The Pickpocket - Part 16
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Pairing: Heimdall x fem!Reader
Word count: 4.8k
Summary: Now that you put two and two together and can just blame Odin for the latest mess in your life again, everything will be fine, right? Right???
A/N: 😬😬💀 as painful as it was to write this....it was inevitable really, wasn't it? ajsksk still couldn't stop cringing though aaaaa...!!>< also let me just say for anyone who's missing heimi in this, starting with the next chap, there will be nonstop content for the purple eyed bastard, don't you worry ajsksks everything up until now was really just introduction~ LMAO JK JK
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Part 16
Now that you had connected the dots and knew that there was nothing wrong with you at all, you immediately felt much better and your sunny disposition was no longer just a mask to hide your inner chaos.
It annoyed you however, how long it took you to realize that this was once again just Odin's doing. That should have been your very first suspicion, but in the end you decided to cut yourself some slack. After all, you had had your own little agenda going on, so you had simply overlooked some of the warnung signs and had let yourself be lulled into a false sense of security, right?
But not anymore!, you thought triumphantly. You were smarter now and therefore wouldn't let yourself be led astray that easily ever again.
What this discovery meant for your own mission however, you were still undecided on. Maybe there was no mission at all in the end. Maybe this was just something out of Odin's bag of tricks yet again and Heimdall really didn't see anything of importance in your mind... A red herring. Could a mind-reader even read what wasn't thought at all...? If you thought about it now, it actually sounded quite far-fetched...
But one thing at a time. There were far more important things to take care of now. To tackle that however, you had to hold out for yet another day.
Even then, the weather was still raging and storming outside the lodge, and the longer it went on, the more you were convinced that this storm couldn't possibly be of natural origin.
Wouldn't surprise me if even the bad weather would be Odin's fault, you thought grimly.
...Was that a crazy thought? Possibly. But at this point you didn't really care.
Instead, you cared about how you were going to break your news to Atreus. After all, you hadn't uttered a single word to him before about your suspicion that Heimdall could help you unravel the mystery of your missing past. It made you feel a little guilty, especially since you expected him to always tell you the full truth. But even if he would react a little… displeased, your discovery would surely make that fade into the background.
Nevertheless, you decided to approach the subject a little more cautiously. After all, Atreus had always preferred to first get to know the whole picture before forming an opinion about something.
"Atreus, hi!", you finally called out to the young god when you caught him – quite accidentally of course – leaving his room, a thick tome under his arm.
He smiled fleetingly and without even really looking at you, which immediately made your heart sink, even without his next words. "Oh, hey! What's up? I can't talk for long though, the All-Father just sent me to get a book..."
You covered the short distance between you in a few steps and then laughed, though you couldn't quite conceal how forced it sounded. "Busy as ever, huh? But I get it. I just wanted to ask how you're doing! Since we haven't seen each other much in the last few days..."
"Uh, yeah, feeling really bad about that actually, sorry. Truly." He grimaced, then rubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "I promise, I'll make it up to you again. Ah, but yes, I'm fine." With each word he edged closer to the end of the hall. "Great, even! I just need to-"
You studiously ignored his rush. "I take it you managed to get out of your rut then?"
"Huh? ...Oh! Oh, yeah. I did, kind of. Guess the All-Father was right after all to give me that break, huh?" The young god laughed briefly and a little embarrassed sounding, before he started to leave again.
"Sooo", you quickly called after him however, "No interest in how I'm doing?"
At this he stopped in mid-motion and turned back to you. A prominent crease had formed between his eyebrows now, but this was Atreus after all, who sometimes knew you better than you knew yourself even. So of course he noticed that something was up. It wasn't like you were trying particularly hard to hide it from him, though.
"Of course I have? It's just, the All-Father-"
"What? Wouldn't understand that you wanted to talk to family for five minutes?"
When he opened his mouth to, from the looks of it, protest again, you raised an eyebrow and crossed your arms. That did the trick.
"...All right", he finally sighed, "How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine!", you replied cheerily, "The weather's been a bit of a mood killer though, especially since there's not much to do when everyone's homebound, but well... It's still a nice break from the eternal winter, you know."
"Yeah, I do actually. But surely Jörgen still has his hands full, right?"
"He does." Now it was your turn to sigh. "But he still refuses to let me work full time for him. It's not 'proper' for a 'guest', blah blah... But" You grimaced. "Maybe in the end that's for the best, actually. I'm afraid since yesterday morning he's not too happy with me..."
