Texts I Shant Send You @textsishantsendyou - Tumblr Blog

Sex

What you want is the world without me

Why don't you want me to exist?

I told you every time I don't remember

But this is your only wish

I cannot exist without me.

This is all you ever crave

Why is it that my destruction

Makes you feel

Don't ask for me

And tell me it's better

When I cannot be here.

I

Didnt want to be hated

I don't want to be hated

But you can only

Ignore me

Look at my absence

I can't.

So you won't.

#texts i shant send you #songsofloveanddespair2 #griefanddespair #poetry #Sex #The experience of sex

The song you asked for

To see you without eyes that can love you

Your beauty does not mean a thing

This is nothing to hold on to

So little is there to be

A song of love is unbecoming

Only grief beget from thee

Immersed in all that which was lovely

A memory of what hasn't yet to be

It was never nice to see you

But perfect all the same

An instance of only living

But living is to be in constant pain

#songsofloveanddespair2 #griefanddespair #texts i shant send you #tissy #poetry #texts i can't send

A pphone call for my fianxe

I love you, honey.

Sometimes you need someone beautiful to tell you everything is worse than it is.

And that it can be fine.

#songsofloveanddespair2 #griefanddespair #texts i shant send you #i love you #tissy #Love

After every visit

I type a message of never wanting to be near you again.

I delete your number.

I send you to spam.

But when you message me, and want to make plans... I say yes. I show up.

I don't know why I keep choosing to be friendly. I know nothing is benefiting me.

I don't want to be harvested. I'm tired of being g(f)ood for you.

#texts i shant send you #twin flame #debasement #poetry #Love

Excerpt from Songs of Love and Despair 2

My biggest shortcoming was believing that beauty was enough of a reason to love someone.

#texts i shant send you #tissy #poetry

5th time seeing each other again. After almost a decade.

You'll never understand how absurd it is to assert theres something wrong with me for not liking sex. You're literally digging around INSIDE of me. You won't let someone dig around inside of you. So why the fuck are you pressing me to be into that? Have you actually thought about that shit you fucking idiot?

Every time we have had sex I've left damaged in some way- like the bruised throat for example. Or when we were together and you wouldn't consider a vasectomy so I had to get on birth control, and I bled every day for a year and extreme depression until I got the IUD removed. I was never thanked nor appreciated for that.

You didn't even appreciate my looks back then. You had a flat affect. Didn't respond, and yet now that I look different you say I was your fantasy and amazing. Today you tell me I'm no longer graceful like I was before. I hate you; you're (you specifically, literally, you) are the reason I ever started to doubt myself. You used to complain about me in songs. Tell me to be humble. Didn't praise me. But now you purport to have had me as a living fantasy in front of you and you kept it to yourself? You're a fucking weirdo.

Back to sex. You know that I'm asexual. You know that I banged only for your benefit. For me it's the same as someone asking you to go gay shit with another man. And then, the gaslighting: you telling "you're wrong for not being into it." and blaming my mother so that you don't have to have any accountability. When are you doing things for me that disrespected yourself just to appease me? Never. Fuck you.

#Asexual #Allosexual #Straight men #tissy #texts i shant send you #Reconnection #debasement #Smfh

foreverlastingchaos-deactivated

born to love , cursed to feel

textsishantsendyou

Old. News.

hereliecicadas

“You’ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one.”

— Unknown - via frequents (via perfect)

kpfun

You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.

roohfully

“Give me a few days of peace in your arms—I need it terribly. I’m ragged, worn, exhausted. After that I can face the world.”

— Henry Miller, from a letter to Anaïs Nin, featured in A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953 (via luthienne)

purplebuddhaproject

“You look like a dream I’ve never had before.”

— Richard Brautigan (via purplebuddhaquotes)

textsishantsendyou

I love uoy

thepersonalquotes

anamorphosis-and-isolate

― Keeping the Faith (2000) Jake: I’m saying that I love you. I’m in love with you. And I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like you and I’m not gonna let you go.

jmccurdybrazil-deactivated20190

the-littleuniverse-deactivated2

reblogging this because spencer was the best thing that ever happened to this show

hereliecicadas

I desire to be intrigued by life.

I have been disinterested, underwhelmed, and absolutely overwhelmed with how little intrigue I have with the world and circumstances around me. I am not impressed, fascinated nor joyed by this.

I’m not in a state of accidie, necessarily. This is something else. Accidie feels much heavier. This isnt ennui either.

This is some pure dissatisfaction with existential & material mediocrity.

textsishantsendyou

Excerpt from "The Great Song Book: Songs of Love and Despair & A Darling Book of Poetry"