omgcp as john mulaney kid gorgeous quotes
whiskey: according to a biography i read of him, when he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work.
he did not look like his job description. he looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti.
the man with the mustache told me to do it
i don’t care for these new nazis, and you can quote me on that
my wife is a bitch and i like her so much
lardo: top three colleges? i thought i’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”
college was a four year gameshow called “do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep?”
if you even fucking look at the hospital, i will stomp you to death with my hooves.
tango: would you just answer me one question? do you think, that in da vinci’s the last supper, that jesus of nazareth is sitting in front of a turkey?
i try to stay optimistic, even though i will admit, things are getting pretty sticky!
i am 35 years old. i am 6 feet tall. i lower myself, i go “hi, knock, knock!”. i say “knock, knock” out loud.
my wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.
you’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like “it’s tomorrow now”.
i paid 120,000 for someone to tell me to go read jane austen, and then i didn’t.
(-ransom) what a historic and beautiful and deeply haunted building this is. i keep walking through cold spots being like “i wonder who that used to be”.
they’d sit on my office couch that had like bedbugs and stuff. it was great. they were famous, but it was my couch.
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