You practically saw his ears perk up at this. "You had a fight? Why?"
"Ah." You waved it off. "Not that important. It was... It wasn't even a proper fight, we just had a little... misunderstanding, I guess you could say. It was rather dumb, really. I'll go apologize later."
"Sounds good." He puffed out his cheeks as you just stared at each other for a few moments, then shifted the weight of the book in his arms and cast another quick glance toward the study. "Well! I guess I should-"
"Hey, how's that one drawing you started the other day going, the one of the Black Thunder? Did you make any progress since-"
"Okay, what's up?", he interrupted you this time, giving you an exasperated look.
"What's up with what?", you asked innocently.
"I already told you that the All-Father wants to see me, but you keep starting a new topic! Is there something important you want to tell me? If so, please spit it out already, I obviously don't have all day."
For a few seconds, you just stared at him with your mouth half-open. You hadn't expected an outburst like that. This wasn't really like him at all...
"Okay, fine. Yes, there is something I'd like to discuss with you", you quickly admitted, so as to not upset him further. So much for wanting to "broach the subject cautiously"...
"Is it urgent?"
You frowned as you noticed the annoyed undertone in his voice. "Uuuh, yeah? Kind of?"
"You sure? Doesn't seem like it."
You were speechless for a moment. You could understand that he was a bit impatient right now. But when he usually got wind of someone having a problem, he would drop everything he was doing right then and there. So what was this reaction now…?
"Ah, so I'm not important enough anymore?", you asked irritated and quickly added, when he opened his mouth again: "Oh wait, I forgot. You need to hurry. Because when the 'All-Father' calls, everyone instantly has to dance to his tune, right."
A little voice inside you screamed that this was absolutely the wrong way to get through to him in this situation, but you just couldn't help it. Hearing him like this seemed like tinder for your leftover irritation from the last few days and made you go straight on collision course. And just like that, "cautiously" promptly sailed out the window and down the cliff.
Atreus looked at you incredulously. "I'm not dancing to- Okay, look. If that's yet another case of you worrying about nothing then please don't, alright? I've already explained it to you a thousand times that there's no need. What else do you want? Do you suddenly have a problem with not being allowed to attend the lessons, after all? Is that it? Do you want to mother me in there, too, now?"
"'Mother'?", you repeated, aghast, "I don't-"
"Because that's what it feels like, honestly!", he burst out, each word feeling like a punch to the gut, "That you keep telling me to be careful, that you keep asking me how I'm doing, that you always want to keep an eye on me wherever I go- ugh! It's so annoying! Sometimes you don't even leave me enough air to breathe!"
For a brief moment, you didn't know what to say to that. You were positively stunned. It was as if you were suddenly talking to a stranger.
Well, it was true, he hadn't exactly reacted very enthusiastically to you showing concern for him before. But the way he was talking now, it sounded like he had been carrying this feeling around with him for much, much longer.
How much truth was there to this? Had he already harbored such thoughts before you came to Asgard even...? The thought was like a stone slowly making its way down your throat.
"Where is that coming from all of a sudden?", was therefore the only thing that left your lips in the next moment, laced with barely concealed hurt.
But Atreus either didn't seem to notice, or he really just didn't care. "'All of a sudden'? I told you, over and over again, but you just wouldn't listen!"
It hurt. You really had had absolutely no idea that he felt so strongly about this. But how could you? He had never mentioned this before, not a single word! You had spent almost every day together lately, but he had never expressed himself so strongly. On the contrary, spending so much time with you had been his own idea even!
You would have liked to swallow the bitter words, especially since you knew very well that as an adult, you should be the one to behave more maturely in this situation. But after everything that had happened lately and where your state of mind was at this very moment, it was as if they were just bubbling out of you now.
"Oh yeah? Well, better to be annoying than stupid! At least then one of us is still thinking rationally and is aware of how completely absurd and dangerous this whole situation still is!"
"If you think that, why are you even here, huh? You didn't have to follow me to Asgard! I didn't ask you to!"
That one hurt even more.
"...You know why I'm here", you just said quietly.
But Atreus simply ignored that, too. "Yes, because you think I'm weak! Because you think I wouldn't be able to do this alone, that I need a... a guardian or something to take care of me! But it's the other way around, I have to take care of you! Because – and I know you tend to forget that – but unlike you, I'm still a god and a giant!"
"Well, nowhere is it written that giants can't also be dumb as tree stumps!", you immediately countered, "And anyway, shouldn't that fact actually make you a little more cautious? Or was a new sword and a few compliments really all it took for you to forget what the Aesir did to your people?"
