How to Keep Casualties to a Minimum Within My Family and its Adjacents: a guide by Damian Wayne
In case of an emergency, or an inability to contact me, here is a list of things to keep in mind.
Drake is allergic to walnuts. He cannot seem to remember this.
Do not consume any media featuring clowns in any communal areas. This should be common sense, but it is not.
If Oracle has to ask where Batman is, he's been taken or gone dark on purpose. Neither ends well. Find him immediately.
Batcow has to be milked twice a day. When I am absent, this task falls to Thomas. He usually needs to be reminded.
Never open Drake's closet.
If Alfred the Cat does not appear when Alfred the Human calls him, Duke knows where he is. Don't follow him.
Father needs to be prompted to eat sometimes. You'd think he would know better, but the only one worse at taking care of themselves is Timothy.
Cassandra enjoys the sweets from the shop on Evergreen. Especially the dark chocolate and raspberry truffles.
Don't let Stephanie talk over Thomas too often.
If the Manor seems too quiet, check to make sure Todd and Drake haven't killed each other.
If Stephanie doesn't show up on the game room couch for more than four days, something is wrong. This has only not been the case once, there are almost no exceptions.
Never, under any circumstances, play Erik Satie in the house. It's one of Jason's triggers. Gymnopedies especially.
In case of de-aging or sudden child acquisition, extra clothes are kept in the nursery.
Richard enjoys strawberries.
Tell Todd if you leave the Manor. He gets flighty if he doesn't know where everyone is.
If you aren't a family member, never speak to Cullen Row without his sister's permission. This is only a precaution, but the boy has way too many buttons you can accidentally press.
Don't lock any doors unless it is your own or one leading to the outside or the Cave if Jason is home.
On the topic of doors, never slam them, especially around Father.
Do not touch Richard without permission. Or Jason. Especially if you are not in their direct line of sight.
Keep Drake hydrated. Or ask Stephanie to keep Tim hydrated. She is like a snake charmer to the obstinate serpent that is Timothy Drake.
Jason | Steph | Tim | Babs | Cass | Bruce | Duke | Dick