YESSS I wrote a post about this a looking time ago and got an angry anon about it lemme find the list…..
HERE IT IS (edited slightly)
Bitty=Bilbo, lovable tiny homebody baker with a wicked chirp game and surprising speed and grace, launched into a life of drama and documents it for future posterity
Jack=Thorin, brooding blue-eyed prince with daddy issues and an obsessive fixation on success, awkward but too attractive for anyones good, an absolute ledge
Johnson=Gandalf, orchestrator of events, puller of strings, smoker of weed, knows more than he lets on and offers the baker a chance in the adventure
Shitty=Bofur, goofy mustache guy with words of wisdom to spare and a lot of love to go around, probs kisses everyone when drunk, the best bro anyone could ask for
Ransom=Kili, stressed but well dressed fun-lover in cahoots with a lady from another group, everyone loves him, v cute, worryingly close with the bro
Holster=Fili, blonde and boisterous fun-lover who gets less screen time than he should, multiple obsessions, worryingly close with the bro
Chowder=Ori, sweet cinnamon roll who has done nothing wrong, ever, in his life, but will absolutely fight a bitch and does not like being babied
Lardo=Balin, forget mustache guy this is where the real wisdom comes from. Manages the crowd, provides exposition, vodka aunt
Nursey=Nori, smooth talker with hella hair and more hella eyebrows, secretly a coiled spring of feelings, loves winning arguments but hates being argued with, he protecc
Dex=Gloin, red and angry, probs keeps photos of his family on his person at all times, argues loudly whether he is right or not, does not let friends borrow money
Whiskey=Bifur, not much of a talker but is characterized by the interesting things atop his head
Tango=Bombur, comic relief, confused about what is going on, just wants to live through this
The Haus=Dori, domestic, Ultimate Wine Mom, has rules carved into bones, surprisingly strong
Tater=Dwalin, large cuddly strongman who provides much needed support for ol broody blue-eyes
Parse=Thranduil, beautiful blonde hair, shows up for the DRAMA, emotional past with the prince wherin they screwed each other over because of pride
Lax bros=Orcs, Every Villain Is Lacrosse
Samwell womens volleyball team=Elves, shapely thighs and hella height, disapprove of main cast as a rule, tho some are partial to a bro or two
Old guys=Trolls, these 3 always together, talk in strange non sequiturs, seen most often with food, probs go to bed early
Anxiety=Smaug, the chiefest and greatest of calamities, prevents the broody prince from regaining his crown