After you finished, there was an icy silence between you for a few seconds. Then the young god suddenly came up to you and – before you could react in any way – grabbed you by the arm and dragged you into your room.
You laughed as soon as the door slammed shut behind you and you had gotten over your surprise. "Oh, now you suddenly worry about who's listening in, huh? Personally, I think it's high time that someone put a mirror in front of Odin's face."
And indeed, you felt pretty giddy when you thought that he might have been listening in from his study. The fact that it was infinitely more likely that he would rub his hands in glee because of your argument rather than get angry at your words didn't occur to you once. No, your brain was actually twisting the whole thing in such a way that you now thought to yourself: Ha! It's about time he knows that not everyone falls for his little charade!
"Are you out of your mind?!", Atreus angrily confronted you the next moment, causing you to snort loudly.
"That's what I should be asking you! You may think you have this all under control, but you don't, no matter how much you wished you did! You can't. Outsmart. Odin! You are usually so attentive and now you don't see that he is just manipulating you like everyone else? He is just playing with you, Atreus! And you seem to be falling for it on purpose! It's like... like I don't even know you anymore!" you ended, upset.
You saw him flare his nostrils for a moment and braced yourself for him to throw something equally as bad in your face. Instead however, he just took a deep breath and walked over to your bed to put the tome down. When he turned back to you, he was obviously trying to maintain his composure. Some book you should really take a leaf out of, especially as an adult, but you were far too upset for that right now.
"Look. I hear you, I do", he finally began again, looking at you imploringly, "I just... I just want to do some good, that's all."
No sooner had he finished speaking than you threw your hands up in the air. "But what does that even mean, Atreus?! You're always saying that, or you just give me these... these vague non-answers when I ask you about why you wanted to go to Asgard in the first place. To 'prevent Ragnarök'...? Really? You can't expect me to be reassured by that, even if you make it sound so easy!" You sighed heavily. "Yeah, well. It may be my own fault that I'm also stuck here now, but don't you think I still deserve some honesty...? Especially under the present circumstances?"
Atreus gnawed on his lower lip, letting his eyes wander around the room in an agitated manner. If you hadn't suspected before that he was hiding something from you, it couldn't be more obvious now. And the longer that he struggled with this, the more your anger faded and gave way to serious concern again.
"I... I want to tell you. I really do! I just..." He groaned and ruffled his hair. Then he looked at you almost pleadingly. "Can't you just believe that I have to do this? And that I know very well what is at stake here?"
"Maybe I could if you would make a little more sense! What exactly are you even doing besides helping Odin get something that he so badly wants, huh? He's just using you and... You don't seem to mind at all! And for what? For a bunch of... nebulous answers?? Who's to say they're not just lies, too? You know how he is!"
Suddenly it was as if he… deflated. With drooping shoulders, he sat down on your bed and ran his hands over his face. "Okay", he then began, "Okay. So. Here's the thing. There's this... this task I have to do. I know this doesn't sound very… enlightening either, but hear me out, please." He took a deep breath. "I have to stop something bad from happening."
You waited for him to continue and – when that didn't happen – followed up with: "...I know. Ragnarök."
To your surprise however, Atreus then shook his head. "Something just as bad." You saw him swallow. "Maybe… even worse."
...Even worse than the outright end of the world?? Yeah, now you were definitely worried.
"Anyway, I know that's basically just another non-answer..." The boy laughed hollowly for a moment. "But that's all I can tell you, unfortunately. I promised someone. But you can believe me: It's important, really important even, that I keep this bad thing from happening. I just have to."
You felt like he addressed that last part as much to himself as he did to you, maybe even more so. And suddenly you saw that little boy sitting in front of you again, who you had met for the first time, when you had opened your eyes in that unfamiliar wooden cabin back then. So young and yet it seemed as if he was already carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders... And judging by his words, this could very well be the case even. It made your anger finally cool to a low simmer.
"...And to achieve that, I have to work with the All-Father, there's no way around that. For a certain time at least. Have to glean all I can from him, have to learn new magic, become stronger... Get answers. I know it's a little difficult, but... Can you just trust me on this? Please?"
You were still plenty skeptical, no question. Especially of this ominous "promise" he was supposed to have made to someone. Someone he obviously trusted as much, if not more, than you. Or Kratos or any of the others for that matter. He had apparently kept them all in the dark! You didn't know what to make of that. It all just sounded so... theoretical. And as if it would take a hell of a lot more than good intentions to put this into practice. Not to mention that it was also more than dangerous to make the outcome of this venture wholly depend on none other than Odin's cooperation...
