Its October 27th, the Evil Elriel Mafia has been defeated. So have the casual readers. Everyone else closes out of Elriel Subreddits for a second and cracks open
ACOTAR 6, A Court of Gingers and Musicals.
The book opens with Azriel at a pleasure club. He likes the music, but he's depressed, alone, and horny. NOT HORNY FOR THE DANCERS HE ONLY LIKES ONE WOMAN. He listened to Get It Sexyy for as many times as he could handle (23) before he got up and went to the training ring, his safe haven. At the training ring, he sees The Ribbon. His MASSIVE COCK gets SUPER HARD for Gwyn, but he's a sad little shy boi, so he just makes the sign of the cross and goes to sleep.
The next day, he's doing his favorite job being the spymaster training the Valkyries. Gwynnie is doing stealler, slicing up ribbons and beating the shit out of everyone. Azriel's GIMONGOUS HOG becomes A BILLION INCHES because his super strong brave outgoing warrior princess is being so cool and original.
Azriel knows he's mates with Gwyn or maybe its the other way around, who knows but he's still recovering from his relationship with Whore Elain/Mor/Rhysand's sister so he decides to stay quiet. One day he hears the most melodic singing, and decides to follow it. It's Gwyn!! Her beautiful voice has actually caused the Sun to move closer to Prythian, and all the animals to flock towards her. She's so amazing. Her Memaw was an unspecified Super Important Thing so she has powers or some shit.
"OUUUU MAH PELVIS IS SO STRETCHYYYYYYYYYYY"
Azriel drops to his knees. His DEEP SEXY BARITONE can't help but BURST FROM HIS MOUTH.
"YOURE MY MATEEEEEEEE. LET ME GET YOU PREGNANT AND FILL YOU UP WITH ALL MY ILLYRIAN SPERMMMMMMMMMMM"
Gwyn's pelvis has stretched so much that she's playing the harp with her feet above her head.
"Yes Azriel. I am your sexy warrior goddess. Also we're connected to the Dusk Court so..."
Suddenly Rhysand is there. He runs over to Gwyn and pulls her into a hug.
"MY BABY SISTER GWYNNIE!!! IVE ONLY MET YOU LIKE TWICE BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! COME TO THE TEMPLE AND WE'LL MAKE YOU NYX'S GODMOTHER!'
"I would love that Big Bro, but first I need a meeting with the rest of the Inner Circle."
The Inner Circle assembled: Rhys, Azriel, Cassien, Nesta, Amren, and Mor. Elain was out being boring and shit, idk man.
"Fellow Inner Circleans... as the High Lady of the Dusk Court (Newly appointed) I have an announcement to make: ELAIN IS EVIL!!"
Suddenly Elain drops from the ceiling like a spider monkey.
Gwyn epically rolls to the side to avoid being smashed by Elain's Evilnessâ˘ď¸. Rhys stands to protect his little sister, but Azriel stops him. His MILE LONG DONG rips through his leather pants. Watching his mate be a warrior makes him GUSH SO MUCH.
Elain lunges for Our Favorite Ginger, but slams into a wall because the warrior princess dodged. Suddenly Gwyn plops down on the ground.
"PELVIS PUSSY POWERRRRRRRR!!"
*P Power by Gunna starts playing in the distance*
The pliant bones reach out and gobble Elain up like some sort of venus fly trap.
A huge plant monster crashes into the room.
But Gwyn stays sitting. Suddenly Elain's bones come shooting out of Gwyn's pelvis like bullets.
The plant monster is defeated.
"She's so dreamy," sighed Azriel "just imagine how many kids we'll have."
The woman stands up and walks over to her friends.
"Now that the evil has been vanquished, my mate and I will return to our rightful place, the Dusk Court. To activate it we will now sing a duet. Not just any duet, because it is sung by my Pelvis and Azriel's Sperm."
Azriel steps up. He already jizzed in his pants watching Gwyn fight, so eveything is ready.
Pelvis: OHHH IâM SO STRECHY WATCH ME BENDDDDD
Sperm: COME LET ME STUFF YOU WITH MY SPENDDDDDDD
Pelvis: How will it get there, Iâm so skinny and trim.
Sperm: Do not worry my love, my fishies can swimmmmmmmm.
Pelvis: Iâll use it all up, devour it like a snack.
Sperm: Thatâs okay, Azriel is breaking Gwynâs back.
Pelvis: The back might be broken, but never me, I am the most flexible, anyone can see.
A big door marked "Dusk Court" emerged from the ground. Azriel picked his mate up in a bridal carry and skipped through it.
On the last page of the book, there are only four words
READ ELUCIEN'S STORY NEXT
Highqueenfreakster's decree of the day: I am on my diabolical freak shit. I don't even really know what this is, but it's here. Out on the internet forever. I'm so very sorry for not posting as much lately, I've been in that really weird space where I really want to post but I have no ideas so I just get mad and close the app and brood for a little while until I think "you need to post" and the cycle repeats. I did do this though. Hooray. Do we want to see if I come up with Anything good for the Elucien storyline? It obviously won't make any sense because Elain will be alive, but who really cares?.
