tumblr humor at its best

[saintemiliosandoz]

joseph: mary, how are you pregnant?

mary, who’s about to invent christianity: oh? haven’t you heard?

[tonightweredrinkingfromthebong]

gwen stefani was right when she said this shit is bananas

[420moshdad]

*steals ur girl* *mom finds out and makes me return her and apologize*

[thecw4kids]

ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU-

real estate agent: chill, its me.

ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet.

real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot.

[eatyourfacecat-deactivated20250]

you know what? the years really do start coming and they really don’t stop coming

[istanbul-not-constantinople]

Yesterday at work this lady was buying a leaf plate and when I told her I thought it was cute she said “Yeah, it’s perfect for my treehouse!”. I was like “oh, do you have kids?” and she said “yeah, I have kids, they just aren’t allowed in my treehouse” and honestly same

[notmusa]

i expect ill be able to solve a lot of my problems once my baby brain falls out & my adult brain grows in

[jkateel-archive]

I needed this today.

[greyisbetterthangray-deactivate]

I tried to just scroll and move on … but I couldn’t. This is just too perfect.

[asia1ei]

past tense of william shakespeare? william shookspeare

[the-cloud-road]

Wouldiwas Shookspeared

[canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221]

delete this

[112196355]

Imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 a minute

[bastille]

How the FUCK do some of y’all sleep in the nude like what if ya mumma walks in and you’re all spread out with your junk hanging out? Who’s gonna help u then? The Lord our savior? I don’t think so

[hurleyquinnzel]

Songs that never fail to make white people beyond turnt

 Don’t Stop Believing 

Bohemian Rhapsody 

Living On A Prayer 

Come On Eileen 

Sweet Caroline 

Shot Through the Heart 

Pour Some Sugar on Me 

Sweet Home Alabama 

Under Pressure 

Shook Me All Night Long 

Ice Ice Baby 

Cotton Eyed Joe

500 Miles

Wonderwall 

Buddy Holly 

A Thousand Miles 

Teenage Dirtbag 

Red Solo Cup 

Mr Brightside 

Never Gonna Give You Up 

Eye of the Tiger 

Chicken Fried 

American Pie 

I Love Rock and Roll 

Dancing Queen 

Don’t You Want Me

We Will Rock You 

The Time Warp 

Hey Jude 

Piano Man

This Is How We Do It

Drops of Jupiter 

Hey Soul Sister

In The End 

All The Small Things 

Stacy’s Mom 

Kryptonite 

All Star 

You Found Me

Bad Day 

Bring Me To Life 

Dance, Dance

Sugar We’re Going Down 

I Write Sins Not Tragedies 

All The Small Things 

Ocean Avenue 

Dirty Little Secret 

Margaritaville 

Sk8er Boi

Brown Eyed Girl 

Life Is A Highway 

Some Nights 

Little Lion Man 

Breakeven

Hey There Delilah 

Viva La Vida

Use Somebody 

Carry On My Wayward Son 

Take On Me

1985 

Iris 

I’m Awesome 

Seven Nation Army 

September 

Since U Been Gone

Skinny Love 

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)

Bye Bye Bye 

Say It Ain’t So 

Somewhere Only We Know 

I’m Yours 

Last Resort 

My Girl 

Tiny Dancer 

Roxanne

Shout 

I’m a Believer 

Soul Man

Feel Good Inc 

Check Yes Juliet

Walking On Sunshine 

MMM Bop

Pumped up Kicks 

Hooked On A Feeling 

It’s A Beautiful Day

Summer Girls 

Before He Cheats 

Happy Together

You Make My Dreams Come True

Build Me Up Buttercup

Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

DONTTRUSTME

Shake It (Metro Station)

Juke Box Hero

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

[comedycentral]

If you filter the word “Trump" from your Facebook feed, it’s just that one chicken parm Tasty video over and over.

[ammit420]

i say idk alot but trust me 

i be knowin

[wavymama-deactivated20150522]

clean and clear commercial

white/lightskin/racially ambiguous girl: i had a pimple one time and i was ugly and dying and everyone spit on me and i was exiled from society but then i used clean and clear and now i am a healed and whole person with jesus in my heart

[sordidwhore-deactivated20190724]

the Feds reading my blog: why doesn’t she just do her homework on time

[microsoftsaint]

what happened to old zealand