"...I can try, okay?", you finally sighed and then grimaced, "Even though it's actually more than 'a little' difficult to wrap my mind around all of this. Especially because... I don't know, doesn't all this sound exactly to Odin's liking? What if he uses it to betray you? And everything just gets a lot worse? I mean, you can't deny that it would be just like him to stab you in the back in the end."
Atreus gave you a small smile. "Well, that's what you're here for, to watch my back."
You just had to roll your eyes at that, despite the serious topic. "Oh, ha ha. Come on, you know what I mean! It's Odin!"
"Yeah, but – and I know you don't really want to hear this, but believe me, now that I've spent some time with him, I think I can say with good conscience that we can trust him on this. We've got the same goal, after all. Part of it, at least. Also" He suddenly seemed to avoid your gaze. "Everyone's got him kind of wrong actually? No, listen! I know how that sounds, but I just mean that... the All-Father isn't driven by power or war, as we always assumed. He only wants knowledge and some of the same answers I'm seeking. And to change fate" He shrugged. "Same thing I want.
"He's still an Aesir though", you deadpanned, "And the worst one, at that."
"Yeah, well. So is Thrúd, though."
You looked at him a little annoyed. "That's not the same and you know it."
As soon as you had finished, he jumped up from your bed. "Why not?"
"Uuuh... Are you kidding, or...?"
Suddenly he started pacing up and down in front of you. "Think about it. Haven't we learned exactly that in our time here? That not everything is as it seems at first glance? I mean, I don't deny that the All-Father has made some mistakes, yeah, but-"
You couldn't hold back the laughter. "To say the absolute least..."
"But" He gave you a pointed look. "That doesn't really matter now, does it? And he actually tries to make amends for all that!"
"Oh, yeah? Says who? Odin?" You laughed again. "You can't be serious, Atreus. You heard Mimir, he's lying through his teeth as soon as he opens his mouth."
Atreus stopped and scoffed. "Yeah and you only talk from Mimir's perspective. Because it's all you know! If you had spent some time with the All-Father like I did, then-"
You felt yourself slowly but surely begin to lose your patience again. "Then what? Would I also think that his crimes don't matter anymore, now that we're depending on him? No, thanks. It's obvious that he hasn't changed in the slightest. Also", you added, "What's with you only calling him 'All-Father' as of late...?"
He, however, only replied with: "Like I said, you're just saying that because you don't know any better." And studiously ignored the last part.
"Oh I don't? Well, think again! Because as luck would have it, I got firsthand experience of that!"
"What do you mean?", he asked, confused, crossing his arms.
You took a deep breath. Okay, time to put your original plan into action and bring him back to his senses.
"Remember the party Odin threw for you? Well... Back then I made the – granted, quite stupid decision to have a little chat with Heimdall. And during that, I had the distinct feeling that he saw something in my mind... Something about my past, possibly. But you know how he is. You can't just 'ask him politely' for something, he would never give in. So" You crossed your arms in front of your body as well. "I came up with a plan and tried to gain his trust. To get him to tell me what he had seen."
You might as well have just told the boy that you were half dwarf with the way he was staring at you now. "You did what?"
"The point is though", you quickly pointed out, "That I found out something completely different in the process. Namely, I have good reason to believe that Heimdall was actually tasked with manipulating and isolating me. You see, Odin has not changed one bit! He's still the same old scheming son of a bitch he's always been, even if he pretends otherwise."
"Hold on, hold on!", Atreus then shouted, raising his hands, "So you're telling me... While you've been lecturing me constantly about being careful... You've been trying to trick Heimdall. The Heimdall. The one person who wouldn't hesitate for even a single second to literally murder us!"
"Oh come on, that's a bit over the top, don't you think?" Atreus laughed in disbelief, but you didn't let that deter you. "And it's not like it even came to anything-" You paused. "Well. Not much, at least."
Immediately, the boy stopped. "What does that mean? Did he do anything to you?"
You quickly waved it off. "No, no-" But then, the memory of a pair of very intense, very close purple eyes shoved itself in front of your inner eye again and you quickly tried to think of something else before your cheeks could betray you... "I-it doesn't matter, though. Fact is, that Odin is up to something, like I told you."
"'Doesn't matter'? It's Heimdall! What made you think that this would be a good idea?? He hates me! Hates us! The guy is non-stop threatening us and you know that this is not just hot air and that he really is that strong, right? He could snap you like a twig...! Ugh!" Atreus agitatedly turned around. "I can't believe you did that!"
