alfred!” Written by 14 year old pre-death Jason is still there. And no one would ever smudge it, because Alfred would never be the same after.

[lonelyplace0fdying]

I don’t think it clicks for Bruce just how much Tim knows about the Bats until a few months into his Robin training.

Now Tim was without a doubt the physically weakest kid to be trained for the position of Robin, and that clearly weighed on him. But regardless, his training was relatively smooth. If for the reason that Tim’s been essentially stalking Bruce, Dick and Jay for years and already knows a lot of stuff just from seeing it. Including the tiniest of details, and that’s what really makes Bruce realize how much attention Tim had been paying to their operations.

Like he’s teaching Tim how to grapple and this little thirteen year old kid with a bowl cut just smiles and says “I know, there’s a small button on the right side of the grapple gun for emergencies if you find yourself stuck. Although it itself used to get jammed and was impractical back in the day, wasn’t it? Didn’t Dick get stuck even with it?” And then just staring at Bruce with the most devious look in his eyes. Now Bruce already wasn’t the most pleased with Tim essentially forcing him to let him be Robin. But this really made him wonder what he had done.

[lonelyplace0fdying]

Part of the “no names in masks” rule is because Bruce knows he’d do it wrong. Of course there’s the obvious reason of not just… doxxing your kids’ secret identities in front of someone who could be listening. But like… even in private there are still ways to mess it up. And Bruce somehow managed to.

The most glaring example was after Dick had been fired/graduated from the Robin mantle into Nightwing, and during Jason’s first few nights out as the new Robin. They’d be casually chatting in the Batmobile when all of a sudden Jay would ask an out of the blue question like “what would you do if someone shot a laser at me and turned me into a rock?” And Bruce, without thinking, says “why would you want to become a rock, Dick?”

Instant regret. There’s a moment of silence, where neither Bruce nor Jason know how to touch on what just happened. Jay curls up against the Batmobile passenger seat, hugging his legs to remind himself that he’s… him. He isn’t mad at Bruce, just disappointed. But Bruce? He’s mad at himself.

And just about two years later? Jason’s gone. Replaced with a rock and a glass case. Not by a laser. But by a mad clown, a crowbar, and a bomb. And now Tim’s in the seat where he once sat. But Bruce can’t bring himself to say his name. He told Tim that there was a rule that no one in the family used each other’s real names in the masks, and Tim bought into it immediately, seeing as Bruce, Babs, Dick, and Jay were all good enough at keeping that understood without really discussing it. Barbara and Alfred of course know that Bruce just kind of lied to Tim to cover his own bases, but they’re not going to say anything. Not after Bruce called Tim “Jason” at breakfast a couple days ago and then proceeded to excuse himself to the bathroom for… near unto an hour.

[lonelyplace0fdying]

I need some new circus-themed rogue to show up in either Gotham or Blüdhaven just so that Dick can nitpick everything about their gimmick. Like, to the level of the one time that Dick went on this near page long rant about the difference between circuses and carnivals and the fact that circuses don’t have rides.

Like I need to see him have an aerial fight with this rogue and have Dick fully giving them notes while they’re fighting. I just had the image of Dick swinging after a rogue in my head and shouting “POINT YOUR TOES!” At them when they flip over a gap. And like. Quizzing them on circus terminology too, and when it becomes clear they just… stole the aesthetic, he starts rattling off a list of things for them to know to actually do a circus gimmick right, before ending it off with “come on, you could’ve done at least a little research.”

Honestly just give me more nitpicky Nightwing in general. He’s VERY protective over the circus and I need to see that more tbh. But also that’s your way to get advice from a Flying Grayson entirely unsolicited, aspiring acrobats out there.

[lonelyplace0fdying]

What the Batfamily smells like

(Completely real 100% scientific)

Bruce Wayne | Batman

This man smells expensive because he has to. Probably has a woodsy or smoky cologne on, even in the Batsuit. Like you will never catch this man smelling bad. It’s a mystery to even the Batkids whether this man has ever had a B.O. issue a day in his life. He always smells good. Even after a night of patrolling he’s still vaguely got the scent he put on hours earlier for an appearance as Bruce.

Dick Grayson | Nightwing

One fact you’ll learn quickly about Dick is that he cares very little about the gender on a label for a fragrance. He uses a women’s perfume more often than not and smells like flowers. I also picture his hair having a vaguely floral scent because of him using a women’s volumizing shampoo with a fragrance. Like father like ward with the B.O. thing though. He does also carry the smell of gym chalk on his hands at all times.

