Shaloam

Writeblr? Jesus|Humor|Writing|Kids Bruh girl vibe with soft girl energy. Just all of my thoughts too long for Twitter.

[that1awkwardsam]

I love how in the HP movies they tried their hardest to keep Neville ugly, like they had him wear fake teeth and stuff but by the last couple of movies they just gave up like “ugh he’s too hot”

[that1awkwardsam]

I only want to be famous through the stories of others. I want to overhear a stranger saying “and this woman said” and realize it’s me. I’m the one who said that. I want to come across a tweet that says “my sister just-” or “I have this friend who . . .” or “an old coworker of mine-“ and recognize myself. A TikTok story time about a lady who tipped 70% on accident & forgot her box of leftovers. A customer talking about an overly enthusiastic barista saying things just slightly off the wall. A parent sharing a piece of advice this woman who used to work with their kid once told them. A post talking about this girl and this guy in a coffee shop who the poster is sure are dating but then the girl asks “on a scale of 1 to 10, how platonic do you want our friendship to be”

[that1awkwardsam]

Anytime is nap time if ur depressed enough

[that1awkwardsam]

Christmas Party Prompts

White Elephant gifts, of course

Someone brings an actual white elephant

Someone brings a signed picture of themselves

White Elephant Gift Game

Free food

Bring a dish to share = lots of weird food

Only single person/ppl at the party

Drunk Santa

Karaoke Christmas Carols

Raffle with a weird prize

Work Christmas Party

Friends Christmas Party

Significant other’s family party

Church Party

Club/Sport Team Party

Caught under the mistletoe, of course

Mistlefoe - fight anyone you meet under the mistletoe

Secret Santa

Stocking exchange

Spiked eggnog

Bets upon bets upon bets

Like who gets caught under the mistletoe first

Who gets drunk first

Who wins the contest

Which food will make ppl sick

Children running around

Weird Party Games with a Christmas Twist

Like pin the beard on the Santa

And a reindeer piñata

Any cultural Christmas anything

Winter bonfire

Mulled Wine

Someone collects all the gift bags at the end to use for their Christmas presents

Christmas cookies

Gingerbread building contest

Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest

Ugly Christmas Pajama contest

Santa/Elf dress code

Making fun of Christmas movies

Passionate debate about how Die Hard and Lethal Weapon are actually Christmas Movies

[that1awkwardsam]

OKAy so I have this friend who is amazing show-stopping wonderful and she got married this past year to this guy who’s really great and basically every time he does or says anything I’m like “thank you so much for bringing this man into our lives” to my friend anyway one time she told me that they had a fight before they were even engaged bc he was telling her that he really liked me (as a human) and she literally cried because she thought he liked me more than that and idk was gonna leave her or something idk and I was just absolutely floored that someone thought I had the potential for their boyfriend to like me more than them or that much and like everything is good now nothing is weird or awkward or anything and we’re even closer I would say but sometimes I think about that and it gives me the tiniest confidence boost to know that my friend thinks that highly of me and then I feel like I should feel guilty for thinking like that and so I try to smush it out but the confidence boost remains

[that1awkwardsam]

What side of a Turkey has the most feathers?

The outside

[that1awkwardsam]

Coffee Shop Prompts

Co-Baristas

Specific weird drink as a regular

Barista & Customer

Tip Wars

Tip Wars specifically on whether or not two baristas like each other

Spilling Drinks on each other

Spilling Drinks on customers on accident

First day clumsy

Consistently telling ppl it’s their first day when they’ve been there for 3 years

Bad Coffee Puns

Like “it’s okay to espresso yourself”

“Stop beaning ungrateful”

“I poured a lot of effort into this drink”

“I like you a latte”

“The weather seems a little muggy outside”

“No need to brewed (like be-rude)”

Annoyed at the puns

Latte art contests

Social media for the coffee shop

Ppl requesting specific baristas to make videos for social media

Ridiculous nicknames

Nobody wears the right name tag

Everyone wears the right name tag except one person

Always getting the first coffee order wrong but not on purpose

Cute notes on cups

Customer always giving a weird/iconic name that isn’t theirs just to annoy one of the baristas

Monthly drink specials

Baristas singing along to music

Regular that always comes in 5 minutes before closing and orders a complicated coffee

Bad Fun coffee t-shirts

Dealing with difficult customers

Regular helps deal with difficult customers

Pastries

Giving a regular free drinks/pastries

Atrocious Holiday decorating

Baristas having to wear ridiculous promotional stuff (like antlers around Christmas or wings on Valentine’s Day)

[that1awkwardsam]

One of the best jokes I’ve ever written:

How did Paul weed out cities from his ministry?

He left the ones where he got stoned.

[that1awkwardsam]

Whenever someone does something really smart or has a good idea, I keep going “that’s big brain energy” which would normally be fine but I keep doing it at work and my boss just talked to me about taking on more responsibility and I’m worried she’ll take it back now

[rowenalesbian]

i mean, isn’t that what most of us want in the end? to have someone not look away?

[that1awkwardsam]

Caught me right in the feels today how do I make it stop

[that1awkwardsam]

Prompts

“What if . . . I liked you more?”

He shouldn’t have kissed her.

“It’s a government conspiracy!”

“Pretty sure that’s illegal.”

“I know you don’t mean it.”

Sharing an umbrella in the rain.

She should have just said no.

“Oh is that what it’s called?”

He keeps telling himself he isn’t jealous.

She’s become good at pretending.

“An experiment.”

“I want a tattoo.”

“I thought you hated lipstick.”

Her laugh is like sunshine.

Off-key singing.

“You’re getting blood everywhere.”

They thought everything would be fine.

Board games.

“Listen - no listen to me. Soulmates are not real.”

His entire body feels like dry mouth.

It’s as if they’ve lived two lives.

“It’s been six weeks. I miss my husband.”

“We can’t have sex on the couch.”

“Would you just - stop touching me!”

The problem would be to keep pretending.

“Do you want to learn how to French? Braid! I meant French Braid!”

“So, how do you feel about taxidermy?”

He’s somehow managed to lose half his brain because he won’t. stop. looking. at her.

“Would you stop licking me!?”

“I’m congested in my booty.”

“Viagra? Oh, like Viagra Falls?”

He is staring at her as if he’s seeing her for the first time.

She can’t help her feelings.

“My lips are a medical miracle.”

“Do you love me? What about our space children?”

She’s a bit touch starved, to be honest

“I can’t even take you into real life anymore.”

“This is what a shower smells like!”

“You know, you can get a lot for a kidney on the black market.”

“Sure? Let me finish signing my life away.”

Dragons.

“I’m going to miss you, my little caterpillar.”

“We say yes . . . to mess meth!”

[that1awkwardsam]

Is It Really That Annoying Or Do I Have A Sensory Disorder, a novel by Me

[memeuplift]

[that1awkwardsam]

This is so pure

[just-shower-thoughts]

If Voldemort really wanted to kill Harry, he could’ve stabbed him with a kitchen knife when he was still a baby

[that1awkwardsam]

Voldemort is only in it for the drama

[natalieironside]

[that1awkwardsam]

This is great and all but one time I forgot to return a book and when I tried to rent another one I had $37 in fees so I paid it and I’ve been too scared to go back

[memeuplift]

[just-shower-thoughts]

Any fact can be a fun fact if you’re optimistic enough

[that1awkwardsam]

Or cheerful