You wanted to protest that everything had turned out alright in the end, but then he faced you again and continued heatedly: "See, this is what I meant! You accuse me of being reckless, but then you play with fire and keep forgetting that you are just a mortal among gods!"
You frowned angrily. "I didn't forget anything, how could I with you constantly reminding me? But even that doesn't make our situations any more comparable. At least I know where I stand with Heimdall, while Odin lies to you through his teeth! And you don't seem to care at all, even now that you know about it!"
"Who even says that this was an order from the All-Father?"
"...What?", you groaned in irritation.
"Heimdall is evil enough that he could've planned something like this entirely on his own!"
"I mean... I guess? But..." Heimdall was undoubtedly capable of this. But you had trouble reconciling this supposed solo effort with the image of the "perfect subordinate" you had come to know. No, you could hardly imagine Odin being entirely blameless here. "...I don't thing so, honestly. That just doesn't make sense."
"Yes, because according to you the All-Father is apparently responsible for every single evil in all of the Nine Realms", Atreus scoffed, "Yet he probably doesn't even have you in mind. He's never even inquired about you! Why should he then sic his 'best man' on you? It may sound stupid, but as a mortal you don't mean anything to him." It did indeed sound pretty stupid, but that was mostly because of hearing those words come from Atreus' mouth and how easily, at that... "Believe me, the All-Father has nothing to do with this. He's too busy for that, busy with only seeing the big picture and all that."
You thought you had misheard him at first. Here you were, telling him that you had very good reason to believe that his "All-Father" was following his own secret agenda and Atreus' reaction was to just, brush you off? What??
"What do you mean, I'm 'blaming him for everything bad'?", you then asked, narrowing your eyes, "And what if I was? It's Odin we're talking about here! Just because you're pursuing a similar goal – supposedly – doesn't mean he'll suddenly see you as an equal and stop betraying you whenever a good opportunity arises! I... Gods!" Now it was you who turned your back on him and walked a few steps into the room, "I can't believe that you still seem to underestimate him after all I've just told you!"
"And I can't believe you still misjudge him like that! Were you not listening to me earlier??"
"Yes, I was! But let me just reiterate: If we can prevent Ragnarök from happening and he dies in the process? That's still the best possible outcome! And I hope you still agree with me on that!"
He hesitated for just a millisecond, but that was all you needed.
"I can't believe it..." You shook your head slowly and then ran your fingers through your hair. You felt like you were in the completely wrong story. This conversation had definitely gone in a completely different direction than you had imagined in the beginning. How could you have foreseen that, though? The two of you had never argued like this before, not once! And the fact that this was all just happening because of Odin only made you angrier. He managed to even ruin things when he was entirely uninvolved!
Outside, there was another loud crack of thunder as you looked accusatorily at the boy opposite you. "He's got you wrapped around his finger and you don't even realize it! Instead you walk around here like you have everything figured out! Face the facts, he manipulated you just like everyone else, he-"
Suddenly Atreus laughed out loud, but it sounded absolutely devoid of any humor. "Oh, you mean like Heimdall, yeah? So the All-Father is responsible for his son almost killing us? Nevermind the fact that he didn't even know about this initially and as soon as he did, he stopped it!"
"You don't know that all that, surely that was just another scam of his to-"
"Do you even listen to yourself?? Are you honestly protecting that blonde asshole right now?! You're so fixated on making the All-Father this... this overpowered villain who has his fingers in every game, but-"
"But what? But what, Atreus?", you interrupted him loudly, "He's just a 'poor old man' who's afraid of dying?? Gods, I... This is ridiculous, I can't believe I'm hearing this right...! Honestly, if Kratos were here right now he-"
"You leave my father out of this!", the boy suddenly shouted, his face flushed.
You, in turn, stared at him with equal fury. "He's my father too, in case you've already forgotten!"
Atreus opened his mouth, but then closed it again before making a sound. The flash of embarrassment that flicked across his face in the next moment however, was telling enough.
It made you feel like, all of a sudden, the floor beneath your feet had opened up and you were now falling into a bottomless, dark abyss… Falling and falling and falling.
When you finally found your voice again, you first let out a short, cold laugh before saying: "Yeah, don't bother. We both know what you were going to say, Loki."
And with that, you stormed past him and let the door to your room slam shut behind you not long after.
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hope you enjoyed(???) thiss<3 as always, feedback is welcome and very much appreciated!!
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