Barbara Gordon | Oracle

Babs keeps it relatively simple. She needs to smell clean at all times, I think. Not necessarily a perfume person, but she’s the type of girl who showers every day even if she didn’t do anything just to freshen up and feel cleaner, and her habits reflect in how she smells. If she carries a fragrance on her it’s because she used a scented lotion, and they likely change seasonally.

Jason Todd | Red Hood

Jay always smells like ashes and motor oil. Not fragrance related at all. Occasionally you’ll see him spray on a really simple and vague smelling cologne that isn’t exactly tangible if he’s dragged to a gala or something similar. But he always smells like he’s been near a fire or working on his bike for hours, because one or the other is likely true.

Tim Drake | Red Robin

Tim also smells expensive, no matter what. When making appearances as the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, that carries a certain level of needed extravagance. Although for some reason I feel like if he had it his way he’d want to use confectionery scents in some way. Like I cannot explain why I think this man would want to smell like vanilla. But no matter what he’s also always got a vague Gatorade blue smell because of him opening a packet of electrolytes and them forming a dust cloud in his face every time.

Cassandra Cain | Orphan

Cass also smells floral but in a different way than Dick does. I feel like she cares a lot about the way she smells, wanting to be subtle in order to still remain undetectable when she wants to get around that way, but at the same time noticeably smelling good in the day to day. I could see her using more subtle floral scents like jasmine. She probably uses some sort of moon/star themed shower gel/lotion set, I can’t tell you why but it feels on brand.

Stephanie Brown | Spoiler

Steph smells like her shampoo and body wash. Like I cannot explain it but she’s a cocoa butter and shea body wash girl. It’s subtle. I honestly feel like her hair is more noticeably scented than anything else, but I feel like she uses a fun scented shampoo like gelato or cider depending on the season. And her thin waves need to be regularly washed so that becomes her more distinguishing scent than anything else.

Duke Thomas | Signal

Bath & Body Works Mahogany and Teakwood body spray. (Let it be known I first called this “the one in the yellow bottle”.) I feel like he would double-check himself and use both deodorant and body spray on the under-arms since he knows he’s going to be out all day when he leaves. He also has the cologne that’s the exact same scent so it’s very consistent. Although I do think he’d be a fan of those body sprays with the glitter in them. I think he would enjoy making himself sparkle without using his powers.

Damian Wayne | Robin

Damian is actively trying to subdue the teenage B.O. curse. He’s doing well enough, but he does still vaguely smells sweaty a lot of the time. I feel like he uses a similar cologne to his father when they go out for official business but he hides the fact that he has less of an expensive taste in actuality. I could totally see him making up some BS because the cologne he’s wearing is actually a rollerball perfume he bought on Etsy based around one of his favorite anime characters, not a designer fragrance that he just made up, only to say it’s exclusive to the poor socialite he just lied to.

[xxnicodiangelo001xx]

batfam pride headcanons!

Bruce: Bisexual, he/him

Dick: Pansexual, cross-dresser (wears dresses sometimes :3), bi-gender, he/she

Jason: Gay, trans man, demisexual, he/they

Tim: Bisexual, trans man, he/him/xey

Steph: Berrisexual-Lesbian, demigirl, she/they

Damian: Gay, aroace, non-binary, they/them/he

Cass: Lesbian, asexual, demigirl, she/they

Duke: Bi-curious, he/him

Kate: Lesbian, she/her

Carrie: Omniromantic, asexual, she/her

Selina: Pansexual, she/kitty

Babs: Straight, demi-aroace, she/her

Harper: Bisexual, they/she

Helena: Bisexual, she/her

Luke: Straight ally, he/him

Alfred: Alfred, he/him (Alfred’s just Alfred, man)

I know there are more members, but I don’t know much about them yet

[lonelyplace0fdying]

Does the Joker sleep? Genuine question. Like at this point I’m fully convinced that the Joker just… isn’t human and that there’s a chance he doesn’t need to eat or sleep to survive. I have no evidence to back this up. But I was thinking about it and if his kidnapping victims or people like Jason would’ve needed to be on 24/7 alert bc the clown doesn’t sleep and could show up at any minute. Or if he does sleep like a normal person and there’s like seven to nine hours or so of the day that it’s safe for you to sleep if you know what the Joker’s ungodly sleep schedule is. I feel like both possibilities are funny but I’m wondering how on earth I got to the conclusion that Joker just… not sleeping at all is more likely.

I also feel like the only person who might be able to answer this question is Harley? And even then I’m not sure, idk if the Joker would’ve ever let her see him sleep. Maybe eat. But idk about sleep.